Considering only taking one child

[ksumn1]

I think if OP said her son is a freak and a maniac she simple meant that he is more highstrung that DD with alot of extra energy to expend. It's like this, I may call my 2 year old a little demon on the days she does everything opposite of what I say and I have to chase her down to change a pull up, and I'm ready to pull my hair out,but woe to anyone who calls her a demon TO me. And I think that every child is different. It sounds to me like her DS would LOVE to spend special time with Pop doing Thomas the Train stuff, which to be honest DD would not enjoy. So if he has a great time and DD can also have a great time, even if it's seperately I don't see any problem. Sounds like everyone will have fun. And also, as the kids get older they will grow and develop different interests. DS may love hockey and DD may love cheerleading. Should both kids have to go to the hockey game or the cheerleading competition just because it's not fair one goes and the other doesn't? ShHould Mom bring DS when she takes DD bra shopping? Or should DH take DD when they go shopping for an athletic supporter? Yes, it's an extreme case, not in a vacation situation but I just used this as an example. At some point, you begin to do different things with each child depending on what they like or dislike. I say if Mom and Dad don't have think it's an issue, it's OK. Just my .02

 

[camdensmom]

Personally, I would examine why DS is having such behavior issues. If it is strictly a behavior management issue then it is just that: manageable. If there is a special need that is behind the issues then that needs to be addressed.

It's a tough call, but you need to do what is right for your family.

Any chance the grandfather can come with you and spend a day w/ DS in Disney while you spend princess time with DD?

I wouldn't leave him behind. If it were a simple matter of wanting to have special time w/ DD and DS wasn't interested I'd say go for it. However, it is clear that you want to leave him behind for reasons that aren't is his best interest and therefore I do think it would be wrong to leave him behind. Surely he is aware of his behaviors and I can only imagine he would feel as if he is being punished.

 

[amarberry]

Like others have said, I am also not a fan of leaving a child behind when it comes to a family vacation. I think what makes this situation okay, and quite positive, is that each child is having a special one on one experience with a parent. If you had said, "DH and I are taking DD and leaving DS behind with grandma and grandpa", I'd totally disagree. I think that you and your DD will have a very special and memorable trip.

 

[ThreeMusketeers]

I really would LOVE to take a Mother/Daughter Trip with DD someday! Sounds like a blast!!
I think once we got their though, I would start to feel guilty about not bringing DS and DH. Maybe bring the whole family,but DH and DS hang out and do things at DS's pace, like swimming and then maybe after exerting all the energy swimming all day he will be nice and mellow for a family dinner and some park rides at the end of the day. You and DH could switch on and off with Park days. So you each get time alone with your children and you each ALL get to enjoy the parks.

 

[Snow Brite]

Go and dont think twice about it! I take each of my kids alone on their 7th birthday to Disneyland. It is a special memory each of them has and they all understand that it is their special trip. I was worried this last time that the oldest ones would be sad to be left behind when I took the 3rd child. But they were SO excited for him and were happy to remember their fun trip. I was so proud of them.

I love spending time alone with just one child. They spend so much of their little lives taking turns, doing things that are not at the top of their list because it IS on someone else's, waiting for bathroom breaks or lunch breaks. Their birthday trip is all about them, whatever they want to do, whenver they want to do it, whatever they want to eat, watch, etc. If they want to ride IASW or Autopia 15 times in 3 days then its not a problem. You kinda fall back in love with your child in a way that is hard to do in the daily grind and when you attention is split in many different directions.

I also took the two oldest to WDW and left the two littlest ones at home with Grandma. But it was just me and there was no way I could take all four, ages 8, 5, 3, and 2 by myself. The two little ones know that as soon as I graduate from college (I went back at 35!) that they get a trip to WDW too. They are not resentful and are excited to think about going.

As long as it feels fair to you, and you can explain it to yourself, then its fine. If the trip will not be enjoyable or pleasant for your son or for you to deal with your son and his special needs then you should wait to take him until it is. I think the idea of him going to see Thomas would be something that in his little mind is equal to a trip to see the Princesses for his sister anyways. If you and he get to go on a special trip later on when he is ready then all the better.

 

[cstraub]

I say go for it! You'll have a blast.

I have taken my two younger ones without their older brother and I'm planning a trip with my DBF and her daughter and leaving my other DS's behind. They don't think a thing of it. My older DS and I go to DIsneyland every year and spend a week in California. My younger two kids get to spend time with their grandparents and my DH. Just recently my DD5 asked me when I was going back to California so she could spend time with Grandma and grandpa and go fishing! She really can't wait for me to leave.

There are far worse things in life than wanting to spend one on one time with your child.

For those of you who have been so harsh:

You need to think about the fact that as your children get older opprotunitues will arise where everyone may not be able to go on the family vacation. My DS14 is just short of miserable going to WDW for the millionth time with his younger brother and sister. Last time we went we had two of his friends with us so he really enjoyed that but he does not want to go back. Should I stay home and deny my younger children trips to WDW because the older one does not want to go? He has gone to Hawaii and on a ski trip to Utah without us and my younger children didn't say word one- they were happy for him!

