Dating Someone Who Smokes...

[amberpi]

Since I love the smell of all those things, I'd be cool with that. It's the smell of smoke I could never get past.

He does this crazy thing were he's considerate and well mannered with it. I know that sounds nuts in the modern world, but it sure helps keep him smelling better. Thats probably too outlandish to say though, right?

 

[FutureDisneyEventPlanner]

The reason I pose this question is because I'm going on a date with a guy I've been talking to for 2 weeks and he JUST told me he smokes. It's so disappointing because I like him thus far but I HATE smoking. Not just because of smell but the "killing yourself slowly" thing. I've been debating with myself whether or not I should meet him at all, but I would feel like such a witch if I called it off just because of that.

 

[adelaster]

In the past, yes. Now, no.

-There's too many clear, undeniable reasons not to smoke.

-I'm older now, so my partner would be too, and what's excusable as a phase in youth is less so now. They would also have been doing it longer at this point, so it would be harder for them to change the habit, and they'd have increased health risk.

-Can't be around it anymore. Heavy secondhand smoke gives me laryngitis. It also hurts/burns a lot more than it ever did before sinus surgery.

That said, at least half of my younger relationships were with smokers. All ended up quitting, sometimes restarting and quitting again. It's an addiction, and that requires understand the challenges and frustrations that can accompany it.

As far as a few cigars/pipes/etc. per year, totally fine with it. Just couldn't do pack a day/week type again.

Look at the person, not the habit, and make choices accordingly.

 

[Minnesota!]

I smoked, and Dh smoked, when we met - at age 15. I gave it up in 2001...I was 23. He did it about a year later.

Smoke doesn't bother me, and I kinda like the smell... so no, it would not be a dealbreaker.

 

[Marchand63]

No way, no how.

My parents died from smoking. Both of them.

Thankfully, my husband doesn't smoke.

I can pretty much guarantee that our son won't date a smoker.

Same here but just my father. Slow agonizing processs.

Never smoked & smoking was always a deal breaker. It's like kissing an ashtray.

 

[Disneylover99]

He does this crazy thing were he's considerate and well mannered with it. I know that sounds nuts in the modern world, but it sure helps keep him smelling better. Thats probably too outlandish to say though, right?

Not outlandish at all. I do find most of the smokers I know very considerate of non smokers these days. But for me, no matter how a smoker tries to mask the smell, I can still smell it.

 

[Iya]

The reason I pose this question is because I'm going on a date with a guy I've been talking to for 2 weeks and he JUST told me he smokes. It's so disappointing because I like him thus far but I HATE smoking. Not just because of smell but the "killing yourself slowly" thing. I've been debating with myself whether or not I should meet him at all, but I would feel like such a witch if I called it off just because of that.

I wouldn't even consider going on a date with someone that smokes. Gross.

 

[dish rag]

I could never. The smoke really bothers me. Just being around a smoker bothers me. They usually smell awful. I've noticed that up north in the cold they smell worse. It's as if the cold causes the smell to stick to the clothing.

 

[mumto3girls]

I haven’t even thought about dating in a long time, but I think smoking might be a deal breaker for me. DH and I have dated since we were in high school (30 years ago) and both of his parents were heavy smokers. Interestingly enough, I don’t recall him smelling like smoke, but he must have. FIL has since passed, but MIL still smokes heavily and she and everything that comes out of that house smell. I think kissing a smoker would be a big turnoff. I hate saying that, but I think it would be true for me.

 

[FutureDisneyEventPlanner]

I haven’t even thought about dating in a long time, but I think smoking might be a deal breaker for me. DH and I have dated since we were in high school (30 years ago) and both of his parents were heavy smokers. Interestingly enough, I don’t recall him smelling like smoke, but he must have. FIL has since passed, but MIL still smokes heavily and she and everything that comes out of that house smell. I think kissing a smoker would be a big turnoff. I hate saying that, but I think it would be true for me.

I think kissing is what I'm most worried about...he says he hates smelling like smoke and he's very mindful of smoking in front of people, but I don't know if the kissing thing can be avoided...unless he brushes his teeth every hour. Lol.

 

[aprilgail]

Not outlandish at all. I do find most of the smokers I know very considerate of non smokers these days. But for me, no matter how a smoker tries to mask the smell, I can still smell it.

Exactly- unless they changed their clothes and took a shower and washed their hair after every cigarette then they still stink! My dad was a smoker and died at 55 years old, my aunt 58 from lung cancer-my birth mom was a smoker and she just passed away a few months ago from COPD, a horrible death, begging for someone to help her end it. I could never ever date a smoker even if I could get past the smell I couldn't get past the kind of death they are throwing the dice on!

 

[amberpi]

Not outlandish at all. I do find most of the smokers I know very considerate of non smokers these days. But for me, no matter how a smoker tries to mask the smell, I can still smell it.

Totally get it. My dad smokes like a freight train and in his house and car and generally just forgets others don't smoke like he does (which is wwird since I don't believe my mother has ever smoked a single cigarette), so he's a bit inconsiderate and simply doesn't realize how bad he smells. There is just such a huge difference some changes in that pattern make. It may also be just the quantity of cigarettes dad smokes vs. how many this guy smokes. There also may be something about me that doesn't notice the smell as much as others as my dad and ex-husband both smoked heavily. I may be the weird one (which is true like 98% of the time) on this.

When my health was worse I was firmly no smokers, so for me, it's case by case.

 

[amberpi]

I guess I just think the op can go out with the guy and just see what's up. It's just a date; if it's a huge turn off; no big deal; I'd he's fantastic and it's less of a turn off - score!
Regardless, op, no right answers in dating.

 

[SteveH]

Deal breaker. Move along I never did and I never would.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

I've watched many of my relatives die of COPD from smoking. It's a horrific death, let me tell you. My grandmother never smoked a day in her life and got COPD from second hand smoke since her husband smoked in the house. Some people have no regard for their own health or are just too addicted to even want to try to quit. I wouldn't want to set myself up having to be their caretaker as they get older and their lungs and heart get worse and watch the self inflicted suffering.

 

[LilyWDW]

I would never date a smoker. My mom died of small cell lung cancer. I was her caregiver. So I had to watch her go from a woman who could outlast me at Disney and ride RNRC to someone who couldn't even talk, eat, or sit up in bed by herself. Smoking is one of the dumbest things a person can do since we all know what smoking can cause.

 

[Wendy31]

I could never date a smoker because cigarette smoke gives me terrible migraines.

That said, I think some smokers are considerate around others & are more careful & hygienic w/ their clothes & body & the lingering cigarette smoke.

My grandmother smoked (& passed away from lung cancer when I was 10), & she was always careful about never smoking around us. I don't remember my grandparents' house ever smelling like smoke either.

 

[FutureDisneyEventPlanner]

I would never date a smoker. My mom died of small cell lung cancer. I was her caregiver. So I had to watch her go from a woman who could outlast me at Disney and ride RNRC to someone who couldn't even talk, eat, or sit up in bed by herself. Smoking is one of the dumbest things a person can do since we all know what smoking can cause.

I think this is why it's hard for me. It's not even the smell. I just don't get how someone could smoke, knowing that they're slowly killing themselves every day. Granted, this is just a date so it's not that serious. Lol. But it just got me thinking.

 

[SC Minnie]

DH smoked when we met. He wouldn't smoke in the car with me. When we got married he wouldn't smoke in house. He finally quit when DD was about 2.

 

[gillep]

Nope, wouldn't even consider it, that would be a deal breaker for me.