Custodial Parents Child Support Support Group!

[disneydreamin247]

Well I am LIVID to say the least. Monday night I was with my boyfriend at his house and my phone rang from a private number. I figured it was my mom so I answered it but it was my ex. I wanted to just hang up and I should have. He had the nerve to call asking me for a favor! He couldn't get off from work (BS they HAVE to give you off for court) and wanted me to ask them to adjourn it to another date for him. Promised me more money blah blah blah. I was just trying to get him off the phone, but he kept talking and talking. Trying to be all friendly. Then he asked me to PROMISE to do it for him!

Well when I got home I had calmed down and then I thought about it and got VERY angry. Just to see where he was coming from I sent a text asking for his job information so I can give it to court. He never answered which told me just how much he cared and was trying to do the right thing...not at all. This phone call was the first one I have received from him in 2 years. He never calls to check on his son who he hasn't seen since September. But for a FAVOR he remembers my number. Anyway I went to court today with the intent of having him arrested. When they call me into the room they had a letter from his MOTHER. A 28 year old "man" having his mommy write sick notes. The magistrate wasn't amused and neither was I. I told her it was a lie and he had called to tell me he wasn't coming. If he doesn't show up to the next date in Feb she is issuing a warrant for his arrest.

He better make some type of payment! I am so fed up.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

Well I am LIVID to say the least. Monday night I was with my boyfriend at his house and my phone rang from a private number. I figured it was my mom so I answered it but it was my ex. I wanted to just hang up and I should have. He had the nerve to call asking me for a favor! He couldn't get off from work (BS they HAVE to give you off for court) and wanted me to ask them to adjourn it to another date for him. Promised me more money blah blah blah. I was just trying to get him off the phone, but he kept talking and talking. Trying to be all friendly. Then he asked me to PROMISE to do it for him!

Well when I got home I had calmed down and then I thought about it and got VERY angry. Just to see where he was coming from I sent a text asking for his job information so I can give it to court. He never answered which told me just how much he cared and was trying to do the right thing...not at all. This phone call was the first one I have received from him in 2 years. He never calls to check on his son who he hasn't seen since September. But for a FAVOR he remembers my number. Anyway I went to court today with the intent of having him arrested. When they call me into the room they had a letter from his MOTHER. A 28 year old "man" having his mommy write sick notes. The magistrate wasn't amused and neither was I. I told her it was a lie and he had called to tell me he wasn't coming. If he doesn't show up to the next date in Feb she is issuing a warrant for his arrest.

He better make some type of payment! I am so fed up.

OMG...the audacity of your ex is just amazing. I guess he got his way though with the postponement until February. Makes me sick that the system works with these losers. A note from his mom? OMG...that is just way too much. I'm so dumbfounded that a grown man would send in a note from his mom (or that his mom would write one for a grown man), I just don't know what to say on that one. Sorry he's being allowed to do this. Hopefully in February the judge backs up what she says and you can get down to business or have him arrested.

And on another note...I'm leaving for Disney today, so I'd like to wish all you wonderful ladies here a very safe & happy holiday!

 

[disneydreamin247]

OMG...the audacity of your ex is just amazing. I guess he got his way though with the postponement until February. Makes me sick that the system works with these losers. A note from his mom? OMG...that is just way too much. I'm so dumbfounded that a grown man would send in a note from his mom (or that his mom would write one for a grown man), I just don't know what to say on that one. Sorry he's being allowed to do this. Hopefully in February the judge backs up what she says and you can get down to business or have him arrested.

And on another note...I'm leaving for Disney today, so I'd like to wish all you wonderful ladies here a very safe & happy holiday!

His mommy still supports him! And his kids and his g/f and HER kid.

Have a GREAT time in Disney and a safe trip. Can't wait to hear about it when you get back.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

His mommy still supports him! And his kids and his g/f and HER kid.

Have a GREAT time in Disney and a safe trip. Can't wait to hear about it when you get back.

