Confidence issues- 12/16/09 UPDATE

[chicagodisneyfan]

How about meeting men at a church or other such function. I know I would be turned off by a no-sex pledge and never would have dated a man who wanted to remain pure.

Maybe friends or relatives who support your pledge could introduce you to like minded folks.

Or christiansingles.com or realchristiansingles.com

Good luck in finding happiness

 

[OhMari]

I'll ask my son if it's him. (just kidding).

Just so you know, there are guys out there and they feel the exact same way you do. I have 2 sons, and these 2 are lazy, when it comes to asking girls out. I shouldn't say that lazy, because the younger one now has a serious girlfriend. But my oldest son, has ever excuse in the book not to ask someone out.
1. No money,
2. too tired
3. Wants the girl to ask him out. Guys really want you to ask them out-how lame is that, but they do.

Now, my girls are all in the same situation that you are. Look at the picture in my sig. where they are watching the guys-they saw cute guys on our cruise, but would not talk or start a conversation with any of them. I ask them all the time-listen to your brothers, guys want girls to ask them out.

 

[Magix]

Okay, good. So, he spoke to you. Now, that's broken the ice and you can say "Hi" to him next time you see him. Even if he did think it was odd that you didn't respond (and I doubt that he thought it odd), if you say "Hi" and smile next time you see him, he'll know you're a good person and you're open to talking. That's it. Just say "Hi" and smile as you pass him in the gym.

 

[mmackeymouse]

How about meeting men at a church or other such function. I know I would be turned off by a no-sex pledge and never would have dated a man who wanted to remain pure.

Eek, harsh. But, it is an opinion I respect. That said, just because this person does not go to MY church, does not mean he doesn't go to A church. And, just because someone goes to church, does not mean they are pure. So, I don't think that makes him any more or less likely to be pure or at least not as offended by my purity.

3. Wants the girl to ask him out. Guys really want you to ask them out-how lame is that, but they do.

Now, my girls are all in the same situation that you are. Look at the picture in my sig. where they are watching the guys-they saw cute guys on our cruise, but would not talk or start a conversation with any of them. I ask them all the time-listen to your brothers, guys want girls to ask them out.

Yes, very lame and sad. Who knew that when women burned their bras in attempts to get equality, that we were giving men the right to sit and do nothing and expect to be approached by us?

 

[mmackeymouse]

Okay, good. So, he spoke to you. Now, that's broken the ice and you can say "Hi" to him next time you see him. Even if he did think it was odd that you didn't respond (and I doubt that he thought it odd), if you say "Hi" and smile next time you see him, he'll know you're a good person and you're open to talking. That's it. Just say "Hi" and smile as you pass him in the gym.

I will definitely take that to heart....and do my best.

No sightings tonight. He must have taken the night off. I probably should have. My legs are throbbing and very very sore.

So, I probably won't see him till next week. Which gives me a whole weekend to a) lament over what an idiot I was yesterday, and what I should have done differently and b) lose any nerve to speak to him I may have built up the last couple of days.

I cannot even believe that I am hoping for a short weekend and looking forward to Monday......what has become of me?

 

[Caradana]

Whoo-hoo! You have a crush! Isn't it invigorating and adrenalizing? I admit that I really missed indulging in crushes for a little while after I got married. Love is way better than the crush, but I felt so GOOD all high on that "is it gonna happen" brain chemistry from time to time in my single days. Try to view it in that very positive light. It makes you feel alive!!!

I wonder, how old are you and how close to me do you live? I want to drive over and take you shopping and practice with mascara. Let's get this "time to be a babe" show on the road. There are ways to do this while balancing your efforts with your values and morals. I want to help

 

[mmackeymouse]

Whoo-hoo! You have a crush! Isn't it invigorating and adrenalizing? I admit that I really missed indulging in crushes for a little while after I got married. Love is way better than the crush, but I felt so GOOD all high on that "is it gonna happen" brain chemistry from time to time in my single days. Try to view it in that very positive light. It makes you feel alive!!!

