Alesia
DIS Legend
- Joined
- Feb 8, 2007
- Messages
- 18,981
Thank you all for advise & comments.
I probably should have mentioned DD is my 4th. I have been this road before & her growing up isn't my worry. I am proud of the young lady she is becoming, in her time. I have encouraged her to become more self - sufficient, and with certain shirts she knows she must wear a bra. My older kids are almost 22, and I am so pleased they never caved to peer pressure, BUT, they are triplets and had each other for support.
We also had the issue of elf on the shelf being fake & Santa this Christmas. Kids at her school informed her they are both not real. We have ALWAYS told our kids do not ask us ANY question that they don't TRULY want the HONEST answer to, because we will NOT lie. When the time came that the older kids asked about Santa, we told them "Santa" is love, and caring, and generousity, all of that exists if you want to look for it. When/if they pushed the issue, we would remind them only ask questions they truly want the answer to, then DH would say, Santa believes in you, people that don't believe in Santa maybe he doesn't believe in them enough to bring them gifts. Now, I'm sure many are going to say how that is like telling your child if you don't believe what I want you to, I don't believe in you. Well, we have 3 very intelligent, responsible, loving adult children that are living proof, it did no harm. DD9 very much wants to still believe. It was mentioned a couple of times. She loves that Santa is caring, loving, generous. And I reminded her as we dropped off our gifts for the less fortunate, that she is being Santa by doing that.
But, back to the issue at hand. Perhaps I should have given more details. She was told she should never wear her hair down, always up in a HIGH pony tail, no princess clothes, no dresses, only jeans & sweatpants. eyeshadow is okay, but only lightly. Barbies are for babies. (DD's ONLY request from Santa this year was a Barbie Dreamhouse), OH, and my personal favorite, she needs to learn to wiggle when she walks. Oh, yeah, and she is expected to donate money to the school change war in exchange for this life lesson.
And what really bothers me, DD's 2 favorite things about our recent trip...BBB and CRT. But, now she feels she can't share that stuff with these "friends". I told her to find friends that have things more in common with her. After talking to her big sister & brothers, along with me & her dad. She has decided if she is approached again she will tell this girl loudly & certainly, she doesn't need to be popular. " If I have true friends, they will like me for who I am, even if they don't like the same things." That isn't such a bad thing I guess.
As far as where we shop. We use hand me downs that come from places like Justice", LL Bean and some of the other places like that. But, I shop where they fit DD, where I feel they are appropiate for DD, and where SHE likes them from, and where we can afford & still have family vacations. (like our family addiction WDW) Sometimes it's Walmart, sometimes it's Target, Macy's.
I truly appreciate everyones comments. Each has value. Honestly, I wish she had been a twin. Raising triplets was so much easier when it came to stuff like this. noone messed with the girl. She had a very protective manner when it came to her brothers. I guess it helped that the girls had crushes on one of her brothers, and many of the boys had a crush on her. They weren't what was considered "popular", but there was another set of triplets and between teh 6 of them, well there was enough popularity to keep them serene. Except for one of my boys was a target of extreme Bullying, but that is a story for another day.
I wouldn't say that what DD is going through now is bullying....yet. But, what if the "popular" girls think not having your first kiss by age X is not cool, or drinking, you all get the picture.
Plus, the word popular. DD said popular kids are jerks. I told her that is NOT true. I know many people who would be considered popular. But, they aren't popular because of what they wear, or don't wear. They are popular because they wouldn't hurt anyones feelings. The ones that walk away from gossip. They don't make a huge issue about sticking up for someone necessarily, but they walk away from it.
Boy, even after almost 22 years of it. Parenting is the toughest job I have ever done!
Good lord! You didn't say that they were pint-sized Heathers! That's a horse of a different color...