College: Who Pays - Parent or Kid?

[Colleen27]

You might consider sending your kids south for school. Here is the best deal that I know of: non-resident tuition at the University of Arkansas is just over $9200, but you only have to pay it for the first year. After that, a full-time continually-enrolled student who is not listed as a dependent on a parent's tax return is eligible for resident status. (Resident status is harder to obtain in other states, but Arkansas is very generous about it.)

That is definitely something I'll keep in mind as college gets closer. I'd kind of like the kids to go away - meaning a real distance - for school anyway. DH & I both stayed close to home and it has certainly left us feeling trapped at times when there were better job options elsewhere but family expectations that we'd stay.

Oh, I never meant to imply that it wasn't worth applying; you never know what you'll be offered. What I meant to point out was that one should not count on public/private costs working out about even or better.

It seems to be a common idea here that private schools have so much more money that they almost always even out with public costs, and that is much too simplistic an idea. I depends entirely on your state. In the Deep South, in particular, you are unlikely to be able to beat the cost of one of your state universities (perhaps not the flagship, however) with private-school student aid unless you get a full ride, or if you can live at home for the private vs. living away for the public.

Not always, of course, but there can be and you don't know until/unless you apply, especially for high-achieving students.

 

[IUTBAM]

I know that some disagree with my statement that many children seem to be unappreciative of college if paid for by their parents. Of course there are those who are grateful and work hard, but there are also those who fail to grasp how much their parents might be sacrificing for their education. And it might not be fair to expect them to pay for college due to skyrocketing tuition and the current economy, but many kids today have more opportunities, more luxuries and more resources.

I can see it from both sides. I was happy to drive my family's old clunkers and get help with community college. You can bet I was proud when I graduated college without debt, and, at 21, purchased my own car and home. There's a newfound appreciation when earning things by oneself, but that doesn't diminish all that my parents provided me with to help me get there.

I agree that not all parents can afford to finance their child's education. My DD was accepted to all 6 universities she applied to (they were all here in the state of CO, and four of them were state schools). She received scholarship offers from all six. We actually thought she would choose one of the private schools. Despite a generous scholarship offer ($80,000 over four years), our out of pocket would have still been in the neighborhood of $35,000 a year (University of Denver...super expensive, although an excellent school). We told her if she chose to go there, we would still cover what the scholarship didn't. Yes, it would have been a bit of a hit every month, but nothing that would have had us dipping into savings or cutting in our retirement. But she took into account the fact that by living at home, and going to a state school where over half her tuition would be covered by her scholarships, she'd save us a ton of money, and still get a great education. And that is exactly what she did. We don't spoil her (she doesn't even have her own car...she shares mine, which is 6 years old). But we do give her every advantage she needs to get a good education, and fulfill her dream of becoming a large animal vet. She deserves that.

 

[CarlisleMom]

DH's parents paid for all his college.

My parents helped as much as possible, then I borrowed. Yes, the first couple of years after college money was tight, but I managed.


For our DD : we save some every month in a 529. DH's mom left a small 529 when she died. She will be expected to work and borrow.

Since the plan is for DH to retire while DD is in HS, we need to save this now. We heard this and follow: You can borrow for college but not for retirement.

 

[disykat]

I pretty much paid for college by myself. My parents helped out when they could and my Aunt always gave me cash for books/gas/food each semester. I was lucky though. I went to Community College, lived at home, and had a great part time job.

I think I have appreciated it more by paying for it myself. My one Aunt and Uncle have entirely funded my two cousins college educations and neither appreciate it. By goofing off they took 4 years of going full time to complete a 2 year degree. They are both now in very expensive 4 year colleges and there are no signs that either will graduate anytime soon, even after already being there 3 years. They party and go out with friends rather than study.

That's not just a lack of appreciation it's a lot of things that have nothing to do with regular students who go four years with the help of their parents. My kids would have been cut off the first time they weren't passing a full load of classes. I would hope that MOST parents are smart enough to have some expectations of kids they are funding.

Are you sure the parents are still funding? One of my brothers lost parental funding after freshman year, but kept attending/partying for several years. He knew the expectations so there weren't any family rifts or anything - there might have been people assuming my parents were still paying.

