Crazy neighbor kids...crazier neighbor mom :(

[Dizlvr]

It that.... Is that a pig in the sky??? Are we agreeing???

Sometimes crazy things happen

 

[NHdisneylover]

I can respect that opinion.

I'm not saying the OP should have called the cops in THIS situation, but if they continue to behave that way it will eventually cause damage and if their parents won't handle it then what is the OP supposed to do?

And the reason to call if there was damage to the car isn't to get the kid in trouble. It would be to make a report in the same way one would in a fender bender.

Making a report if there is damage and the parents are not very prompt in paying for repairs, totally makes sense--that is not what I thought you were recommending; sorry. Certainly some posts upthread recommend calling the police after this specific, no damage made, incident.

 

[mjkacmom]

Exactly!

The OP didn't say they were throwing rocks at the kids, but they were pretending to. "Hello officer, some children are teasing my children - can you send a car?"

 

[aaarcher86]

Well, in our case they were playing baseball--not trying to break windows, but they were well aware that they were too close to houses and could easily break windows (having broken two of their own in the first two weeks of the season) and they did purposely change the direction they played so stray balls would hit my house and not theirs.

I just can'T see involving police for a one time incident of some under 10 year old kids acting like "little butt heads" when no one was hurt and nothing damaged, and the likelihood of serious damage from a 5 small stones being thrown, apparently not aimed at anything other than a tree is not all that huge. Don't get me wrong, I would be annoyed and not want it to happen (DH'S car is his baby and it has not a scratch on it and stones flying near it would give him a near heart attack) but it just does not seem at all worth wasting the time of a police officer, nor does that reaction seem likely to help relations with that kid or any other neighbor, IMO.

I'd talk to the parents after having to tell them a few times and make sure they knew I'd hold them responsible if the balls damaged my property.

I think rock throwing at kids and normal outdoor activities are different though. I would have told the mom I'd call the cops if it happened again when I talked to her though, so hopefully she can correct the issue herself and I don't have to.

It seems like a lot of people deal with crap behavior from other kids a heck of a lot more than I do (not necessarily you).

 

[luvsJack]

No, you aren't the only one, its called having respect for other people's property. I was taught that growing up, and I've taught that to my own children. To me its common sense (and decency and courtesy) but we all know that not all parents have that.

I totally agree about when to involve the police. If what some kid (I don't care what age) is doing on purpose results in vandalism then its time to involve the police. That can be a real wake up call to the kid and their parents.

I think the difference some of us were talking about is that throughout the neighborhood there is no expectation of kids needing an invite into a yard. The homeowners wouldn't think of inviting them because they wouldn't think the kids would need one. Kids can be taught to respect other's property and still be able to play and run through the neighborhood without restrictions of whose grass they can step on.

Now the OP has a bigger problem than grass. I agree with the pp who said she may have caused some of these issues herself. The boy was in her backyard, where he did not need to be nor was he supposed to be. She yelled at him. Who knows how he went back and relayed that to his mom. She should have corrected herself to the boy about yelling and then she should have contacted the mother and explained to her what happened.

Now, I still think that its easier and better to deal with the kids head on, but to do that you have to have some semblance of a relationship with them. Kids sometimes act the way she described because they want to be included in the with the kids they are teasing. Giving them that alternative will sometimes correct the behavior.

Younger ds had a good friend growing up whose father was a police officer. If the kids were going back and forth between my house and his and one messed up at his house, he NEVER used being an officer as a scare tactic but yet was still able to correct the kids and make them understand how they needed to behave. I don't believe in using police officers as a scare tactic to a kid. Teaching a kid to be afraid of the police or to hate the police isn't a good lesson to teach.

If something had gotten broken, then the Op would need to meet with the parents, calmly, and let them know what the kids did. Do it with the kids there so they can't deny it when she is gone.

 

[Dizlvr]

I think the difference some of us were talking about is that throughout the neighborhood there is no expectation of kids needing an invite into a yard. The homeowners wouldn't think of inviting them because they wouldn't think the kids would need one. Kids can be taught to respect other's property and still be able to play and run through the neighborhood without restrictions of whose grass they can step on.

