Confidence issues- 12/16/09 UPDATE

[OhMari]

You are wondering why he is working in your small town.
My sons best friend worked in rural Indiana for 6 months.
He was the project manager in charge of the windmills.
Do you live near those energy windmills?
Maybe he is the maintenance person-you never know.
Maybe he is from a small town, and drives to Indy or something every day, and didn't want to live in a large city.

And you asked how mom's know what is going on?
Me as a mom, I don't prey, I listen, and most times my dd's will blurt out what is wrong. My oldest dd is the same way as you. She wants the guy to make the first move, I told her "listen to your brothers," they want the girl to do the chasing.
It actually makes me feel bad, "what the heck was I doing raising these lazy guys" that wants the girls to do all the work. I really don't know if it was us moms, or it was the movie industry.

 

[OhMari]

No, not really trying. It's just, when you can't sleep and you are tossing and turning, all sorts of things go through your head, good and bad. I guess my brain just attaches to the bad.

Three hours, my tummy is in knots.

I'm making every excuse not to go to the YMCA this evening. Go early and be there first.

 

[mmackeymouse]

This really is the most entertaining thread in months!

I get my share of coffee/jamba juice date offers at the gym. I think it's because I'm a flirt. It's all about smiling and looking people in the eye. So my advice to you is to smile, look him in the eye, and say "Hi."

Don't overthink things. It just makes you nervous. It's like when I overplan for court. Even a jury can tell when I've rehearsed too much. Instead, take it one step at a time and go with the flow.

Glad you got rid of the ring.

I am not sure whether to take that first part as a compliment or feel really, really pathetic.

I think I can do the look him in the eye thing, maybe even smile. It is going to take a lot for me to be able to say "Hi" but I will try!

I cannot remember the last time I felt so nervous to go to the gym. Got the flutterbyes in my stomach. I just need to focus on why I have been at the gym in the first place....myself, getting myself in shape, losing weight.

Yeah, thanks for the ring tip. I was actually reading a website on meeting people at the gym. The #1 tip for men was to look at her wedding ring finger. I actually laughed out loud.

 

[beachbunny]

It's a compliment.

Have a good work out. Remember, you've got a whole lot of people rooting for you!

 

[Luv2Scrap]

Ok, if your town truly is small enough that everybody knows everybody, and you recognize someone as being new to the area, there's nothing at all wrong with saying something like, "I usually know everyone around here, so you must be new to the area." Then you introduce yourself and ask him what on earth brought him to this small town.

Easy for me to say, right?

 

[MJMouse]

I think I can do the look him in the eye thing, maybe even smile. It is going to take a lot for me to be able to say "Hi" but I will try!

... an article I once read said that being asked for a date is as much about body language as anything else. Smiling at someone can open lots of doors!

I wish you the best of luck!

 

[lillygator]

any update tonight?

 

[mmackeymouse]

any update tonight?

Well, here is the good news. I didn't choke. I was confident. I was friendly. I was pumped up and ready to go.

The bad news is he was not there today. Maybe he was sick. Or not. Or on his honeymoon. Who knows...

Once I was done and got out to my car, I just broke down. Not because I didn't see him; but just a lot of mixed emotions. Plus, I am a girl, so it happens sometimes.

But, at the end of it all, I had a deeper, stronger resolve. It may not happen tomorrow or the next day.....but it's gonna happen. I just kept repeating it to myself: It's gonna happen, it's gonna happen.

I sure hope so...

 

[anewpage0]

god

 

[KAMLEM]

Alright, so here is the epiphany I had last night. Why do young people move? a) for jobs; b) to stay near someone they are in a relationship with.

Maybe he has family in the area. He could have moved away at one point and decided to move back. There could be many other reasons why he's there.

 

[paintnolish]

This thread made me think of this. Do it! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lmUZGdi7Ty4
Anyway, initiating small talk is no big deal. You aren't asking him to marry you. If he is not interested, it won't progress. He won't slap you or insult you for talking to him. I don't mean to downplay it, but you are getting all worked up over nothing. My mom used to tell me that when I was little. You are obsessing over something that is not a big deal (in the big scheme) of things. I really don't mean to sound harsh...you know how hard it is to be blunt online without sounding like a
b****h.