I think a lot of how your chidren view the idea of splitting up and doing seperate vacations comes from the parent. My kids never feel slighted ever!

I don't think you need to justify why you want to go either. Even if your son was an angel that should not change a thing. There's nothing wrong with just going with your DD for the sole reason that you WANT to!!??? You have to stop and ask yourself why people are so ridgid about this? Do you really think this will scar your DS for life- I can think of far worse things in life!!

 

[grlpwrd]

I'm really torn and need some been there done that feedback. I'm prepared to be flamed but would appreciate both sides of the coin.

DD5 is a major princess freak. I've been trying to get her to disney for a few years. DS3 is a maniac! He is a Thomas Train freak and just a freak! He is very wild but adorable of course. DH is dreading a disney trip because DS is crazy when we do trips. He will refuse to sleep for days on end. DH suggested I take DD and just do a mother/daughter trip.

I'm leaning towards it. It would be such a special time for us. I could totally focus on all things princess. She is an easy child and has to give in a lot to her brother because he is not as easy! However he is still my baby and I'm not sure I want to leave him behind.

We were thinking we'd do a Thomas Day Out trip with him and then let him stay will my parents while I took DD to Disney. My dad is DS best friend in the whole world. That little boy just adores his Poppa.

Will he hate me when he is older? We plan to do many family Disney trips over the years so he will go.

Our trip would just be a 3 day one so it would be very affordable too.

When you say DH is dreading a disney trip because DS is crazy when we do trips. He will refuse to sleep for days on end it seems like even a father/son trip would be a challenge.

GL in whatever you decide!

 

[robinb]

When you say DH is dreading a disney trip because DS is crazy when we do trips. He will refuse to sleep for days on end it seems like even a father/son trip would be a challenge.

But Dad will have grandma and grandpa (who the DS adores) to help him out .

 

[melomouse]

JeepGirl -

Please, please go for 3 short days and be with your DD for a "girls'" trip! I think I might know your DS!!!! My sweet DS(now 14) was a tough kid at 3 and still is. DD was not yet born was he was 3, so we did take him everywhere - and it took lots out of me and DH to "enjoy" our trips. Folks who do not have a DS like you do have a hard time understanding and go off on this "unfair" issue and even suggest you might be traumatizing DS. You will take him when he is older - not like the kid will never ever get to WDW.You are not leaving him with the wicked queen - you are leaving him with his Dad and Grandpa, for goshsakes!

Turns out my DS had Asperger's - so he wasn't just a "behavior" problem. My current means of survival very often is "divide and conquer" - individual outings with each child where they get my undivided attention. I cannot tell you how enriching that has been for all of us. DD and I went for a short weekend with another mom and her DD in the fall and had a blast.

I have a friend who is so nuts and guilty about the "fairness" thing that if she spends $5 more on a Christmas gift, she deposits the $5 into the other's bank account!!! Life is not fair. Kids are all different and unique with different developmental needs, interests and capabilities. Trying to meet ALL those needs AT ONCE is crazy-making behavior for us as parents.

When we do WDW - we all go for at least a week so that everyone has turns on doing their "thing". As they've gotten older, the interests converge a bit - DQ this past trip comes to mind.

IMHO, you are forging a lifelong relationship with DD separate from family unit, separate from sibling, just as you have a separate relationship with DH and may go away sometimes for a couple's weekend. Maybe you will do a DS weekend in a couple of years, when he's a better traveller.

And though certainkly everyone's entitled to their opinion, I think the concept of "family" needs to be flexible and respectful of each member's needs and abilities, instead of being plugged into some hard-and-fast "rule" about what a family is. Whose rules are they anyway??

I've gone on and on - can you tell how important I think this is?? Go!! Enjoy!!!! And tell us how it was!!! Good luck!!

melomouse

 

[minkydog]

Yes, i would do it. There wouldn't be any fairness in making your daughter give up Disney just because her little brother isn't ready for it. And there sure isn't any fun in taking a "wild child"--believe me, I know; I have one. We have left DS10 on several occasions. It's not the same situation(he's severely autistic & a double handful) but we find that sometimes it's just better to go without him. Don't feel a bit guilty. your DS can go with you on the next trip. I think "two girls at Disney" sounds like an awesome time

 

[DisneyMomx7]

No, I wouldn't do it. I might do a different trip with a dd - something like a day at the AG store or something along that line while ds did the train day. But not Disney. My ds was almost three the first time we went and he fell in love with Disney. I think you would feel so much guilt that you truly would not enjoy yourself. My opinion is, make Disney a family trip. Take a different "girls only" trip if you feel dd needs some special attention. Hope everything works out for you.

BTW - my ds (now 21) was also a "maniac" when he was three. He's now finishing up college and going to law school. He is one of my greatest joys, so hang in there it does get better!

