Dating a Bi Guy

[singingpixie]

I've been on a couple dates with a guy I really like- we can talk for hours on end, is incredibly cute (and a great kisser ;-)) and he's one of the best people I've ever met. He's bi, which I have absolutely no problem with. The reason I bring this up is that I feel like whenever he brings up his experiences with being queer, being president of the Pride Alliance, etc, I feel like I might not be qualified to really have an opinion/reaction/etc because I'm a WASPy straight girl who hasn't had those experiences. I'm afraid I might say something wrong without realizing it. I guess I don't have a specific question, but does anyone have any thoughts about this situation?

 

[ConcKahuna]

Just because you're straight, that doesnt mean you can't relate. You'll have opinions of your own, and just because you're straight doesnt mean they are wrong.

Everyone's qualified to have opinions about subjects, and anyone can speak out on them. Some people choose to, others don't. Straight people can speak out on gay issues too (look at Cyndi Lauper, Madonna, Cher, and many others).

 

[singingpixie]

That's the funny part- I used to be one of the first people to jump in on any thread about gay issues on the DIS (the only reason I'm not anymore is that i'm not online as much since I changed jobs)... but now that I feel like I have something to lose by unintentionally saying something stupid, I clam up!

 

[Viki]

.... something is making you feel newly insecure ... and, listen, that happens again and again in life, the "trick" isn't to not feel that way, the "trick" is to recognize when you do, acknowledge it, and then reclaim your power and ... move on ...

 

[smartestnumber5]

I understand how you feel. In college I got involved with the gay-straight alliance and at that time I thought I was pretty much straight (I knew I was attracted to women, but I was also attracted to men so it was confusing). I never really announced being straight to the friends I made there, (and never said I was bi or gay either). They all pretty much assumed I was straight, and I wasn't saying otherwise to anyone really (I'd talk about being attracted to women sometimes--but nowadays straight women are always talking about having a crush on Angelina Jolie ).

I was still wondering a little about myself at that time but not in a very serious way. And I really felt like somehow I might offend someone or be stepping on someone's toes if suddenly I announced that "hey, maybe I'm bi." I didn't actually really bring up the issue with others until a bit later when I had some experiences with some women. At that point I somehow it felt like it became real and now I had earned the right to start talking about my identity and call myself bi. Looking back this sounds so dumb--there I was a gay rights activist but feeling like I might offend my gay friends if I decided I wasn't straight! (I think part of this for me was fear of biphobia coming from within the gay/gay-friendly community. There weren't any other bi people in the group at that point and some of the folks there had the attitude of "bisexuality doesn't exist" or "bi people are just confused.")

It sounds like you already know that this is just something you just need to get comfortable with. There certainly isn't any requirement before one can voice some support for gay rights or understanding about gay identity or whatever. Plus, though I'm sure he already knows you're supportive, it couldn't hurt for him to hear it from you in some capacity. (When I got together with GF--who identifies as a lesbian--we talked about bisexuality early on. I told her some of the experiences I had where people didn't believe me or just thought I hadn't decided and she said she's known people like that too and finds all of that a load of B.S. It was nice to hear early on so I knew what I was getting into.)

 

[OrlandoMike]

Maybe if you went to one of the Alliance meetings, and met some of his gay friends, it would make you feel more at ease.

Just an idea.

 

[rosiep]

The best advice I can give you is : be honest.
Truly that's the best you can do, and I bet if you tell your friend your doubts he'll go out of his way to reassure you..(or guide you)...we're all human doing the best we can and If I've learned anything it's that a black and white (right/wrong) attitude is a hard burden to bear...and just as with any group..what offends one person may not be what offends his neighbor...Honesty..that's my ticket