College: Who Pays - Parent or Kid?

We'll be paying as much as humanly possible for our 3 kids. We unexpectedly ended up with 3 and our expenses for the youngest 2 will be happening at the same time so that's throwing a bit of a wrench in our well-laid plans. But we'll find a way to make it happen. Current plan is for me to go back to work once all 3 girls get into school and put almost all of my salary away for their college. What DH makes currently pays our bills & a little bit of extra (we're saving for retirement as well) and he's finishing up his MBA this semester so in an ideal world, he'll be making more money at some point in the near future.

My parents paid for my undergrad & grad degrees (grad school was my undergrad "graduation present"). They paid for my brother's undergrad degree as well.

DH's parents didn't pay for any of their children's college programs (there's 5 of them) and all of them took different routes to college. DH worked very hard in high school and got a full-ride scholarship for tuition, room & board. Other brothers took out loans or joined the military. I know the ones that took loans had a lot of trouble getting them because their parents earned too much to qualify them for the need-based loans.
 
Both my DH and I were lucky enough to have parents who funded our bacherlors degrees. I funded my own graduate degree and will finally have paid that off next year. We have agreed we will plan on doing the same for our children -- we will fund a basic college degree with basic living expenses with no more than 4-5 years of this. If the degree is not earned by that point, it's on the child to finish up. Whether or not we help with graduate degrees will depend on multiple factors: need, our financial situation, our assessment of the situation, etc. I would rather do my children the favor of giving them a clean launch with no debt and letting them go from there.
 
My parents paid for my college tuition and we are paying for 90% of our sons tuition.
We did emphasis a college education because we do believe strongly it's the best avenue for certain things.
We did not require that the boys know "exactly" what they wanted to do but neither will they be allowed to just "goof" off. We simply stressed that this is an opportunity that they are blessed to be able to take advantage of. that opportunity comes with some requirements and we hope they avail themselves of it, if they don't it's on them. We do not feel that we are "handing" any thing to our kids.

I totally agree with Pigeon, I was blessed and fortunate that my parents were able to offer me a college education. I appreciate every thing my parents every did for me and I appreciate the times they told me no
My sons are great human beings and contrary to what many feel here are not unappreciative spoiled people simply because they did not have to take out huge college loans

I believe that an attitude of gratitude must begin in the toddler years. We are dedicated to teaching our children to love God and serve all. I do not believe that paying for my children's college education will turn them into lazy, ungrateful people. I also don't think working my way through college made me "better" than my husband who was able to only work summers. We were both diligent in our studies. I will do all I can to make sure my children don't start their lives mired in debt. This includes not "spoiling" them now and saving that money for education.
 
My parents paid for college for my sister and me, and they put my brother through a locksmith academy. DH's parents also paid for his eduction. I plan to do the same for my kids. My youngest will definitely be off to college in a few years. My oldest is only two years away, but may end up on a different educational path due to his Asperger's Syndrome. He may very well decide he wants to go to college and pusue a degree, although he would probably start out taking a few courses in community college to get his feet wet. He may also decided to purse a trade, or participate in some other job training program. Whatever he chooses, we will support him 100%. We have investment accounts for both boys to cover some of their expenses, although they're not large enough to cover all four years. We are also fortunate that my parents and my sister are planning to contribute to their college costs. I can't express how nice it was to graduate and get a job with no loans payments hanging over my head.
 

akayek31 said:
I got my Bachelors degree in 2007. I had pell grants and loans. My son just started college at a two year school and will transfer to get his Bachelors to a four year school. He is getting Pell grant and went and signed himself up for student loans even though pell would have paid for everything :confused3. Now my daughter on the other hand wants to be a doctor. She is in 10th grade. She wants to go to University of Florida. We live in Georgia. Out of state tuition is $30000 a year. I do not plan on paying that much for school. Before her senior year I plan on moving us to Florida so I can get in state tuition. She will probably get scholarships, grants and whatever else is needed for her career. I know after med school she will have a ton of loans to pay but she wants to be an OB/GYN and she said they make almost $300000 a year so I am sure she can handle that.

Just wanted to let you know my daughter toured university of Florida and was basically told they only accept 10% of the incoming class as out of state and includes those coming on sports scholarships
 
No kids here. I paid for college myself through loans and work...will be paying back those loans for decades to come.
 
I've paid out of my own pocket for every bit of college. My parents didn't help at all. My DH had Bright Futures (Florida's "free" college if you have good grades in high school) and loans. So nope, no parental help.

Bright Futures isn't "free" anymore. They pay a percentage, I didn't know that they ever payed for all if it, making it free. A big help, but in no way is it free.
 
Do you have a link for that? I've searched and haven't been able to find anything that states that. What I did find is that college graduation rates are very low, period. Surprisingly low. And in some colleges that have higher graduation rates, those numbers are often fudged by the college to make their graduation rate look better.

I also saw drop out rates listed by type of college. Community college had the lowest graduation rate, 4 year state colleges were next, and 4 year private colleges had the highest graduation rate (somewhere between 50 - 60% depending on the year the survey was done).