 

[mmackeymouse]

Maybe he has family in the area. He could have moved away at one point and decided to move back. There could be many other reasons why he's there.

No. Without sounding too stalkerish, like I said before, I did a little googling on him.

For one, his last name is one that is not familiar to our area at all. For two, he went to school, so I assume is from, a city about an hour from us, where there is about 40 families with the same last name.

I think I need to lay off the Google for a while, and just let things be.

 

[mmackeymouse]

I don't mean to downplay it, but you are getting all worked up over nothing. My mom used to tell me that when I was little. You are obsessing over something that is not a big deal (in the big scheme) of things.

Here is the thing. To me, it IS a big deal. I want to get married and have a family. (not necessarily with him) I am 27 years old, and never had a boyfriend. I kind of feel like this could be IT. Like, this is my judgement day. And if it does not happen (with any guy) in the next few months, will it ever?Is this God's way of saying it's never going to happen for me? Am I being punished?

I know that is an awful lot of pressure to put on speaking to a guy, but....I feel pushed into a corner, like it's now or never.

 

[jama]

Any news? Hope you saw him last night!

 

[mmackeymouse]

Any news? Hope you saw him last night!

awww thanks, but no.

It is so amazing to know that I have all these people, perfect strangers really, rooting for me. It warms my heart.

He wasn't there last night, again. It is just hard. For him to be so faithful and so committed (almost as committed as me ) and then to just not be there...but, I totally understand what it is like to need some time off.

I know that logically, it could be any number of things- busy week at work, sickness, death in the family, just needs a break, vacation. But, it is hard to keep my mind from going "there," wondering if he was only here temporarily; if he got transferred elsewhere; could he really be on his honeymoon? Now, the last one, I cannot really do a whole lot about. But the first two: just puts a pit in my stomach.

We'll see...

 

[mmackeymouse]

Gah! I am. SUCH. AN. IDIOT. I really pray to the Lord that it is not as bad as I am making it out to be in my mind. But.....I am just so embarrassed.

So, I am at gym working out. I had pretty much resigned myself to the fact I was not going to see him this week. Now, if you've been following the thread, you saw me describe the setup of the windows/mirrors. Now, the windows are thick glass, of course, so it is not an exact reflection, there is some distortion to it a little bit. And, unless you are like a foot away from the window, it is pretty much impossible to tell the focus of someone's eyes.

So, anyway, I am on the treadmill and I was looking down at the display; I look up, and there he is. (In the reflection in the window) But, because I could not really tell, I really had to focus my eyes. What happened next, I cannot even explain. It has never happened to me before. I let my emotions overcome my control and.....ugh.

When I realized it was in fact him, without realizing I was doing it, completely subconsciously, I started smiling. Not just smiling. Grinning from ear to ear. Now, we were both facing the same window. And he was directly behind me about 20 feet. So, when I looked ahead working out, he was in my line of vision. (Yay for me). Like I said, he was facing the same window, so I can only assume he could see my reflection as well. So, there I am, looking up at his reflection (I don't know if he could tell I was looking at him through the window or if it just looked like I was looking up) and grinning like a lunatic.

And, all of the sudden, he starts smiling and laughing. And, it was at that moment, I realized how visibly I was grinning. I immediately became self-conscious, messing with my hair, my hands, my ring (on other finger). So, anyway, I don't know if he caught me staring at him and obviously happy, and so he found it funny or sad. Or, maybe there was some other inside random joke that he was laughing about.

I just don't want to be obvious. And, that was pretty dang obvious.

 

[Luv2Scrap]

Gah! I am. SUCH. AN. IDIOT. I really pray to the Lord that it is not as bad as I am making it out to be in my mind. But.....I am just so embarrassed.

So, I am at gym working out. I had pretty much resigned myself to the fact I was not going to see him this week. Now, if you've been following the thread, you saw me describe the setup of the windows/mirrors. Now, the windows are thick glass, of course, so it is not an exact reflection, there is some distortion to it a little bit. And, unless you are like a foot away from the window, it is pretty much impossible to tell the focus of someone's eyes.

