Consulting job that requires constant travel

[mom2brina]

Does your husband (or wife) travel weekly for their job?

We have a difficult decision ahead of us. DH has been searching for a job for a while now and has just gotten an offer, but it will require him to be gone at least Mon - Thurs every week. Occasionally it could be for 2-3 weeks at a time.

We are a very tight family and I am worried about how that could change if he takes this job. How has life changed for those of you who have a spouse who travels weekly? Are there any tips or advice you can give us?

 

[pxidst119]

We were in this position 2 years ago. We are also a close family with young children. DH ultimately turned the offer down thinking that a job with that much travel would prevent him from interviewing for other opportunities in the local area. I didn't look at it that way at first but it's definitely something to consider.

 

[mtblujeans]

You have to be a strong woman to be married to a man that travels for work. Some people come by their strength more easily than others. My ex was in the Army, I was a single mom for 10 years, then married a man that traveled for work. It wasn't much of an adjustment for me.

Can you make the decisions you might need to make while he is gone and you can both live with it? Can you keep the kids going with school activities, feeling secure and not slighted because there is one parent there most of the time? Can your DH function without being able to come home every night to the emotional support of his family or the change in family dynamics? Is this a job that he will hold for long term or short term, ie. will he continue to look for other work while holding down this job?

Ultimately, you and he are the 2 people that can answer your questions. Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[trip]

My DH did lots of traveling for one of his jobs. I didn't mind so much if he was gone M-F but hated it when he was gone during the weekend.

Good luck with your decision.

 

[Kitzka]

I travelled for work from the time DD was 2 through the age of 9. I was away from home 3 weeks a month Jan-June and then in Oct. It was exciting for me at the time but after 7 years of it, it started to suck. I missed a lot in DD's life but the time I was home was priceless and invaluable to me.

My DH handled the bulk of things and I just need to let go and let him do what he had to do to keep the home fires burning.

Our family of 3 is very close and there were family things that I missed but I made the most of the time I had.

Emotionally, it was hard being away from DH for that amount of tine but it was a great job and a great position. I wouldn't be where I am career wise without it.

Lara

 

[akcire]

My husband has always had jobs that required large amounts of travel. He worked in Big 5 consulting for years, where he would be gone M-TH regularly. Here is a perk that was available to him, not sure if your husband would have a similar opportunity. He could fly home every weekend, OR he could fly to another city with similar airfare. This allowed us to see each other in different cities, I saw a ton of the US. Of course we had to pay our own hotel costs, my airfare, and food costs; but his airline ticket was paid for my the company. They didn't care if he returned "home" to Chicago or just flew to NYC, Dallas, New Orleans.

Now he has a job that requires travel, but it is not as regular. He still has business trips that are more than 12 nights away (due to international locations). Now, the travel is less regular and more reactionary.

For me the regularity of the consulting travel was much easier to plan around, now I never know if he is going to call and say he has to "go".

On the flip side, I find if he does not travel for a few months, I am looking for him to go for a couple of days. I know that sounds horrible, but sometimes I am more than ready for his next trip (even if it is just 2 nights).

Don't forget all the frequent flyer, and hotel points perks--free family vacations.

 

[2Monkeys]

My husband traveled weekly Mon-Fri (sometimes over the weekend too) when DD was 2 and I was pregnant with DS. It was very hard, but we managed. After a while, we got used to it and it just became what we did. I have great friends and neighbors that helped me get some alone time when I needed it.

We made sure we spent lots of time together when he was home - ate together, went to the park, etc. He lost his job when I was 8 months preg with DS, so even though the traveling was hard, it was nothing compared with unemployment.

I really do understand where you are coming from. But, at the time he was out of work, we would have given anything to have that crazy schedule back.

 

[PatMcDuck]

My husband has been home for the last year, but before that, he had to move to Las Vegas to work. We live in NJ. My kids are older, but there was a lot going on here. It was just what we had to do, to not lose the house, our medical insurance (DD has had many surgeries in the last few years, too). He came home every other month, or I went out west to visit.

