I agree with those of you who point out that retirement money is not so easily regained. Much easier for a young adult to pay off a few student loans rather than have parents who are destitute in their golden years.
I don't think either one of these options is better than the other.
Parents who mortgage their retirement (perhaps even literally) so that their kids can go to college are jeopardizing their golden years, and they don't have the years left to regain the magic of compound interest. These parents may find themselves forced into selling their homes and over-crowding their childrens' homes, or they may find themselves forced to choose between this necessity or that necessity. No one wants any of that.
However, young people who have "a few student loans" are going to face a different but equally negative set of challenges. They may be forced to move back home, postpone marriage or home ownership, or wait to begin saving for their own retirement. With those loans to pay, they may not have as many options available to them: The loans may remove the option of grad school, staying home with small children, etc. And these kids have to do it in a more difficult economy than we faced when we were their age. They may have more years in which to "make up the difference", but it's so much easier to accumulate a good retirement package for yourself if you start in your 20s -- loans pretty much mean the recent grad will give up those best years.
Yes, shoving the responsibility onto the kids' shoulders
is absolutely easier for the parents, but is it the best option? The best option is to live beneath your means when the kids are young and begin saving. Then help the college student choose something that's within the family's means, even if it isn't the student's first choice. If that still isn't enough, you come to the really tough questions. Personally, if forced to do so, I'd look into splitting the difference in whatever way makes most sense -- I'd expect the student to make inexpensive choices AND I'd plan to work a few more years AND I'd expect the student to come up with some cash on his own.
Because our generation (the parents) did live in the dorms and they didn't cost so much and we are a society that wants to give our kids MORE than we had not less.
And many people consider living in the dorms to be "the full college experience". It is a once-in-a-lifetime experience that can't be had later in life. It is a great way to meet people, and it's a way to immerse yourself completely in your education.
And they aren't all as expensive as your kids' options. My daughter is LOVING living in the dorms, and her dorm + meal plan are a tad over $3,200 per semester. The dorm is $2000 of that ('cause she'd have to eat, no matter where she lives). She could've chosen to live at home and could've commuted to a nearby college; however, we would've spent almost the cost of the dorm on a car, maintenance, gas and parking.
However, parents who can easily afford college (let's put aside the question of type of college and just say-local state school) and refuse are doing their children a huge disservice.
I don't personally know anyone who can "easily afford college". Lots of my friends (and I'm in this situation too) are able to write the check every semester, but they can do it because they made sacrafices year after year after year as the children were growing up. They lived in a house smaller than they could afford. They wore the same old jeans and the same old coat winter after winter. They drove the car a year longer than they really wanted to. But having the money now doesn't mean it was "easy" to accumulate it.
Having generous intentions is one thing, abetting foolishness is another, and telling a 17 yo to "pick whatever school you want and we'll find a way to pay for it" is foolishness unless you are VERY well-off.
I agree. We gave our oldest some guidelines, and told her that everything would be much better financially if she chose within those borders: We told her to look at state schools in our own state. We told her that we can pay for four years (tuition, fees, dorm, meals), we will not pay for her to re-take failed classes, and we will provide a car when she's a junior and needs to do student nursing. She's responsible for books and supplies, meals and entertainment off campus, and -- when she takes a car to campus -- gas and parking. We told her we cannot fund the overseas semester that she wants, nor can we pay for more than four years (she does have a younger sister, and we wouldn't give her less than we're giving the first child).
This turned out very well for us. She didn't find the geographical restriction constraining; in fact, she fell in love with two schools that "fit the bill" and had a hard time choosing between them. She listened with attentive ears and completely bought into the concept that leaving school without the burden of debt was worth giving up the "anything you want" fantasy.
