Crazy Over Protective Mom Question

[Magpie]

Regionalized school system. She will be a town over and the drive is about 15-20 minutes one way - and I have younger ones at home. If the school were in town, this wouldn't be an issue.

How young? Can you leave them alone in the house for however long, while you sit in the car at your daughter's bus stop?

 

[castleview]

How young? Can you leave them alone in the house for however long, while you sit in the car at your daughter's bus stop?

Yes - DD#2 is 10. Younger son can stay with her if he behaves or come in the car with us.

 

[golfgal]

Yes.

We have an ADT monitored security system & it's on all the time (all doors & windows wired). No one is getting into our house.

One snip of a phone wire and your "security" system is useless

 

[aprilgail2]

One snip of a phone wire and your "security" system is useless

Does any system run on a phone wire nowdays?? My system has nothing to do with a phone.

 

[scottishduffy]

If your DD is a good kid with some common sense I would let her wait in the driveway. If it is tough on you I like the suggestion someone else made of having her wait further up the driveway and finishing the walk when the bus is on its way. My Brother used to do this, he would listen for the bus since we could hear the brakes about 2 blocks away, then he would come outside. I always sat alone, except for the company of the neighbors cat, on the curb outside my home. My parents left for work at 7am and my bus didn't come until 7:30, I started this in 5th grade. Prior to that I would get dropped off for school about 30-40 minutes early in k-4th and spend time on the playground with the teachers kids as there was no before school care. No one supervised any of us on that playground!

As far as walking to school I never did. I was a bike rider for a while though in my younger elementary years. The elementary school local to us now is in the center of a neighborhood. When my DD gets to be school age I fully pan to let her walk to school if we live within that neighborhood (as we plan) or the one next door as there is a walking path up to the school! Our middle school also connects to a major hiking path and many kids can hike up to the school as this path circles through several neighborhoods.

 

[princessmom29]

As noted above, this isn't really a thing. Stranger abduction is incredibly, incredibly rare - and always has been btw, though the rates of violent crimes have declined significantly over the past few decades, that particular crime has always been very, very rare.

As for all the stories about kids being 'approached' by a strange vehicle, spoken to by someone, etc., a lot of them are fearful kids, some may be true but actually doing anything is really, really rare. Obviously one is too many but as someone upthread said - your child is in far more danger from just driving with you, or from being molested by someone you know and possibly from being hit by lightening than they are from being abducted by a stranger.

ITA!! We HAVE to stop crippling our children with fear of the "boogey man" to the point that they cannot handle being indpendent. Normal precautions should be enough, but so many parents have thier children terrified and convinced that everyone is a potential threat waiting to do horrible things to them when in reality, stranger abduction is the LAST thing that should be on the list of potential dangers. I see it all the time from some of DD's friends. They are afraid of everything that takes them even an inch away from Mom, and they are going to be second graders this year. It is truly sad. We need to cut the strings. There is no need for mom to wait at the end of the driveway with an 11 year old. She should know better than to approach a stranger's car for any reason.

 

[shortbun]

I drove a school bus for 8 years until last fall. In the car is acceptable. Just back your car down and have her stand there while you wait in the car. No one needs to know that it is your house. the bus driver will want her standing at the stop. If she's not there, they might drive pass.

 

[princessmom29]

Does any system run on a phone wire nowdays?? My system has nothing to do with a phone.

not the phone wires, but if your power is cut off at the main breaker outside the house the system is useless if you don't have battery backup. and even then it doesn't last very long in most cases, and if the wires that power your sensors are snipped, then they don't work either.

 

[Debbie7452]

I don't know about other areas, but there have been several abductions of pre-teens/teens from bus stops in my area in the last few years. You guys are wrong that this "never happens". The kids are not held for years or anything, but they are assaulted and dumped somewhere.

I was nearly the victim of a guy who came after me from a bus stop when I was that age (back in the good old days, when things were "safer"). I was lucky enough to get away but I know that feeling of panic. So maybe I am more paranoid than most people...