Okay, I'm not really sure what you mean, but maybe you and I have very different ideas of what respecting one's property is then. If a kid is going to run all over my lawn or play in my driveway or my yard without an invite well then that is disrespectful. I'm not talking about kids coming over to see if they can play with someone who lives in the house, I'm talking about kids willy nilly running and playing through people's yards. If you teach your kids that they can roam wherever, whenever and in whoever's yard whenever they want, then no I don't think you can teach respect of other's property that way.

 

[Minnesota!]

Woah. Our neighborhood is FULL of kids....tons of them. All free-range parenting going on. Kids are all over the place. My only rule is you are not playing in the yard of someone who is not out there with you. But, they play tag across multiple lawns, baseball across a few (huge yards), ride bikes in everyone's driveway, etc. Never need an invite...just show up.

They go up and down about 10 houses on each side of the street....so yes, they are running all over and, no, people do not care. Just happy to see the kids out running around instead of tethered to an electronic.

 

[Dizlvr]

Woah. Our neighborhood is FULL of kids....tons of them. All free-range parenting going on. Kids are all over the place. My only rule is you are not playing in the yard of someone who is not out there with you. But, they play tag across multiple lawns, baseball across a few (huge yards), ride bikes in everyone's driveway, etc. Never need an invite...just show up.

They go up and down about 10 houses on each side of the street....so yes, they are running all over and, no, people do not care. Just happy to see the kids out running around instead of tethered to an electronic.

Then the kids in the neighborhood have permission to be in those yards, that isn't what I'm talking about.

 

[luvsJack]

Okay, I'm not really sure what you mean, but maybe you and I have very different ideas of what respecting one's property is then. If a kid is going to run all over my lawn or play in my driveway or my yard without an invite well then that is disrespectful. I'm not talking about kids coming over to see if they can play with someone who lives in the house, I'm talking about kids willy nilly running and playing through people's yards. If you teach your kids that they can roam wherever, whenever and in whoever's yard whenever they want, then no I don't think you can teach respect of other's property that way.

I am talking about a group of kids out playing in the neighborhood. Playing football, chase, cowboys and indians, whatever. The house they start at may be Johnny's house and the house they end at may be Suzy's house, and between those two are the Jones's, Lisa's grandma's and Tommy's house. None of the three in the middle care if they run across their yard. They are running pretty much willy nilly through people's yards and no one cares.

They do not tear anything up, they do nothing that the homeowner cares if they do, they don't touch anything that doesn't belong to them. They do know that they are on someone's lawn and they respect that, they are just passing through. Not one kid thinks they can go in a yard where the homeowner cares but no one does so its not an issue.

Those same kids may see Mr. Jones struggling with the heavy garbage can and run to help him with it and then go back to their game. They show respect and kindness so, yes, they have been taught.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

It's kind of like a chicken or an egg issue. Do the kids know the homeowner doesn't care about them cutting across his yard, or are they just assuming he shouldn't care so they'll do it unless they're told to stop? Because the latter is not an example of a kid who has been taught properly; to help yourself to the use of someone else's property until they stop you is not respectful. You should always assume you are NOT welcome onto someone else's property unless explicitly told otherwise.

I live in a townhouse with an abnormally long front yard. Solicitors, trick or treaters, no one wants to walk all the way down my front path to the street before turning and coming back up the long walk to my neighbor's door, so there's a lot of yard-cutting. I'm used to it at this point, but I do find it obnoxious. It's unsettling to have someone unexpectedly walk two feet in front of my living room window, they step in my flower beds, etc. If you asked those people if I cared they'd probably say no, simply because they can't imagine I would and I've never said anything. Truth is, it does irritate me but I keep it to myself because I don't feel like starting drama with my neighbors.

 

[Dizlvr]

I am talking about a group of kids out playing in the neighborhood. Playing football, chase, cowboys and indians, whatever. The house they start at may be Johnny's house and the house they end at may be Suzy's house, and between those two are the Jones's, Lisa's grandma's and Tommy's house. None of the three in the middle care if they run across their yard. They are running pretty much willy nilly through people's yards and no one cares.

They do not tear anything up, they do nothing that the homeowner cares if they do, they don't touch anything that doesn't belong to them. They do know that they are on someone's lawn and they respect that, they are just passing through. Not one kid thinks they can go in a yard where the homeowner cares but no one does so its not an issue.

