Dating question, is it a red flag or am I jumping the gun?

[babyrich]

That would be the first and last date for me. You are supposed to make a good impression on the first date. Obviously, he didnt or you wouldnt be asking for advice. Go with your gut.

 

[gracie1]

I don't see this going anywhere as well. He is way too pushy, and maybe that is why he is still single at 45. Most women don't like that, and I know on a first date sex is the last thing I hope they bring up!
I went out with a man about 3 months ago and it was horrible. He actually started to grind (or hump) my leg
Never went out with him again, that is sure!!

 

[Mickeyistheman]

I do not feel that he is an "Aspie"

We did hold throughout the evening good conversations, we talked about travel, our families, current topics, The Yankees, The Jets. He seems to be quite put together.

I was never thought to be the "Trohpy Wife" or anything like that.

 

[Carnie]

I went out with a man about 3 months ago and it was horrible. He actually started to grind (or hump) my leg

You went on a date with a Golden Retriever?

 

[babyrich]

I don't see this going anywhere as well. He is way too pushy, and maybe that is why he is still single at 45. Most women don't like that, and I know on a first date sex is the last thing I hope they bring up!
I went out with a man about 3 months ago and it was horrible. He actually started to grind (or hump) my leg
Never went out with him again, that is sure!!

OMG...Gross!!!!! did you kick him in the jewels at least?

 

[hereyago]

He actually started to grind (or hump) my leg
Never went out with him again, that is sure!!

just like a male dog? dang.

 

[Liberty Belle]

just like a male dog? dang.

Good Lord. Talk about impulsive! Poor guy couldn't contain himself, I guess. Gross.

 

[jodifla]

On, yes. RUN!

 

[DWGal210]

OP, I understand your point of view on the 2nd date. I think you're saying that since others haven't been kind to you after the 1st date, you "owe" this fellow, in a way. Almost like a "mercy" date. I don't doubt that he was a good conversationalist, but if he creeps you out with the excessive sex talk, that's not cool. You're not judging him as a bad person by not going out again - just means you 2 aren't compatible & that's fine.

 

[SeaShelley]

I want to explain my reason for giving me another shot.

I feel that he was trying hard to impress me and he hasn't gone on many "real" dates as I have.

I don't believe that anything is instant, our conversation never stopped, he talked about himself alot but again I felt that he was trying to impress me.

He has a routine and he wants to include me in that. It's nice that he wants to see me again because I can't tell you how many times I really liked someone and did want to see them again (fairly soon) and never got a call back or it was weeks later, so for him to want to see me again is a good sign.

I need to really decide though if he wants a relationship or just another "friend" because THAT I certainly do not want.

Many have addressed the age issue. I have dated men that were older than me for quite some time. Most men my age are too into their video games or trying to find the next best thing so we don't get along very well.

Dating is really difficult, and I am not trying to please my dad (he is my stepdad) He has also known this person for many many years. He has a very stable job and works hard. He is just set in his ways at this point and I am not looking to change that BUT I want someone who wants to be in a relationship and learn about each other. Isn't that how its supposed to be?

Sometimes I think that I am asking for too much, I have my own faults too. So why not give him a second chance, if he blows it this time then we're done.

Sweetie....who are you trying to convince? The discussions about sex are not about impressing you....it's rude and not very gentleman-like behavior.

 

[TamaraQT]

If you have to ask here, then I'd say move on.

Always listen to your gut instinct. It won't fail you.

Not the guy for you...period. If anything he says or does made you uncomfortable enough to even post here looking for advice...well, there's your answer.

Good advice given on this post, but I think those 2 posts sum it up. Regardless, if you have to ask then you already know the answer but just want someone to validate it for you. So here is my 2 cents.....He is NOT the man for you.

 

[wdwmom0f3]

Sweetie....who are you trying to convince? The discussions about sex are not about impressing you....it's rude and not very gentleman-like behavior.

Amen!

 

[hereyago]

Ok, maybe this will help:

Say if you had a daughter and a guy who she was on a first date with acted like that? what would you tell her? you would tell her not to settle herself short, well why should you?

it's ok, if there in no chemistry. it's ok to not go on another date with him. you aren't going to have chemistry with everyone you meet. let alone be with a sex starved ,"look my friends I don't have to sleep with a blow up doll now". you aren't going to be a bad person if you don't go out with him again.

