Controversial...

[Dean]

As noted, it depends on your relationship and the reason for the purchase. Some have bought it as a gift or surprise. I'd never do it as stated nor would my wife. I have made RE purchases including timeshares without discussing specifics with her when one time deals come along but I always discuss with her ASAP. But then again I have a track record of making money on those purchases and she does enjoy both the extra income and the vacations.

Given I grew up in an abusive family with a dad that was an alcoholic and a mom that would routinely buy things, not pay for them, hide the bills and then when my dad found out it was the big one, I am a little sensitive to such tactics. If my wife bought a dress or pair of shoes and purposefully hid it from me; I'd likely walk out the door and never return. So she just buys what she wants and tells me she bought it. Fortunately for me she doesn't get carried away in such matters nor have overly expensive tastes. I know some wives I simply could not afford, the problem is I don't think their current spouses really can either no matter how much money they make.

 

[Hazzard101]

I am in the "I can't believe you would even consider doing this without telling your husband" Group. I am not judging the OP. But I could never imagine spending that kind of money without discussing this with my spouse. In our household we discuss all purchases together. I would vote on telling him. Honesty is the best policy in my book.

 

[Disneydonnam]

Ok, I am either very lucky or have a very understanding husband....I have...bought our first house without him seeing it (we discussed what we wanted), traded in his cars numerous times for new cars...he would just come and sign the papers and yes...have done add ons without telling him.

I work greater than full time (55-60 hours per week), have a great job (recently got a $30,000 bonus check) and too be honest..I like to spend money!

My husband has the...you work, buy what you want attitude. I will say, he was stressed a few years ago when his Eagle Talon disappeared and the new Mercury Cougar appeared

I agree with you. My husband bought a boat without consulting me. I don't understand how buying something makes is being deceptive in a marriage. My husband and I have been together over 23 yrs and married 19. I don't think with any purchases either of us made would we consider it being deceptive. If you can afford the items you are buying I don't see the problem.

 

[Hazzard101]

I agree with you. My husband bought a boat without consulting me. I don't understand how buying something makes is being deceptive in a marriage. My husband and I have been together over 23 yrs and married 19. I don't think with any purchases either of us made would we consider it being deceptive. If you can afford the items you are buying I don't see the problem.

The thread is called "Controversial" The OP states she would have to "confess" and use "Strong Persuasion" I believe using the context she used in her original post she was feeling like she would be doing something her husband would not be on board with. As commented a few times in this thread, we don't know the inner workings of their relationship but the fact that she posted this in the first place tells me she feels it would be deceptive to a point as well.

I can only speak for myself and I know the beliefs and heart of my wife as well when I say, if it is not a big deal and the money isn't an issue what is the problem with telling the other what you are planning to do?

My wife bought our house without me seeing it just like one of the posters. I was in Alaska fishing. But before she did it she called and we discussed it. I am not speaking for any other posters and realize that every marriage is different. I just know that when I spend our money I discuss it with my DW and she does the same. This way we both know what the other hand is doing.

Getting back to the flavor of the OP Tell your husband what you have found and explain to him what a great deal it is. That way you do not have to deal with a man who feels a little blindsided. If you feel you would have to persuade him to sign the paperwork I think you already know the answer to your OP.

Being a husband I can tell you that I would rather not be surprised in that manner.

OP
This is totally NOT my usual persona, but I have had thoughts about adding on without telling my spouse ahead of time. The current incentives with lowered price are SOO tempting, and I have the money available. Obviously I would have to confess when the contract comes to sign, and would have to use *ahem* strong persuasion to get him to sign. Anyone ever done such a thing? I think DVC has made me crazy.....
__________________

 

[denegate]

Do you know where I can find some more info on the new incentives? I am currently not an owner but considering it.

 

[DisDaydreamer]

This is totally NOT my usual persona, but I have had thoughts about adding on without telling my spouse ahead of time. The current incentives with lowered price are SOO tempting, and I have the money available. Obviously I would have to confess when the contract comes to sign, and would have to use *ahem* strong persuasion to get him to sign. Anyone ever done such a thing? I think DVC has made me crazy.....

I haven't read any other posts, but NO! do not do this without including your spouse. I don't know what else to say, except this would undermine trusts between you two. It is not worth it.

 

[DisDaydreamer]

Ok, I am either very lucky or have a very understanding husband....I have...bought our first house without him seeing it (we discussed what we wanted), traded in his cars numerous times for new cars...he would just come and sign the papers and yes...have done add ons without telling him.

I work greater than full time (55-60 hours per week), have a great job (recently got a $30,000 bonus check) and too be honest..I like to spend money!

My husband has the...you work, buy what you want attitude. I will say, he was stressed a few years ago when his Eagle Talon disappeared and the new Mercury Cougar appeared

I am happy you have a great job and bring in soo much bacon. However, reading many of the negative posts I see a common thread... how long they have been married. Pay attention to this. It is important. Lots of money makes many things easier, but in the end... who are you living with? Your spouse, lover, soul mate.... or a partner that shares some things with you. Sort of a business understanding.