 

[princessmom29]

Last week in my town we got a phone call and e-mail notice of a guy following a teenage jogger (on my street) and attempting to accost her. We're on the lookout for the truck now, but nothing yet. Since I've lived in this town (4 years) that's the 3rd such call/e-mail we've gotten. So, although it's a statistically low chance of happening, 3x in 4 years is enough to keep me on my guard. Are those statistics even part of the official numbers? Scenarios like the one I described above?
As for watching your daughter OP, I'd stay close by and not up at the top of the driveway. How much of a deterrent are you if you can't be seen, and can't get there within a few seconds? Could you busy yourself - garden nearby, bring the dog down for a walk - so it looks like you're multitasking while you wait, and not necessarily just standing there?

A lot of these reports are blow way out of proprtion as a CYA for the police department. Most of them are actually just a car that happened to be on the same street as a girl who has been taught everyone is a threat. If someone reports it, they are going to put it out there on the off chance there is something to it. That way if someone gets hurt they can say "well, we told you..",

 

[Jennasis]

May I use the little Jewish boy in Brooklyn as a cautionary tale? His parents let him walk home for the first time even AFTER going over the route and practicing with him. Didn't work out so well, on the very first try no less. On the other side, thousands of children walk to from school or the bus stop every day and never have a problem.

If OP wants to wait in the car with DD then that's her business. If others are comfortable not doing that, then that is their business.

 

[NikitaZee]

May I use the little Jewish boy in Brooklyn as a cautionary tale? His parents let him walk home for the first time even AFTER going over the route and practicing with him. Didn't work out so well, on the very first try no less. On the other side, thousands of children walk to from school or the bus stop every day and never have a problem.

If OP wants to wait in the car with DD then that's her business. If others are comfortable not doing that, then that is their business.

I agree.
I don't understand why some posters are expressing such disdain for parents who are more protective than they themselves are. Why does it bother you folks so much? As far as children being literally crippled by fear - I know of none. Sleeping with first floor windows closed, owning a good alarm system, not wanting your kid to stand alone at the end of a long drive day after day to wait for the bus - not one of those things seem unreasonable to me.

 

[deegack]

May I use the little Jewish boy in Brooklyn as a cautionary tale? His parents let him walk home for the first time even AFTER going over the route and practicing with him. Didn't work out so well, on the very first try no less. On the other side, thousands of children walk to from school or the bus stop every day and never have a problem.

If OP wants to wait in the car with DD then that's her business. If others are comfortable not doing that, then that is their business.

There are a couple things about that, 1) the neighbor said that the man approached her son a couple weeks before but didn't report it to the police. If someone had approached my daughter my first call would be to the police. 2) I will teach my daughter if she is lost go into a store or find a policeman or fireman not a stranger on the street.


After googling a bit -
The odds of being abducted by a stranger 1-610,000
The odds of being killed in a plane crash 1-310,000
The odds the Earth will experience catastrophic collision with an asteroid in the next 100 year 1 in 5000

 

[Leajess99]

LOL--good luck with that -- if you had your kindergarten child walking to and from school the school would have an issue with that. In fact they won't release your "walker" child unless a parent is there to get them in those grades and if you are not at the bus stop to meet your child they take that child right back to the school-call you and if they can't get in touch with you before the school closes the police are called. Expect many visits from CPS if you plan on going that route LOL.

The above may be true where you live but it is NOT true for where everyone else lives. My son was walking to and from school in the mornings from kindergarten until 4th grade and this was in different states and school districts. From 4th on he rode a bus as we live in a County school district and very few kids are within walking distance of their school.

My girls also did not need anyone at the bus stop to get off when they were in Kindergarten. That requirement was for preschoolers only. CPS will not visit a parent just because they let their kids walk home from school. Talk about a scare tactic.

Believing the boogieman is going to get a child because they walk to school or wait for a bus alone can have a negative effects on these kids.

 

[Jennasis]

There are a couple things about that, 1) the neighbor said that the man approached her son a couple weeks before but didn't report it to the police. If someone had approached my daughter my first call would be to the police. 2) I will teach my daughter if she is lost go into a store or find a policeman or fireman not a stranger on the street.