 

[DisneyPhD]

I have a questions for the OP. Have you ever done Disney as a family before? Do you go often? Is it likely that if you do this trip with you and DD this year, next year or when DS is older better suited for that kind of vacation will you be taking another Disney trip that inculdes him, or is this trip once in a life time kind of thing?

Does you DS show an interest in WDW? Does he talk about it daily? While I am sure there is a lot of fun things for him here, if he doesn't know what he is missing, or he will get it just a bit older when he is more ready for it then I won't worry about it at all.

I think WDW can be great with a 3 year old, but not ALL 3 year olds. Every child is different, every family is different. What is good others, (everyone together or no one goes) may not be good for yours. Do what is right for you. It sounds like the trip with you and DD is what sounds good to you. Go for it.

 

[allie&mattsmom]

IMO, I think there's nothing wrong with it. In fact, I'm taking my dd10 w/o my ds8 in March. Last Aug., I took my DS8 w/o my dd. We also go as a family a couple of times a year if that makes a difference. We are dvc members so that to us makes it more feasible for us. My kids are fine about it but all kids are different and you know yours best. Best of luck with your decision!

 

[kimmikayb]

Here's my 2 cents. Your son sounds like he's too young for WDW. I think you would have a very special time with DD. I just took my younger two kids and will try and take my older two this fall. We have a family trip planned for 2008 (or as soon as my youngest is tall enough for the rides).

Take your DD and enjoy. Don't feel guilty.

 

[jeepgirl30]

Wow! I wasn't expecting so many pasionate replies.

First, my son is a wild child but totally normal. He is not a bad child by any means. He does not adjust well to new environments. He hates changes to his routines. He did excellent when we went to Thomas last year but still wouldn't sleep except in the car. His sister was a trooper but Thomas is not her thing.

DH takes DS to watch the Steelers practice. DD doesn't go. DD doesn't care! DH has season tickets and DS will eventually go to the games with him. DD probably never will, it'll be her choice but I have my doubts.

We love our children all the time. I do feel guilty leaving him. But DD talks disney 24/7 and princesses 24/7. DS talks Thomas and Football Steelers 24/7. He has never mentioned Disney. The only character he has not been scared of was Sir Top Hat.

Bottom line is he is just not ready for Disney. He will be but not now. I don't want my DD to miss out. We were supposed to do a family trip last year to Disney but decided no since DS couldn't handle it. I know we can't take him this year either.

I travel for my job and will be in Orlando 2X this spring. I'm not using DD as an excuse as someone suggested. This trip will be 100% focused on her. She deserves it. She is an excellent child and gets a lot less attention than I'd like to give her because her brother takes a lot of time and attention.

We will take another trip to Disney. I don't have an exact trip yet but we will go. DH and I have enjoyed Disney in the past before kids and always said we would take them when they were ready. God bless the moms that can run after 5 kids at once! But its not the way I envision our family vacations.

Thanks to those that responded with non judgemental opinions.

 

[DisneyPhD]

Wow! I wasn't expecting so many pasionate replies.

Thanks to those that responded with non judgemental opinions.

Yes Dis can get some pretty pasionate responses. Often with out all the info, or jumping to conclusions. Then the justification of "you asked for my opinion and I gave it to you" comes into it. You learn to just ingore those and focus on the helpful answers. Often ones that aren't your view point can be very helpful in considering things you might have not thought of, or ones that agree can help you detrimine you were right in the 1st place. Talking to others who has been there can help.

But no mater what anyone says it is your family and your dession. You don't have to justify it to anyone.

Best of luck. I hope your little Princess and you have a magical trip. Take lot's of pictures.

 

[robinb]

Wow! I wasn't expecting so many pasionate replies.

I'm not quite sure what you were expecting if not a passionate discussion. Actually, this one has been pretty low key for the subject, LOL.

Thanks to those that responded with non judgemental opinions.

IMJO, every opinion is judgmental. Sometimes opinions agree. Sometimes they do not agree. But they are all based on our own persoanl judgments, life experiences, and assumptions. You don't have to take them all to heart, but it's good to hear what other people say and think.

 

[jennilouwho]

I agree with those that say to go! If it was you, DH, and DD leaving him behind or if it was for a longer period of time I wouldn't be for it. But if it's a girls weekend getaway then it sounds like a lot of fun! I'm sure DS would enjoy the one on one attention he would get from your DH and your parents! Have a good time!

 

[mrsltg]

Go!!! Take your daughter, have the time of your life, and don't look back. Spending time with children is priceless. Sometimes it's little moments at home, sometimes it's big moments away. Your son is not going to care nor is he going to do a comparitive analysis of the weekend when you return. If nothing else this will make for great family jokes, "remember when you took Susie to Disney????"

Have a great time and enjoy time with the kids...

Erin

 

[lulugirl]

I think it sounds like a great idea.