Those same kids may see Mr. Jones struggling with the heavy garbage can and run to help him with it and then go back to their game. They show respect and kindness so, yes, they have been taught.

But how do those kids know Mr. Jones doesn't care if they play football in his yard? Did they ask him if it was okay before they ever did it? If the answer is no, then no they didn't respect his property, they wanted to play somewhere and just did it. If Mr. Jones has come out and said hey guys its okay to play here, well great for the kids but we will still disagree whether or not they have respect for another's property if they never asked for permission, or if permission wasn't given to you for them before they took it upon themselves to use his yard as a football field.

And to be clear, I never said those kids couldn't show respect or kindness so please don't try to take it there. I said they don't have respect for other's property, and if it went down the way I gave in my example here then they don't.

 

[mjkacmom]

It's kind of like a chicken or an egg issue. Do the kids know the homeowner doesn't care about them cutting across his yard, or are they just assuming he shouldn't care so they'll do it unless they're told to stop? Because the latter is not an example of a kid who has been taught properly; to help yourself to the use of someone else's property until they stop you is not respectful. You should always assume you are NOT welcome onto someone else's property unless explicitly told otherwise.

I live in a townhouse with an abnormally long front yard. Solicitors, trick or treaters, no one wants to walk all the way down my front path to the street before turning and coming back up the long walk to my neighbor's door, so there's a lot of yard-cutting. I'm used to it at this point, but I do find it obnoxious. It's unsettling to have someone unexpectedly walk two feet in front of my living room window, they step in my flower beds, etc. If you asked those people if I cared they'd probably say no, simply because they can't imagine I would and I've never said anything. Truth is, it does irritate me but I keep it to myself because I don't feel like starting drama with my neighbors.

My mailman walks across my lawn every day, the gas meter reader does, too. Lots of kids cut a cross lawn ToTing. I have a large raised porch as a buffer.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

No porch for me, just front steps which, oddly enough, the neighbor kids and their friends feel comfortable sitting on when they all gather out front. I've opened my front door before and nearly hit a kid in the back. It's so bizarre to me that they think nothing of being that close to a stranger's house. I would've never been that brazen as a kid.

 

[DisneyLvr55]

Coming in late, but I think you need to relax. The woman is right - They are just kids! We are pretty strict too, and have very well behaved kids. 3 homes down there are 2 sisters around my girls age. They play in my driveway and front yard all the time with or without my girls - Its annoying. They knock and ring my bell all the time, even after my girls tell them they can't play. I have a hyper active barking dog and napping 9 week old so that can be very annoying. But seriously - Yelling at the neighborhood kids?? Wow - Your neighbors have a right not to like you! No matter how annoying a kid is, you never have the right to yell at them.

 

[wenrob]

Setting aside whether or not it's okay to play in neighbors front yards, I think going into their backyards uninvited is crossing the line as you kind have to go out of your way to do that. That said, had I found a child in my backyard I would have explained to them why they can't be there and then would have walked them over and spoken to the parents. Not in a confrontational way, just, "Hey, I found Johnny here in my backyard. We have A ,B and C going on back there and I'd really hate for him to get hurt. Could you please speak to him?" The very first time. That way the neighbor and the kid know where I stand and hopefully understand. By not doing that I'm sure the kid is going home and saying "Mrs. So and So always yells at me and I wasn't even doing anything!" That makes the OP look like the crazy neighbor lady, IMO. If it were me I'd try a do over with the neighbors, invite them for coffee and clear the air. Nothing worse than a contentious relationship with people you have to "live with."

 

[Andtototoo]

Woah. Our neighborhood is FULL of kids....tons of them. All free-range parenting going on. Kids are all over the place. My only rule is you are not playing in the yard of someone who is not out there with you. But, they play tag across multiple lawns, baseball across a few (huge yards), ride bikes in everyone's driveway, etc. Never need an invite...just show up.

They go up and down about 10 houses on each side of the street....so yes, they are running all over and, no, people do not care. Just happy to see the kids out running around instead of tethered to an electronic.

And in your neighborhood, that's great. That's how it was when i was growing up too. In another time and place.

