Crazy Mother in Laws

[jevs]

I no longer have in-laws (passed away) and are separated.
My own mother is a bit on the nutty side though....She once said to me 'I don't mind if they protest, but not when I'm in the city'. Which is the whole point of protests and rallies really.

I have friends who have had some nasty experiences with in-laws though which is just horrible so I feel for people who have to deal with it.

 

[RedAngie]

Yikes!! Some of those women, both in the link and talked about here, seem insane. Fortunately I've been blessed with two decent MILs. Still speak to and see the first one (she's grandma to DDs, after all.)

The very first day I met her when DH and I were still dating, the first thing she said to me is that I was fat and looked like I had been sleeping around. I was 16, 5'11, a and a size four. Also certainly wasn't sleeping around. Fast forward to now, she isn't allowed to have my phone number because the insanity has continued. The day we got engaged we called to tell her (even though I tried to talk DH out of it..) and first she hung up after we told her, then called back 5 min later and told DH "congratulations on flushing your future down the toilet". She also called us as we were driving to our wedding in a last ditch effort to talk DH out of it "This is the dumbest decision you have ever made". Some things never change. That said, my FIL (they are divorced) is like, the coolest in-law in existence, loves me so much, and is just a generally awesome person who I love so much too. So, ya win some ya lose some!

I'm not sure I would have still dated the guy is his mother treated me like that, no matter how much I liked him. What a thing to look forward to!! Congratulations for having the fortitude to deal with it.

 

[EMom]

My MIL was always completely fair when she gave us money as a gift. If DH got $200 for his birthday, I'd get $200 when mine rolled around. But EVERY SINGLE TIME she handed him that check, she'd say, "Now spend that on YOURSELF. That's just for you to get something special that you've been wanting." Unspoken, but what we all heard as loudly as if she'd have shouted it was, "Don't let EMom get her hands on it!" When she gave me my check, she NEVER said, "Now spend that on yourself....." Obviously, it was assumed my greedy self would do just that.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I have a really great mother in law and am fortunate to have a good relationship with her. She can be really ditzy though.

So my funny story is from the year before DH and I married. She had gone shopping and locked her keys in the car. She found a payphone and tried calling home to have DFiL come for her, but he did not answer. So, she looked up the number and called DH where he was working for the summer. She really needed to get home because she had left something in the oven was afraid of causing a fire or something if it stayed on all day. So DH gest his boss to approve him leaving to go where she is and drive her home and let her in the house--he gets to the parking lot where she is and, yes the keys are indeed in the car and yes the doors are locked but the passenger side window was ALL the way down and she never noticed!

The hurtful thing that my in laws did was call us one year when the kids were 8 and 10 and explain that a friend (who we had met along with his kids and grandkids since they ended up booking a cruise we were on) had invited them and the grandkids on his houseboat for a week, BUT there was a capacity limit so they wanted to take DD but not DS and promised that a different grandkid would be left out the next year. We were the only ones who had to fly someone to the location to start as it sort of made sense for one of our kids to be the one missing out, and we had no reason not to believe they would even things up later as the have always bee ULTRA concerned about things being fair, eve for small gifts etc.
LONG story and many hurt feelings short: There was plenty of extra space on the boat. Other people, including a work associate of one sister in law ended up going, and going back year after year (neither of my kids was ever invited again--presumably because there was no way to invite DD without being obvious about the failure to invite DS).
Years later they did tell us their friend never liked our son and the original invitation was for my in laws and they could bring whoever they wanted EXCEPT our son. There is no explanation for why he did not like the 9 year old he met briefly and might have seen around on the ship--though we have to suspect it has to do with the 9 year old having had nail polish on and hanging out a lot with my friends who were gay and being in some of the game shows with them (so visible). This one is our easy kid who was never a discipline issue so we can't imagine that would be it.
Anyway--none of us have really ever been able to reconcile that hurtful behaviour with my in laws' other behaviour. It put a major dent in their relationship with my son though--and quite honestly had DD not been so close to them might have done much more damage overall--but we tried really hard not to let it drive a wedge between everyone for DD's sake (and that is good overall for everyone) but it was hard as this trip continued for years and is always talked about at family gatherings as this great thing the other siblings and grandkids did and loved, and DH and I and DS never got included and DD only the one year (and we also learned that fist invite was contingent on her going because she had become friends with the guy'S granddaughter in the club on the ship and he wanted her there to play with his granddaughter--so even she was kind of "used" or so it felt).


