Crazy Mother in Laws

[Sabeking]

My MIL and I are fairly close and rarely have issues ever. However, this past week and a half have been bizarre to me. My mom passed away Sunday, November 29th. I saw my MIL at the funeral briefly and she did not say much. She has not called to say a anything to me. She called my daughters two days ago to ask them to decorate her tree (they are 15 and 17) and said nothing about their other grandmother passing. My husband finally asked her today why she had not called. She said because she didn't know what to say. I know everyone deals differently with death but I would be a liar if I said it didn't hurt my feelings.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

My ILs are notorious for doing that; they'll often give DH money for Christmas, sometimes thousands of dollars. On the check, they put his name and then write ONLY after (as in, John Smith ONLY"). Then they'll give me something like a $10 gift card to Starbucks. Once they dug up some plants from their yard and gave them to me in a black plastic trash bag.

Does your husband rip up the check in front of them, asking them to please never disrespect you (his wife) ever again in such a blatant manner? I hope so.

 

[leebee]

I'm sitting here, reading this thread, and feeling like I'm the luckiest girl in the world when it comes to mothers-in-law. I adore my MIL, and am pretty sure she feels the same way about me. After all, she's the one who invited me to come visit her last summer. DH and DD22 both had to work, so off I went to Nowhere, Ohio for a week, to hang out with my MIL. We stayed up too late, slept in every day, and watched TV and drank coffee in our jammies until noontime. She's a wonderful, dear, smart, funny, sweet woman and I am grateful to have her in my life.

My own mother, OTOH, was a piece of work, and I'm pretty sure she liked DH more than she liked me, but she loved DD more than she loved either of us, so I'm OK with it all. My mom passed away 10 years ago, but it warms my heart when DD says, "Remember how Nana called me Twinkie?"

 

[luvsJack]

I'm sitting here, reading this thread, and feeling like I'm the luckiest girl in the world when it comes to mothers-in-law. I adore my MIL, and am pretty sure she feels the same way about me. After all, she's the one who invited me to come visit her last summer. DH and DD22 both had to work, so off I went to Nowhere, Ohio for a week, to hang out with my MIL. We stayed up too late, slept in every day, and watched TV and drank coffee in our jammies until noontime. She's a wonderful, dear, smart, funny, sweet woman and I am grateful to have her in my life.

My own mother, OTOH, was a piece of work, and I'm pretty sure she liked DH more than she liked me, but she loved DD more than she loved either of us, so I'm OK with it all. My mom passed away 10 years ago, but it warms my heart when DD says, "Remember how Nana called me Twinkie?"

Those are the best kind of times with a mil, aren't they? When dh and I first married, he and my fil took a job in NJ. She and I rode up with them and came back on our own. We went to NYC and then drove back going down the Blue Ridge Parkway and visiting DC. We had the best time!

 

[Bianca and Bernard]

I'm sitting here, reading this thread, and feeling like I'm the luckiest girl in the world when it comes to mothers-in-law. I adore my MIL, and am pretty sure she feels the same way about me. After all, she's the one who invited me to come visit her last summer. DH and DD22 both had to work, so off I went to Nowhere, Ohio for a week, to hang out with my MIL. We stayed up too late, slept in every day, and watched TV and drank coffee in our jammies until noontime. She's a wonderful, dear, smart, funny, sweet woman and I am grateful to have her in my life.

My own mother, OTOH, was a piece of work, and I'm pretty sure she liked DH more than she liked me, but she loved DD more than she loved either of us, so I'm OK with it all. My mom passed away 10 years ago, but it warms my heart when DD says, "Remember how Nana called me Twinkie?"

My 2nd DD loves her MIL as well. SoIL's parents came over on a boat from Cambodia, so they have a totally different way of doing things. Her MIL is always trying to feed her, cooks her favorites when they go to visit. Her FIL is not very demonstrative (sp?) but with DD2, he's always patting her hand or getting up to open doors for her (he just ignores his other two DiLs). DD went up to see them while SoIL was deployed last year, a couple of times, and they just absorbed her into their family.

DD#1 isn't very close to her ILs; they are a hard drinking, partying family. She keeps a bit of distance, just so that things don't get too crazy.

 

[TLSnell1981]

My MIL is okay with me (most of the time) , which is extremely generous, since I STOLE her baby boy.

I had my last two babies at home. DH was soccer coach and had a game the day, after I birthed our last child. MIL offered to stay with me for a couple of hours. I was exhausted by the time she left. I had to get up, make her lunch and wait on the pampered princess. Of course, she complained. I was was lazy and too slow.

