DD dressing phobia princess

[Alesia]

Thank you all for advise & comments.

I probably should have mentioned DD is my 4th. I have been this road before & her growing up isn't my worry. I am proud of the young lady she is becoming, in her time. I have encouraged her to become more self - sufficient, and with certain shirts she knows she must wear a bra. My older kids are almost 22, and I am so pleased they never caved to peer pressure, BUT, they are triplets and had each other for support.

We also had the issue of elf on the shelf being fake & Santa this Christmas. Kids at her school informed her they are both not real. We have ALWAYS told our kids do not ask us ANY question that they don't TRULY want the HONEST answer to, because we will NOT lie. When the time came that the older kids asked about Santa, we told them "Santa" is love, and caring, and generousity, all of that exists if you want to look for it. When/if they pushed the issue, we would remind them only ask questions they truly want the answer to, then DH would say, Santa believes in you, people that don't believe in Santa maybe he doesn't believe in them enough to bring them gifts. Now, I'm sure many are going to say how that is like telling your child if you don't believe what I want you to, I don't believe in you. Well, we have 3 very intelligent, responsible, loving adult children that are living proof, it did no harm. DD9 very much wants to still believe. It was mentioned a couple of times. She loves that Santa is caring, loving, generous. And I reminded her as we dropped off our gifts for the less fortunate, that she is being Santa by doing that.
But, back to the issue at hand. Perhaps I should have given more details. She was told she should never wear her hair down, always up in a HIGH pony tail, no princess clothes, no dresses, only jeans & sweatpants. eyeshadow is okay, but only lightly. Barbies are for babies. (DD's ONLY request from Santa this year was a Barbie Dreamhouse), OH, and my personal favorite, she needs to learn to wiggle when she walks. Oh, yeah, and she is expected to donate money to the school change war in exchange for this life lesson.
And what really bothers me, DD's 2 favorite things about our recent trip...BBB and CRT. But, now she feels she can't share that stuff with these "friends". I told her to find friends that have things more in common with her. After talking to her big sister & brothers, along with me & her dad. She has decided if she is approached again she will tell this girl loudly & certainly, she doesn't need to be popular. " If I have true friends, they will like me for who I am, even if they don't like the same things." That isn't such a bad thing I guess.
As far as where we shop. We use hand me downs that come from places like Justice", LL Bean and some of the other places like that. But, I shop where they fit DD, where I feel they are appropiate for DD, and where SHE likes them from, and where we can afford & still have family vacations. (like our family addiction WDW) Sometimes it's Walmart, sometimes it's Target, Macy's.
I truly appreciate everyones comments. Each has value. Honestly, I wish she had been a twin. Raising triplets was so much easier when it came to stuff like this. noone messed with the girl. She had a very protective manner when it came to her brothers. I guess it helped that the girls had crushes on one of her brothers, and many of the boys had a crush on her. They weren't what was considered "popular", but there was another set of triplets and between teh 6 of them, well there was enough popularity to keep them serene. Except for one of my boys was a target of extreme Bullying, but that is a story for another day.
I wouldn't say that what DD is going through now is bullying....yet. But, what if the "popular" girls think not having your first kiss by age X is not cool, or drinking, you all get the picture.
Plus, the word popular. DD said popular kids are jerks. I told her that is NOT true. I know many people who would be considered popular. But, they aren't popular because of what they wear, or don't wear. They are popular because they wouldn't hurt anyones feelings. The ones that walk away from gossip. They don't make a huge issue about sticking up for someone necessarily, but they walk away from it.
Boy, even after almost 22 years of it. Parenting is the toughest job I have ever done!

Good lord! You didn't say that they were pint-sized Heathers! That's a horse of a different color...

 

[Deesknee]

Good lord! You didn't say that they were pint-sized Heathers! That's a horse of a different color...

? What is a "Heather". What am I missing? Remember I am...mature....21 year old kids... What's a heather?

