Custodial Parents Child Support Support Group!

[*KeepMovingForward*]

This where NCP's and CP's will differ on their take on this. If your kids have everything they need who cares if you use 25.00 to take your boyfriend out to eat. It costs a lot more that 25.00 a week to raise a child. If you want to get down to the penny it costs me about 700.00 a month to raise DD. This is including her portion of mtg, food, phone, electricity,gas to drive her to school and her activities etc. Her extras (sports, violin, gymnastics) cost about 150.00 a month. Her braces are going to cost 5000.00. My ex is ordered to pay 74.00 a month and is behind 2800. My daughter has never suffered (at least she never realized she was going without) but boy I sure have. That is what mother's do. I went without new clothes (and I did need them) for a long time so my kids would have nice clothes to wear to school. So when and if the child support ever comes. I feel that I can use that money in any way I see fit. Since I already have my DD covered and she was taken care of during the time NCP did not pay it really is none of his business who gets a new pair of shoes with that money.

ITA with your thinking. My ex never wondered how the kids were surviving for the years he didn't pay. He's still 30K in arrears. He even remarked in court last year with a ton of exasperation that he'll be paying me until the day he dies. Am I supposed to feel guilty over that? He got a free ride for years by not paying a dime.

I think its semantics anyway...it shouldn't matter if his actual physical money goes in my purse to pay for something for the family, the kids or something for myself. In the end, I've laid out money for many things...just recently yearbooks (to the tune of $75 per kid), a suit for DS who joined the Future Business Leaders of America Club in school ($225) and soon prom bids will be going on sale for DS-I'm sure they will be pricey. So I look at it this way, I've more than covered my ex's financial contribution long before he actually forks it over.

 

[kellyg403]

ITA with your thinking. My ex never wondered how the kids were surviving for the years he didn't pay. He's still 30K in arrears. He even remarked in court last year with a ton of exasperation that he'll be paying me until the day he dies. Am I supposed to feel guilty over that? He got a free ride for years by not paying a dime.

I think its semantics anyway...it shouldn't matter if his actual physical money goes in my purse to pay for something for the family, the kids or something for myself. In the end, I've laid out money for many things...just recently yearbooks (to the tune of $75 per kid), a suit for DS who joined the Future Business Leaders of America Club in school ($225) and soon prom bids will be going on sale for DS-I'm sure they will be pricey. So I look at it this way, I've more than covered my ex's financial contribution long before he actually forks it over.

I agree, it is semantics. Over the course of any given week, I give out 5 bucks here, 15 dollars for a fieldtrip, 600 for glasses and eye exams, etc etc In the end, it does not really matter. It all goes to the kids, money, my time, everything!

Kelly

 

[Mkgaapril]

wow....

I am feeling for some of you

My sister had court today...The father of her baby has orders to pay for support..he only gives maybe 12-15 a week, and months will go with nothing. Ky won't mess around with them. Today, a warrant for his arrest was issued, he can't get out of jail until 4,200.00 of his support is paid...and then he will be on work release..

They gave him 2 warnings, 3rd time's a charm.....

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

ITA with your thinking. My ex never wondered how the kids were surviving for the years he didn't pay. He's still 30K in arrears. He even remarked in court last year with a ton of exasperation that he'll be paying me until the day he dies. Am I supposed to feel guilty over that? He got a free ride for years by not paying a dime.

I think its semantics anyway...it shouldn't matter if his actual physical money goes in my purse to pay for something for the family, the kids or something for myself. In the end, I've laid out money for many things...just recently yearbooks (to the tune of $75 per kid), a suit for DS who joined the Future Business Leaders of America Club in school ($225) and soon prom bids will be going on sale for DS-I'm sure they will be pricey. So I look at it this way, I've more than covered my ex's financial contribution long before he actually forks it over.

Should you feel guilty? No...Should you feel proud? Yes. It sounds like you have great kids and for that you should be proud.

