DD, 8, stuck her toungue out at me at school today...

[dizagain]

O.k. I have a daughter with no anger management skills whatsoever. I take that back. She's 8 and has never had anything but glowing reports from teachers, other parents, etc. She saves all her pent up problems for us to deal with at home and they come out in many MANY ways. Anyway, we do our best we win some and lose some...

This morning she was throwing the biggest fit over the ponytails in her hair. I'm ignoring her, so she rips them out and one gets stuck. I'm still ignoring and she threatens to cut it out - DD, 10, can't ignore this and jumps in. I'm still ignoring. Anyway, it was time to go and I got my keys and got into the car. She comes running out with her shoes in hand and a headband in ther hair yelling about how mean I am. I'm on a good roll and I'm still ignoring. Anyway when we pull up to school I tell her to "have a great day, I love you, etc" Usually even if she was mad, she'll hug me and get over it at that point. She gets out of the car and STICKS HER TOUNGUE OUT AT ME. I know several people saw her do that - I waved and drove away. I've never seen her do that stuff in public before...ugh! I know how Eseralda X's lady from her post was feeling this morning!!! By the way, she was REALLY not mad at the ponytails...she was worried about a math paper she had turned in that she made up answers for because she didn't understand it....still...MY 8-YEAR-OLD STUCK HER TOUNGUE OUT AT ME IN PUBLIC! UGH!

 

[EsmeraldaX]

It's okay.

 

[CookieGVB]

Private tantrums are one thing, public displays are another.

I'd have a serious chat with my child after school about her behavior and remove something she values until she proves she can control herself in public.

YMMV, but that would be my reaction.

 

[crazyforgoofy]

She's seriously trying to get a reaction from you isn't she? I wonder what she'd do if you didn't mention it at all.

 

[CEDmom]

Let it go. Kids need to get away with little things every now and then or they'll just keep upping the stakes. I give you a lot of credit for ignoring her antics - don't give into it now.

 

[aprincessmom]

Ah, the dreaded ponytail screaming matches...I live in your world, too. I would have stuck mine out right back at her. That usually makes DD (she's 8) laugh and defuses the situation enough so she feels able to talk things through.

It's not that she doesn't have anger management skills -- she obviously does if she only does this at home. Sometimes home is the only safe place a child feels comfortable letting out her anger and at 8, life is not easy. Not quite grown up but not a little girl...dealing with things I never dealt with when I was 8 that's for sure!

But I don't ignore DD when she starts a rant like that... for her, it only makes it worse. I simple step away and calmly say "You need to go to your room and get a grip on yourself. When you can talk to me rationally and treat me like a human being you can come down. Until then get upstairs." She'll storm up to her room and pout and moan and clump and bump and within about 5 minutes come back down with an apology and tell me what's really bothering her.

I feel your pain...daily

 

[shortbun]

I'd mention it, say it upset me and talk about how we could
have done the whole morning better-asking her for input.

 

[tmq2766]

WOW...... No comment.

 

[dizagain]

Whew...thanks, guys! We go through PLENTY at home, I've just never had anything like that happen in public. I'm pretty sure I didn't know the family in the car behind us...ha!

I know she feels badly for what she did. I almost always get an apology and a hug - she probably won't forget all day. She is very aware that she goes overboard with her anger and it bothers her as much as it does us, I believe. She just gets going and... Often I can catch it early and just hold her and she'll relax, but today I was too mad to touch her!! We didn't have time for her to go to her room to calm down this morning either so yay me for ignoring her and not joining in the fun as I'm known to do at times .

 

[Jasminesmommy]

make her write 100 times I will never disrespect you in public again. and then make her sit in her room and think about it.

 

[poohtown]

you should have gave her the finger !


lol - seriously I would have just stuck out mine right back at her.

 

[Tantorini]

I have a slightly different take on this... mostly because I identify with your daughter... could it be that she has anxiety? well you mentioned the math paper.. even now I lash out at my husband in a situation where I think I'm about to do something wrong, or whatever..

maybe you could just give her a hug and tell her that even if she made up answers on her math paper, she's not dumb, and she's not a bad person, it just means that she has to come to you sooner so you can help her so that she doesn't have to worry!

poor kid ..

(but of course... I don't support her decision to be disrespectful - she was probably hoping you'd make her go right home! haha)

 

[Daydreamer64]

My boys are 8 and 10 and we have had our share of acting out too! Even if she was stressed the behavior was not appropriate. You can talk to her about asking for help in the future but tell her you will not allow her to disrespect you.

