Couples: anything you can't do together without fighting?

[powellrj]

We always seem to fight about our middle DS. He is a college graduate, 26 years old and shows no sign of leaving. I think if he is going to live here, he needs to pay something and have some chores. Dh thinks we should let him live here free with no chores. Huge fight whenever the subject comes up. After being married for 40 years I thought there was nothing left to fight about. I was wrong. He does have a job, but took 4 vacations last year cross country.

 

[gillep]

All kinds of biking, most notably tandem biking. Who ever thought that what was supposed to be a relaxed ride together through Napa, CA could end up so...colorful. We almost didn't make it back from CA together, and now we live close by, and visit somewhat often, just never on the same bike. Bike rides around the neighborhood and on trails are really no better, except that we don't have to fly back home next to one another after.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

Its funny.

We've cooked together, built part of a house together (him doing most of the work as I was working full-time at the time), ridden a tandem and buried my parents. And we've never had a real fight. In 25 years.

My husband explained it to a friend like this, "once you start fighting, you've already lost."

We really do just figure it out and move on.

 

[kimblebee]

Its funny.

We've cooked together, built part of a house together (him doing most of the work as I was working full-time at the time), ridden a tandem and buried my parents. And we've never had a real fight. In 25 years.

My husband explained it to a friend like this, "once you start fighting, you've already lost."

We really do just figure it out and move on.

I don't see anything wrong with bickering once in a while. If something is bugging me, I'd rather let it be known than bite my tongue and let something bug me over and over for 40 years (not saying that's what you do).

 

[tcufrog]

Going to IKEA. We go there with the best of intentions but by the time we reach the car we're either fighting or not speaking. I went there once with a good friend and I was surprised but how much fun I had

 

[Twilight Sparkle]

I thought of another one. We cannot be over each other's shoulder while one is on the computer. (But that's easily avoided.)

That one drives me crazy, too. Him, not so much.

 

[fly girl]

My husband explained it to a friend like this, "once you start fighting, you've already lost."

I don't think that's always true.

Let me preface, it is great you don't fight. If you're both happy, that's all that matters.

But fighting is pretty normal. Two people aren't going to agree on everything, and I'd rather have my spouse speak up than hold it back in. You need honest communication in a marriage. If we never fought, I would think he was holding back. Actually, I'd know he was holding back.

I will say I'm thankful our fights are over the stupidest things. We don't argue over money or how to raise our kid. Nope, our last argument was about dirty dishes and leftovers. See, I told you it was stupid!

 

[Westcoastwild]

We've been having the same fight for 25 years when it comes to the music in the car when we're driving.

1) I'm very... specific about what kinds of music I like. A less charitable adjective would be "pretentious." I like jazz, blues, reggae, classical, not much else. Mrs. Homie likes a much wider variety, including stuff I can't stand (country, 90's, current pop). What's more, she refuses to listen to a song until it's over. She'll change channels on the Sirius/XM presets twenty times a minute, trying to find The Ultimate Song.

2). I was brought up to have the car radio barely audible - just loud enough that you have something other than ambient car noises in the background. You can still have a conversation over it. Mrs. Homie was brought up in a family that believes "If it's worth playing, it's worth playing LOUD." She wants the music at a volume that makes my ears bleed. You literally have to scream over it to have a conversation.

Your Mrs. Homie must be my long lost sister. I agree on both points. The search for the ultimate song is the WHOLE POINT of getting into a car and then once you find it of course you've got to crank it up.

 

[Westcoastwild]

We always seem to fight about our middle DS. He is a college graduate, 26 years old and shows no sign of leaving. I think if he is going to live here, he needs to pay something and have some chores. Dh thinks we should let him live here free with no chores. Huge fight whenever the subject comes up. After being married for 40 years I thought there was nothing left to fight about. I was wrong. He does have a job, but took 4 vacations last year cross country.

Just don't call them chores. Call it "normal upkeep on the house that a normal adult does". If he was living on his own, he'd be doing stuff like cleaning or gardening anyway.

 

[gillep]

Its funny.

We've cooked together, built part of a house together (him doing most of the work as I was working full-time at the time), ridden a tandem and buried my parents. And we've never had a real fight. In 25 years.

My husband explained it to a friend like this, "once you start fighting, you've already lost."

We really do just figure it out and move on.

I am glad that this works for you, but I just don't think that it is realistic for everyone. Both my husband and I are pretty opinionated and passionate people, and although we both love being married, we both have an independent streak to us. I truly don't think that I could live with anyone and not have an occasional fight, that just doesn't seem realistic to me considering my personality. That said, we don't tend to fight over really big things, we never fight about money, designed a house together easily, and each buried a parent without any issues between the two of us whatsoever.

We did once have a crazy animated disagreement about windmills that lasted about 2 hours, despite the fact that neither one of us knows all that much about them, nor would we ever have the room to have one on our property, and when I look back on it, I have nothing but fond memories of that particular fight, despite being really worked up at the time.

 

[emer95]

These are hysterical. I'm cracking up.

I've been blissfully married for 22 years, but my husband and I cannot attend our children's concerts without bloodshed (well, not really). Something about concerts makes him act like a child. He gets antsy, leans over and whispers to me every ten seconds, and makes fun of other kids' names. And I want to kill him.

 

[luvsJack]

Follow another driver somewhere we don't know how to get to apparently.

Last weekend we went out of town with my sister and brother in law. We followed them since they knew how to get there. Dh drove and stayed right behind bil, too close for my comfort. And bil drives very fast and stays in the left lane, dodging in and around other cars. I was constantly asking dh to back off a little and after awhile I am sure my harping got on his nerves.
So it led to an argument.