From what I could find, most colleges track students with "live in college owned dorms" versus "live off campus." That could mean anything from commuting from parent's home, living in an apartment that is walking distance to the campus, or commuting from your own apartment. I couldn't see anywhere where colleges kept track of *where* the student lived but just the fact that it was "off campus."

Students seem to drop out for many reasons and I wasn't able to find anything to confirm that it is statistically higher for those that commute from home.

Edited to add that everything I looked at regarding college graduation rates was older (2000, 2001, 2004 was the latest). I think a lot more students are commuting now due to the economy, and it is way too soon to see how that pans out in terms of graduation rates since this is a rather new phenomenon.

From what I have seen, and I haven't looked for any research, as you have, the only people I hear quoting those studies are those parents that firmly believe in sending kids away to school. I get this thrown in my face quite a lot, by people who went away and want their kids to go away. Yet I have so many friends that stayed at home, and graduated on time, if not early and are very successful. I for one, will not apply for my kids to go away to college, if they want that experience, they will have to find a way to pay for it, My kids have a university here that fits their needs.

If you want or your kids want to go away, and you can afford it, then fine, but I do get so tired of being told that my kid wont' graduate because they stay home. What a crock.

ETA, this coming from a person who would rather have a root canal, or take a bullet than live in a crappy dorm with a person I don't know, and frankly wouldn't want to even with my best friends. I don't and won't share space, I won't share bathrooms. It runs in my family. My siblings are the same way, brother HATED living off campus, changed universities to live with other family members in another state. But none of us like the college experience. How someone can like living in a dorm is really beyond me, and apartment sure, dorm when hell freezes over. So yeah, my hatred ov the living situations at college may have something to do with it, so far, my kids feel the same way. They have seen pictures and they are thanks, but no thanks.
 
I just wanted to post this, because while we debate who should pay for education, there are people with much different priorities:

http://www.usatoday.com/life/lifest...es-interior-designers-universities/57561112/1

I just wonder if the parents in this article make their kids take out loans.

OK, I'll admit it. I am slightly envious...not so much of the nice dorm rooms, which would probably be wasted on my DD19, but just having so much disposable income that you think furnishing a dorm room in high class is a good use of your money.
 
Just wanted to let you know my daughter toured university of Florida and was basically told they only accept 10% of the incoming class as out of state and includes those coming on sports scholarships

It's hard for those of who do live in state to get into UF. Most kids are applying to the summer session to get in. If you don't have a 10.0 and a 10,000 on your SAT your aren't getting in your freshman year, ok, totally not serious on those scores, but it is tough.
 
I just wanted to post this, because while we debate who should pay for education, there are people with much different priorities:

http://www.usatoday.com/life/lifest...es-interior-designers-universities/57561112/1

I just wonder if the parents in this article make their kids take out loans.

OK, I'll admit it. I am slightly envious...not so much of the nice dorm rooms, which would probably be wasted on my DD19, but just having so much disposable income that you think furnishing a dorm room in high class is a good use of your money.

That is about the only way I would stay in a dorm, after adding my own private bathroom.
 
I wouldn't live in a dorm room now either- but I'm 46. My daughter went from living in a large, comfortably furnished bedroom at home with her own bath attached to it and a large walk in closet to living in a tiny room with a roommate and sharing a bathroom with other girls and she loves it. She doesn't love the accommodations, she loves the experience and the sense of community that comes from living among her peers. It's also good for her to learn to negotiate the trials and tribulations of living with a roommate in a small space.

No one said your kids won't graduate from college if they stay home and do not live on campus. The studies show that they are less likely to graduate than those who live on campus as a freshman but, obviously, many do graduate.

I did not hire a decorator to decorate my daughter's dorm room but I did buy nice bedding for her bed and a few matching accessories and everything is nicely coordinated with her roommate. It looks cute. Tiny but cute.
 
I just wanted to post this, because while we debate who should pay for education, there are people with much different priorities:

http://www.usatoday.com/life/lifest...es-interior-designers-universities/57561112/1

I just wonder if the parents in this article make their kids take out loans.

OK, I'll admit it. I am slightly envious...not so much of the nice dorm rooms, which would probably be wasted on my DD19, but just having so much disposable income that you think furnishing a dorm room in high class is a good use of your money.

holy cow...as the parent of a kid who decorated her dorm and apartment from Goodwill (and donated it all back when she graduated) this just floors me! I guess I march to the beat of my own drummer, lol, as even if I had the extra $$$ this would probably be one of the last ways I would spend it.
 
DD19 is a junior this year and has her own room. She has a nice bed in a bag set that I got on sale before freshman year. She has the butterfly chair I bought her the year before she started high school (which matches), a poster of Audrey Hepburn, 2 throw pillows....that's it. I think her room looks rather nice.

All told, I think it cost me under $150 and that's if you include the chair from 9th grade.
 
I looked at my state and found 4 of my state's "flagship" public colleges had graduation rates between 80-93%.
Keep in mind that with ANYTHING dealing with education, you must ask yourself to look at the whole picture. I'm a teacher, and I constantly see statistics that look wonky to me . . . and when I look a second time, I often see a reason why that statistic isn't really telling the whole truth.