Let me tell you a little story,short version: i was about 18, went on a date with a guy who owned the house next to my parents, he didnt live there but would rent it out, but still saw him there for things. he was 24 or so, lost his wife a year before to an accident. he was always polite and nice and asked me out, he wasn't "my type" but i gave it a shot. we were going to a concert,so i had this fake leather pants on-rock concert-. at one point after keeping bring up his deceased wife, he said he liked the way i was dressed adn my pants looked well rhymes with clutty. he thought he was givng me a compliment. i was just so put off by that, i didn't see him anymore. there was no kiss good night. how i wish they had cellphones back then, so i could have left

 

[EllenFrasier]

Hello Fellow Diser's

Looking for some thoughts and advice.

Was set up by my dad with someone that he knows, I am 33, he just turned 45. Never been married, is a bit overweight but nothing crazy. He has a good stable job, been there for 25 years. Good family man (his mother passed away when he was 15) I can still see that it upsets him when he talked about her.

His brothers and sisters are all married with a few kids etc. etc.

So we go out, sort of on the cuff Saturday night. Had a very nice dinner, then went to a bar for a nightcap afterwards ( a good friend of his is the owner)

Now, my concerns came up when we first were in the car and he asked me what I am into, things I like to do. He brought up sex, but we moved on from that topic. Movies, traveling and Disney (bonus he does enjoy it!!!!) Plus he like me is a huge movie fan. So those were 2 huge points in his corner.

However, my concern now is that he just wants to have sex, I mean he kept asking me questions that I felt on a first date were really not appropriate. I can't even put them on here. I laughed it off but at one point I told him I am looking for a relationship, I am not 25 anymore and want something stable and substantial. Yes sex is very important but I need more and want more than that in my life.

I am not a big drinker - some of the stories he has told me all are involved with drinking. Every Friday night he plays pool with his friends ( I was invited to join as well ) from about 8 till midnight, he stops by that bar to have a nightcap then goes food shopping. He had about 3 drinks on the date. I had one at dinner and then a glass of wine at the bar.

He walked me to my door and went in for a kiss and I gave him one, nothing crazy but he was like "That's it, I want some more passion" I was put off and told him that he's got to work for it. Then he said well, we could just go inside and see if everything works. That bothered me because I am thinking to myself you don't know me and you are ready to jump in the sack even after you had told me that you want a relationship too.

My parents are really pusing this whole thing and have told me that I dont know what its like to be treated well (which is 100% true) but it was one date and I have many reservations. He seems really nice but I want to make this work but should I be concerned or should I just go with the flow.

I don't like being smothered and I fear that happening. Before we even got to dinner while we were talking he invited me to his friends Oscar Party (which would be fun) yesterday morning he wanted to know if I wanted to go to breakfast and now tonight he wants me to come and see him play pool with his league.

Maybe its me, but I think its a little too much too soon. Help!

Oh yeah, he's movin' way too fast!!! Maybe you can ask him to slow down? If he's not willing to wait for sex until you have established if there is more to your relationship, then I'd dump him quick. That comment about "making sure everything works"....how lame is that??
Usually the first couple of dates are times when people try to impress someone - if this is the best he can do, then you are in trouble. When Dh and I dated, he would buy me flowers, take me out every weekend, ask me what I wanted to do where I wanted to go, etc. and he never pressured me for more than I wanted to do sex wise.

 

[hereyago]

I don't see this going anywhere as well. He is way too pushy, and maybe that is why he is still single at 45. Most women don't like that, and I know on a first date sex is the last thing I hope they bring up!
I went out with a man about 3 months ago and it was horrible. He actually started to grind (or hump) my leg
Never went out with him again, that is sure!!

Also, too bad you didn't have a spray bottle of water to cool him off. Bad dog!

 

[tiggspring]

Run!

First you don't mention one thing you love about his personality.

Second not to be overly dramatic but if you have ever heard stories about date rape you often hear women saying they saw signs but wanted to give the benifit of doubt. You might want to read the gift of fear. Which talks about listening to your intuition.

 

[mark&sue]

yes, but he likes Disney, has to be worth a second date even if just to talk Disney!!!!


Susan

 

[flamingglobessigmund]

Aren't you wondering what your dad told this guy? He was so pushy about sex and his version of passion. Maybe he thought he was there to teach you something about dating.

If there's no chemistry, and given everything else you've described about him, you shouldn't be wasting any more time on this guy.

 

[tlbwriter]

My parents are really pusing this whole thing and have told me that I dont know what its like to be treated well

I would describe what happened and say "Is this what you consider being treated well? Dad, is this how you treated Mom on your first date?"

 

[Green Tea]

There are 99 replies and not one person has thought you should give him another chance. I would think this is a fairly diverse group of woman here.....and NO ONE thought this was anything but bad behavior. And you are going out with him again tonight?