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

I agree, it is semantics. Over the course of any given week, I give out 5 bucks here, 15 dollars for a fieldtrip, 600 for glasses and eye exams, etc etc In the end, it does not really matter. It all goes to the kids, money, my time, everything!

Kelly

It does all go to the kids. We, as the CP are the ones that will go without. Last year we took our kids to WDW. This was the first vacation that we all took together (me, DH & kids). My DD told her dad we were going (this was when she still saw him). And he told her it must be nice for your mom not to have to work and still take vacations because I pay for you.

 

[Irin997]

Isn't it amazing how some of these NCP's are? How they behave? I consider my *lucky* enough that I am not in contact with my ex because I don't have to deal with the bullsh*t from him.

The thing that gets me is when they talk about not wanting to pay you so you can spend the money on yourself. I think this is something that is seriously taught to every deadbeat dad in the country! (JK of course) But these are the exact words MY ex said to me about 4 years ago when we split.

However, here is my take on it. He hasn't paid CS in 4 years. I've gone without for 4 years while my DD7 has not. For the first time in 4 years, I'm actually getting money from him and while it lasts, does it really matter what I spend it on?? Whether it is Christmas gifts for DD or, unbelievingly, a new pair of pants for me. It all comes from the same pot. And that pot was in the red for the 4 years I went without money. Not to mention the fact that in order for me to work, I have to pay for daycare and his CS payment doesn't even cover that full monthly cost.

A giant group hug for all of us with jerks of NCP's.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

Should you feel guilty? No...Should you feel proud? Yes. It sounds like you have great kids and for that you should be proud.

Thank you. I think we all should be proud because no matter what the circumstances are, we do what we have to do to make it all work each and every day.

 

[Miss Park Avenue]

for all of us! We understand and appreciate what CPs go through. I'll cyber hug you all. Never give up standing up for your kids and just let the insults roll off your back.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

for all of us! We understand and appreciate what CPs go through. I'll cyber hug you all. Never give up standing up for your kids and just let the insults roll of your back.

I agree!

And on a very happy note...I woke up this morning to an email notification that my ex has just paid $680 and it is in my account now! Okay...its only a drop in the bucket against his 30K...but its something. I'm taking every penny of it and using it on our Disney vacation for this Christmas. I'm sure my ex would have plenty to say about that if he knew. Then again, he should be happy that his kids have the opportunity to have these experiences-if it were up to him, they'd never go anywhere or do anything.

 

[Miss Park Avenue]

I agree!

And on a very happy note...I woke up this morning to an email notification that my ex has just paid $680 and it is in my account now! Okay...its only a drop in the bucket against his 30K...but its something. I'm taking every penny of it and using it on our Disney vacation for this Christmas. I'm sure my ex would have plenty to say about that if he knew. Then again, he should be happy that his kids have the opportunity to have these experiences-if it were up to him, they'd never go anywhere or do anything.

Oh, if he's $30K behind, he should not be saying anything!!! $30K!!! That just blows my mind. Good for you and I hope you and your kids have a wonderful trip next month!

I'm thinking of taking my girls to Kalihari next month (the waterpark in Ohio, not Africa ha ha!) and I know if he knew he'd blow a gasket. Oh boo hoo, I'm so sorry that the bleeper bleeping bleep bleep mother has to go too so his kids can have a happy childhood. Guess I should watch from a window while they go in by themselves. He's nearly $3000 behind and I hear braces are going to cost me about the same.

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

Isn't it amazing how some of these NCP's are? How they behave? I consider my *lucky* enough that I am not in contact with my ex because I don't have to deal with the bullsh*t from him.

The thing that gets me is when they talk about not wanting to pay you so you can spend the money on yourself. I think this is something that is seriously taught to every deadbeat dad in the country! (JK of course) But these are the exact words MY ex said to me about 4 years ago when we split.