This sounds very familiar. My ex is teetering on 50 and still lives with and is supported by his mommy too. I thought as he got older he'd become a big boy...but nope. I think he plans to retire with her. I'll never understand how an adult (man or woman) can sponge off of their parents like that, but I guess its just a different mindset. Now if my son ever tries to pull any of the crap his father did...he's going to get a swift kick to the rear and a one way ticket out of my house. I'm hoping he had such a good role model for what not to do, that its never an issue. I really feel for you...these men are just amazing and not in a good way.

Thanks for the well wishes. I will share some goodies when we return.

 

[Miss Park Avenue]

Well I am LIVID to say the least. Monday night I was with my boyfriend at his house and my phone rang from a private number. I figured it was my mom so I answered it but it was my ex. I wanted to just hang up and I should have. He had the nerve to call asking me for a favor! He couldn't get off from work (BS they HAVE to give you off for court) and wanted me to ask them to adjourn it to another date for him. Promised me more money blah blah blah. I was just trying to get him off the phone, but he kept talking and talking. Trying to be all friendly. Then he asked me to PROMISE to do it for him!

Well when I got home I had calmed down and then I thought about it and got VERY angry. Just to see where he was coming from I sent a text asking for his job information so I can give it to court. He never answered which told me just how much he cared and was trying to do the right thing...not at all. This phone call was the first one I have received from him in 2 years. He never calls to check on his son who he hasn't seen since September. But for a FAVOR he remembers my number. Anyway I went to court today with the intent of having him arrested. When they call me into the room they had a letter from his MOTHER. A 28 year old "man" having his mommy write sick notes. The magistrate wasn't amused and neither was I. I told her it was a lie and he had called to tell me he wasn't coming. If he doesn't show up to the next date in Feb she is issuing a warrant for his arrest.

He better make some type of payment! I am so fed up.

Oh they'll promise you the world won't they??? Good for you for seeing right through that.

I got a letter from the family court judge here. Seems my child support is going down $200 per month. Plus he calls last night telling me that he hasn't worked at all this week due to the snow (just WHY did he leave an excellant paying job for driving a cement mixer? my guess is that he was fired by his own brothers). So I guess I'm SOL for money this month. Great, just in time for the holiday break. I was taking my kids to Kalahari too. Guess it will be on a shoestring (just like the Disney trip last summer when he decided to just cut me off completely...it never fails). Thank goodness for the savings account. I just hope so much that I can find a job after I graduate next spring! I can't live like this very much longer.

 

[disneydreamin247]

I just don't understand how they are allowed to get away with this. I am so sick of it. I NEED this money. I have tried being the nice guy and now I am fed up. If it takes throwing his sorry behind in jail to get what I NEED )not even want just NEED) then so be it.

 

[Irin997]

I just don't understand how they are allowed to get away with this. I am so sick of it. I NEED this money. I have tried being the nice guy and now I am fed up. If it takes throwing his sorry behind in jail to get what I NEED )not even want just NEED) then so be it.

Amazing. I am soooo sorry. It's funny though cause my ex seems to be a sponge too. Not off of his parents or sisters (he's worn out that welcome a LONG time ago) but now his friends. He befriends people, somehow gets them to allow him to move in, and basically sponge off of them. And he's 32 freaking years old! What is wrong with men?

Anyway, I get to call CS next Tuesday the 23rd and find out what sort of action they are taking to enforce my order since I haven't received a dime since the end of October.

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

Hello everyone. I hope that you all had a nice holiday. I did get a little bonus on Christmas Eve. A letter from child support stating that my child support will increase from 74.00 a month to 218.00 per month. I wouod be very happy except that the 24th was my daughter's visit with him. He cried to her about money and told her he was moving back to California (where we are originally from). I have no idea if I will ever get that money. If he moves back to California he will live with his mom and most likely work under that table.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

Hello everyone. I hope that you all had a nice holiday. I did get a little bonus on Christmas Eve. A letter from child support stating that my child support will increase from 74.00 a month to 218.00 per month. I wouod be very happy except that the 24th was my daughter's visit with him. He cried to her about money and told her he was moving back to California (where we are originally from). I have no idea if I will ever get that money. If he moves back to California he will live with his mom and most likely work under that table.