 

[Alesia]

? What is a "Heather". What am I missing? Remember I am...mature....21 year old kids... What's a heather?

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0097493/

 

[nchulka]

Good lord! You didn't say that they were pint-sized Heathers! That's a horse of a different color...

 

[Deesknee]

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0097493/

Thanks. When my older dd was about 9 it was "Queen Bees and Wanna Bees", the book "Mean Girls" was based on. I remember reading it and trying to figure out which of her classmates were the Queen Bees. hahaha. Looking back, I wasn't too far off.


Thanks again to everyone! DD was out of school yesterday. (honestly sick), but is back today. No mention of the incident at all until we pull up to the school. Then she casually says, "I'm just going to tell "so & so" that I don't want to be popular if it means I have to change. Then, I'll just go to the back of the line". (they line up to file into the school). Little drama's of school years.

I do want to mention something a friend of mine said when I told her what had happened. Very simply she said, "do you think that is how the pregnancy pact started"? For anyone who isn't familiar. A few years ago in a town in MA there were several girls who all got pregnant in HS. It was said that these girls had agreed to get pregnant together while in HS. And made a pact to the effect. Very sad. A movie , it may have been made for tv movie, was made based on this event. And when it happened I remember thinking back to the mid 80's when several girls in my DSIL's group all seemed to get pregnant within a very short time frame. We live in a small town, so a teen pregnancy at that time wasn't the norm. But, when my friend mentioned this..... wow! Sort of makes me wonder. What else kids do to "be popular". Scary!

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

Let me prefeiceint with :I'm RUDE! and I am who I am and don't care what people think.

If my daughter came home and told me this story I would tell her to flip all the popular kids off and wear what she wants. What makes a 1st grader popular? really? I mean come on. If they hit their peak that early it's going to be a long 15 years for some of them.

She should wear what makes her happy simply because it's easier to please one person: yourself.

 

[Deesknee]

Let me prefeiceint with :I'm RUDE! and I am who I am and don't care what people think.

If my daughter came home and told me this story i would tell her to flip all the popular kids off and wear what she wants. What makes a 1st grader popular? really? I mean come on. If they hit there peak that early it's going to be a long 15 years for some of them.

She should wear what makes her happy simply because it's easier to please one person: yourself.

I wouldn't tell her to flip them off, but I wanted to. You are so right, it is a lot easier to please one person, especially if it is yourself!

 

[Pesky]

Ugh, I dread the day. I've been reading lots of books like Queen Bees and Little Girls Can Be Mean. I agree with pps -- 2 buckets here. One, it is normal to try and dress to blend in with the crowd. I get that. But the level you are talking about goes beyond that. It begs the question of is she truly their "friend" or more like their lap dog? If I am ordering someone around, telling them how to dress and basically trying to exert complete control over someone, I am no friend. I am a power broker trying to make a conquest. So maybe the question back is "hey, thanks for the advice but I want to do something different and like my hair down, etc. If you are a true friend, you will want me to be me and not try to be controlling." The other thing is that while I can get her not wanting to confess to liking to play with barbies or liking princesses with her friends, it's okay to do that at home. Like the princesses. So she admires these women who evince qualities like kindness, intelligence, caring, trust, bravery. Plus they get the wonderful life of a princess. Ummmmm, what is wrong with that? Hopefully she can start to see how this is working and make her own way.

 

[ktlm]

You're just lucky it didn't hit until 4th grade. My first grader was told by a couple of girls in her class (and some boys) that Disney Princesses were for babies and she shouldn't like them anymore. Luckily, my first grader has a strong personality and told those girls that she can like whatever she wants. It still bothered her though even though she thinks they are wrong and isn't going to let them dictate what she likes or wears or carries as a backback or lunch box. Of course the main girl that told her that is the one that when I went to the class Halloween party was dressed as an NBA cheerleader, in tight gold lame booty shorts, an extremely tight shirt, high heeled white boots, and heavy make-up. I just about choked when I saw her. I think it is what I refer to as "older sister syndrome". Let's just say that while she is beautiful and may be a perfectly nice girl, I'm not sorry they aren't close friends. I don't want DD to grow up too fast, which appears to be that kid's track. Sounds like she is gearing up to be the type of girl that you are dealing with wanting to control your daugther.