This evening we were following some friends and I was driving. As long as I can see them and have plenty of room and time for turns, I am good. He can't stand that So he kept harping on me being so far back until it got on my nerves.

Luckily by the time we got where we were going we were both laughing about having the same argument in reverse.

 

[amberpi]

Not the things I'm early for: church, work, the movie theater. And by early, I mean five minutes before start time. Left up to DH, he arrives halfway through Mass, after the homily. I know this from experience

Lol, gotcha. I was thinking of that one friend who always shows up early for a party or complains to the rest of us that she's been "waiting forever" at the restaurant. none of us are late. Its not our fault she got there at 5:55 and we were supposed to meet at 7... Those ARE good things to be early to, you're right!

 

[NFLDERS]

Its funny.

We've cooked together, built part of a house together (him doing most of the work as I was working full-time at the time), ridden a tandem and buried my parents. And we've never had a real fight. In 25 years.

My husband explained it to a friend like this, "once you start fighting, you've already lost."

We really do just figure it out and move on.

Pretty much the same here. We built our forever home literally (It was a delivered on our lot package) with us to entirely do the build ourselves. We were the contractors. We hired a framing carpenter, dry waller, and plumber everything else was our sweat and toil. It's our homes anniversary 30 years next year, and that pretty much had us embrace a "Compromise" lifestyle. For the exception of my marine knot tying skills!! Married 47ish years, I. Love. Knot. This. Man

 

[NFLDERS]

Follow another driver somewhere we don't know how to get to apparently.

Last weekend we went out of town with my sister and brother in law. We followed them since they knew how to get there. Dh drove and stayed right behind bil, too close for my comfort. And bil drives very fast and stays in the left lane, dodging in and around other cars. I was constantly asking dh to back off a little and after awhile I am sure my harping got on his nerves.
So it led to an argument.

This evening we were following some friends and I was driving. As long as I can see them and have plenty of room and time for turns, I am good. He can't stand that So he kept harping on me being so far back until it got on my nerves.

Luckily by the time we got where we were going we were both laughing about having the same argument in reverse.

We NEVER follow, always meet up. My group of friends whose culture has them (as whole families) not take the same Airplanes had us realize this was worth considering too.

 

[katie01]

Lol, gotcha. I was thinking of that one friend who always shows up early for a party or complains to the rest of us that she's been "waiting forever" at the restaurant. none of us are late. Its not our fault she got there at 5:55 and we were supposed to meet at 7... Those ARE good things to be early to, you're right!

Lol, too funny, no, I wouldn't be showing up that early! And definitely not early for dinner parties. I'm bad at small talk--I want to make sure the talkative people have arrived at a party before I do, to take the pressure off of me

 

[MrsDuck]

Competitive board games. Either he lets me win and I'm mad or I lose and I'm mad.

We do play lots of co-op games together though. Very harmonious and fun since we work together!

 

[lorimay]

Music volume in the house, my husband is an avid music lover and has a stereo in almost every room with speakers, he collects vintage stereos and each stereo needs its own speakers, OMG I am constantly asking him to lower it.
We are upstairs its on, we walk downstairs he puts the family room one on, I get he enjoys it but seriously should I have to yell over it??? He even has a stereo and speakers in the garage
30 years of marriage it could be so much worse I guess.........

We were in a small restaurant for breakfast yesterday, the kind where the table for 2 is inches apart from the next table, there was a couple our age who sat down the same time we did, 5 minutes in they starting arguing, it was so awkward I wanted to crawl under the table. I think it had something to do with a dog, we both just grabbed our phones and tried to ignore it..........

 

[adisneyaunt]

32 years married this year..we re quite different on many things, but the important things ...we agree. We really don't argue or fight.. we tend to just go with the flow and compromise if needed, without the angst..

however...atleast once a day I often say.. "how can you listen to that news channel all day/night, it's basically just repeating"... fortunately we agree on politics but I'm not Addicted to hear it whenever I'm in a room with a tv. He, on the other hand enters a room, and on it goes..I just exit, lol
Not sure what he'd "complain" about... I'm kinda perfect after all ...Not!!
Oh one thing...I'm disney addicted and that Does irk him ... I'd so rather do disney for another getaway, he'd strongly prefer elsewhere ( but goes anyway ...Yup, a keeper for sure)

 

[wenrob]

I am glad that this works for you, but I just don't think that it is realistic for everyone. Both my husband and I are pretty opinionated and passionate people, and although we both love being married, we both have an independent streak to us. I truly don't think that I could live with anyone and not have an occasional fight, that just doesn't seem realistic to me considering my personality. That said, we don't tend to fight over really big things, we never fight about money, designed a house together easily, and each buried a parent without any issues between the two of us whatsoever.

We did once have a crazy animated disagreement about windmills that lasted about 2 hours, despite the fact that neither one of us knows all that much about them, nor would we ever have the room to have one on our property, and when I look back on it, I have nothing but fond memories of that particular fight, despite being really worked up at the time.

Okay the windmill argument had me . Seriously, tears streaming. That sounds like us.

Hm, driving on the freeway. Specifically, through the Spaghetti Bowl, his driving and my reaction to it. It was our last big argument but at the time I didn't know that's what the argument was about. After about 24hrs he sat us all down (yeah, happened partly in front of the kids) and explained what happened in his thought process and how it dawned on him after thinking about it that I cannot help my reactions. (I try, really I do but there's some trauma from my past there.) So now if we can avoid it we do. Either I drive or we take the long way.