JMHO... I don't see too many things in black and white, but this I do.

Stepping down from my soapbox now...

 

[starbox]

I am happy you have a great job and bring in soo much bacon. However, reading many of the negative posts I see a common thread... how long they have been married. Pay attention to this. It is important. Lots of money makes many things easier, but in the end... who are you living with? Your spouse, lover, soul mate.... or a partner that shares some things with you. Sort of a business understanding.

JMHO... I don't see too many things in black and white, but this I do.

Stepping down from my soapbox now...

ITA - in my seventeenth year of marriage. DH and I both work, I make a little more $$ since being promoted. We have a division of who pays for what and maintain our own accounts. I actually pay for vacations.

Neither of us has ever made even a medium large purchase without consulting the other. We are a team and the decisions we make individually will affect us both.

An add-on to get incentives is not a small purchase - even if it's "your money" you guys are a team and should have common vision, plans, and goals.

 

[DisDaydreamer]

ITA - in my seventeenth year of marriage. DH and I both work, I make a little more $$ since being promoted. We have a division of who pays for what and maintain our own accounts. I actually pay for vacations.

Neither of us has ever made even a medium large purchase without consulting the other. We are a team and the decisions we make individually will affect us both.

An add-on to get incentives is not a small purchase - even if it's "your money" you guys are a team and should have common vision, plans, and goals.

Don't misunderstand me... We are good friends and I know everyone lives different lives, but I don't even understand a division of who pays for what and maintaining different accounts.

Everything we make goes into OUR accounts and we pay all the bills from our accounts (MB does). We share everything else... why not the income and expenses, and decisions. For many years I made WAY more than MB. Now, MB's salary is what is the stable factor in our finances. We are one in love, life, and finances. We share everything but the toothbrushes. Well.. I don't use her makeup either.... I have my own.

 

[starbox]

Don't misunderstand me... We are good friends and I know everyone lives different lives, but I don't even understand a division of who pays for what and maintaining different accounts.

Everything we make goes into OUR accounts and we pay all the bills from our accounts (MB does).

Well, I'll explain just because I think it relates to the OP's question.

When DH and I were married - we did the typical thing where all the money went into one account and I paid all the bills out of it. He was the main breadwinner, although I had a small part-time job. It seemed fine at the time, and honestly, that's the way 99% of the young couples I knew did it. The wife paid the bills from a joint account.

About 7 years into our marriage, I did a small-group study on marriage that strongly advocated submitting to your husband in the area of finances. It was not even a religious study - it was a secular marriage program. I thought there was NO WAY that would work because I, like many women, felt like I "needed" to control the bill paying. But, I decided to try it.

DH got the checkbook and he gave me a negotiated allowance to spend on groceries and household items (I'd use cash). As skeptical as I was initially, I loved it. I can not even begin to explain how much I loved it - and my husband loved it because he suddenly was able to take a more proactive role with finances.

When I started working and bringing in equal money, instead of him giving me an allowance, I write him a check for the joint account (that he manages) and keep the remainder for "my responsibilities" (groceries, household items, gas for my car, gifts, and vacation).

The core issue I think, is not how a couple decided to divide it (although I heartily advocate allowing husbands the role of main account management). I think the issues are RESPECT, COMMUNICATION, and TRUST. Before we went to the "DH in charge" system - honestly, I did not think he could "handle" paying the bills. Not good. There was not trust or respect on my part - I held the reigns to the joint account and he had to tell me if he used his debit card. Whether you make 10,000 a year or 10,000 a week - I think both spouses need to respect and trust their partner and should communicate about how they would like to spend and save.

Maybe by talking, your DH will say go for it and you won't have to have an icky yukky feeling (or worse - the feeling like you "broke his will" with strong persuasion but that he agreed to something he did not want - that sort of thing is poison to a relationship)

 

[Telcogirl]

You could do like my mother does when she buys something new and my father calls her on it.

Oh these old points? I've had had them for years.

 

[DisDaydreamer]

Well, I'll explain just because I think it relates to the OP's question.

When DH and I were married - we did the typical thing where all the money went into one account and I paid all the bills out of it. He was the main breadwinner, although I had a small part-time job. It seemed fine at the time, and honestly, that's the way 99% of the young couples I knew did it. The wife paid the bills from a joint account.

About 7 years into our marriage, I did a small-group study on marriage that strongly advocated submitting to your husband in the area of finances. It was not even a religious study - it was a secular marriage program. I thought there was NO WAY that would work because I, like many women, felt like I "needed" to control the bill paying. But, I decided to try it.

DH got the checkbook and he gave me a negotiated allowance to spend on groceries and household items (I'd use cash). As skeptical as I was initially, I loved it. I can not even begin to explain how much I loved it - and my husband loved it because he suddenly was able to take a more proactive role with finances.

When I started working and bringing in equal money, instead of him giving me an allowance, I write him a check for the joint account (that he manages) and keep the remainder for "my responsibilities" (groceries, household items, gas for my car, gifts, and vacation).