After googling a bit -
The odds of being abducted by a stranger 1-610,000
The odds of being killed in a plane crash 1-310,000
The odds the Earth will experience catastrophic collision with an asteroid in the next 100 year 1 in 5000

That asteroid's acomin'....mark my words. Unfortunately there isn't anything I can do about it.

I imagine there are some parents who feel there IS something they can do to lessen the chance of their child being hurt. And if they wish to do so, what do I (or should I) care?

And I bet that little boy's parents felt exactly like you...right up until their beautiful little boy's head was found in some psycho's freezer. Just lettin' the little dude spread his wings and fly. Trying to teach him a little self-reliance and not to be afraid of the big bad world. Those parents thought the chances were "only" 1 in 610,000...

until it happens to YOUR KID.






Then again, I don't have kids. Do what you want.

 

[Leajess99]

I don't know about other areas, but there have been several abductions of pre-teens/teens from bus stops in my area in the last few years. You guys are wrong that this "never happens". The kids are not held for years or anything, but they are assaulted and dumped somewhere.

I was nearly the victim of a guy who came after me from a bus stop when I was that age (back in the good old days, when things were "safer"). I was lucky enough to get away but I know that feeling of panic. So maybe I am more paranoid than most people...

I'm curious why in doing a search I can not locate such happenings. I have found abductions/kidnappings of the parental kind and one of former classmates that are adults.

 

[princessmom29]

LOL--good luck with that -- if you had your kindergarten child walking to and from school the school would have an issue with that. In fact they won't release your "walker" child unless a parent is there to get them in those grades and if you are not at the bus stop to meet your child they take that child right back to the school-call you and if they can't get in touch with you before the school closes the police are called. Expect many visits from CPS if you plan on going that route LOL.


!

Totally untrue in our school syatem. WE MUST release the child to walk home if that is what the parents instruct in writing. I watch it happen every day. We have 4 year olds who walk home from pre-K. We cannot legally hold them. CPS cannot do anything about it either. The only way they can get involved is if they are walking home to an empty house without older siblings. If there is a child over 8 in the house, CPS doesn't have a problem with them staying alone until mom gets home from work. N one is ever required to meet achild at the bus stop. CPS will not visit your home for any of these things. This is true in much ofthe country, escept a few "nanny states".

 

[Magpie]

I agree.
I don't understand why some posters are expressing such disdain for parents who are more protective than they themselves are. Why does it bother you folks so much? As far as children being literally crippled by fear - I know of none. Sleeping with first floor windows closed, owning a good alarm system, not wanting your kid to stand alone at the end of a long drive day after day to wait for the bus - not one of those things seem unreasonable to me.

Well... I don't think by themselves any of the things you list are unreasonable. You can do all these things and be an awesome, wonderful, fantastic parent. However, I know where some of the disdain comes from.

It comes from stories such as the elderly man sitting in his car, outside a store, waiting for his wife. A cute little boy walks past and the old man smiles at him. The boy begins to scream, "HE'S TRYING TO KIDNAP ME!" The man's wife comes out of the store to find her husband in cuffs, being taken away in a police car!

Every few years, little girls around here get to imagining "white vans" lurking around their school. The stories grow, and the next thing you know they're seeing white vans everywhere! The schools send a note home warning parents to be vigilant, and in a week or two the hysteria dies down.

It's parents feeling they can't send their children outside to play because "it's not safe anymore". Despite ample evidence that crimes against children are at their lowest level in decades.

It's a toddler escaping his house in the middle of the night, crying because he's cold and lost, and a man trailing him slowly in his car because he's too afraid to actually go and get child. He thinks that if he gets out of his car, he'll be branded a child molester.

It's a woman actually I met at the park, who wouldn't let her children play near the bushes, because "molesters hide in the bushes". No joke!

As for the folks who say, "Just wait until it's YOUR child who's murdered..." Well, I imagine it feels horrible whether your murdered child is 8, 18, or 38. But at some point you do have to let them go.