I was such an idiot. Thankfully, she has mellowed through the years. Although, she's STILL a pampered princess and I still wait on her. Yep...guess I'm still an idiot.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

My MIL is okay with me (most of the time) , which is extremely generous, since I STOLE her baby boy.

I had my last two babies at home. DH was soccer coach and had a game the day, after I birthed our last child. MIL offered to stay with me for a couple of hours. I was exhausted by the time she left. I had to get up, make her lunch and wait on the pampered princess. Of course, she complained. I was was lazy and too slow.

I was such an idiot. Thankfully, she has mellowed through the years. Although, she's STILL a pampered princess and I still wait on her. Yep...guess I'm still an idiot.

You're not an idiot. But you should stop waiting on her. Simply stop. Make yourself busy and unavailable when she sits and expects service. She'll figure it out.

 

[DiannaVM]

My MIL is not too bad, but she is a little anal about all kinds of things and drives me nuts. I am usually pretty easy-going, but there are plenty times I have to bite my tongue. And since we got married she seems to have gotten worse (I guess because she doesn't care now that I hear her off-handed comments or her yelling at my DH and FIL). While planning the wedding, if DH and I tried to pick things she didn't agree with or like she would play the "I am helping pay for this wedding, so if you want that I am not paying for that." Everything had to look fancy, but she kept failing to understand or see that my parents (and myself) couldn't afford a fancy wedding. Our wedding list was already larger than I had wished because we had to invite EVERYONE of her relatives (and I don't just mean like immediate relatives, which are a given) so budget for other details was severely limited.

After we got married it was about us going to Disney or doing anything Disney-related even though we have no kids (I guess according to her adults shouldn't be into those types of things). If its not that, its the way we dress, or the way the wedding pictures came out or who we sent Christmas cards to. A great example was, she wanted to use a wedding picture for her Christmas cards but my DH's SIL was not in the picture. My husband said he could Photoshop her in no issue. When she saw the picture she comes back that she wanted the flowers she is holding to be taken out because she doesn't like them. Then she says her fingers look funny now....lets just say this went on for TWO WEEKS before she finally had the cards printed because she kept finding minor details she didn't like that honestly, in such a small picture on a card most people wouldn't even notice.

I used to think my Mom was bad and anal, but now I realize it I have it quite good compared to my MIL. I can only hope she will get better by the time the kids come, because I would hate to have her trying to constantly tell me how to parent, which is a fear I have from her and my Mom actually.

 

[MamaLema]

My MIL is amazing. My DH has to deal with my own mother and her craziness. Once we went away for a month and gave my mom the key to our house in case of an emergency. When we came back our house was completely rearranged, even the kitchen cupboards. Also, we came home to just a mattress in our bedroom. My mom threw our bed out because she didn't like it.

Whenever she comes by to visit, she somehow manages to sneak some of our laundry to her house even though I have told her repeatedly to stop and even tried to hide it. She thinks I don't notice when I see ironed socks and underwear in our drawers.

I consider myself a good cook and get many compliments on family get togethers. I always host for DH's side and the one time I ever hosted for my side, my mom secretly ordered catered food for 50 and brought in before the guests came because she thought the guests wouldn't like my food even though I spent 2 whole days cooking.

Some grandmas like to play with their grandkids or take them to fun places. My mom teaches my kids how to make their bed military style, clean the bathroom with a toothbrush, get stains out of laundry, etc.

I could go on and on.

 

[Mikie]

OH the MILs. Relatively speaking, I am extremely lucky when it comes to MIL, but we're not bosom buddies - just wouldn't have a lot in common or choose to be friends if not for hubby. There are the subtle comments about things I do differently than her, or about me "letting" DH develop a belly, or a strange one where she always brings us lots of fruit whenever she sees us and says things that make it seem like she thinks the kids don't eat enough fruit (they eat a wide variety, especially compared to picky kids, usually breakfast, lunch and snack daily) but nothing extreme.

The funny thing is, her two best friends have VERY contentious relationships with their DILs and my MIL is always much less critical of me after she's seen those friends

 

[Liberty Belle]

Yep - I was called out and thats okay

They have been dating 2 years and in those 2 years I have welcomed her into our home and never been rude to disrespectful of her. Why do I think she is not good enough for my son? She was raised very differently than how he was and how she looks at things just makes me shake my head. To be honest, it doesn't matter why and that is because he loves her and I have accepted that he loves her and I will just suck it up since I love my son. She is a good girl but just like minnie mum says I don't get the warm fuzzies for her.

I think it was the "he could have done better" that set people off. This sounds much more understandable. I'm not sure if you're talking politics or household running or what, but I can see myself upset if my son chose someone who's views were totally opposite of ours. Of course I'd support him just the same. I've made a vow (after having to deal with my MIL) to support my son no matter who he chooses and to do my best to love her as my own.