However, here is my take on it. He hasn't paid CS in 4 years. I've gone without for 4 years while my DD7 has not. For the first time in 4 years, I'm actually getting money from him and while it lasts, does it really matter what I spend it on?? Whether it is Christmas gifts for DD or, unbelievingly, a new pair of pants for me. It all comes from the same pot. And that pot was in the red for the 4 years I went without money. Not to mention the fact that in order for me to work, I have to pay for daycare and his CS payment doesn't even cover that full monthly cost.

A giant group hug for all of us with jerks of NCP's.

You said exactly what I feel. I asked my DH if we ever get some CS I will put it in our account so that it can offset some of the cost of the braces. He told me he will just work some OT and I can do with that money, whatever I want. I may buy new shoes or even new jeans...at a real store . Just maybe I will put every cent on our Disney trip. Does it matter..NO. Although if he finds out about WDW he may try to get his CS reduced (from 74.00 a month)

 

[Irin997]

Sooooo, should I probably be concerned if he hasn't made a deposit with the other state's child support office since 10/29, which was sent to my state on 10/31 and they issued my check on 11/03??

It's been like clockwork twice a month...the only thing I've been wondering is if because October they issued 3 checks....??? I know they credited the 10/31 check to November's obligation.

Or could he have moved...

 

[Miss Park Avenue]

Well, I took the plunge. After 3 or 4 months of faithful CS payments (thanks to child support enforcement, not the ex) I took my daughter for her braces. She had phase 1 a few years ago (before the divorce) so this price was just for phase 2, $3500 dollars. So with all the bad news about the economy and how everyone should tighten their wallets and cut up their credit cards, I went ahead and laid down my care credit card and charged it, $116 per month for three years. Besides my car payment, this is my only debt. But I'm still so nervous because right now CS is my only income.

I had it put in the divorce decree that he send out an extra $130 per month to pay for the braces (in addition to the child support and alimony). So considering the gas to drive out there and back, this is just the right amount. After three years, I'll start with the younger one. By then I should have graduated and hopefully will be working so maybe I'll be able to start her earlier. Let's just hope their father keeps working and paying CS plus the $200 per month to put a dent in the back support he owes.

Irin997...Hmmmm, I'd be making some phone calls to the child support office just to find out what's up.

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

Sooooo, should I probably be concerned if he hasn't made a deposit with the other state's child support office since 10/29, which was sent to my state on 10/31 and they issued my check on 11/03??

It's been like clockwork twice a month...the only thing I've been wondering is if because October they issued 3 checks....??? I know they credited the 10/31 check to November's obligation.

Or could he have moved...

I would call. Just ask if there is any problem that you should know about. If he moved and quit his job..his former employeer has to notify the child support office. I called after I got 50% of ex's paycheck and they sent me 21.87. I thought he may have quit since he would have worked for 2 weeks for 44.00. She told me there was no notification of him quitting.

 

[Irin997]

Hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving!

However, it's official....I'm no longer getting child support and action is being taken. And just in time for Christmas!

I can call CS on Dec 23 to find out exactly what action is being taken. Blah.

 

[HumanLegs]

Hello all. I've been lurking here for awhile, finally decided to post. Alot of your stories sound the same as mine! There must be a secret class where they tell fathers that mothers are just spending all the CS payments on anything BUT the kids! Gimmie a break. I know my ex thinks that. It can get so frustrating.

I guess I'll give my story. Prior to getting pregnant I was with X for 3 years. We were living together but I wasn't happy. He was a drunk, he'd drink a pint a night and then get very mean and throw things or punch things (not me), just be abusive to the animals and stuff like that. Finally in May of '04 I made him leave. In June of '04 I met someone else and finally was happy. I found out in September I was pregnant. 7 MONTHS pregnant! At first we thought it was my current bf's but then realized it was X's. Frankly I wrestled with calling and telling him then decided I should let him know. First words out of his mouth were "it's not mine" HA! Why would I even go to the trouble if she wasn't his?!?!? So DD is born in December, X came to the hospital afterwards and held her. After Christmas and new years were over we had a DNA test and shocker! DD is his. Then I get a letter from the X's lawyer! He wanted EVERY weekend visitation, wanted to stipulate where DD could spend the night, just wanted to control my life like he had for the 3 years we were together. Thank God my mom had gone thru this with my father. She got me a lawyer and we got me with sole physical custody, he gets every other weekend visitation, and a CS order. His lawyer dinked around for more than a YEAR with this paperwork so I was receiving nothing.

