Crazy neighbor kids...crazier neighbor mom :(

[lauradis]

Are they boys? Boys throw rocks. Tell them to stop throwing rocks, and I bet they will. As a mom of two boys, and three girls, they are night and day. I've always been amazed at some if the stuff I'd have to tell my boys not to do, and when you get a group of them together? Only as smart as the dumbest one. It doesn't mean that they are bad kids - their brains just seem to work differently. My oldest son is 17, and way past this stage, but ds12 still has some of those "what were you thinking?!" times, especially when he's in a group of kids.

No standing on the van! No hitting golf balls into neighbors' yards. No smashing pumpkins and throwing the pieces at the girls! Would I ever have to tell my daughters these things? Nope.

You forgot
stop trying to walk on the fence like a cat.
Stop trying to cross the creek on half broken 4 inch wide plywood.
Stop kicking the mailbox that the plow truck broke in half.

That's only been in last 3 weeks packs of boys are weridos

Each time I nicely walk out to what silly thing they are doing and ask them nicely to go someplace else, sometimes I get a smart response and then I normally nicely tell them, Ill make sure to tell your Mother or father those so kind words the next time I see them. Would you gentleman like a Popsicle or bottle of water before you leave?

Maybe I should stop giving them Popsicles ???????????

 

[mjkacmom]

You forgot
stop trying to walk on the fence like a cat.
Stop trying to cross the creek on half broken 4 inch wide plywood.
Stop kicking the mailbox that the plow truck broke in half.

That's only been in last 3 weeks packs of boys are weridos

Each time I nicely walk out to what silly thing they are doing and ask them nicely to go someplace else, sometimes I get a smart response and then I normally nicely tell them, Ill make sure to tell your Mother or father those so kind words the next time I see them. Would you gentleman like a Popsicle or bottle of water before you leave?

Maybe I should stop giving them Popsicles ???????????

Ds12 and his friends hang out in a park with lots of trees, a large stream, a bridge, and waterfall. Boys sure like playing in water and climbing trees! Unfortunately, ds just broke his leg, so no summer frolicking for him!

 

[Wishing on a star]

Hey, I know boys will be boys...
And, as mentioned, sometimes when boys get together, it is like a pack of dogs running wild!!!

And, I do think the OP might be over-reacting. Which could make the situation worse.
Probably is making the situation worse.

But when pebbles the size of 50 cent pieces are being hurled at my kid at my car.
When there is taunting and bullying...
It ends there for me.
Some gravel and rocks are actually not that heavy.
But, I am right, those landscaping stones are much heavier, and could cause more pain/damage.

I also don't get the 'flies with honey' in this situation.
Too much experience with that....
Not with this type of person.

My son's best friend that we have known forever, his mom is an overwhelmed single mother.
NEVER would this type of behavior be condoned, accepted, or encouraged with her two kids.

When people show you who they are, believe them.

 

[luvsJack]

Personally, my "honey" would be used on the kids. They are the ones that you want to change their behavior. Can't change the mom. If she truly feels her children are being treated meanly, she is going to react just like any of us would most likely do.

Treat the kids with kindness and treat them like "one of the gang" and usually they will come around and behave themselves.

 

[lauradis]

Ds12 and his friends hang out in a park with lots of trees, a large stream, a bridge, and waterfall. Boys sure like playing in water and climbing trees! Unfortunately, ds just broke his leg, so no summer frolicking for him!

Poor baby, hope it heals fast and well...

 

[Patch'sD]

My daughter was three, she was playing with a little girl across the street and my next door neighbor. They were hitting a wiffle ball with a plastic bat. When my daughter hit the ball it almost hit the mother of the girl from across the street. The mother yelled at my daughter who came home crying. I being a calm and collective indivdual laced into the mom something fierce. Nothing but problems after that. Lawyers, Yelling matches, police calls. I am still having problems with that woman 20 years later. She is evil. She is working on Husband number two and in between them took up with a known pediphile. Her ex husband had a restraining order placed on him by not being able to come to the house when the two children were present. She than had the creep park elsewhere in the neighborhood and sneak to her house. I took exception to that as my daughter played outside and based on our history did not want to take any chances. I waited one day and watched him park his van a few blocks away and told him if I caught him around here me and few other fathers would take a baseball bat to him. Of course I found all court documents regarding this freak of nature before taking action. Even with Husband number 2, another product of the less of brains department has flipped my wife the bird on a few occasions in which I had to comment on his lack of the social graces and low IQ. My message, if you want to live peacefully in your neighborhood, avoid this woman at all costs and keep your children away from her kids. I am sure she is not acting like this with just you, so like my neighbor she will become an unwelcome presence in the neighborhood.