As far as Justice clothes, I think they have lots of things that would be age appropriate for a 7 year old. A ton of the kindergarten and first grade girls show up in Justice at DD's school pretty much every day and they look really cute. I think that store is mostly for the 5-10 crowd. Some of it is a matter of how you put the stuff together- i.e. the short skirts are made to have leggings underneath. If DD was asking for Justice clothes, I definitely think we would find stuff there that would work. Unfortunately for my pocketbook, she has some sensitivity issues with clothes; and extremely sensitive skin (can get rashy from certain materials, seams etc); and is a Hannah Andersson addict, who doesn't care that she isn't dressed like the other girls (we don't have an HA store where we live so you don't see that much of it in her school)

OP- Good for your DD! Sounds like she has a good head on her shoulders. I am amazed by the "girl drama" that goes on even starting in 1st grade. As a parent when things are said to your kid (which they inevitably will be by someone) it hurts. The big thing on our playground right now appears to be kids telling other kids they don't want to play with them at recess. It just makes me sad. DD has come home complaining that people she was playing with told other people that they couldn't play too and they didn't want to play with them. DD came home yesterday telling me that 2 of her best friends at school told her they were sorry but they couldn't play with her at recess yesterday even though they wanted to because they had already started playing a game with another girl and that girl told them she didn't want to play with DD when DD came over to join in. I think it really hurt DD's feelings since it was 2 of her best friends from her class this year who she plays with almost every day at recess. It about broke my heart. Sounds like it is only going to get worse as it gets older.

 

[4kids4karen]

I do want to mention something a friend of mine said when I told her what had happened. Very simply she said, "do you think that is how the pregnancy pact started"? For anyone who isn't familiar. A few years ago in a town in MA there were several girls who all got pregnant in HS. It was said that these girls had agreed to get pregnant together while in HS. And made a pact to the effect. Very sad. A movie , it may have been made for tv movie, was made based on this event. And when it happened I remember thinking back to the mid 80's when several girls in my DSIL's group all seemed to get pregnant within a very short time frame. We live in a small town, so a teen pregnancy at that time wasn't the norm. But, when my friend mentioned this..... wow! Sort of makes me wonder. What else kids do to "be popular". Scary!

No, I don't think that is how the pregnancy pact started. As a former teen mom, I actually find the statement ridiculous.

 

[4kids4karen]

Of course the main girl that told her that is the one that when I went to the class Halloween party was dressed as an NBA cheerleader, in tight gold lame booty shorts, an extremely tight shirt, high heeled white boots, and heavy make-up. I just about choked when I saw her. I think it is what I refer to as "older sister syndrome". Let's just say that while she is beautiful and may be a perfectly nice girl, I'm not sorry they aren't close friends. I don't want DD to grow up too fast, which appears to be that kid's track. Sounds like she is gearing up to be the type of girl that you are dealing with wanting to control your daugther.

[/QUOTE
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I would have to see a picture to judge, but from a mom whose 4th grade daughter lives in sports bras and spanks (spandex) I wouldn't be judging her outfit unless I knew more of why she choose it. For halloween we ended up going to our friends party as Alice in Wonderland (daughter), Mad Hatter (DH), and the White Rabbit (Me, in white spandex jeans, white frilly tux style shirt, and short red tux ladies jacket, with ears) however, DD first choice may have been similar to what you saw.