I'm sorry about the hassle your ex gave your DD. My ex used to unload on the kids and it really isn't fair. I'll keep my fingers crossed that things work out for you. Maybe your ex thinks that DD telling you he is moving back to CA will get you to back off...kinda like a threat of sorts. Sad no matter what as your DD shouldn't have the burden of being his confidante or a go between for messages.

Our drama unfolded before we left for our Christmas Disney trip. Nothing from my ex-husband. (Sometimes there really is a God). But, my ex-MIL sent each kid a Christmas card. Nothing personal really, just a regular card with "miss you, love Grandma" at the end and $20 enclosed. (Just an FYI...I did not open the cards, I only now can tell you what was in them after the kids opened them...but I had a knot in my stomach wondering what the contents were). Anyway, innocent enough, but why now? This woman has not seen, spoke with or corresponded with these children in two years. She never acknowledged birthdays and other holidays in that time. For those not totally following, my ex also lives with ex-MIL. She enables him to be a deadbeat IMO. I knew if I passed the cards on to the kids before vacation that it would put a damper on the holiday. I talked to the kids therapist and he advised not giving it to them at all, but I decided just to hold the cards until after the holidays. I don't ever want to be accused of withholding anything on them. Thankfully when we returned and I gave the kids the cards, it was without incident. I did notice DS was unaffected, but DD was a little out of sorts for a bit. Both kids don't want anything to do with that side of the family and have the "why now?" attitude as well. Still...I feel like the right thing to do is have them acknowledge the gift of $20, but DH seems to thing that will encourage her (& possibly my ex). I do worry about that, but its not like me to ignore something like that either, no matter who its from. What do you all think? Should I have the kids send a Thank You or simply let it go?

 

[Irin997]

Should I have the kids send a Thank You or simply let it go?

Honest opinion? I don't really think they deserve a thank you at this point. No acknowledgment for two years and now this? And nothing from HER son, THEIR father??? It's a bunch of crap they she doesn't deserve so much as an oral thank you let alone a written thank you card.

Of course, just one opinion.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

Honest opinion? I don't really think they deserve a thank you at this point. No acknowledgment for two years and now this? And nothing from HER son, THEIR father??? It's a bunch of crap they she doesn't deserve so much as an oral thank you let alone a written thank you card.

Of course, just one opinion.

Thanks. I think I just needed to hear that from someone outside of the situation. I will say, I was a bit surprised that the card was not signed by my ex too. DH keeps telling me that $20 was a small price to pay to test the waters and that it definitely should not be acknowledged. I guess I can look at it this way, I passed the cards onto the kids and they don't feel it necessary to contact my ex-MIL in any capacity...so my job is done. I still feel guilty for some reason, even though I know I shouldn't. I'm going to let it go. I guess its just frustrating because as parents we're always trying to do the best we can and hope we handle things the right way.

 

[Irin997]

Thanks. I think I just needed to hear that from someone outside of the situation. I will say, I was a bit surprised that the card was not signed by my ex too. DH keeps telling me that $20 was a small price to pay to test the waters and that it definitely should not be acknowledged. I guess I can look at it this way, I passed the cards onto the kids and they don't feel it necessary to contact my ex-MIL in any capacity...so my job is done. I still feel guilty for some reason, even though I know I shouldn't. I'm going to let it go. I guess its just frustrating because as parents we're always trying to do the best we can and hope we handle things the right way.

Glad I could help. I agree with your DH...it is a very small price to pay. I'm glad you didn't let it ruin your holiday or your vacation.

The second Christmas my ex and I had split up, he hadn't spoken to DD since March. I hadn't spoken to him since August. All of a sudden, I received viz Express Mail on Dec 23rd a package from him. Clearly not well thought out considering it was sent overnight two days before Christmas. I was not going to let it spoil my Christmas. DD wound up getting those presents that night with a short little intro that they were from Dad now open them up. By the time Christmas came she didn't remember that he gave her anything which was fine with me. Like I said, I didn't really want him spoiling my Christmas!

