Crazy neighbor kids...crazier neighbor mom :(

[mjkacmom]

Again, semantics....
Those kids were throwing landscaping stones.

And, while I do agree that the OP over-reacted.
So, don't misunderstand....
No way is somebody going to harass my children or anyone of my friends or family in my own yard.
Period.

It is just amazing how far people can go to try to justify such inappropriate behavior and attitude of entitlement.

.... walking away again

There is a huge difference between kids throwing rocks, and kids throwing rocks at other kids. And of course my kids have been teased in our property - and I've always let them handle it. It's not like they were in a magic dome... Or bubble...

 

[luvsJack]

It's kind of like a chicken or an egg issue. Do the kids know the homeowner doesn't care about them cutting across his yard, or are they just assuming he shouldn't care so they'll do it unless they're told to stop? Because the latter is not an example of a kid who has been taught properly; to help yourself to the use of someone else's property until they stop you is not respectful. You should always assume you are NOT welcome onto someone else's property unless explicitly told otherwise.

I live in a townhouse with an abnormally long front yard. Solicitors, trick or treaters, no one wants to walk all the way down my front path to the street before turning and coming back up the long walk to my neighbor's door, so there's a lot of yard-cutting. I'm used to it at this point, but I do find it obnoxious. It's unsettling to have someone unexpectedly walk two feet in front of my living room window, they step in my flower beds, etc. If you asked those people if I cared they'd probably say no, simply because they can't imagine I would and I've never said anything. Truth is, it does irritate me but I keep it to myself because I don't feel like starting drama with my neighbors.

Well, I guess you have to know your neighbors. You are right, one should never assume.

 

[luvsJack]

But how do those kids know Mr. Jones doesn't care if they play football in his yard? Did they ask him if it was okay before they ever did it? If the answer is no, then no they didn't respect his property, they wanted to play somewhere and just did it. If Mr. Jones has come out and said hey guys its okay to play here, well great for the kids but we will still disagree whether or not they have respect for another's property if they never asked for permission, or if permission wasn't given to you for them before they took it upon themselves to use his yard as a football field.

And to be clear, I never said those kids couldn't show respect or kindness so please don't try to take it there. I said they don't have respect for other's property, and if it went down the way I gave in my example here then they don't.

Again, I guess you have to know your neighbors.

 

[myhoney]

OP here...

1)I don't know how to upload a picture, but the biggest rock was 2" long, 1 1/2" high, and 1" wide but rounded. The other ones were only slightly smaller with sharp points. One of the smaller ones was thrown toward the car and hit it, but there wasn't any damage. The other ones, when actually thrown, were thrown above the girls heads (part of the taunting/flinching) and into our tree, where they were hitting branches and bouncing down toward the kids and car. The incident began because the other kids asked if they could use our basketball hoop. (They didn't ask to play a game with my kids, just to use it.) My kids said no because they were already playing a different game in the driveway with our visiting friend. And so the rock incident began because my kids told them no.

2)As for the yelling incident, I did apologize to him when I realized it was him. But as I said, when I previously discovered him in our backyard uninvited, I had nicely told him that our backyard was off limits because it wasn't safe due to construction. (There isn't an exposed gas pipe. It's a natural gas hose. But I don't want anyone standing/tripping/ripping it out.) I am not constantly yelling at these kids. If I was, why would they keep coming over to play here? I yelled when he snuck into our yard for a second time, and my husband yelled after already telling them 3 times that it was time to go home. Those are the only times we have raised our voices. We got their eldest to ride a bike in our driveway. She had been taught how but was too scared and wouldn't ride them. One afternoon when they were over she started trying with our kids' bikes and we encouraged her as we did our own kids. The dad, when he lived there, would come over with the kids while they played and we would hang out with him. I guess as I think about it, it really has gone downhill since they separated.

3)I have no reason to contact the police. No damage was done. I went to the mom because of the size of the rocks. I felt then and feel now that those rocks could do some damage, and I wanted her to see them, so she could talk with her kids about how there are stones, and there are rocks, and there is a difference between the two. I obviously was mistaken.

 

[okeydokey]

I don't care how big the rocks are. I don't want any child to throw any rock at my house or near my kids or at my car. It is not unreasonable to not want rocks thrown on my property. And I don't excuse bad behavior because "that's how kids are". As always, your house, your rules, OP. If you don't want these kids on your property anymore you have every right to tell them to stay off.

 

[superme80]

OP I think you did the right thing. Growing up I was never allowed to run into anyone else's yard without permission. Where we live there is no sidewalk. When I do take my boys for walks, I make sure they do not go into anyone's yard. It is a respect issue. My neighbor across the street is meticulous about his grass. My children have only run on his lawn once. I gave them an earful. DH and I may joke about how much our neighbor loves his lawn, but I would never let my children disrespect his yard by ruining it.

 

[Dizlvr]

Again, I guess you have to know your neighbors.

Yes its knowing, instead of assuming, they would be okay with kids playing in their yard. If you know then obviously its isn't being disrespectful.