 

[StephMK]

There are a couple things about that, 1) the neighbor said that the man approached her son a couple weeks before but didn't report it to the police. If someone had approached my daughter my first call would be to the police. 2) I will teach my daughter if she is lost go into a store or find a policeman or fireman not a stranger on the street.


After googling a bit -
The odds of being abducted by a stranger 1-610,000
The odds of being killed in a plane crash 1-310,000
The odds the Earth will experience catastrophic collision with an asteroid in the next 100 year 1 in 5000

Maybe the neighbor was afraid to approach police and being one of those crazy, everyone's a predator, parents. Depending on how he was approached, it might be possible to have a plausible reason and not feel overly alarmed. Sadly, in retrospect, we now know that it was not under good intentions.

I tell my kids if they can't find a store employee or someone official, to find a mom with kids. I thought the guy that took the NY boy was a store employee off duty so if he had on a uniform or store shirt, the little boy may have felt it was ok. If he had wandered into this guy's store, the results may have been the same.

The odds make sense but I think each parent has to weigh the chance of the odds of it becoming their kid vs. the result if your kid is unlucky enough to be "that" kid. I wonder about the parents of the NY boy and if they were in agreement over his solo walk. What they planned was perfectly reasonable & I probably would have done the same, but if they were not in agreement over his independence, that would be rough.

Out of curiousity, I just looked up my zip code for registered offenders. There are 44 in my little 2-5 mile radius & about half of those are crimes against children. And we are just in a suburb. I'm not overly fearful but I do worry about those that have an opportunity or have never been caught.

Kids are released from school around here at any age to walk, ride the bus, etc. They do not have to be with anyone.

I have let my kids walk home a few houses away off the bus together and they go to the park without parents. But this year we are facing kids at different schools, coming home alone with much farther away stops.

OP, I don't think I'm an overprotective parent in general, and I do not think you are being out of line by wanting to watch DD get on the bus on the type of road you describe. Since it's an easy solution - watch her, have her in the car, then I'd definitely rather be safe.

MIL gave DD11 her old cell phone. I'm not ready for DD to have a cell phone yet but MIL pointed out that any phone can dial 911, with or without service. We are letting DD keep the phone. DD wants one even if it's just a basic electronic address book, but we like that it can be used in a true emergency also, just in case. Just throwing that out for parents who might have kids out alone.

 

[golfgal]

Well... I don't think by themselves any of the things you list are unreasonable. You can do all these things and be an awesome, wonderful, fantastic parent. However, I know where some of the disdain comes from.

It comes from stories such as the elderly man sitting in his car, outside a store, waiting for his wife. A cute little boy walks past and the old man smiles at him. The boy begins to scream, "HE'S TRYING TO KIDNAP ME!" The man's wife comes out of the store to find her husband in cuffs, being taken away in a police car!

Every few years, little girls around here get to imagining "white vans" lurking around their school. The stories grow, and the next thing you know they're seeing white vans everywhere! The schools send a note home warning parents to be vigilant, and in a week or two the hysteria dies down.

It's parents feeling they can't send their children outside to play because "it's not safe anymore". Despite ample evidence that crimes against children are at their lowest level in decades.

It's a toddler escaping his house in the middle of the night, crying because he's cold and lost, and a man trailing him slowly in his car because he's too afraid to actually go and get child. He thinks that if he gets out of his car, he'll be branded a child molester.

It's a woman actually I met at the park, who wouldn't let her children play near the bushes, because "molesters hide in the bushes". No joke!

As for the folks who say, "Just wait until it's YOUR child who's murdered..." Well, I imagine it feels horrible whether your murdered child is 8, 18, or 38. But at some point you do have to let them go.

Our high school bought new vans for various groups to use for transportation to/from events, etc. They are all white. DD's golf team used one to get to golf tournaments and they nicknamed it "The Creeper" because all creeps have white vans you know. In a different day and age the girls REALLY wanted to take a picture of their golf coach sitting in the driver's seat holding a bag of candy.