So, anyway, I am on the treadmill and I was looking down at the display; I look up, and there he is. (In the reflection in the window) But, because I could not really tell, I really had to focus my eyes. What happened next, I cannot even explain. It has never happened to me before. I let my emotions overcome my control and.....ugh.

When I realized it was in fact him, without realizing I was doing it, completely subconsciously, I started smiling. Not just smiling. Grinning from ear to ear. Now, we were both facing the same window. And he was directly behind me about 20 feet. So, when I looked ahead working out, he was in my line of vision. (Yay for me). Like I said, he was facing the same window, so I can only assume he could see my reflection as well. So, there I am, looking up at his reflection (I don't know if he could tell I was looking at him through the window or if it just looked like I was looking up) and grinning like a lunatic.

And, all of the sudden, he starts smiling and laughing. And, it was at that moment, I realized how visibly I was grinning. I immediately became self-conscious, messing with my hair, my hands, my ring (on other finger). So, anyway, I don't know if he caught me staring at him and obviously happy, and so he found it funny or sad. Or, maybe there was some other inside random joke that he was laughing about.

I just don't want to be obvious. And, that was pretty dang obvious.

Ok, now you have ME grinning ear to ear! I love it! The fact that he smiled back is great. I think it's gotta be a good thing. You've made a connection with him, and I think if I were him, I'd be happy that someone was happy to see me. Sometimes spontaneous emotion is way better than playing it cool and being afraid to let out any of the emotion at all.

I bet if you weren't already going to be on his mind tonight, you will be now!

 

[portia9]

I've just read this whole thread. I have lots of thoughts and I hope you don't mind if I share them

You've recently lost weight, is that correct? I wonder if a lot of this emotion is from adjusting to the new you.

You are way too hard on yourself. Believe in yourself. I can see through this thread that you are fun and interesting and committed. Great qualities but you have to believe them.

God has a plan for you. Who knows what that is? But you can rest assured that whatever is meant to be will happen in his timing.

Lastly I smiled so much reading the post about you both smiling at each other. It's made this married women remember all those lovely early feelings. Even if this isn't meant to be, enjoy this time.

 

[XTinabell]

Sounds to me like he found you amusing, that's a good thing. Without even meaning to I would say you took your first baby step. Congrats!

And who knows if he knew that you were smiling at him, he may have thought you were having such a great time on the treadmill you couldn't help grinning, doesn't matter though because you made him laugh and that's what counts. And yes I was say he was laughing because of you and not an inside joke.

 

[mmackeymouse]

Ok, now you have ME grinning ear to ear! I love it! The fact that he smiled back is great. I think it's gotta be a good thing. You've made a connection with him, and I think if I were him, I'd be happy that someone was happy to see me. Sometimes spontaneous emotion is way better than playing it cool and being afraid to let out any of the emotion at all.

I bet if you weren't already going to be on his mind tonight, you will be now!

Whoa, now, let's not get carried away here. I mean, sure, the way YOU describe it makes me want to go but I am taking it with a grain of salt.

I suppose it could be a good thing as you said, but it kinda isn't, because all that confidence I had been trying to build up flew right out the (reflective) window. I don't think I have ever bit my lip or fidgeted in such a short amount of time in my entire life. Ridiculous.

You've recently lost weight, is that correct? I wonder if a lot of this emotion is from adjusting to the new you.

Lastly I smiled so much reading the post about you both smiling at each other. It's made this married women remember all those lovely early feelings. Even if this isn't meant to be, enjoy this time.

On the first part, that is definitely part of it. I guess I thought the first step to getting guys to talk to me was to lose the weight. And like I said, I look and feel different, but the boys still ain't talkin. So I almost feel like, "Man what do I have to DO?" So, that is when the "Is it ever going to happen?" emotions bubble up.

On the second, I wouldn't go so far as to say we were smiling "at" each other. Just trying not to overreach. I can only speak for myself, and I was smiling TO myself, because I was so thrilled he was alive and not transported to Siberia. I just happened to stupidly forget that he could see me. Now as for him, there could have been a funny commercial on TV up on the wall above me. I didn't see whether he had his phone or not, but maybe he got a funny text. OR, on the off chance, he was laughing because of me, it could be that he was laughing at how pathetic I was.


Side note: I am REALLY working on being friendly and approachable with everyone.