 

[Mikie]

Some grandmas like to play with their grandkids or take them to fun places. My mom teaches my kids how to make their bed military style, clean the bathroom with a toothbrush, get stains out of laundry, etc.

I could go on and on.

Oh my. . . Well, at least those are useful skills, although I can imagine her wondering why the kids seem to enjoy their other grandma more and just scratching her head cluelessly!

My MIL does like to take my kids out on an "adventure day" once a year and they do all have fun. She doesn't understand why their relationship doesn't seem as close as her friends with their grandkids, though. Those grandmas see the kids all the time, invite them for sleepovers, goes to the kids' games and concerts and my MIL does not. One is not better than the other - I might not want MIL around quite THAT much - but you aren't likely to forge a super-close bond over a once a month family dinner and a yearly adventure day.

 

[TLSnell1981]

You're not an idiot. But you should stop waiting on her. Simply stop. Make yourself busy and unavailable when she sits and expects service. She'll figure it out.

She has Alzheimer's disease. I really don't mind doing it for her, even though, she expects it.

 

[RedAngie]

When DH and I were engaged, after we had registered for everything for the bridal shower, my MIL went to the store with FIL(same name as DH) and changed everything on my registry........because I was "young"(26!) and registered for all the wrong stuff and the wrong colors. I didn't know she had done this till my shower when I was getting all kinds of stuff I hadn't registered for and in colors that did not match anything in the new house we had just bought. She was just trying to be helpful. It was great. @@

You were only 26. What did YOU know? Your MIL has lived life and has plenty of experience. She knows what's best (and right) for you. (Or, most likely, what's best for her son.)

I have to wonder if mother's of son's are just crazy in general lol!

...

Throughout time it seems 90% of in-law problems have been from HIS mother. After all, what other woman could measure up to Mom?

My MIL is okay with me (most of the time) , which is extremely generous, since I STOLE her baby boy.

.

Yep, that's another reason. Some moms just can't let go, especially of their sons.



I thought of a slight problem I had with my first MIL in the beginning. I kept my maiden name, and for the first year or two she would address Christmas cards and other mail to both me and her son as "Mr. and Mrs. His First and Last Name." Even my birthday card was addressed to "Mrs. His First and Last Name." It wasn't really a big deal; it happened with other relatives and friends too. I just preferred to be called by my legal surname.

Then we gave our daughters hyphenated last names: Mine-His. MIL had a problem with that too for a while. (So did my parents). HIS name should be the surname of the kids, and if we insisted on the hyphenated names, at least his should come FIRST. But she eventually accepted it, although to this day I'm sure she's still not keen on it.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

She has Alzheimer's disease. I really don't mind doing it for her, even though, she expects it.

Oh. Well that is another story. Yeah. She gets a free pass.

I just can't believe your husband put her in your care after you just had a baby It's one thing to wait on an Alzheimer patient when you are up and around. But she was left with you right after you had a baby and you had to "make her lunch and wait on the pampered princess" while she called you lazy and slow? That's not acceptable.

 

[TLSnell1981]

Oh. Well that is another story. Yeah. She gets a free pass.

I just can't believe your husband put her in your care after you just had a baby It's one thing to wait on an Alzheimer patient when you are up and around. But she was left with you right after you had a baby and you had to "make her lunch and wait on the pampered princess" while she called you lazy and slow? That's not acceptable.

She didn't have Alzheimer's disease when I had my last child....that was over 30 years ago. My poor DH had no idea, that she would behave in that manner.

He doesn't expect me to do it now. Although, he does appreciate it. I love her, so I don't mind.

 

[JoeA]

That's nice to have. Any time I have a question about the kids I ask my mom. I have tried both mothers in law (one ex, one current) questions about the kids and it absolutely floored me how it is possible to raise multiple children (3 and 2 respectively) and still know absolutely nothing about kids.

My ex MIL raised 3 kids and had no idea what a onesie was or that it wasn't a good idea to give a 10 months old baby pop. My current mother in law raised 2 kids and had no idea that it was not normal for a 3 year old to still drink out of a bottle or that it was not ok for a 4 year old to still wear diapers or walk on her toes. I genuinely don't know how you raise children to adulthood and still not know some of these things.

My mom loves to tell the story about how when I was in the hospital after giving birth to DD9 she and my dad were standing outside the nursery looking at her. There was this little old lady looking in the nursery also and she had a piece of advice to offer me and that was if I put a bit of whiskey in her last bottle of the night she would sleep really good for me. Now, I don't doubt the woman was wrong, I'm sure if you give infants a shot of whiskey they DO sleep really good..... but who does that?