Finally in '07 we all sat down and got CS hammered out. $240/monthly with arrearages going back to June of '06. That rotten bast*rd made me cry at the hearing cause he was saying that DD is dirty when he picks her up and I'm not taking good care of her. All lies. It makes me sick to think that the person I cared about once would stoop to that level. He even said that he was thinking of calling Protective services on me! At the time I signed up DD for preschool and a home aide would come to my house and teach her things. The aide said if something wasn't up to par she was obligated to call PS. She said if push came to shove she'd testify for me.

So for awhile X wouldn't come pick up DD. He'd always have some sort of excuse for not seeing her. Then throw it in my face that I didn't work and that he had to. He said I should be helping out current BF. BF and I have had this discussion and we decided it'd be better for me to stay home until DD started regular school. Finally X got regular work and I get paid kind of regularly. Maybe once a month, sometimes twice. DD cries when she has to go over there on his weekends. I feel so bad that she has to go but there's nothing I can do. It's so hard to try to be the bigger person but I'm trying for DD.

 

[Irin997]

Hello all. I've been lurking here for awhile, finally decided to post. Alot of your stories sound the same as mine! There must be a secret class where they tell fathers that mothers are just spending all the CS payments on anything BUT the kids! Gimmie a break. I know my ex thinks that. It can get so frustrating.

I guess I'll give my story. Prior to getting pregnant I was with X for 3 years. We were living together but I wasn't happy. He was a drunk, he'd drink a pint a night and then get very mean and throw things or punch things (not me), just be abusive to the animals and stuff like that. Finally in May of '04 I made him leave. In June of '04 I met someone else and finally was happy. I found out in September I was pregnant. 7 MONTHS pregnant! At first we thought it was my current bf's but then realized it was X's. Frankly I wrestled with calling and telling him then decided I should let him know. First words out of his mouth were "it's not mine" HA! Why would I even go to the trouble if she wasn't his?!?!? So DD is born in December, X came to the hospital afterwards and held her. After Christmas and new years were over we had a DNA test and shocker! DD is his. Then I get a letter from the X's lawyer! He wanted EVERY weekend visitation, wanted to stipulate where DD could spend the night, just wanted to control my life like he had for the 3 years we were together. Thank God my mom had gone thru this with my father. She got me a lawyer and we got me with sole physical custody, he gets every other weekend visitation, and a CS order. His lawyer dinked around for more than a YEAR with this paperwork so I was receiving nothing.

Finally in '07 we all sat down and got CS hammered out. $240/monthly with arrearages going back to June of '06. That rotten bast*rd made me cry at the hearing cause he was saying that DD is dirty when he picks her up and I'm not taking good care of her. All lies. It makes me sick to think that the person I cared about once would stoop to that level. He even said that he was thinking of calling Protective services on me! At the time I signed up DD for preschool and a home aide would come to my house and teach her things. The aide said if something wasn't up to par she was obligated to call PS. She said if push came to shove she'd testify for me.

So for awhile X wouldn't come pick up DD. He'd always have some sort of excuse for not seeing her. Then throw it in my face that I didn't work and that he had to. He said I should be helping out current BF. BF and I have had this discussion and we decided it'd be better for me to stay home until DD started regular school. Finally X got regular work and I get paid kind of regularly. Maybe once a month, sometimes twice. DD cries when she has to go over there on his weekends. I feel so bad that she has to go but there's nothing I can do. It's so hard to try to be the bigger person but I'm trying for DD.