He is in construction, and there is very little work here in NJ. He is union, and his retirement is all wrapped up in the union, he could not just switch careers, he was too far invested.

It was a very difficult situation. We were at the point where we had to go into survival mode, which sort of made the decision easier.

 

[Kathi OD]

For me, the hardest part of DH traveling so much was not when he was away, but when he came home.

While he was away I was in charge. I didn't have to consult another adult's wishes in the day-to-day routine. Things like when to eat or when the children would go to bed, or even how to punish/reward them (not about the big things, but the little things).

Having to consider his wishes after being in charge by myself was difficult. It's something that you don't think about until you are living it.

 

[LightBurnsBlue]

I wouldn't recommend the traveling lifestyle to any family. I have a traveling job currenly (between 2-3 Monday - Thursday trips each month) and while I really got a kick out of it during my single days, I dread each trip now that I am engaged and have a puppy. I literally cry every monday when I have to leave my fiance and dog. I could not IMAGINE leaving a child at home for that gone--I would miss too much. I recently accepted a job offer for a lower-paying non-traveling job--I am taking it because the money is not worth the sadness and stress of traveling. Just my two cents--I have no doubt that there are families who can make it work.

 

[tlh0726]

For me, the hardest part of DH traveling so much was not when he was away, but when he came home.

While he was away I was in charge. I didn't have to consult another adult's wishes in the day-to-day routine. Things like when to eat or when the children would go to bed, or even how to punish/reward them (not about the big things, but the little things).

Having to consider his wishes after being in charge by myself was difficult. It's something that you don't think about until you are living it.

totally agree with this. When DH comes home it totally throws the schedule off.
Plus I find myself after a few days snapping at him because he lets something sit out, dishes on the counter, doesn't hit the laundry basket, etc.

DH doesn't have a set schedule. he may work ora week or 2-3 weeks and then have off a month or more or it could just be a few days off. 2 summers ago he had the entire summer off.
He left for Vegas this past saturday and will not be home until the night of the 22nd. will be home 2 days and then head to Boston MA. then home for a few days, we then go on vacation, 2 day after he is flying back to Vegas.

OP, how independent are you?
can you handle taking care of all everything around the house?

I do everything around the house including yard work and minor maintenance. This allows DH to come home and not spend the little time he does have home doing things here.

 

[Disneycrazymom]

DH has traveled for work off and on throughout our marriage. When he travels he leaves on Sunday night and returns Friday. Usually for a 3 - 6 month contract.

Honestly sometimes it was really hard for him to be away and for me to do everything here at home. Sometimes it would be a little easier. Probably depending on the kids ages and how many activities they needed to get to. He missed a lot of the kids growing up and I think it has been hard on our relationship. The kids and I definitely get into our own routine when DH travels and he often feels left out when he is home.

On the up side he earns lots of air and hotel points and they can be used at our favorite place!

Good luck with your decision. I am sure we can all share some tips to help you make the best of it if you decide to take the job!

 

[disneycruising]

My DH travel about half the time.

I did go into my marriage knowing how important his career is to him. I would NEVER tell him he can't do it. He loves his job! Over the years we have tried to set up some grown rules...no missing Birthdays, graduations & holidays. He also tries his hardest to not be gone on the weekends.

I think it was really hard on me when the kids where little. We did not live near family...so I never got a break. Now that they are older (11, 13, 15 &17) it is much easier. Plus, I have another driver that can help with the driving. I can leave them home alone and run errands.

It can diffently be a challenge at times. You will be responsible for: house hold emergencies, if car break downs, emergency room visits (broken arms & cut chins), the only parent for most school activities, parent/ teacher conferences, sports, sick children, you will also be the one who will have to explain why dad can not be there... for the million time.

I have tried to make dad's being gone as normal & yet fun as I can. The kids and I have our own 'little things' we do when dad is gone. It is even better if it is something Daddy hates to do! We make breakfast for dinner, watch a movie and make popcorn, make meals that dad doesn't like, paint nails.