 

[charming23]

That's not just a lack of appreciation it's a lot of things that have nothing to do with regular students who go four years with the help of their parents. My kids would have been cut off the first time they weren't passing a full load of classes. I would hope that MOST parents are smart enough to have some expectations of kids they are funding.

Are you sure the parents are still funding? One of my brothers lost parental funding after freshman year, but kept attending/partying for several years. He knew the expectations so there weren't any family rifts or anything - there might have been people assuming my parents were still paying.

I am sure they are still paying because my Aunt likes to rub it in my face that her kids do not have to work through college like I do. She says that it is her responsiblility as a parent to pay for the kids college education and that my parents failed me by not fully paying for mine. She is a real peach.

 

[rachel09985]

My dad took out half in loans and I took out half in loans. I think that parents really should help out some way if they can. I know I appreciate it very much that he took out a loan for me!

 

[LisaR]

I am sure they are still paying because my Aunt likes to rub it in my face that her kids do not have to work through college like I do. She says that it is her responsiblility as a parent to pay for the kids college education and that my parents failed me by not fully paying for mine. She is a real peach.

And it sounds like her kids are just as peachy. I really think yours is an example of spoiled rotten kids who wouldn't appreciate anything they were given. Not all kids are like that and not all parents would put up with kids that are like that.

 

[punkin]

I am sure they are still paying because my Aunt likes to rub it in my face that her kids do not have to work through college like I do. She says that it is her responsiblility as a parent to pay for the kids college education and that my parents failed me by not fully paying for mine. She is a real peach.

This isn't the same Aunt who gave you money for school books and expenses, is it? Or am I confusing posters?

...and why should your face be rubbed in it? You are working and in school. I'd say you're doing pretty well for yourself, with or without your parents' help.

 

[runwad]

My parents paid 1/2 of my school and I paid the other 1/2. DH's parents paid all of his first year of school until he flunked out, then he had to take a year off get a job, save and go back. He paid the rest thru working and a small loan.

We have 3 kids, oldest is 2 years away from college. We have the two years of community college funded in her 529 she'll be on he hook for the last two years. That's all we can do with 3 of them. They'll all have to live at home and get part time jobs to pay books and expenses or get a full ride and they can go anywhere. We don't have the income to help more than that.

 

[luvthemouse71]

When I was in college for my English degree, my parents paid. They got off easy though because I got free in-state tuition. So, they just paid for books. I moved out at 19 too so they didn't pay for housing. They did help here and there when things were tight, which was awesome. Thanks, Mom and Dad!

When I went back for my nursing degree, I worked my way through school and utilized tuition reimbursement. It was nice when I finished not to owe a dime.

 

[Chee Chick]

My college tuition was paid fully with scholarships. I was always really competitive when it came to my school grades. While my friends all wanted to be homecoming queen, I wanted to be valedictorian. My parents didn't make a lot of money and I had an older sister in college at the same time. Part of my motivation to do well was to lessen that financial burden on them. I worked part time when I was in high school and saved money which helped pay for room and board, books, sorority dues, etc. My parents did help with the rest. I left college with very little debt which I paid off within a year.

My hope is that my children will also get some scholarships, too. My son is GT and I hope he can stay on the right path. But...I am not relying on that. I have 529 accounts for both my children. I expect to pay for part of their education. They will have to take loans for the rest, however much that ends up being.

 

[cornflake]

For the record, my DH and I paid for practically all of our college education. My parents had zero money and his parents felt he should earn it. When we married, we both had substantial student loans and had to apply for deferment for at least 6 months so we could at least get jobs after graduation to pay. Looking back, I really wish I hadn't taken out student loans and chosen to work more. Why is hindsight so freaking clear??

Now we have our own kids. We're planning to help them out somewhat, most likely pay for around 1/2. That's contingent on them choosing to first start at community college and then if they want, transfer to one of our state schools. Obviously the rates are cheaper when you're in state.

This is just my opinion but I can't imagine my child demanding to go elsewhere and expect us to still help out. It's almost like someone saying hey, I'm going to give you a gift and then the receiver saying ok but here's where I want you to get it from. In my honest opinion, college is a gift and it isn't for everyone. Not all kids are cut out for it and we won't push our kids toward it if they truly have interests somewhere else. I am also not of the mindset that at 18, you effectively kick your kids out of the house to fend for themselves either. Should they choose not to go to college, they are more than welcome to live at home provided they are working and can help out with expenses.