In other neighborhoods at other times, like mine for the last 15 years, it's not acceptable and those kids would be considered trespassers. One reason for that is legal liability. Back in the day, our parents would have never dreamed of suing a homeowner if we got hurt while playing in someone else's yard. These days? Totally different.

Another reason is that kids are not parented properly and have no respect for other people's property. One reason we have fences and a "stay out" mentality on our street is due to the fact that is we used to have a family of 4 kids who did "free range" parenting, which in their case was a euphemism for "As soon as the kid can walk, we push them out of the house and they are on their own." I am not exaggerating. I almost hit their 15 month old when he ran out from behind a parked car into the street. To this day, i wonder how none of those toddlers wasn't hit by a car. Or hurt while engaged in more destructive acts like throwing stones at each other -- stones they picked up out of neighbors' landscaping. Or the time they pulled the planter bricks out of my planter and climbed up on my deck and threw off (while another one of them tried to "catch" them). I would come home from work and find my flowers decimated -- ALL of the flowers in my garden one year were pulled off the stems and laying on the ground. I had to start turning my outside water off because I would come home and find water POURING out of my spigot. My dd would come home from work at night and nearly pee her pants because they'd be hiding in our bushes and jump out at her. (They finally stopped that when after the third time, she chased them and scared the crap out of them.) And so on and on. I actually had a cop tell me that I had to pull out any plants that might be dangerous if ingested because he saw these idiot kids in my garden (another neighbor saw and called the cops) and was afraid that they'd eat something and sue me -- apparently the fact that they were trespassing and had been repeatedly told to keep off my property would not have protected me from a lawsuit. We were in the process of getting bids for a very high fence when thankfully, they moved. But their years of destruction had a permanent impact on our neighborhood.

 

[Wishing on a star]

The OP didn't say they were throwing rocks at the kids, but they were pretending to. .....

Sorry, I have been kind of letting this thread sit, and backing away, as I have said what I needed to say about the inability to see that one should respect other's property, their home, where they live.

But, I had to post on this one.
The kids WERE throwing rocks.
Her kids were flinching as they flew by.
She actually went out and collected some of the stones.

While I am not saying one should call the police...
Let's not try to use confusion and semantics here to minimize other's views.

 

[Minnesota!]

Permission was never asked, it has always been implied/assumed. If someone had an issue with it, I would hope that they would KINDLY speak up instead of assuming that people should just know....since our neighborhood has functioned the same way since I was a kid (grew up there..). You never know, those kids might have been taught differently than yours based solely on what the parents upbringing was, or how a previous neighborhood functioned.

We have (large and small) landscaping rocks separating our yard and our neighbors yard. If I saw a kid picking them up, pretending to throw, they might get the mom side-eye from me, but I sure would not be bum rushing their parents, ratting them out.

Just because someone/someone's kids act/behave differently than you/your kids do...does not mean they are poorly behaved neanderthals without an ounce of respect. Everyone is taught different things about respect.

Just like the ma'am/sir thing...to me, it is NOT respect...it is a put down or snarky. And, my kids call parents by their first name instead of "Miss/Mr". Because that is how I was brought up. Does not make me/my kids disrespectful, we were just taught that, whereas you might find my kids addressing you/someone else by their first name as disrespectful, where if I hear "Ma'am" or "Miss Jenny" I cringe.

 

[mjkacmom]

Sorry, I have been kind of letting this thread sit, and backing away, as I have said what I needed to say about the inability to see that one should respect other's property, their home, where they live.

But, I had to post on this one.
The kids WERE throwing rocks.
Her kids were flinching as they flew by.
She actually went out and collected some of the stones.

While I am not saying one should call the police...
Let's not try to use confusion and semantics here to minimize other's views.

Re-read the OP. They were throwing rock, but only pretending to throw them at the kids, then teasing them for flinching at imaginary rocks.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Re-read the OP. They were throwing rock, but only pretending to throw them at the kids, then teasing them for flinching at imaginary rocks.

Again, semantics....
Those kids were throwing landscaping stones.

And, while I do agree that the OP over-reacted.
So, don't misunderstand....
No way is somebody going to harass my children or anyone of my friends or family in my own yard.
Period.

It is just amazing how far people can go to try to justify such inappropriate behavior and attitude of entitlement.

.... walking away again