 

[TAX GUY]

Unbelievable night, and not in a good way. We have few kids in our neighborhood, but there are 3 kids that live 2 doors away. Similar in age to my older 2 girls (10 and 8). It has always been a strange relationship. The kids play nicely for a while, but the neighbor kids don't listen well, and DH and I have a problem with that. We are generally strict about rules and boundaries.

We had a school friend over for dinner, and they were playing outside in our driveway. Neighbor kids come over to the lawn in between our houses with two other kids from the neighborhood, who we don't really know well, but have had mixed experiences with. Through our window (we had just finished giving our little two kids a bath), we see the four neighborhood kids appear to be throwing things. I go out and hear that they were throwing rocks in our yard, toward our car, and pretending to throw them at our kids, and then teasing them for flinching. Of course, the other kids left when I came out, but the dad of the random kids (not our close neighbor) asked if everything was ok. He had just come up to take his kids home. I told him I heard they were throwing rocks, and he immediately was on his son about it, telling him to apologize and never to do that...good.

We had a snack and went back outside. Then the girls showed me the rocks. OMG! It wasn't gravel/pebbles like I was expecting (not that that would be right, either). They were landscaping stones! I found 5, and holding all 5 at once took up my entire hand (with fingers flat out, too!) I was shocked and furious. The close-by neighbor mom had gone out, but when she got home, I took the rocks over.

I approached the mom and showing her the rocks said that these were the rocks the kids were throwing in our yard. She asked me (in between checking her phone) what kids? Um...your kids and the other kids. She then asks if I actually saw them throw the rocks. Um...yes, through my window I saw the hand motions. She goes, "So, you didn't actually see them throw the rocks?" ***? So, I pointed out that we don't have landscaping rocks, but the yard her kids had been standing in did. She went off on me about how I obviously have an issue with her kids and why would they even throw rocks. Good question. I'd like to know myself!

I told her I did have a problem with her kids if they are going to pull stunts like this. And that 2 years ago, her kids told us they weren't allowed to play at our house, but they keep coming over, so we don't know what's going on. In fact, they don't "come over". They stand on the very edge of the yard of the house between us, because the old man that lives there went to a nursing home. And they stand there and stare at us as the kids play in the driveway. Sometimes we want to play by ourselves. Or sometimes they invite themselves over and the kids play, but the neighbor kids make snarky comments, and DH and I don't like it. They are not good friends, but we put up with it to a point just to try to be neighborly.

So, the mom brings up that 2 years ago I asked her son what the hell he was doing in my yard, which I absolutely did. And I explained to her that after the first time I caught him in my backyard uninvited and unbeknownst to me, I nicely told him our backyard was off limits, as we were building a deck and it wasn't safe. There was wood and nails about and it was a construction zone. The second time, I yelled because I didn't know it was him; I didn't know who it was, just that someone unknown was in my backyard and appeared to be standing on the joists. Very dangerous. I burst outside yelling, saw it was the kid, and asked what the hell he was doing there since I had already told him it was off limits. Then I asked how he had gotten there, since I had been at the kitchen window and he hadn't come by there. He had snuck through the back woods behind our houses and come all the way through our backyard! And, because I had burst out of the house, I had startled him so he tried to hide between our brick house and our natural gas grill, standing in and around the gas line. (We immediately bought a million dollar umbrella policy to protect ourselves from liability. Not kidding.)

She didn't say anything to all that, but just went on again about how I obviously have issues with her kids, and I'm always yelling at them. (The only other time we yelled at them, I was having contractions with my 4th child, and after saying 3 times that we were done playing for the night, and bringing our kids inside, we found her kids still in our driveway, playing with our stuff. DH opened the door and yelled out, "We are done. Go to your own home!" Oops. Our bad.)

So, she finally says sarcastically to send her a bill for any damage. Unbelievable! Not, thank God no one got hurt, or the cars didn't get hit. There is no damage. But I was and am shocked that she turned this around to be me just not liking her kids. She said a few times "what do you expect? They are kids." Sorry, but I have kids, too, and my kids don't stand on your property line mooning over your fence at your pool. Never ever. My kids don't bring their playdates to your house, asking if they can play with your stuff (but not with your kids). They have no boundaries, and what is most upsetting, is that if she really feels like we are so horrible, why does she even let her kids come near our house??? Because then they are out of her hair. I already told my girls to never ask if they can play with those kids, and when the neighbor kids start calling over (which they always do), to just ignore them. My girls asked what the mom said when I showed her the rocks. I said that she didn't seem to believe it happened. They seemed as shocked as I was.

My kids are not perfect by any means, but I would certainly take any accusation seriously, however unlikely it may seem. And, in the 11 years we have lived here, and all the crap her kids have pulled and said, never once did I complain to the parents. (The dad moved out a few years ago.) We would just end the play or not let them come over to play for a while. So, it's not like I'm always over there complaining that one of her kids looked at mine crosseyed, or some crazy thing. Tonight someone or something could have been hurt. The one rock they threw hit our tree and bounced back toward my kids and the school friend. But, as crazy as the mom's response seems, what possesses a group of kids (ages 11, 9, 7, and 6) to act that way?

OP here...