I also try to do something special for myself when he is gone. I always get a good book to read. After the kids go to bed, I climb into my bed and read until I fall asleep. This, is something that drives my DH crazy. Or I rent a movie that I know he would hate to watch. I buy my self a small "treat" to eat after to kids go to bed.

As some one else posted...There are some perks to him traveling so much. We have used his frequent flier miles & hotel points to go on alot of great vacations. That we otherwise would not be able to afford. We have taken the kids to WDW a number of times, we have also gone to DL a few times, to Hawaii twice, it has also covered all our airfare for almost all are cruises.


You are the only one who know if this with work for 'your family'. Take your time to really think about it! It is not a decision that can be rushed.

 

[bumbershoot]

You have to be a strong woman to be married to a man that travels for work.

Can your DH function without being able to come home every night to the emotional support of his family or the change in family dynamics?

Ultimately, you and he are the 2 people that can answer your questions. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Agreed!

For me, the hardest part of DH traveling so much was not when he was away, but when he came home.
...
Having to consider his wishes after being in charge by myself was difficult. It's something that you don't think about until you are living it.

Agreed.



DH doesn't travel as frequently, but when he does travel it can be relatively lengthy. We've all gotten much more used to it; I actually start to get tense after he's home for too long, LOL. DH has the hardest time with it, which makes sense, because he's alone, while DS and I have each other to hug.

We hadn't had the problems when he got home until the last time, when things started moving around the kitchen. I finally got through to him by mentioning his parents, because his dad was first in the Navy, then Merchant Marines, then in various shipping type of jobs for DH's whole life until FIL died, and was never home longer than 3 months at a time. His parents used to have huge arguments about that sort of thing, and it wasn't fun for DH and his siblings. So I just reminded him that things need to be put in the same spot, or that he needs to tell me when he moves something, and all has been fine since then LOL.

The miles he's earning are going to be very beneficial, that's for sure!

When we were dating, we made a pact that we would never travel separately. And now he travels all over the world by himself (DS and I do some traveling too, but domestic). A big change! But it's been fine, and it gets his urge for travel taken care of without having to pay for it, which is kinda nice. Now if only I could get paid to travel as well!


But yep, only you two can figure out if you're up for it. And IMO it's only once it's been happening for a year or so to see if you're *really* up to it.

Best of luck!

 

[DVCBELLE]

My Dh has never lived away but when our kids were little - he worked about an hour from our house and worked late nights. About 5 years ago - he got a job 10 minutes from our house. We didn't realize how much he was missing with his other job. At the new job he was home for games, practices, first day of school, teacher conferences and even lunch sometimes. He is currently unemployed but one thing we both know is that we will never take a job permanently that would require him be away that much again!

He did a contract job about a month ago and was gone nonstop for 3 weeks straight - even weekends. It was so hard on all of us! The kids missed him, I missed him and he missed us. The kids have told him they never want him gone that much again.

We are not at the point where he would take a job at any cost but if we were faced with your choice and there were no other opportunities then he would probably take it while still looking for something at home!

 

[moongirl]

Although we have never personally had this situation, I have two dear friends whose husbands have been doing this for at least 15 years. The one thing that has happened to them many times is that their husbands have been offered full-time permanent jobs with various clients that they have done consulting for. Thus, the traveling job often leads to an opportunity for a non-traveling one. In this economy, I'd take what I could get and make the most of the contacts I made.

 

[NHdisneylover]

You have to be a strong woman to be married to a man that travels for work. Some people come by their strength more easily than others. My ex was in the Army, I was a single mom for 10 years, then married a man that traveled for work. It wasn't much of an adjustment for me.

Can you make the decisions you might need to make while he is gone and you can both live with it? Can you keep the kids going with school activities, feeling secure and not slighted because there is one parent there most of the time? Can your DH function without being able to come home every night to the emotional support of his family or the change in family dynamics? Is this a job that he will hold for long term or short term, ie. will he continue to look for other work while holding down this job?

