Custodial Parents Child Support Support Group!

[Irin997]

Yeah, definitely sounds like he's just trying to save face, but I'm sure people know the real deal-at least the ones who even matter, like the school.

I agree!! It's amazing how completely CHILDISH these "men" are, isn't it? I think that if people you know well choose to believe the rumors and lies, then you know who your true friends are.

On a side note and an update, I was about to call CS to see where my case stood (ex paid exactly 3 months support and then disappeared - last pymt was end of October) so I decided to log into the other state's website when what do I find??? A payment!! I couldn't believe it! We'll see how long it lasts.

 

[MOREMICKEYFORME]

I won't go into the long story...but my ex owes just under $42,000.00.
Our daughter is 16 1/2 and since she was 1 1/2, she has seen him a total of 25 times or so. He moved all around the country, and now lives with mommy in the next town over from me. He works under the table for cash and mommy is an accountant who helps him hide his money- isn't that just sad? She would rather the money he makes goes to the new girlfriend who is 16 years younger than him (yes, new girlfriend is closer to my daughter's age)
Its just so extremely frustrating because I am working my butt off to put a roof over my daughter's head and he is taking trips, planning a wedding, etc...
I know I will never see a child support payment, but it's very frustrating.

 

[Irin997]

Hi guys! Just wanted to check in and see how everyone is doing.

I actually received two payments of $169 in just about one week. The other state's CS office must have located him again and double deducted him for the full month of January.

Just in time for DD's orthodontic procedures!

 

[DearDaisyinDurham]

I apologize in advance for the venting that is about to follow.

This past year my ex has been working here and there due to his company being very slow and having lots of plant shutdowns. Well during those shutdown weeks I would not get support, even though he was collecting unemployment. Too lazy to go to the courthouse to pay or not smart enough to realize it wasn't getting paid I don't know. I eventually got fed up with it and went to file paperwork to change my support case so that the prosecutor could intervene. Now the prosecutor has sent him paperwork showing how much he's in arrears. They also will be taking support directly out of his unemployment.
And since then he has been the biggest jerk. Which was always the case when we were together. When something didn't go his way he always screwed me over even worse. There have been a couple times where he signed DS up for things or decided something without asking me, and I told him no he couldn't do that because I didn't agree with it. Which made him even madder and he said things like if I wanted him to take it to court he would.
Anyway, about a month ago he called to inform me that he was laid off. And then about a week later I get paperwork from the court saying that he has filed papers to get support lowered. So the last time I talked to him he said that when we go to court about support he is going to bring up the things that he tried to do and I denied. Now I feel like all he is going to look like in court is an idiot. But he's been known to get away with murder. Should I hire a lawyer to go to court with me? Or is he really not going to be able to do much since the hearing is for support?

All I've ever done for DS has been out of protecting him and doing what's best for him. And all I ever get back from ex is irresponsibility and gimmie gimmie gimmie.

Again I apologize for the venting but it feels so good to get that off my chest and know that others are going through similar situations.

So sorry for what everyone is going through
Hope it's ok to join in, so similar to stuff we went through years ago. Books the therapist recommended were WHY DOES HE DO THAT by Lundy Bancroft (how to explain crazy behavior by a crazy ex) and DIVORCE POISON by Dr. Richard A. Warshak.

 

[summerrluvv]

nm

 

[suevee]

I am curious - has anyone thought of reporting deadbeat dads who earn money under the table anonymously to the IRS????

 

[Biscuitsmom31]

Wow! I'm shocked at what some men will do to get out of paying for their own children. I was planning to gripe about my ex but he's a prince compared to the one's I've been reading about on this thread.

My ex pays his child support regularly and covers the kids on his insurance. He lives several states away and doesn't see them often but he does call every week or two and takes an interest in how his kids are doing.

Here's my gripe (again, it pales in comparison). Ex has met a guy who lives across the country from him and he wants to quit his $60,000 a year job and move in with him. (Yes, ex is gay.) He's got no job lined up in that area and no prospects, so I have no idea how he plans to pay his child support. He cannot understand why I'm not just happy for him since he's so joyous/in love.