 

[dbramer]

You already addressed the rock issue with the Dad, he responded, spoke to the child and made him apologize. You going over after that with the actual rocks was unnecessary and that is probably why the mom responded the way she did. It was addressed, you needed to let it go. What did you expect by going over there with the actual rocks? The size of the rocks doesn't change the fact that no damage occurred and that the kids were already held accountable for it.

Separate groups of kids, if I am reading correctly. She was addressing the mother of the second group of kids as she references their dad left the house a couple of years ago.

 

[sdjen]

It sucks that some parents don't take the time to teach their kids how to respect others property but other than watching your kids, I'm not sure what else you can do about it.

I can relate with a story. When I purchased my house, I realized one of the families next door was similar to what you described. At the time, the family had 4 kids from 2-12. The 5 year old girl was completely unsupervised most of the time. I would find her in my fenced yard without invitation all the time. If we left the garage open she would help herself to the bikes and toys without asking. The worst was I would come home for lunch and find her in my yard with the water turned on and playing with the hose! I wasn't too nice to her that day and told her to stay out of our yard unless we invited her. I caught her two more times with the water running and finally had to talk to the mom. She was offended that I would dare to criticize her kid but it got better.

My daughter and this kid became friends but I always had to keep a close eye on her and let her know what our rules in our house are. Like its fine to take a juice or Popsicle but please ask first. She was so neglected at home that she would always want food when she came over. I felt bad for her but felt like we provided an example of a stable and calm house. She certainly didn't have that at her house!

 

[mjkacmom]

Poor baby, hope it heals fast and well...

Thanks - had a great trauma team, a couple hours in surgery, 6 weeks in a cast, PT, and since one of the breaks went through the growth plate, we will be watching it for years. Crazy boys!

 

[Hrhpd]

Just curious what your children did? They didn't participate in any way, shape or form? Did they say anything to participate like "you missed" or even participate by laughing at the boys? Are you absolutely sure this wasn't a two sided game? A game that should not be played, but 8 and 10 year olds often play games without thinking of the consequences.

Somehow, I have a very hard time believing that 8 and 10 year olds just stood there, shell shocked at the boys throwing rocks without saying or doing anything.

If this was so awful and your children know how much you despise the neighbor children, how come one of your children did not come in to tell you the boys were bothering them? That leads me to believe that they were either having fun with the neighbor boys and/or they knew that you would go all mama bear when you found out and get them in trouble, so a few little things like their participation may have been left out.

If this continues to be a problem, just have your girls play in the backyard. If they are out in the public front yard, you cannot stop the neighbors from being outside too. Even from standing on the property line.

 

[Skywalker]

Well OP you sound more than a little tightly wound in regards to this family. Yelling "What the hell are you doing in my yard?" Counselling your children to ignore them? Showing up at their house to show the mom some rocks? etc. etc.
Certainly there may be issues but I think you should deal with them in a firm, but kind and rational, way. Even if you are "in the right" it rarely helps to overreact.
Watch your step or the "Crazier neighbor mom" just might be you!

 

[okeydokey]

You have every right to not want neighborhood kids, especially destructive ones to be on your property and near your family. You have addressed this with the Mom and she will be no help. From now on I would send them packing if they came to my house. If they hover around there is nothing you can do but ignore it. If they throw rocks again, you can call the police.

 

[TAX GUY]

Clearly there's only one option (assuming you and/or they won't move).....

you need to dig a moat (complete with laser guided sharks) and 15', no...... 30' walls so no pesky hoodlums can wander into your yard or bother your children when they're at play. Damn those 8-10 year old kids.....being kids!