Our pediatrician told my wife that a shot of whiskey was best for teething. Dip your finger in the whisky and rub the gums, and then do the shot yourself!

 

[Chocolate Cake]

She didn't have Alzheimer's disease when I had my last child....that was over 30 years ago. My poor DH had no idea, that she would behave in that manner.

He doesn't expect me to do it now. Although, he does appreciate it. I love her, so I don't mind.

Oh. HAHA! So she is just acting like she always behaved. God love ya! You are a good DIL.

 

[VandVsmama]

Crazy things my MIL has done:

1. Had a heart attack & collapsed on the concrete sidewalk in front of her house. Woke back up from it, went inside, and called me 4 hours later to ask me to take her to the ER because she thought she was having another one. Got mad when I told her to hang up and call 911.
2. Accused me of stealing her "medicine" after the heart attack. The "medicine" was an herbal supplement that the hospital heart specialist doctor told her to stop taking because it had a high potential of causing her serious problems.
3. Made so many passive-aggressive, manipulative comments about killing herself and how she thought that we all just wanted her dead that DH & SIL became immune to her comments. Until the day that I called and left a message with her primary care physician expressing concern over her talking A LOT lately about killing herself and hurting herself and would they please check on her. My and DH's multiple phone calls to her went unanswered and when we'd go to her house to check on her, she wouldn't answer the door. She didn't speak to me for 3 months after that (it was a glorious 3 months of silence) and when she did, she yelled at me, "YOU GOT ME IN TROUBLE WITH MY DOCTOR!" I got flack from DH & SIL for making a big stink about it. I told them that their family is seriously messed up if they are so used to her threatening to kill herself that it's commonplace. Well you know what? MIL has never made a comment like that around DH or I since then!
4. Is still learning about the modern invention of refrigeration. Ages ago, she made a lasagna for dinner and left it on the counter all night "to cool off." Then ate some for breakfast in the morning. Another time, we went out to eat with her and she had a sandwich which she took home in a doggy bag since she didn't eat all of it. She left it on my kitchen counter for 6 hours afterwards, despite my offers to put it in the fridge. Then she took it home with her and left it on HER kitchen counter. Then the following morning, she ate it for breakfast and spent the next 4 days puking her guts out. This happens quite regularly. When we ask about it, she says casually, "Oh it's just something that happens once in awhile."
5. A couple of years ago, she was in Other State visiting SIL (her daughter) & BIL and their 2 kids. BIL does most of the cooking in their household, so he has the kitchen organized to his liking. MIL didn't like how the kitchen was organized, so she completely rearranged everything to how she wanted it to be and then got really mad when BIL was upset about it. That happened 3 years ago and she still talks about it.
6. Just recently, her cat was slowly dying over the course of about a month and a half. Kitty wasn't eating hardly anything and was losing a lot of weight. MIL didn't do anything about it, didn't take the cat to the vet until 2 days before it died. Too little, too late. Then once the cat was dead, suddenly it was a big emergency. She insisted that DH go over to her house to dig a hole in the backyard to bury the cat in....on a Sunday when we were volunteering at a swim meet all weekend. She has carried on mourning and crying and groaning about the cat ever since. It sure would have been nice if she had showed that amount of care and concern for the cat when it was alive.

And I've saved the best 2 for last!:
2 days before my wedding day, my mom pulled me aside and begged me to not go through with the wedding because my DH was "no good and a loser." She also said, "I'll pay for your divorce." That was 20 years ago.

7 years after that, DH & I were celebrating our 7th wedding anniversary and we spent the day in a seaside town about an hour's drive from where we lived. On the way back home, we stopped by my parents' house to say hello. My mom said, "Happy anniversary. I didn't think you'd make it this long." Then she got mad and couldn't understand why I was so insulted.

It took her 15 years, but eventually on her death bed about a month before she died, my mom apologized for being such a *itch to my husband and apologized for being so opinionated and apologized for not keeping her mouth shut. I was very blunt with her and said to her, "It's too bad that you chose not to keep your mouth shut because you have missed out on spending more time over all these years with my husband and I. You and I could have been closer, but you were so focused on things being your way. I forgave you for that a long time ago, but I'm not the person who you need to ask forgiveness from. You need to go talk to the big man upstairs and make things right with him before your time runs out." She and I resolved all of our differences before she passed away from cancer.

 

[luvsJack]

Not sure someone's death bed is the time I would choose to be so blunt. I think I would have said all of that well before that time. Glad ya'll resolved your differences.