Dating question, is it a red flag or am I jumping the gun?

[FlightlessDuck]

That just sounds creepy to me

Doesn't sound creepy to me. While my wife and I do work in separate places, and don't spend 24/7 together, we do most things together. I think we've spent a grand total of 3 nights sleeping in different places in 15 years together.

 

[Carnie]

Gross.

Gross gross gross.

No second chances.

If your dad pushes the issue, say, "Gee dad, he wanted me to put out on the first date. You cool with that?"

If it were me, I'd ask Dad if I should go with fumbling around on the couch, or maybe whip out a reverse cowgirl for some "passion", but that's just me.

 

[Planogirl]

I agree with those who say to follow your instincts. If you like him in spite of the things he said, maybe give it another chance. Otherwise, forget it.

 

[SaraJayne]

Doesn't sound creepy to me. While my wife and I do work in separate places, and don't spend 24/7 together, we do most things together. I think we've spent a grand total of 3 nights sleeping in different places in 15 years together.

DH and I do most things together, too (though we've spent way more than 3 nights apart in 15 years (thank you, DH's job ))...but the way it was phrased makes him sound very needy and high maintenance.

 

[quandrea]

Always trust your gut. If something isn't right about him move on now. People used to tell me to give guys time, but if he's the right one, it comes easily and you feel fabulous. With dh, I knew he was great right away and he never once made me question that. Wait for that feeling, it does exist, even at 33.

 

[faith]

Run away now! Don't take his call.
Tell your parents why. Obvious why he isn't married. He has no respect for women and doesn't want a serious relationship.
Can't believe some posters say give him a second chance.

 

[It'sWDW4me]

Now, my concerns came up when we first were in the car and he asked me what I am into, things I like to do. He brought up sex, but we moved on from that topic. Movies, traveling and Disney (bonus he does enjoy it!!!!) Plus he like me is a huge movie fan. So those were 2 huge points in his corner.

However, my concern now is that he just wants to have sex, I mean he kept asking me questions that I felt on a first date were really not appropriate. I can't even put them on here. I laughed it off but at one point I told him I am looking for a relationship, I am not 25 anymore and want something stable and substantial. Yes sex is very important but I need more and want more than that in my life.

I am not a big drinker - some of the stories he has told me all are involved with drinking. Every Friday night he plays pool with his friends ( I was invited to join as well ) from about 8 till midnight, he stops by that bar to have a nightcap then goes food shopping. He had about 3 drinks on the date. I had one at dinner and then a glass of wine at the bar.

He walked me to my door and went in for a kiss and I gave him one, nothing crazy but he was like "That's it, I want some more passion" I was put off and told him that he's got to work for it. Then he said well, we could just go inside and see if everything works. That bothered me because I am thinking to myself you don't know me and you are ready to jump in the sack even after you had told me that you want a relationship too.

So I'm assuming that you redirected the sex talk a few times over the course of the evening and the dude just doesn't take a hint? This would creep me out. I don't sleep around and I completely lose respect and, thus, interest in any guy who just wants that one thing. IDK, maybe he needs a more decisive reply such as a pp mentioned - "cut out the horndog routine" - but for him to be so persistent on a first date would just make it impossible for me to be willing to go on a second date. KWIM?

My parents are really pusing this whole thing and have told me that I dont know what its like to be treated well (which is 100% true) but it was one date and I have many reservations. He seems really nice but I want to make this work but should I be concerned or should I just go with the flow.

This guy was not treating you "well", he was acting like a slob. "I took you out so now you put out" is NOT treating you like a princess.

I don't like being smothered and I fear that happening. Before we even got to dinner while we were talking he invited me to his friends Oscar Party (which would be fun) yesterday morning he wanted to know if I wanted to go to breakfast and now tonight he wants me to come and see him play pool with his league.

Maybe its me, but I think its a little too much too soon. Help!

Immediately he wants to suck up all of your free time?!

Way too many red flags. Ummmm, buh-bye!

 

[momof1princess]

Gross.

Gross gross gross.

No second chances.

If your dad pushes the issue, say, "Gee dad, he wanted me to put out on the first date. You cool with that?"

If it were me, I'd ask Dad if I should go with fumbling around on the couch, or maybe whip out a reverse cowgirl for some "passion", but that's just me.

ROFL!

honestly, OP, in your shoes, i'd be RUNNING, not walking away from this guy.

 

[disykat]

This guy apparently isn't interested in getting to know you. He wants to skip that step and slot you into the role of significant other so he can have sex and someone to watch him play pool. It sounds like who it is doesn't matter.

Anyone who liked YOU would have been finding out what YOU liked to do adn going out of his way to please you. I didn't see anything in your post that indicated he liked YOU.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I wouldn't have been too bothered with the sex talk, although if I changed the subject and he kept coming back to it, that would annoy me. That "passion" comment, though? Eww.

I don't think it would be horrible for you to give him a second change, but I don't see it working out.

But, I don't think it's freaky for him not to be married at 45. I know a 41 year old guy who's never been married and he's a great guy. He's looking - just hasn't found the right person. I also know a 46 year old woman who has never been married. Nothing wrong with her (she's a wonderful psychologist), either.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

Gross.

Gross gross gross.

No second chances.

If your dad pushes the issue, say, "Gee dad, he wanted me to put out on the first date. You cool with that?"

If it were me, I'd ask Dad if I should go with fumbling around on the couch, or maybe whip out a reverse cowgirl for some "passion", but that's just me.

That is hysterical.

OP - trust your instincts. This guy is NOT THE ONE FOR YOU!

 

[java]

Sex talk being brought up several times would bother me. And if your parents push say just that.

I don't like what he said at the door. In his 40's he should know better. Plus he knows your father. I say RED FLAG!

 

[marlynnp]

eeeeeeeeewwe!

this guy is a jerk (there are better words but I can't use them here, lol)

bye-bye!

 

[KristaTX]

I'll join the rest and say that he sounds like someone not worthy of your time. Either something physical was his primary goal, or else he was completely oblivious to your feelings on the matter. Either way, he does not sound like a keeper.

He sounds like the type who if he were posting his perspective about the date would be saying, "She never got my hints about passion, wouldn't let me in the door, blah blah blah. . .".
If he doesn't call again, count it a blessing.

 

[DisneyScraps]

It would make me uncomfortable and unless there was crazy chemistry I would move on.

I would never let my family influence my going out with someone longer than I wanted to.

Good luck and I hope you find a prince, he is out there!

Lisa

 

[PrincessKsMom]

In the words of my 15 year old "CREEPER!"

If you do decide to give him another chance, casually pass a comment about how you don't think it's fair to have sex with him while you're having a flair up. See if he still pushes the sex talk then.

 

[Tuffcookie]

1st date...very inappropriate!

I would not give him a 2nd date!

TC

 

[Mrs. Darcy]

He sounds like a guy that doesn't have much dating experience or has a lot of experience with the "wrong" kind of woman. He certainly doesn't know how to treat a lady on a first date. If you think you like him in spite of the pushy sex talk and him seemingly wanting to make you his girl so fast, give him a second chance but tell him straight out how you felt about the first date. If he doesn't get it, then tell thanks but no thanks.

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

He's not for you. Time to move on.

 

[antmaril]

Run, don't just walk, in the opposite direction of this man!

Exactly what I was going to say!