She and her friends wanted to be "F5" cheerleaders. You can google image search "F5 cheerleader" to see pictures of their outfits. One of the moms has a bling machine that they were going to bling F5 on sports bras to wear with their black nike pro's. These are highly talented and respected girls in the cheerleading world. Anyone who knows about cheerleading would recognize F5. One of her friends mom is a former Tampa Bay Bucs cheerleaders. Actually we know quite a few former cheerleaders who are now moms with cheerleader daughters. We are also close with a WNBA player's mom. Perhaps this girl had a connection to a NBA cheerleader she respects. My daughter has been cheering since she was three.

 

[Deesknee]

No, I don't think that is how the pregnancy pact started. As a former teen mom, I actually find the statement ridiculous.

I wasn't part of the pregnancy pact, nor do I personally know anyone who was, so I don't know how it was started. I was referring to pack mentality. I was married at 19. I have people in my life I love very much that became pregnant as teens. I did not mean to offend anyone. But if someone does something that would affect their lives as drastically as becoming a parent does, just to be included in a pact? I'm sorry, my opinion is THAT is ridiculous.

 

[powellrj]

actually the pregnancy pact was an urban legend.

http://www.alternet.org/story/89693/high_school_"pregnancy_pact"_an_urban_legend

My DD now 16 came home from school in 1st grade and told me she no longer wanted to wear cute clothes to school, she wanted to look cool, so I no longer bought her the matchy, match clothes I use to buy her and started buying her the cooler clothes like jeans and tee shirts the other girls at school were wearing. Its not about the other kids being a bully as much as our kids wanting to fit in. When my oldest DS who is 30 was in grade school, he wanted to light-up shoes like the other kids were wearing at the time because that was what was popular.

Heck, I am in my mid 50's and I remember when the girls at school told me only babies wore ankle socks and I needed to tell my mom to buy me knee socks! This is nothing new, its just the styles that are different.

 

[Deesknee]

actually the pregnancy pact was an urban legend.

http://www.alternet.org/story/89693/high_school_"pregnancy_pact"_an_urban_legend

My DD now 16 came home from school in 1st grade and told me she no longer wanted to wear cute clothes to school, she wanted to look cool, so I no longer bought her the matchy, match clothes I use to buy her and started buying her the cooler clothes like jeans and tee shirts the other girls at school were wearing. Its not about the other kids being a bully as much as our kids wanting to fit in. When my oldest DS who is 30 was in grade school, he wanted to light-up shoes like the other kids were wearing at the time because that was what was popular.

Heck, I am in my mid 50's and I remember when the girls at school told me only babies wore ankle socks and I needed to tell my mom to buy me knee socks! This is nothing new, its just the styles that are different.

I don't know if there was an actual pact or not. But, there were a lot of girls within the same group that got pregnant in a small time frame. That is why they began to question it. It was on the news constantly when they were "investigating" it. Honestly, I never felt it needed to be nightly news, and I didn't think a movie was a smart idea, hence why I never watched it. I don't think anyone other than the girls will ever know if it there was any type of pact. I do know we are all affected by peer pressure in one respect or another. Advertising being one of the largest culprits.

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

I'd like these little popular girls to say being/ or wearing princess items is for babies to Kate Middleon, you know a princess.

 

[Leajess99]

Hi Everyone, I'm wondering if anyone else has had this problem. DD is a young 4th grader. She loves everything Disney including the princesses. The problem is some of the other girls have informed her she shouldn't wear anything princess if she wants to "be popular". DD says she will be true to herself, but does agree she is too old to wear Princess stuff. She says tink & friends & mickey and friends are okay. Anyone else have this type of issue?

I am sorry your DD has to deal with this. My 4th grader had it in 2nd grade but even now she will wear her Disney stuff (to include Princess seatshirts) to school as she does not think it is babyish nor does she feel the need to be popular . It is amazing how cruel some kids ca be. Of course there are some adults than can affect a child's choice on clothing as well.

Last year my daughter's teacher made a comment about her dressmaking her look like a Hippie. She had on the long Brown skirt from Gymboree with a horse shirt. My daughter would not wear that shirt to school again. That made me mad but I let it go for my daughter.