I wonder, how old are you and how close to me do you live? I want to drive over and take you shopping and practice with mascara. Let's get this "time to be a babe" show on the road. There are ways to do this while balancing your efforts with your values and morals. I want to help

Aww......you are too, too sweet! But, I am in Indiana, so that would be quite the drive! I am 27 in 3 weeks.

Yes, I suppose it is a crush. I was the queen of crushes in my younger years. In high school, I nursed a 3 yr long crush. When I found out he had a gf, I went to the bathroom and literally threw up; had to go home sick. Or I would float from crush to crush, week to week. Or, as in college, I had multiple crushes simultaneously. But, it has been years since I have had a serious crush.

But, honestly, I would trade a million crushes for what you have. I want eternal companionship, a family, someone to come home to. And truthfully I would much rather not have a crush at all (as fun as it may be) than have a crush with no potential.

And, again, honestly and sincerely, I truly feel like there is a chance there is a connection there. A vibe. Sometimes, I think I feel his eyes drift my way, but I am always too chicken to check. I would be absolutely dismayed if I found out he is not in fact interested at all, or worse, unavailable.

 

[OhMari]

Aww......you are too, too sweet! But, I am in Indiana, so that would be quite the drive! I am 27 in 3 weeks.

Yes, I suppose it is a crush. I was the queen of crushes in my younger years. In high school, I nursed a 3 yr long crush. When I found out he had a gf, I went to the bathroom and literally threw up; had to go home sick. Or I would float from crush to crush, week to week. Or, as in college, I had multiple crushes simultaneously. But, it has been years since I have had a serious crush.

But, honestly, I would trade a million crushes for what you have. I want eternal companionship, a family, someone to come home to. And truthfully I would much rather not have a crush at all (as fun as it may be) than have a crush with no potential.

And, again, honestly and sincerely, I truly feel like there is a chance there is a connection there. A vibe. Sometimes, I think I feel his eyes drift my way, but I am always too chicken to check. I would be absolutely dismayed if I found out he is not in fact interested at all, or worse, unavailable.

Darn, Indiana, my son lives south of Milwaukee.
Wouldn't it be nice if a mom like me could set you up on a blind date.
Not to get off of the conversation with your crush--good luck tomorrow, and I hope you get say Hi and start a conversation.

 

[mmackeymouse]

Darn, Indiana, my son lives south of Milwaukee.
Wouldn't it be nice if a mom like me could set you up on a blind date.
Not to get off of the conversation with your crush--good luck tomorrow, and I hope you get say Hi and start a conversation.

Well, thank you very much for the offer. I guess if he decides to make the exciting move to rural Indiana, you can let me know. I'm kidding.

As a mother, perhaps you could add some insight. I think my mom is starting to suspect something. I don't want to hide anything from her, but you guys and my sister are the only ones that know about this guy. I guess I am afraid once the whole world knows......I dunno, it is hard to explain. She made a comment the other night that I was being distant and spacy. Then, I said this morning (stupidly) that it had been a long weekend, and I was glad tomorrow was Monday........which is obviously not normal for a working gal like myself, and certainly not typical of me. Anyway, after I said this, she goes, "That's not like you" then she asks, "Are you going to the Y today?" I have never lied to her, but if my pattern of behavior is changing, I don't want it to be obvious to everyone.

I found this amazing siggy by one of the DIS members, and I am trying really hard to use this to give me confidence:

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”- Anais Nin

 

[chisnpeke]

I was shy in high school and always felt nervous to the point of being sick to my stomach around boys I had crushes on. This lasted until my first year of college. I realized that feeling sick wasn't worth it. I also realized that love finds you when you are least expecting it. I met my high school boyfriend when I wasn't looking. I've really only had two real boyfriends (high school and current, I'm 21 now) and meeting both of them was unexpected. Like you I don't party and don't socialize much (only have two friends I really see/talk to from high school and one has a child, so that's hard).

I met my current boyfriend at work and I wasn't looking for a boyfriend at the time. I think when you stop looking is when love finds you.