Ultimately, you and he are the 2 people that can answer your questions. Good luck with whatever you decide.

This is an excellent post

I have tried to make dad's being gone as normal & yet fun as I can. The kids and I have our own 'little things' we do when dad is gone. It is even better if it is something Daddy hates to do! We make breakfast for dinner, watch a movie and make popcorn, make meals that dad doesn't like, paint nails.

I do the same thing. In fact, DH's job has changed somewhat in scope since January and now he has been home for 3 out of 4 weeks each month this year. The kids keep saying tht it is awesome having Daddy home but they miss watching Glee and having omlettes for dinner once in a while

Last year DH was gone 40 weeks (should have been 44 but he threw his back out and the doctor grounded him). We have had several years with pretty constant travel and then some years with almost no travel and some with very on and off travel. For me, the worst is the on and off. You jsut can't get into a routine then.

We move a lot and have never leived near family, so I have not relaly been able to rely on anyone else to pick up the slakc or help out when DH is gone--and it was really interesting moving to a foriegn country, not knowing the language yet and having him gone 90% of the time those first two years The kids and I joke that we live in Germany and DH jsut visits for the weekend.

Anyway, it works okay for us. I am okay handling all of the sick kids, emergency room visits, teacher conferences, dentist appointments, lawn care, home and car maintenance, etc. Most of the really big events for the kids (black belt test, dance recital, theatrical productions) take place on the weekends and we get those on the calendar immediately so that DH can schedule around them and be sure that the rare (5-6 times a year) weekend away is not then.

The hard part for me is just keeping up with everything and having no one there at night. I found things like the DIS and the Wii fit and reading keep me entertained in the evenings after the kids are in bed. We also skype often at night (and he tries really hard to skype before going out for business dinners too so he can get in a few minutes with the kids, but that does not always work out).
It can also be tough because I have to be the responsible one and he gets to be the fun one wince he is not here during the week when things like homework need to be dealt with. He is just here on the weekends when we are going out to do something fun.

The hardest part for my husband is that he really doesn't get time to do things for himself when he is home--he really makes an effort to spend that precious time with the kids and with me. So, he is never off with his friends playing poker in the weekends, or taking some guys only trip or anything. Pretty much all of his time off is for us.

It works well enough for us, and honestly my kids are closer to their dad than many of their schoolmates whose fathers travel less. They seem to spend more actual time with him too.

 

[mom2brina]

The miles and points are definitely something that we will be looking forward to if he takes this job!!

It is a tough decision for us because we know that it will be great for his career in the long run, but hard on our family in the short run.

Thanks for sharing all of your experiences. Gives me something to think about!

 

[DawnM]

My husband is only gone between 2 to 3 weeks per year. He is in Panama this week......I talked to him last night and he made the comment, "There is no way I could do this as part of my job all the time.....I want to be HOME!"

So, for us, it wouldn't be an option. DH wouldn't even consider it.

Dawn

 

[prncess674]

I work for a big consulting firm and travel every week for work. While I don't have kids I work with a lot of people who do have kids.

Things to consider about work travel (whether you have kids or not)

• Will you have to take connecting flights if it is cheaper? Sounds minor but it adds hours to a commute and that sucks when trying to get home. My firm has the policy of lowest non-stop.
• What class of hotels are firm negotiated? Sure we all say we can stay at a Hampton Inn, but after weeks on the road you start to really appreciate a full service hotel.
• Does he need to go in the office on Fridays or can you work from home on Fridays?
• Will you have to fly out on Sunday night. Sundays are family day and I despise traveling on Sundays?
• Can you return on Thursday evening?
• Are miles and points yours to keep?
• Will you be required to share a rental car? Sharing is fine when you only do one or two biz trips a year, but week in and out you feel like you never leave your coworkers.

For those with kids

• Set up a routine with your kids, such as you always chat on the phone while they eat breakfast
• Have a nightly conference call via skype
• When you are traveling people are understanding about being away from family, so don't hesitate to call family from the office.