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

Hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving!

However, it's official....I'm no longer getting child support and action is being taken. And just in time for Christmas!

I can call CS on Dec 23 to find out exactly what action is being taken. Blah.

What is going on???

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

Hello all. I've been lurking here for awhile, finally decided to post. Alot of your stories sound the same as mine! There must be a secret class where they tell fathers that mothers are just spending all the CS payments on anything BUT the kids! Gimmie a break. I know my ex thinks that. It can get so frustrating.

I guess I'll give my story. Prior to getting pregnant I was with X for 3 years. We were living together but I wasn't happy. He was a drunk, he'd drink a pint a night and then get very mean and throw things or punch things (not me), just be abusive to the animals and stuff like that. Finally in May of '04 I made him leave. In June of '04 I met someone else and finally was happy. I found out in September I was pregnant. 7 MONTHS pregnant! At first we thought it was my current bf's but then realized it was X's. Frankly I wrestled with calling and telling him then decided I should let him know. First words out of his mouth were "it's not mine" HA! Why would I even go to the trouble if she wasn't his?!?!? So DD is born in December, X came to the hospital afterwards and held her. After Christmas and new years were over we had a DNA test and shocker! DD is his. Then I get a letter from the X's lawyer! He wanted EVERY weekend visitation, wanted to stipulate where DD could spend the night, just wanted to control my life like he had for the 3 years we were together. Thank God my mom had gone thru this with my father. She got me a lawyer and we got me with sole physical custody, he gets every other weekend visitation, and a CS order. His lawyer dinked around for more than a YEAR with this paperwork so I was receiving nothing.

Finally in '07 we all sat down and got CS hammered out. $240/monthly with arrearages going back to June of '06. That rotten bast*rd made me cry at the hearing cause he was saying that DD is dirty when he picks her up and I'm not taking good care of her. All lies. It makes me sick to think that the person I cared about once would stoop to that level. He even said that he was thinking of calling Protective services on me! At the time I signed up DD for preschool and a home aide would come to my house and teach her things. The aide said if something wasn't up to par she was obligated to call PS. She said if push came to shove she'd testify for me.

So for awhile X wouldn't come pick up DD. He'd always have some sort of excuse for not seeing her. Then throw it in my face that I didn't work and that he had to. He said I should be helping out current BF. BF and I have had this discussion and we decided it'd be better for me to stay home until DD started regular school. Finally X got regular work and I get paid kind of regularly. Maybe once a month, sometimes twice. DD cries when she has to go over there on his weekends. I feel so bad that she has to go but there's nothing I can do. It's so hard to try to be the bigger person but I'm trying for DD.

Although all of our stories are different they have have familiar rings to them. I am going through horrible stuff with ex. My DD has gone through everything with him and I, like you, had to do nothing while my child screams for me to come get her. My ex was an awful person (actualy if you read my posts he still is). If you ever need to talk please feel free to PM me.

 

[Miss Park Avenue]

Hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving!

However, it's official....I'm no longer getting child support and action is being taken. And just in time for Christmas!

I can call CS on Dec 23 to find out exactly what action is being taken. Blah.

That stinks. My ex seems to pick summertime to be stingy. No excuse when he works in construction. Why do you have to wait so long to call?

Hello all. I've been lurking here for awhile, finally decided to post. Alot of your stories sound the same as mine! There must be a secret class where they tell fathers that mothers are just spending all the CS payments on anything BUT the kids! Gimmie a break. I know my ex thinks that. It can get so frustrating.

Hi and welcome. I know for a certain that my ex talks to the guys he works with and get tips from them. Oh and of course they all tell him I screwed him up big time.

I just heard from a friend of mine whose one son went to live with their father (long story, he is in his upper teens now). Anyway, now she gets phone calls from the boy saying how much he can't stand his dad and the DAD complains about what? How much money it costs to raise their son!!! Well duh!