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[BabyCharlie]

I have a really great mother in law and am fortunate to have a good relationship with her. She can be really ditzy though.

So my funny story is from the year before DH and I married. She had gone shopping and locked her keys in the car. She found a payphone and tried calling home to have DFiL come for her, but he did not answer. So, she looked up the number and called DH where he was working for the summer. She really needed to get home because she had left something in the oven was afraid of causing a fire or something if it stayed on all day. So DH gest his boss to approve him leaving to go where she is and drive her home and let her in the house--he gets to the parking lot where she is and, yes the keys are indeed in the car and yes the doors are locked but the passenger side window was ALL the way down and she never noticed!



You know, your mother in law might be terrible, but it is hard to know if you have never met her--and quite honestly, a LOT of your post comes across as very condescending and rude towards people with less education or world experience. It is possible to have degrees and travel, etc and not insult or look down on those who take different paths or want different things in life. Your post reads like you are both (you and your mother in law) stubborn and set in your ways and intent on showing the other that YOU and YOUR WAY is better--it's sad.

Hadley, I do not like the woman because she refuses to accept that her son is dyslexic and to this day calls him stupid and lazy, and she allowed him to be sexually molested by their employees on the family farm. To this day she doesn't think there is anything wrong with allowing an 8 year old little boy to be sexually abused, and he is just stupid and lazy, those were her exact words to the school when he was diagnosed with a learning disability. Every time he talks to her all that pain and ugliness comes back, and then I have to deal with it. Her attitude is sickening and I refuse to visit her and listen to her garbage in person. Why waste my money on a plane ticket to go visit that. My husband hates her and rightfully so, she really is a stupid, ignorant woman.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Hadley, I do not like the woman because she refuses to accept that her son is dyslexic and to this day calls him stupid and lazy, and she allowed him to be sexually molested by their employees on the family farm. To this day she doesn't think there is anything wrong with allowing an 8 year old little boy to be sexually abused, and he is just stupid and lazy, those were her exact words to the school when he was diagnosed with a learning disability. Every time he talks to her all that pain and ugliness comes back, and then I have to deal with it. Her attitude is sickening and I refuse to visit her and listen to her garbage in person. Why waste my money on a plane ticket to go visit that. My husband hates her and rightfully so, she really is a stupid, ignorant woman.

THOSE are valid reasons and relate to who she is as a person and how she relates to her son. I wouldn't like someone like that either.

Totally and completely different than what you posted before, which indicated a lot of judgement about where she lives and what level of education she has compared to yours. Can you not see how condescending these types of statements sound:

"Yes, I said Flint, who in their right mind wants to live there?" (admittedly, I do not care for Flint, but I would not say someone is not liable or a bad person because they live there or want to live there)

"She is disappointed that he did not marry a local girl with no education, 5 babies and 6 baby daddies, and on welfare"

"I am the only one in the family with a masters degree and a career. Family of losers,"

My current MIL hates me because I am too educated, too well read and too well traveled. She is convinced that I am the reason her son doesn't want to live in Flint, Michigan. Yes, I said Flint, who in their right mind wants to live there? We lived in Germany because we had jobs with the US Military, her son still does. As for me, I left him and moved to China to become a university instructor. She is disappointed that he did not marry a local girl with no education, 5 babies and 6 baby daddies, and on welfare. I am the devil because I am educated and successful. I got accepted into Harvard's graduate school of education, to work on my fourth degree. I emailed my soon to be ex and told him, and made sure to tell him, that I am sure his mother would be so happy that her DIL is a student at Harvard! I am the only one in the family with a masters degree and a career. Family of losers, and her son doesn't want anything to do with them, either. FYI: we have never meet because I refuse to visit Flint, Michigan and she refuses to visit Europe. So, we do not like each other even though we have never met, I do not like her because of the way she treats her son not because she is a stupid, ignorant woman!