 

[clachleman]

I apologize in advance for the venting that is about to follow.

This past year my ex has been working here and there due to his company being very slow and having lots of plant shutdowns. Well during those shutdown weeks I would not get support, even though he was collecting unemployment. Too lazy to go to the courthouse to pay or not smart enough to realize it wasn't getting paid I don't know. I eventually got fed up with it and went to file paperwork to change my support case so that the prosecutor could intervene. Now the prosecutor has sent him paperwork showing how much he's in arrears. They also will be taking support directly out of his unemployment.
And since then he has been the biggest jerk. Which was always the case when we were together. When something didn't go his way he always screwed me over even worse. There have been a couple times where he signed DS up for things or decided something without asking me, and I told him no he couldn't do that because I didn't agree with it. Which made him even madder and he said things like if I wanted him to take it to court he would.
Anyway, about a month ago he called to inform me that he was laid off. And then about a week later I get paperwork from the court saying that he has filed papers to get support lowered. So the last time I talked to him he said that when we go to court about support he is going to bring up the things that he tried to do and I denied. Now I feel like all he is going to look like in court is an idiot. But he's been known to get away with murder. Should I hire a lawyer to go to court with me? Or is he really not going to be able to do much since the hearing is for support?

All I've ever done for DS has been out of protecting him and doing what's best for him. And all I ever get back from ex is irresponsibility and gimmie gimmie gimmie.

Again I apologize for the venting but it feels so good to get that off my chest and know that others are going through similar situations.

 

[disneydreamin247]

So my son's donor who had the nerve to call to ask me for a favor and promised me the world a month ago never called to say merry Christmas to my son and hasn't made any payments. Big surprise right? He also hasn't gone to any of the supervised visits and when they did an employment search for him this month nothing came up. I swear this is getting beyond frustrating. I am asking that they incarcerate him next month when we go back. I wish he would just give up his rights and leave us alone. He obviously doesn't care about DS anyway.

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

This is a bit O.T. but I wanted to post here because I know that you guys could understand...at least somewhat. I will try to make this quick.

My DD's friend had to be hopitalized she is ok but theyfamily is having a hard time all the way around. (I have known this family for 6 years and we are friendly. Never have done things together but we always chat when we see each other at school and DD goes over to their house.)

I went over to their house today to help out. The mother wanted to talk with me for the longest time but never felt very comfortable telling me this. She sorta knew my ex from his work. He works with the public and the town is kind of small. Anyway... she told me some lies that he had been spreading about me and frankly, they are so upsetting I cannot think of anything else. He told pretty much anyone that would listen. I know that he has come into contact with a lot of parent's from my kiddos school. I have heard people telling me that he talks bad about me but I figured it was the same lies he told in court. The lies I found out about today are so bad I am just so upset I cannot even comprehend them. I just cannot talk to anyone about them in case kids overhear so I am venting to you guys.
BTW the woman is pretty reliable and really is not friends or enemies wth ex and she has no reason to lie. Also ex got stripped of all visitation so anyone that would believe him is nuts but it still bothers me.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

I've been a little MIA from the boards lately (darn life getting in the way of my Dis'ing). Now I'm trying to catch up here. It must be that time of year where we all get issues with our ex's because mine apparently decided he wasn't going to make support payments anymore. Warrant was issued for his arrest, blah, blah, blah. I know you guys know the drill. I feel like a broken record. So ridiculous.

I apologize in advance for the venting that is about to follow.