I realize it's his life and I am actually happy for him that he's met someone but I fear it is yet another ill-advised impulsive decision - for which he is famous. If it doesn't work out, he will end up homeless and unemployed. I'm also concerned about him giving up the insurance on the kids. Our son has psoriasis and Aspergers. His medications are expensive and I can't pay for them without the insurance.

When I asked him what he was going to do if he wasn't able to find another job right away he said he could deliver pizza. He's not going make $60,000 a year and have great insurance delivering pizza. Is love really this blind?

 

[summerrluvv]

I am curious - has anyone thought of reporting deadbeat dads who earn money under the table anonymously to the IRS????

nm

 

[cheermom1]

child support? huh what? no really my ex is like 30k behind and our kids are almost 16 and almost 15 we have been devoriced for 15 years and out of those he has paid all of about 3 years worth of child support! to add to that he only has to pay $51 a week for two kids!

now I have gone to the prosecuting atty more then once and child support enforcement is a joke!


now my dh on the other hand pays a LOT of support and keeps insurance and everything he is supposed to do but still the ex thinks he should pay more and not see the kids yep she's a real winner alright!

 

[Chicago526]

Total lurker, I'm not divorced nor a child of divorce, this whole area is foreign to me (and I hope it stays that way!).

I do have question for those that have kids in their teens or even into adulthood, who have ex's that owe five figure amounts in arrears.

1) Is it possilbe that once the child is an adult and out of the family court system, to sue the ex for back child support in regular civil court. Of course they likely wouldn't pay that either but you may be able to get a lean on their house or car.

2) I've seen ads on tv for collection agencies that will buy the child support you are owed for less than the actual amount, then they turn around and hunt your ex down to get repaid. Knowing how tenacious debt collectors are, that's punishment in and of itself, never mind the money and the hit on the ex's credit report! Of course you get less, but something is better than nothing.

Have any of you done this?

 

[cheermom1]

Total lurker, I'm not divorced nor a child of divorce, this whole area is foreign to me (and I hope it stays that way!).

I do have question for those that have kids in their teens or even into adulthood, who have ex's that owe five figure amounts in arrears.

1) Is it possilbe that once the child is an adult and out of the family court system, to sue the ex for back child support in regular civil court. Of course they likely wouldn't pay that either but you may be able to get a lean on their house or car.

2) I've seen ads on tv for collection agencies that will buy the child support you are owed for less than the actual amount, then they turn around and hunt your ex down to get repaid. Knowing how tenacious debt collectors are, that's punishment in and of itself, never mind the money and the hit on the ex's credit report! Of course you get less, but something is better than nothing.

Have any of you done this?

just to make everyone aware of this that if you go this route your ex can file bankruptcy and not have to pay you b/c then it is considered a regular debt and not child support! i know b/c i have a friend who does this for a living. if you don't as of right now it is not considered a regular debt but child support for the government to make them pay but if you take it out of the government's hands then yes thy can file bankruptcy and you will not get any monies. make since?

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

I have a question. On Dec 23, 2008 my DD's child support was ordered to be modified. It was supposed to go into effect 1-01-09. I submitted my notorized signature that stated I agreed with this and they received it 1-05-09 . They needed his signature or a written request for a hearing if he did not agree. Well I have heard nothing at all. Child support is still the original amount. Does anyone know the process of this and can anyone tell me the ballpark time frame? I know all states differ but maybe I can get an idea,
Thanks

 

[kellyg403]

I have a question. On Dec 23, 2008 my DD's child support was ordered to be modified. It was supposed to go into effect 1-01-09. I submitted my notorized signature that stated I agreed with this and they received it 1-05-09 . They needed his signature or a written request for a hearing if he did not agree. Well I have heard nothing at all. Child support is still the original amount. Does anyone know the process of this and can anyone tell me the ballpark time frame? I know all states differ but maybe I can get an idea,
Thanks

I can only tell you that your ex has so many days to respond. If he has sent a written request for the hearing, then until the hearing is held he is not considered in 'arrears' for the additional amount of support. It would be like having the child support looked over again.