 

[Leajess99]

This stinks! I'm sorry this is happening to your DD. My DD is almost 7 and has difficulties with kids teasing her about her glasses or not wearing Justice clothes (not age appropriate for my child) - she has to go to therapy sometimes because it causes horrible anxiety. kids are just mean and there is not much you can do other than get her involved with girls that are like-minded and encouraging. We are trying girl scouts this year.

I'm sorry your DD is going through being teased. Have you tried talking to the school?? Please understand that girl scouts in not necessarily the answer. I know there are some girl scouts I don't want my child around as what they learn and how they behave are not appropriate. And I am not bashing girl scouts but there are some troops that I just don't feel fall in the girl scouts idea but there is not as much monitoring.

 

[Deesknee]

I'd like these little popular girls to say being/ or wearing princess items is for babies to Kate Middleon, you know a princess.

I am sorry your DD has to deal with this. My 4th grader had it in 2nd grade but even now she will wear her Disney stuff (to include Princess seatshirts) to school as she does not think it is babyish nor does she feel the need to be popular . It is amazing how cruel some kids ca be. Of course there are some adults than can affect a child's choice on clothing as well.

Last year my daughter's teacher made a comment about her dressmaking her look like a Hippie. She had on the long Brown skirt from Gymboree with a horse shirt. My daughter would not wear that shirt to school again. That made me mad but I let it go for my daughter.

This is very sad. Teachers should know better. Maybe she meant it as a compliment.
DD had a tutor that was trying to explain the difference between fiction and nonfiction and decided to use the Disney characters as an example of fiction! I WAS NOT happy!

I'm sorry your DD is going through being teased. Have you tried talking to the school?? Please understand that girl scouts in not necessarily the answer. I know there are some girl scouts I don't want my child around as what they learn and how they behave are not appropriate. And I am not bashing girl scouts but there are some troops that I just don't feel fall in the girl scouts idea but there is not as much monitoring.

I won't talk to the school about this. This is a small concern. We've dealt with real bullying that we had to go to the school about when my son was in middle school. DD is fine now. She told the girl yesterday, that she didn't want to be popular if it meant she had to change. The girl simply said.... okay. Hopefully, it won't become an issue later. DD wore her Perry the Platerpus shirt today. Also, I agree about scouts. My 9 year old is in a great troop, but when my older DD was in scouts, we actually withdrew her from 1 troop and put her in another. It was actually Daisies, the younger kids. We walked in one day to pick her up & the girls were standing on round tables jumping from one to another while the 2 troop leaders were standing by talking about the previous nights.... adventures. Not the conversation I wanted my little girl to be hearing. Not every troop is a good fit for every child. We just said the day or time wasn't good for us. She ended up in an okay troop. The one youngest is in is wonderful troop. If done properly, it is a wonderful organization. You could always volunteer and be the troop leader yourself. DH was my boys scout leader for a few years. It is a nice memory. Although, I have to admit, DH was very happy when the boys didn't want to be boy scouts anymore. It was very time consuming and DH didn't have the tolerance for some of the boys behavior. Actually, more like he didn't have the tolerance for some of the parents allowing the boys behavior with t he explanation, that "boys will be boys".

 

[mjkacmom]

I'd like these little popular girls to say being/ or wearing princess items is for babies to Kate Middleon, you know a princess.

Yeah, because Kate Middleton dresses in poofy sparklie dresses and carries a wand... I would like my girls to emulate her - Disney princesses, no thank you!

 

[mjkacmom]

DD had a tutor that was trying to explain the difference between fiction and nonfiction and decided to use the Disney characters as an example of fiction! I WAS NOT happy!

[/QUOTE]

Um, but they are fictional characters? Hate to break it to you, but Fairy Tales are fake. I think most elementary school students get that. Same with Spongebob.