Be yourself. Work on being confident around all types of people. You will meet someone!

 

[mmackeymouse]

Be yourself. Work on being confident around all types of people. You will meet someone!

You are absolutely 100% right, and that is definitely something I want to work on. It is a challenge for me to try to be open and friendly, without feeling like I am being fake. I know phoniness is such a turn off, considering I see a lot of it in my workplace. So, I need to learn to tread the thin line between being genuine and sincerely friendly and not being myself at all.

I remember in college, there were these girls that were bigger than I, and much bigger than I am now. Somehow, they oozed confidence (even though I knew them, and knew their true insecurities). No person was too great for them to talk to. No guy was out of their league. In that sense, I just envied them to bits. On the other hand, there were times these girls just seemed foolish and embarrassing, like they were trying MUCH too hard. And honestly, they were a joke sometimes. And, just watching them self-implode, I vowed to myself to never be a joke like them, even if it meant not putting myself out there. I don't want to be "the chubby girl that tries too hard."

But, I just have to push through it and step outside my comfort zone. I will never claim to be an expert at flirting. I don't know how to do it; I don't know how to interpret it. I don't know how to work eye contact, body language, any of that. So, whenever that guy comes along, I really hope that we are able to connect in a way that I can let down my guard and nothing is ever awkward.

 

[FireDancer]

But, I just have to push through it and step outside my comfort zone. I will never claim to be an expert at flirting. I don't know how to do it; I don't know how to interpret it. I don't know how to work eye contact, body language, any of that. So, whenever that guy comes along, I really hope that we are able to connect in a way that I can let down my guard and nothing is ever awkward.

You have to treat meeting people like baseball. If you go up to the plate and never swing at anything sure you'll never look bad, but you'll never get a hit either. If you swing, every once in a while you will look terrible and strike out, but you will get some hits too.

I have struck out so horribly at times that it went from embarrassing to comical in a matter of seconds. In the end everyone has the same insecurities, or comparable once, so don't worry about it.

 

[mmackeymouse]

You have to treat meeting people like baseball. If you go up to the plate and never swing at anything sure you'll never look bad, but you'll never get a hit either. If you swing, every once in a while you will look terrible and strike out, but you will get some hits too.

I have struck out so horribly at times that it went from embarrassing to comical in a matter of seconds. In the end everyone has the same insecurities, or comparable once, so don't worry about it.

Ah, yes, Frank, but your analogy is assuming a baseball player of average talent, yes? My situation and experience (or lack thereof) level dictates a T-ball player that can't even hit the ball off the tee. Now, take that T-ball player and move him up to Senior League.

It is not going to be a "Sometimes you hit, sometimes you don't" thing. It is gonna be a long while before that kid even smells a hit. And that poor kid is going to look like an absolute moron for a long, long, long time. And there is going to be a LOT of K's before the kid hits a ball. I think you get the drift.

I am just gonna try to let my sultry blue eyes do the work......hopefully he does not think I have some sort of mental condition, because, as I said, I'm not real good at it, and will probably end up looking like I have a tic or something.

 

[chisnpeke]

You are absolutely 100% right, and that is definitely something I want to work on. It is a challenge for me to try to be open and friendly, without feeling like I am being fake. I know phoniness is such a turn off, considering I see a lot of it in my workplace. So, I need to learn to tread the thin line between being genuine and sincerely friendly and not being myself at all.

That is extremely difficult for me as well. I get so shy in certain situations that I'm afraid I come across as unfriendly and cold when I'm really not like that at all! I sometimes have trouble getting the correct words out because I get so nervous. It's something I struggle with. My mom said she was the same way until she had kids because once that happened all of the focus was on the kids and not on herself.

I truly believe that certain things happen so we are able to meet certain people or have certain things that are good happen to us. Whether it be not getting a particular job or not going out with a guy you have a crush on. The current relationship I am in I think had some sort of intervention from a higher being (not supposed to discuss religion) but this is what I believe. You sound like you have faith, I believe faith will bring someone to you.