There is also a chance, if you are going through the state, that they have to garnish his wages for the additional amount, his company has so many days to start it and then child support to send it to you. That could take weeks. I know that once, dh's child support was figured out, the company he worked with did not put it in the system until the very last day they had, which made dh late, which made us have to run around in circles getting the correct amount to child support etc. That old saying about dealing with the government and how slow they are when they owe you is true in the case of child support if you ask me.

I hope that is one of the two and nothing crazy.

Kelly

 

[summerrluvv]

nm

 

[suevee]

I'm not really following what you are saying to be honest.

If you are in arrears on CS, you can't file BK (I work for a BK lawyer).

I think it means if you sign over the debt to a collection agency it changes it status and can then be canceled under the bankruptcy laws?

 

[summerrluvv]

x

 

[cheermom1]

I think it means if you sign over the debt to a collection agency it changes it status and can then be canceled under the bankruptcy laws?

right which is what i was told by a collection agency where a friend owns it. i don;t know everything so there might be other things that the person can do to prevent that.

 

[JoiseyMom]

I can't fathom why a state agency would allow CS to be sold to be honest. Screwy. But since the collection agency debt was acrued from child support arrears, if that scenario were to happen, the custodial parent (to whom the debt was originally owed to) could probably file an adversary proceeding (an objection to the BK basically) and that particular debt wouldn't be dischargeable.

It isn't a state agency..or have anything to do with a state agency. There are, or were at least 2 companies that I knew of that would take 1/3 of the money they collected.

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

I can only tell you that your ex has so many days to respond. If he has sent a written request for the hearing, then until the hearing is held he is not considered in 'arrears' for the additional amount of support. It would be like having the child support looked over again.

There is also a chance, if you are going through the state, that they have to garnish his wages for the additional amount, his company has so many days to start it and then child support to send it to you. That could take weeks. I know that once, dh's child support was figured out, the company he worked with did not put it in the system until the very last day they had, which made dh late, which made us have to run around in circles getting the correct amount to child support etc. That old saying about dealing with the government and how slow they are when they owe you is true in the case of child support if you ask me.

I hope that is one of the two and nothing crazy.

Kelly

Thank you for the reply. I do have the case already set up with child support enforcement (CSED). My current child support is 74.00 a month and he is 2500 in arrears. The modification was raised to 225.00 and was supposed to start 1-01-09. The date on the modification was 12-23-08 and he had 10 days to respond. I am aware that the child support could not show the modification on Jan 1 since his 10 days were not up. I am just curious as to why there was no increase for Feb. or why I did not receive notification that he was fighting this..whatever. I just never get any kind of info from the CSED. My ex hates to work for anyone..he hates to work but especialy for an employer. I am not expecting him to stay at his job long. The child support is due on the 1st but I never get it until the 10th or later the following month. The actual date varies by as much as 20 days late (as in 20 days after the last day of the month that CS was due). When I call child support they hardly return my calls. I even got a letter staing to not call again unless child support is 45 days late. I am just anxious because my DD goes back to the orthodontist in April. I have been told that I can sue my ex for half of the braces but a lot of good that will do me (it is written in my divorce that he has to pay for half but I still have to get a lawyer and go to court).
I guess my reply turned into a vent. Sorry.

 

[Irin997]

Hey guys, how is everyone doing? Same old same old it sounds like. Update for me: I received the two payments credited in January - I'm thinking ex got a new job and they tracked him down. Now I'm just impatiently waiting to see if I get any more money from him. I'm wondering if he'll be the one to continually skip out on jobs just to keep from paying CS.

Ugh, bad news on the child care front. My DD's daycare has decided to raise their before & after school rates up 12%. Insane. Last year they raised rates 17%. Unfortunately, even with the increase they are still the cheapest rates in town. I HATE having to pay for it. This brings the running total increase up to $1000 over a 2 year period.