The core issue I think, is not how a couple decided to divide it (although I heartily advocate allowing husbands the role of main account management). I think the issues are RESPECT, COMMUNICATION, and TRUST. Before we went to the "DH in charge" system - honestly, I did not think he could "handle" paying the bills. Not good. There was not trust or respect on my part - I held the reigns to the joint account and he had to tell me if he used his debit card. Whether you make 10,000 a year or 10,000 a week - I think both spouses need to respect and trust their partner and should communicate about how they would like to spend and save.

Maybe by talking, your DH will say go for it and you won't have to have an icky yukky feeling (or worse - the feeling like you "broke his will" with strong persuasion but that he agreed to something he did not want - that sort of thing is poison to a relationship)

I understand what you are explaining and hope I didn't offend you. I guess we're strange birds. Our roles are completely non traditional and quite mixed up. We both make the income... MB pays the bills and does the taxes, I do the laundry (ironing icluded) and housecleaning, MB does the groceries and making of meals, I do the dishes, yard work, and gardening. MB does the gift purchasing and wrapping (including Christmas). We didn't really come up with any plan it has just worked out this way.

Sorry to the Op for sidetracking her thread.

 

[BWV Dreamin]

I know there are many methods to financial success. However, it has got to be data entry nightmare to pay bills and make investments based on "his money" and "my money". To the OP, there must be other issues as to why you do not want to discuss this major purchase with your spouse. JMHO. I would urge you to reconsider and talk with your husband.(Rob, we do the same thing here too!)

 

[Anal Annie]

I understand what you are explaining and hope I didn't offend you. I guess we're strange birds. Our roles are completely non traditional and quite mixed up. We both make the income... MB pays the bills and does the taxes, I do the laundry (ironing icluded) and housecleaning, MB does the groceries and making of meals, I do the dishes, yard work, and gardening. MB does the gift purchasing and wrapping (including Christmas). We didn't really come up with any plan it has just worked out this way.

I KNEW I liked you for some reason!

 

[anna08]

I want to thank everyone for their straightforward and occasionally humorous replies!! I guess I really know I'm not the sort to go through with the purchase without at least mumbling the idea into my coffee cup while we're at the breakfast table, but I was curious to see if my momentary insanity would be in line with anyone else.

You will likely find this amusing...Last year around April I began researching purchasing DVC, and as many here may identify with, became a wee bit obsessed with the Dis boards for information. As soon as the kiddos were off to bed, I was running to get my laptop to see what had been added from the day before. DH also works long hours so really didn't know how obsessed I had become. HE was too busy planning my surprise 40th bday party at WDW to notice!! So July came and he took me and kids to Orlando and arranged to have about 30 of my closest family and friends just show up at WDW around the parks and resorts over the next 3 days. It included a fantastic private party in the Living seas and seeing illuminations from one of those cool little lake spots at Epcot. In the end, the cost was about the buy-in for DVC!!! We laugh about that now - were two contracts happier, and I won't make the same mistake planning his 40th!!

He's an awesome guy, and you all are right. If I had to choose between WDW and him, he would win hands down. I'm going to close the laptop now and start sweet talkin'...

 

[Grandbuddy]

I love a happy ending!

 

[circhead]

I love a happy ending!

Me too.

To the OP - let us know the outcome of your sweet talking.


I hope you had a pleasant evening.

 

[rkwier]

Yep.

In our marriage, we each have individual discretion to make purchases that cost less than $X. Things that cost more than $X are discussed first. $X is a pretty reasonable number, but even a small DVC contract costs more than $X.

But, we only have "our" money, not "yours" and "mine". If you have some money that is "yours", then it might be a different story.

This is how we handle things as well. After 21 years, we have found that it really works for us. We never have the "you bought what for how much????" conversation.

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

Hey I'm a girl and I agree with you.

DH and I don't roll that way, we discuss all monetary issues(2 MBA's in the house) to the nth degree.

Ditto and Ditto.


It's what works for us, but everybody has their own path.

I think your real issue is knowing what your (and your DH's) path is.

I am very clear on what's ok and not ok monetarily for us as a family, as is DH.

(I do have a Sexy Shoe Emergency Exception Clause, however).

 

[starbox]

You will likely find this amusing...Last year around April I began researching purchasing DVC, and as many here may identify with, became a wee bit obsessed with the Dis boards for information. As soon as the kiddos were off to bed, I was running to get my laptop to see what had been added from the day before. DH also works long hours so really didn't know how obsessed I had become. HE was too busy planning my surprise 40th bday party at WDW to notice!! So July came and he took me and kids to Orlando and arranged to have about 30 of my closest family and friends just show up at WDW around the parks and resorts over the next 3 days. It included a fantastic private party in the Living seas and seeing illuminations from one of those cool little lake spots at Epcot. In the end, the cost was about the buy-in for DVC!!!

Awww - what a great DH. And what a great memory for you. Perhaps if DH is not 100% for another DVC contract right now, you all could decide to do a non-incentive but longer family cruise. If I remember right, the incentive cruise dates are mostly during hurricane season anyway.