#1 works for mine most of the time- if not try # 2 that always ends in a guilt trip for my boys and they are sorry after that.
***If all else fails- sometimes there is a direct connection between the butt and the brain- put the butt to bed and let the brain lie in boredom ( in this case she can study her math - with your help if need be )! Absolutely do not let her know how embarrassed you were about it or she will use it during future power struggles in public places.

1) After school- let her unwind- have a snack and chill for a few minits. When the time is right ( quite and she has relaxed from her day of being a "good student" ) tell her you are sad and need to talk to her..... - Do you have anything you want to say about this morning?..... I know you were upset and I know you were hurt because I wouldn't do what you wanted me to do this morning BUT ...

you have so many friends and teachers at your school that think you are the greatest kid in the world- and you are my special sweety- hug her at this point if shes receptive-

what do you think they thought about you sticking out your tongue at Mommy? I am sure they were really shocked that such a nice kid would do something like that to their Mom who loves them so much. I am so embarrassed and ashamed for YOU right now- I hope Mrs. So and So didn't see what happened- oh no....I would be so sad if they thought you were that kind of kid.

If that doesn't work you can always try guilt-

2) what if that was the last time we ever saw each other and the last thing I saw was you sticking you tongue out at me? major acting here - look very sad! - my heart is broken to think that the most precious person in this world didn't love me any more than that! I just can't believe my sweet baby would do that to me and make me feel sad all day.

** last option- to bed- you may not use/play with anything that uses electric or batteries for the evening EXCEPT your room light. Good night.

Hope that helps- I'm one of 18 kids and if #1 didn't get me then #2 always did.

 

[dizagain]

Well, she got into the car and was a little chatterbox for awhile. After a few minutes, I interrupted her and asked if she had something she would like to talk to me about before we continue. Of course, she knew exactly what I was talking about. Big Sis had no idea and I just told her "Not your business, SHE knows". Big gulp from the rear seat and an apology. I used my matter-of-fact voice that I reserve for SERIOUS things (because I think it's serious - you shoulda seen her!) and calmly told her that I will NEVER see something like that happen again. She said a big "yes ma'am" and I told her the conversation was over and she could continue talking about her day. The look on her face said it all and I THINK she's done that for the first and last time. In public, that is. She did have a nice day today, the little stinker. I can say she's using top notch behavior this evening and is glad Daddy's out of town. She doesn't realize he knows and LAUGHED his head off over the phone.

 

[CJMickeyMouse]

Good thing I don't have daughters.

She would have been picked up at school and taken straight to the hair salon for a haircut.

Problem solved!

Sorry, but my kids don't treat me like that.

 

[Beauty]

LOL........my son and I are constantly sticking our tongues out at each other. Hes 12........when I am a little annoyed at him I'll stick my tongue out at him and its just instant that he does it right back and we end up laughing and the tension goes away.

 

[Lisa L from MI]

That just reminded me of my darling "angel"....DD also 8. Last year she got on the bus (the stop is in front of my house) and she was in one of her "moods" as usual......I waved at her on the bus.....and she was in a window seat on my side......she ever so "matter of factly"......stuck her hand up....you know with the "L" loser sign and also stuck her tongue out at me.....I actually got a chuckle out of it.......

She too is the most well behaved/mannered kid in school...teachers are always complimenting about that......I too, think she just saves it all up for when she is home!!!!

 

[ennazus]

Do you think if you helped her with her pony tails that might have made her feel better? Did she ask for help was was she just throwing a general fit over them?

It stinks when you head out for the day like that, doesn't it.

mostly because I identify with your daughter... could it be that she has anxiety? well you mentioned the math paper.. even now I lash out at my husband in a situation where I think I'm about to do something wrong, or whatever..

ME ME ME!!! That's me, too! When I'm stressed out, I lash out. And I'm NOT saying it's right! (because it sooooo is not!) but when DH sees me starting to boil over, he may take some steps to help me. "Don't worry if we are late, they are always late when they come to our house." "Why don't you go read your book for a while and I'll finish this up with DS" or he may just say, "You're getting all stressed out," and just that reminder is helpful.

 

[donaldbuzz&minnie]

Just count to 10 and wait to be a grandma! (It'll happen much sooner than you can imagine now.) It's way more fun - especially the part where you get to watch your grown-up, polite, wonderful daughter stress about all the same kinds of things that are currently driving you crazy.

 

[browneyes]

You and the 1st lady have something in common.