 

[Gracie09]

When i was pregnant I had severe preeclampsia and was placed on bed rest ( thankfully at home not in the hospital). I was to stay calm and lay on my left side pretty much 24/7. First mil was mad at me because I ruined her plans for a surprise shower. Then one weekend dh drive down to their house just to drop something off. He said he would be gone two hours total. After four I got worried so I called him. He was in the middle of some project he dad was working on. I told him it was rude to not call me and let me know. I was worried that something happened to him and I liked the weekends because I had someone to talk to. During the week I was home alone for 11 hours a day and most of my friends worked so I had no one to talk to. He agreed and actually came right home. The next day I received a phone call from my mil yelling at me because I needed to know that a son will always be responsible for helping his parents when they needed it. That was what family did and how could I not understand that and I was selfish. That was the only time she called me while I was pregnant even though I was in the hospital several times. When dd was hospitalized at five months for rsv, no calls, no visits. She can't drive an hour to see our daughter but will fly to Alaska to she sil several times a year

 

[Gumbo4x4]

My first Christmas with DW, she opened her gifts from me in front of her parents. MIL didn't say anything at the time, but was crazy jealous of the quality & quantity of gifts DW received from me. MIL then said maybe if she learned how to (very unDISlike word) real good someone would buy her something nice, too.

This was while we were still engaged & DW was still living at home. We weren't planning to move in together until after the wedding (3 months later), but we packed her up that weekend.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

My MIL had some bumps here and there but she's a really awesome person. These threads always make me so grateful for her.

You know what I want to see? An evil DIL/DIL thread Someone start one...

 

[ChattaAlley]

For my poor mom its flip flopped - she has a not so nice crazy DIL. And since having her in the family I seem to be able to pick up on this trait with others. And I have noticed that there are many more spoiled mean DIL than crazy MILs. Maybe you are one of the crazy DIL? LOL.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

For my poor mom its flip flopped - she has a not so nice crazy DIL. And since having her in the family I seem to be able to pick up on this trait with others. And I have noticed that there are many more spoiled mean DIL than crazy MILs. Maybe you are one of the crazy DIL? LOL.

I always feel like if there was a thread about DILs it would be a direct reciprocal of these ones.

 

[jevs]

Yesss, there is one-of-those DIL's in my family as well. Thankfully she dislikes us all so much she doesn't come near my family which I think is great. I hope it continues.

 

[ChattaAlley]

Yesss, there is one-of-those DIL's in my family as well. Thankfully she dislikes us all so much she doesn't come near my family which I think is great. I hope it continues.

Then you are for sure lucky. My SIL takes great pride in making our lives miserable. She preys on our feelings and draws us in with being nice for a couple of weeks then she lets the crazy down and we are all left with crap just happened. Even though it is sorta like the movie GroundHog Day and we should see it coming each time. I think we want to believe this time is gonna be the time she continues to be nice -- LOL. Never happens.

 

[ChattaAlley]

I always feel like if there was a thread about DILs it would be a direct reciprocal of these ones.

True...Well for every crazy MIL there is an even crazier DIL. To me both MIL's and DIL's are jealous - well the ones I have encountered. I love when I see families getting along and being nice to each other and mean it.

 

[maxiesmom]

Not me, but one of my coworkers has a mother in law who seems plain nuts. Her go to gift is a check, but she doesn't give my coworker the check--just shows it to her and says she will deposit it back into her account for safe keeping. The last actual gift she got was a candle that was half burned down.

 

[firecracker725]

My MIL was openly hostile toward me until DH told her flatly that I was going to be his wife and the mother of her grandchildren so she'd better get used to it.

Now she's largely okay. Sometimes a bit passive aggressive, but it's nothing I can't handle.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I bet there are equally many stories about daughters in law as about mother's in law.
I don'T know what it is about that relationship that seems to lead to so much strife so much of the time--but dang does it ever.

 

[NHdisneylover]

My MIL was openly hostile toward me until DH told her flatly that I was going to be his wife and the mother of her grandchildren so she'd better get used to it.

Now she's largely okay. Sometimes a bit passive aggressive, but it's nothing I can't handle.

Good for your DH!

 

[IceSkatingPrincess]

I'm not sure I would have still dated the guy is his mother treated me like that, no matter how much I liked him. What a thing to look forward to!! Congratulations for having the fortitude to deal with it.

Thankfully, DH (even back then) has always realized she is a bit of a looney toon, so that makes it much easier to deal with. As does living on the opposite side of the country now for DHs job. Lol! He's worth the trouble

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

I bet there are equally many stories about daughters in law as about mother's in law.
I don'T know what it is about that relationship that seems to lead to so much strife so much of the time--but dang does it ever.

One thing my MIL and I agree on is what a PIA my husband can be. Now raising my kids we sometimes bump heads over. Usually we have disagreements when she babysits them and like my husband so eloquently put it last time, "If you don't like what she does with the kids then don't ask her to babysit." Shut me right up. Sad thing is, she's one of the two people I trust enough to have my crazies overnight!