 

[Nettester]

Do your *kids* like these neighbors? Are there *ever* times they enjoy playing together? If the answer is yes, really reach within yourself to try to forgive them their past behaviors and give a chance for lessons to be learned. They are young kids, and it sounds like they aren't get basic any manners or lessons in respect at home. Just be CLEAR to the kids on your boundaries and rules. If they break them, send them home. No yelling, no lectures. Just matter of fact, rule was broken, you will need to go home now, (and not return the rest of the day) I was known to send kids home when I noticed nice play breaking down and snarky comments being thrown around. Just an announcement that it seems to be a good time for everyone to be done playing together today, so Joe and Sally you will need to go home now. Don't bother with their mom, she's holding things against you from years ago, and seems to be the "my kids can do no wrong" type. Secure your toys and property when you aren't home. Install a video camera. If *your* kids do not want to play with them, they simply do NOT get to come over. "Sorry, "X" and "Y" aren't up for playing with you right now, you'll have to go home, or go find someplace else to play today" "We are entertaining other guests today" "having family time" whatever. If those kids refuse to leave or start damaging property, call the police, but hopefully it will not come to that point.

 

[Laura66]

It doesn't sound like she's handled things very well, but I wonder if she's overwhelmed with being a single mom (mention of the dad moving out years ago). That certainly doesn't justify bad behavior on her or the kids part (I was raised by a single parent), but it could explain things.

I wonder if you might implement "You catch more bees with honey than with vinegar". See if you can be a friend to her, try to have organized and supervised playdates with the kids so they can get to know one another. Maybe it's gone beyond that and there is no chance, but if you are going to stay put and they are going to stay put, I'd try to be at least civil to them (not implying that you weren't).

She does sound crazy!
This seems like it might be a good idea - but I'm not in the thick of things like you are to see if it would be an option!
Good luck!

 

[myhoney]

I will admit that yelling "what the hell are you doing in my yard" was not my finest hour, but when I came out of the house saying it, I didn't know it was a then 9 year old kid, and was really thinking about the liability standpoint of someone being on the joists of our little construction site. I was saying it as I came out and then saw the kid, but I said it. And after previously expressly telling him he could not go in our backyard and finding him sneaking around it...I can sleep at night with what I did.

And, while DH and I grew up in different neighborhoods, we both had strong boundary rules in our neighborhoods. We were not allowed to cut through any of our neighbors' yards. My one neighbor would scream at us in German and call the cops; DH's neighbor would take his balls that fell in the yard, throw them out and call his parents. One time I cut across the corner of a different neighbor's yard on my bike. When I got to my friend's house, I was immediately sent home because my mom saw me do it and called to say I was in trouble. Since we both grew up that way, we have that boundary issue ingrained. I get that some people have free neighborhoods, but ours weren't, and our current one really isn't, except for these kids. And while some of you may think we are crazy about this, growing up our neighbors were, too, but we learned to respect that those were their rules.

I know kids will be kids and boys will be boys. Pebbles and small stones as I said wouldn't have been "right", but also no big deal as that is kid stuff. It changed for me once I saw the size and weight of the rocks. These would crack a window or give someone a pretty big goose egg. That was why I wanted to speak to the mom.

This was a mix of boys and girls throwing, into our yard toward our two girls and one girlfriend. I did ask why they didn't come get us, and the girls said they were telling them to stop when I came out. And as I said, my kids are not angels nor are they always in the right. But from what I saw through the window, I could tell something was wrong out there. And then I saw the throwing motions. In the future, they know to come get us.

The funniest thing about all of it is that just this Saturday, the youngest neighbor kid came down to play for a bit. The mom asked if it was ok, and I said yes. The kids played nicely together. We don't have a problem if they are respectful and playing nicely.

We know that at this point, it's just done. My girls used to want to play with them, but over the last year they kind of stopped. My oldest even said "They just want to play with our stuff, Mom. They don't want to play with us." My girls have stopped calling over to them, but when the neighbors would come down and stare into our yard...they got hooked into it. I don't think they will again after this.

Thanks for your insights.

 

[Laura66]

Personally, my "honey" would be used on the kids. They are the ones that you want to change their behavior. Can't change the mom. If she truly feels her children are being treated meanly, she is going to react just like any of us would most likely do.

Treat the kids with kindness and treat them like "one of the gang" and usually they will come around and behave themselves.