1)I don't know how to upload a picture, but the biggest rock was 2" long, 1 1/2" high, and 1" wide but rounded. The other ones were only slightly smaller with sharp points. One of the smaller ones was thrown toward the car and hit it, but there wasn't any damage. The other ones, when actually thrown, were thrown above the girls heads (part of the taunting/flinching) and into our tree, where they were hitting branches and bouncing down toward the kids and car. The incident began because the other kids asked if they could use our basketball hoop. (They didn't ask to play a game with my kids, just to use it.) My kids said no because they were already playing a different game in the driveway with our visiting friend. And so the rock incident began because my kids told them no.

2)As for the yelling incident, I did apologize to him when I realized it was him. But as I said, when I previously discovered him in our backyard uninvited, I had nicely told him that our backyard was off limits because it wasn't safe due to construction. (There isn't an exposed gas pipe. It's a natural gas hose. But I don't want anyone standing/tripping/ripping it out.) I am not constantly yelling at these kids. If I was, why would they keep coming over to play here? I yelled when he snuck into our yard for a second time, and my husband yelled after already telling them 3 times that it was time to go home. Those are the only times we have raised our voices. We got their eldest to ride a bike in our driveway. She had been taught how but was too scared and wouldn't ride them. One afternoon when they were over she started trying with our kids' bikes and we encouraged her as we did our own kids. The dad, when he lived there, would come over with the kids while they played and we would hang out with him. I guess as I think about it, it really has gone downhill since they separated.

3)I have no reason to contact the police. No damage was done. I went to the mom because of the size of the rocks. I felt then and feel now that those rocks could do some damage, and I wanted her to see them, so she could talk with her kids about how there are stones, and there are rocks, and there is a difference between the two. I obviously was mistaken.

In you original post, you said, "Through our window (we had just finished giving our little two kids a bath), we see the four neighborhood kids appear to be throwing things. I go out and hear that they were throwing rocks in our yard, toward our car, and pretending to throw them at our kids, and then teasing them for flinching."

You then said in your follow up, "One of the smaller ones was thrown toward the car and hit it, but there wasn't any damage."

How do you know it hit your car, if you didn't actually see it and only heard they were throwing rocks? If there was no damage, how could you tell they hit the car? Regarding the flinching and throwing rocks into the tree branches, yeah, probably not their best idea but this reminds me of what me and my friends and even my son now, has done...... you "fake a punch or a slap" ad if the other person flinches.... they get "2 for flinching" (usually 2 whacks in the arm). Seeing that their ages are between 8-10.... and this time they weren't allowed in your yard/drive, perhaps this was their way of playing that game?


As for the playing in the yard/driveway discussions, in this case, these problem children have in the past played here, in the yard/driveway, as mentioned in the OP, "It has always been a strange relationship. The kids play nicely for a while, but the neighbor kids don't listen well...", "We got their eldest to ride a bike in our driveway.", "One afternoon when they were over she started trying with our kids' bikes and we encouraged her as we did our own kids."

To me, this doesn't seem like kids are not respecting others property since they were welcomed, and even encouraged to do and use it. Kids usually can't tell if last time I was able to play here but this time I can't for no reason.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I am curious, if a neighbor'S child was throwing baseballs into your yard, nothing was damaged and a further incident did not take place, would you call police?
Baseballs break windows too. . .


We actually had an issue with baseballs hitting the house once. The new-ish neighbors across the street would get up a game in the street (small, quiet street, lots of them played in the road there; I always felt off about it, but it was how it was). After they broke out one of their own windows the parents told them no more baseballs in their yard so they turned everything 180 and batted into our yard.

I absolutely went out and told those kids (12-14 at the time, much older than the kid in the OP) that this was unacceptable and they could not now risk damaging our windows and that our DD (only one at the time) slept in the room with a window on the street and could also be really hurt if they put a ball through our window. I was firm but not yelling and took the time to explain why they couldn't do what they were doing, even though it ought to have been obvious to them based on the already broken windows (yes plural) in their own home, but I still did.

I think I had to say it 2 or 3 times before it stopped, and might have even informed them that any balls that touched my property would not be returned after that last time, but calling the police for kids playing stupidly when no one was in serious danger and nothing was damaged truly never crossed my mind. People were being stupid, thoughtless and annoying, not criminal and even in our tiny Wyoming town the police probably had much better ways to spend their time.

Call me crazy--but there is a difference in that one object is intended to be thrown for fun and sport. The other had no such purpose, unless it was a wild game of hop scotch.

There is a WHOLE lot of middle ground between not trying to correct the behaviour at all (which is what "kids will be kids" seems to indicate) and involving the police.

So where is he neighbor mom in that? No one is suggesting to have the police on speed dial.

 

[Dawnlight]

I guess as I think about it, it really has gone downhill since they separated.

Just as you made a mistake about yelling at the child and apologized, give her some time to maybe do the same. As mentioned previously, it could be tied into stress, depression, anger, and other emotions overflowing from the separation of the family. Again, this doesn't excuse bad behavior, but may explain it, and perhaps may help extend grace and the benefit of the doubt where her parenting and reaction is concerned.

Good luck.