It's not about demanding - it's a different outlook on it or approach to it. In my family, it was no different than going to h.s., and same as h.s., the expectation was that you get in the best/most appropriate to you place you can and that's that. Parents will figure out how to make that work.

 

[christineann]

My parents paid for my college tuition, and I worked during the summers. I appreciated it deeply at the time and still do. Even though I didn't pay my tuition, I worked hard and got good grades as one of the ways to show my parents how grateful I was.

I'm a single parent with no help from the ex. My kids received scholarships, and the rest of the tuition was paid through loans - mostly mine, some theirs. Both worked while in college. My daughter did work study in her department and tutored, and my son was an RA, then a part time restaurant manager and a tutor as well. Both enjoyed college and got good grades. Their work history and work ethic helped when they applied for jobs, and both are happily employed in their major fields. I don't think they are unusual or the exception to the rule at all - many of their classmates did the same.

 

[DawnM]

My parents paid for all of my undergrad tuition and fees. I worked for spending money. They also helped with grad school, although I paid for more of that as I was working at the time.

I plan to offer what I can to my kids. My guess is that if they live at home and commute to the local 4 year college we can cover the expenses. If they go away or do something most costly, they will need to cover the difference.

Dawn

 

[ilovejack02]

We contribute monthly to a 529 account. I am sure it won't pay for it all , but we will help as much as possible. Won't kill him not to have 100% free ride .

As far as out of state costs , if DS wants to go into a program and the best school for that particular degree is out of state, we will do what we can to make it happen. I won't make him stay in state just because of costs .

 

[The Wise One]

I've paid out of my own pocket for every bit of college. My parents didn't help at all. My DH had Bright Futures (Florida's "free" college if you have good grades in high school) and loans. So nope, no parental help.

 

[Patience]

I paid for my undergraduate education with academic scholarships and for grad school with loans. My husband paid for his undergrad education with a partial football scholarship and with loans. We paid student loans for the first 10 years of our marriage.

We are paying for college for both of our kids. We set that as a priority when our kids were small and now our oldest daughter is in her freshman year of college. We told her that we would pay for a four year, in-state, public college education and she's enrolled at a public university in our state about 2.5 hours away from home. She will need to go to graduate school to pursue the career she is interested in and that will be her responsibility although we will help out. We will offer the same to our youngest daughter who is only 5 now. We are glad to do this for our children so that they will not graduate in debt owing tens of thousands of dollars in student loans.

I have no fear that our daughter who is now a freshman will party all the time or not appreciate what we are doing for her. She is a great kid, very responsible and appreciative and a hard worker. I have every confidence that she will do great in college.

 

[HM]

I have to relate something DD shared with me last week. She was in one of her HS classes and they were talking about college and one of the girls, Sue, said that she wasn't sure if she could go. One of the other girls, Jem, turned around and looked at her and said, "What, aren't your parents paying for it?" DD was horrified that the Jem could be so clueless and thoughtless. She made Sue feel terrible.

 

[charming23]

And it sounds like her kids are just as peachy. I really think yours is an example of spoiled rotten kids who wouldn't appreciate anything they were given. Not all kids are like that and not all parents would put up with kids that are like that.

I know that not all kids are like this. I was just giving an example of what I have seen and been through. I have plenty of friends whose parents paid for college and saw how appreciative they were toward them.

This isn't the same Aunt who gave you money for school books and expenses, is it? Or am I confusing posters?

...and why should your face be rubbed in it? You are working and in school. I'd say you're doing pretty well for yourself, with or without your parents' help.

Not the same Aunt. My dad's sister is the one who pitched in and this Aunt is on my mom's side.

Believe me she rubs a lot in my face. I have taken a lot of time to get my degree because of life circumstances (working, taking care of sick family members, and my dad passing away). But at least I am trying, you know.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I have to relate something DD shared with me last week. She was in one of her HS classes and they were talking about college and one of the girls, Sue, said that she wasn't sure if she could go. One of the other girls, Jem, turned around and looked at her and said, "What, aren't your parents paying for it?" DD was horrified that the Jem could be so clueless and thoughtless. She made Sue feel terrible.

That's too bad. I hope Sue knows anything is possible. And that ironically, she may be just the one who qualifies for more than most.

I sure hope she has guidance in this. Send her our way!