This past year my ex has been working here and there due to his company being very slow and having lots of plant shutdowns. Well during those shutdown weeks I would not get support, even though he was collecting unemployment. Too lazy to go to the courthouse to pay or not smart enough to realize it wasn't getting paid I don't know. I eventually got fed up with it and went to file paperwork to change my support case so that the prosecutor could intervene. Now the prosecutor has sent him paperwork showing how much he's in arrears. They also will be taking support directly out of his unemployment.
And since then he has been the biggest jerk. Which was always the case when we were together. When something didn't go his way he always screwed me over even worse. There have been a couple times where he signed DS up for things or decided something without asking me, and I told him no he couldn't do that because I didn't agree with it. Which made him even madder and he said things like if I wanted him to take it to court he would.
Anyway, about a month ago he called to inform me that he was laid off. And then about a week later I get paperwork from the court saying that he has filed papers to get support lowered. So the last time I talked to him he said that when we go to court about support he is going to bring up the things that he tried to do and I denied. Now I feel like all he is going to look like in court is an idiot. But he's been known to get away with murder. Should I hire a lawyer to go to court with me? Or is he really not going to be able to do much since the hearing is for support?

All I've ever done for DS has been out of protecting him and doing what's best for him. And all I ever get back from ex is irresponsibility and gimmie gimmie gimmie.

Again I apologize for the venting but it feels so good to get that off my chest and know that others are going through similar situations.

I know whenever I have gone to court with my ex, they refuse to entertain any other discussions unless it was specifically mentioned in the court papers. We once were in court for support issues and my ex tried to take issue with something else and the judge wouldn't have it at all. I don't know if all courts/judges operate the same, but I'd think you'd have the right to argue that this wasn't presented to you and you were not prepared to discuss any other matters. If you really feel that you might have a problem and you can afford it, an attorney never hurts. I've used one a handful of times, but honestly I think I just like the moral support to back me up. I seem to fare just as well on my own.

So my son's donor who had the nerve to call to ask me for a favor and promised me the world a month ago never called to say merry Christmas to my son and hasn't made any payments. Big surprise right? He also hasn't gone to any of the supervised visits and when they did an employment search for him this month nothing came up. I swear this is getting beyond frustrating. I am asking that they incarcerate him next month when we go back. I wish he would just give up his rights and leave us alone. He obviously doesn't care about DS anyway.

OMG...doesn't it just seem like SOOOOOO much work for these guys to avoid paying support. I don't understand it. I DO understand your frustration though. I hope you get some good news soon.

This is a bit O.T. but I wanted to post here because I know that you guys could understand...at least somewhat. I will try to make this quick.

My DD's friend had to be hopitalized she is ok but theyfamily is having a hard time all the way around. (I have known this family for 6 years and we are friendly. Never have done things together but we always chat when we see each other at school and DD goes over to their house.)

I went over to their house today to help out. The mother wanted to talk with me for the longest time but never felt very comfortable telling me this. She sorta knew my ex from his work. He works with the public and the town is kind of small. Anyway... she told me some lies that he had been spreading about me and frankly, they are so upsetting I cannot think of anything else. He told pretty much anyone that would listen. I know that he has come into contact with a lot of parent's from my kiddos school. I have heard people telling me that he talks bad about me but I figured it was the same lies he told in court. The lies I found out about today are so bad I am just so upset I cannot even comprehend them. I just cannot talk to anyone about them in case kids overhear so I am venting to you guys.
BTW the woman is pretty reliable and really is not friends or enemies wth ex and she has no reason to lie. Also ex got stripped of all visitation so anyone that would believe him is nuts but it still bothers me.

I would be upset too, but considering the source of the info I am sure people will take that into account when listening to his garbage. My ex did this on and off whenever he didn't get his way. Childish retaliation in my book. Did you mention to this woman your situation? Not that she really needed to know, but given the misinformation she was given, I'd probably have felt somewhat inclined to set the record straight. Of course the juicy gossip always travels faster, but theres a chance the real story would circulate if shared. I don't know what a good answer is for you. I just finally had to ignore it as much as I could and try to let it go.