I've found this to be true in the majority of cases. I nicely let them know what our expectations are for behavior and they usually do their best to follow them because they like hanging out at my house. When they screw up there are consequences and they ate asked to leave. (And when my kids screw up they have consequences as well). They're welcome back later that day or the next (whatever the time frame decided) with no malice and a fresh start. I might give them a little reminder (with a smile) "now Jimmy - what do we NOT do with stones?"

 

[Pea-n-Me]

They're going to enjoy getting you going. Don't give them what they want.

I also noticed this quote yesterday and maybe it applies here. Something to think about, anyway.

Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them?

Abraham Lincoln

 

[Hrhpd]

I will admit that yelling "what the hell are you doing in my yard" was not my finest hour, but when I came out of the house saying it, I didn't know it was a then 9 year old kid, and was really thinking about the liability standpoint of someone being on the joists of our little construction site. I was saying it as I came out and then saw the kid, but I said it. And after previously expressly telling him he could not go in our backyard and finding him sneaking around it...I can sleep at night with what I did.

And, while DH and I grew up in different neighborhoods, we both had strong boundary rules in our neighborhoods. We were not allowed to cut through any of our neighbors' yards. My one neighbor would scream at us in German and call the cops; DH's neighbor would take his balls that fell in the yard, throw them out and call his parents. One time I cut across the corner of a different neighbor's yard on my bike. When I got to my friend's house, I was immediately sent home because my mom saw me do it and called to say I was in trouble. Since we both grew up that way, we have that boundary issue ingrained. I get that some people have free neighborhoods, but ours weren't, and our current one really isn't, except for these kids. And while some of you may think we are crazy about this, growing up our neighbors were, too, but we learned to respect that those were their rules.

I know kids will be kids and boys will be boys. Pebbles and small stones as I said wouldn't have been "right", but also no big deal as that is kid stuff. It changed for me once I saw the size and weight of the rocks. These would crack a window or give someone a pretty big goose egg. That was why I wanted to speak to the mom.

This was a mix of boys and girls throwing, into our yard toward our two girls and one girlfriend. I did ask why they didn't come get us, and the girls said they were telling them to stop when I came out. And as I said, my kids are not angels nor are they always in the right. But from what I saw through the window, I could tell something was wrong out there. And then I saw the throwing motions. In the future, they know to come get us.

The funniest thing about all of it is that just this Saturday, the youngest neighbor kid came down to play for a bit. The mom asked if it was ok, and I said yes. The kids played nicely together. We don't have a problem if they are respectful and playing nicely.

We know that at this point, it's just done. My girls used to want to play with them, but over the last year they kind of stopped. My oldest even said "They just want to play with our stuff, Mom. They don't want to play with us." My girls have stopped calling over to them, but when the neighbors would come down and stare into our yard...they got hooked into it. I don't think they will again after this.

Thanks for your insights.

Unfortunately, just because all your neighbors agreed on boundary rules with their properties, you cannot expect the same in your neighborhood.

It is up to each individual owner to decide what they will allow and what they won't. You cannot expect other people to have the same experiences growing up as you did and then expect people to police their yards the way you expect them to. The only yard you can police is your own.

I too grew up with many rules about yards. You never cut across a yard. You didn't step foot on somebody else's yard and you certainly didn't bike on their driveways. When my kids were growing up, there were tons of kids in the neighborhood. I was the only person who thought it weird that kids were playing across all the lawns, biking up and down people's driveways etc. But I could not tell other people what to do with their yards. If they had no problem letting children play in their lawns and bushes, that was their decision.

If you have a problem with children coming over and peering at your children from the lot line, either talk to the owner of the house and see if they can ask the children not to play in his yard (I understand he is in a nursing home, but you might have to ask his children or the caretakers) or send your children to your backyard. Don't get yourself all worked up over things you cannot control such as different boundary expectations of your neighbors.

 

[luvsJack]

Wow, I would hate to live in a neighborhood like that. We don't live close to each other (out in the country) but we don't care if a kid runs across the yard either or if a bunch are riding bikes on our long gravel driveway.

I am always interested in these different neighborhood cultures. Why does anyone care if a neighbor kid is on their grass? (not meaning the OP's neighbors. If a kid is causing trouble I could understand. But just a general kid)