 

[mmackeymouse]

I thank the Lord that I have you guys, even though I've never met you, as confidantes. If I kept all this bottled up to myself, I would be a mess. And, trust me, if I spit out my every thought and emotion and insecurity, my friends and family would go absolutely crazy.

This whole weekend felt like it lasted forever and just dragged on. Now, I am like trying to slow the day down, like "Oh my gosh, only 9 hours......am I ready? I don't think I'm ready..."

I had a pretty rough night last night; I couldn't sleep real well. I kept tossing and turning, talking myself into and out of, into and out of speaking to him or whatever. I am a very reason, logic based person. And something, based on logic, hit me like a ton of bricks last night. I will post more about it later.

 

[mmackeymouse]

Alright, so here is the epiphany I had last night. Why do young people move? a) for jobs; b) to stay near someone they are in a relationship with.

Like I said, I live in a pretty small town, and I cannot imagine that anyone would be actively seeking work in this random, rural, Indiana town, unless they had a reason. So, unless he was transferred here, or offered some job he just couldn't refuse, why would he be here?

I ask because he is from a decent sized city, with more and better opportunities, I am sure. And, around here at least, people don't move from cities to small towns, at least alone. Maybe if they have a family. It is against all logic. People move from small towns to small towns, from towns to cities, from cities to bigger cities. It is against the flow of nature to go from city to town, UNLESS you are wanting to settle down with a family.

So, I ask myself. Why, would a somewhat successful (judging by his car), SINGLE, guy move away from his friends and family, and plentiful opportunities, to a small, sleepy town, where he does not know a soul? The answer: he wouldn't. It makes no sense.

So, I guess either as I said before, he got transferred, he got an offer at one of the less than a handful of really great businesses here in town. Or, he sought out a job here, because someone close to him is here.

I think I am overthinking everything at this point.

 

[XTinabell]

Alright, so here is the epiphany I had last night. Why do young people move? a) for jobs; b) to stay near someone they are in a relationship with.

Like I said, I live in a pretty small town, and I cannot imagine that anyone would be actively seeking work in this random, rural, Indiana town, unless they had a reason. So, unless he was transferred here, or offered some job he just couldn't refuse, why would he be here?

I ask because he is from a decent sized city, with more and better opportunities, I am sure. And, around here at least, people don't move from cities to small towns, at least alone. Maybe if they have a family. It is against all logic. People move from small towns to small towns, from towns to cities, from cities to bigger cities. It is against the flow of nature to go from city to town, UNLESS you are wanting to settle down with a family.

So, I ask myself. Why, would a somewhat successful (judging by his car), SINGLE, guy move away from his friends and family, and plentiful opportunities, to a small, sleepy town, where he does not know a soul? The answer: he wouldn't. It makes no sense.

So, I guess either as I said before, he got transferred, he got an offer at one of the less than a handful of really great businesses here in town. Or, he sought out a job here, because someone close to him is here.

I think I am overthinking everything at this point.

Sounds like you've thought of some small talk so good job. Ask him when you get your chance.

I think you are trying to find excuses to not talk to him, I say just go for it.

 

[lillygator]

just ask him....you can do it!

 

[mmackeymouse]

Sounds like you've thought of some small talk so good job. Ask him when you get your chance.

I think you are trying to find excuses to not talk to him, I say just go for it.

No, not really trying. It's just, when you can't sleep and you are tossing and turning, all sorts of things go through your head, good and bad. I guess my brain just attaches to the bad.

Three hours, my tummy is in knots.

 

[beachbunny]

This really is the most entertaining thread in months!

I get my share of coffee/jamba juice date offers at the gym. I think it's because I'm a flirt. It's all about smiling and looking people in the eye. So my advice to you is to smile, look him in the eye, and say "Hi."

Don't overthink things. It just makes you nervous. It's like when I overplan for court. Even a jury can tell when I've rehearsed too much. Instead, take it one step at a time and go with the flow.

Glad you got rid of the ring.