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

I've been a little MIA from the boards lately (darn life getting in the way of my Dis'ing). Now I'm trying to catch up here. It must be that time of year where we all get issues with our ex's because mine apparently decided he wasn't going to make support payments anymore. Warrant was issued for his arrest, blah, blah, blah. I know you guys know the drill. I feel like a broken record. So ridiculous.



I know whenever I have gone to court with my ex, they refuse to entertain any other discussions unless it was specifically mentioned in the court papers. We once were in court for support issues and my ex tried to take issue with something else and the judge wouldn't have it at all. I don't know if all courts/judges operate the same, but I'd think you'd have the right to argue that this wasn't presented to you and you were not prepared to discuss any other matters. If you really feel that you might have a problem and you can afford it, an attorney never hurts. I've used one a handful of times, but honestly I think I just like the moral support to back me up. I seem to fare just as well on my own.



OMG...doesn't it just seem like SOOOOOO much work for these guys to avoid paying support. I don't understand it. I DO understand your frustration though. I hope you get some good news soon.



I would be upset too, but considering the source of the info I am sure people will take that into account when listening to his garbage. My ex did this on and off whenever he didn't get his way. Childish retaliation in my book. Did you mention to this woman your situation? Not that she really needed to know, but given the misinformation she was given, I'd probably have felt somewhat inclined to set the record straight. Of course the juicy gossip always travels faster, but theres a chance the real story would circulate if shared. I don't know what a good answer is for you. I just finally had to ignore it as much as I could and try to let it go.

Everyone loves juicy gossip. I think that they would have to know it is all liese considering I have full custody...he has supervised vivitation..AND he is not allowed on school property for ANY reason.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

Everyone loves juicy gossip. I think that they would have to know it is all liese considering I have full custody...he has supervised vivitation..AND he is not allowed on school property for ANY reason.

Yeah, definitely sounds like he's just trying to save face, but I'm sure people know the real deal-at least the ones who even matter, like the school.

 

[suevee]

Everyone loves juicy gossip. I think that they would have to know it is all liese considering I have full custody...he has supervised vivitation..AND he is not allowed on school property for ANY reason.

I would ask the principal and your child's teacher for a conference. They have probably already heard the stories. I would ask for their advice on how to handle it so it does not affect your children.

 

[Irin997]

I apologize in advance for the venting that is about to follow.

This past year my ex has been working here and there due to his company being very slow and having lots of plant shutdowns. Well during those shutdown weeks I would not get support, even though he was collecting unemployment. Too lazy to go to the courthouse to pay or not smart enough to realize it wasn't getting paid I don't know. I eventually got fed up with it and went to file paperwork to change my support case so that the prosecutor could intervene. Now the prosecutor has sent him paperwork showing how much he's in arrears. They also will be taking support directly out of his unemployment.
And since then he has been the biggest jerk. Which was always the case when we were together. When something didn't go his way he always screwed me over even worse. There have been a couple times where he signed DS up for things or decided something without asking me, and I told him no he couldn't do that because I didn't agree with it. Which made him even madder and he said things like if I wanted him to take it to court he would.
Anyway, about a month ago he called to inform me that he was laid off. And then about a week later I get paperwork from the court saying that he has filed papers to get support lowered. So the last time I talked to him he said that when we go to court about support he is going to bring up the things that he tried to do and I denied. Now I feel like all he is going to look like in court is an idiot. But he's been known to get away with murder. Should I hire a lawyer to go to court with me? Or is he really not going to be able to do much since the hearing is for support?

All I've ever done for DS has been out of protecting him and doing what's best for him. And all I ever get back from ex is irresponsibility and gimmie gimmie gimmie.

Again I apologize for the venting but it feels so good to get that off my chest and know that others are going through similar situations.

I must have missed this but I just now read it and have some interesting thoughts.

Suppose your ex does try to bring up issues about the things he tried to do but you denied. Here's the thing: it is a CHILD SUPPORT hearing, not a custody or visitation hearing. The judge won't even listen to him. He would have to file a modification of custody or contempt or something along those lines. Child support is strictly financial and has nothing to do with custody. Hope that makes you feel a bit better!