When it comes to graduation rates, two things are improtant to know:

- That rate reports students who graduated in four years. LOTS of students finish school, but they don't do it in four years. I faced severe financial hardship in college (looking back, I'm not even sure how I did it), and I didn't finish in four years, yet I wouldn't see that as a failure. At a state's flagship university, I'd bet the vast majority do graduate -- even if they don't do it in four years.

- Many, many students are heading out to college just because it's the thing to do (though these students probably aren't attending your state's flagship U). Going to school seems to be the path of least resistance. They don't know what they want to study, aren't particularly interested in four more years of school, but everyone seems happy to push them in that direction. It's no surprise that these students can't maintain four years of momentum. If you look at the numbers of students who leave after just one semester (or just one year), the percentage is dismal. BUT if a student makes it through sophomore year, it's unusual for him not to finish school -- even if he doesn't do it in the prescribed four years.
The studies show that freshmen who live on campus have higher graduation and retention rates than those who don't. Obviously, a lot of kids go from a dorm to off campus apartments at some point during their college careers. The discussion here on these boards has centered on the students starting college and who is responsible to pay. Many posters have said that they plan for their children to live off campus when they begin college or to attend community college for the first two years. Here is a link to one such study:

http://www.iowastatedaily.com/news/article_6e9d3ae8-011a-11e1-b3d5-001cc4c03286.html

For an interesting paper about extremely low graduation rates and community colleges, go here:

http://www.aei.org/files/2012/04/02...ity-college-graduation-rates_173407573640.pdf
I totally agree that -- for the average college freshman -- living on campus makes for the best start. Living in a dorm immerses the student in the educational environment 100% of the time. It's a constant reminder of the commitment that he's going to devote the next four years of his life to his education. It lets them take advantage of all the college's offerings 24/7. Students who are involved in college life tend to enjoy it more, and that certainly helps academically. My daughter is living in a dorm right now, and she's loving it. She's met so many people, and she loves the convenience of being right there on campus. Her environment is definitely helping her succeed.

However, everyone isn't average, so you have to consider whether it's right for your student.

And if living on campus is a financial stretch, you have to consider whether it's possible /worthwhile to make the financial sacrafices to provide that ideal living situation. It's perfectly possible for that average student to succeed in college without living on campus, and when weighed against the possibility of future debt, it's a tough call.
But it also has to do with expectations and the amount of support both available and accessible. Being on campus 24 hours a day means that there are more opportunities to work with tutors, meet up for study groups, and hit the library. When I commuted into school, if study group met Tuesday night and my only Tuesday class was 10-11am, I wasn't driving back in half an hour to go to study group.
Yes, that's the kind of thing I meant when I said in an above post that living on campus immerses the student in his education 24/7. It's easy to take advantages of resources -- like meeting a study group in the dorm lobby, like walking over to the classroom hall to see your professor during his office hours, like being able to stay at the library 'til all hours of the night -- when you're only steps away from those things. It takes more effort when doing those things requires driving back to campus.
And it has to do with the peer group. At a four year school you can find the party crowd, but it isn't hard to find the pre-med/pre-law/engineering crowd. And its easier to find those people when you have the social network of the dorms available. Commute, and you get isolated, those people are harder to find, and can be (in my experience) much more cliquish if many of them live on (or very near) campus. Go to a community college, and they are rare.
Slightly off-topic, but my church is very anti- big state schools. The general feeling is that it's better to send your kids to a small, private Christian school (even if the opportunities are limited and the academics inferior) because they'll avoid the temptations to fall in with the wrong crowd. I, however, have always felt that whatever you're looking for . . . you will find it. If you're at a big state school, you'll see invitations for Bible studies right next to announcements of keg parties right next to solicitations for Chemistry majors to join a Thursday night study group. What your student chooses to do is largely a measure of what resources he chooses to focus upon.

I don't mean that you should send your student to LackLuster State or Ghetto University thinking that he'll succeed if he just tries, but within the realm of the good universities, many opportunities will avail themselves.
Students who live on campus are FAR more likely to be white & come from higher socio-economic families. THOSE are the factors that (unfortunately) truly predict graduation rates. It is missing the bigger issues to say that simply living on campus predicts higher grad rates.
That's a very fair point, and I think everyone will agree that a kid from a white, high-earning family with two college-educated parents has a big advantage over the kid from a minority, single-mother Welfare family (having said that, I myself am from a white, single-mother Welfare family myself, so I didn't have that ideal start, yet I am a college graduate . . . twice). And these benefits don't begin in college; rather, kids from families who value education begin instilling those values from birth. Maybe even before birth, as we fill our unborn children's bedrooms with picture books.
The point is that a lot of people live at or, unfortunately, above their financial means. The result is that they "can't" save . . . I tell my oldest daughter all the time that the key to having money is to live under your means.
Of course some families are making all the right financial choices and still don't have enough to live upon, but MOST of us do have some disposable income -- and I agree completely that it's our choices that determine whether we "can" save.

My husband and I earn about the same amount as most of our friends, yet we live in a smaller house, drive our cars longer, spend less on clothing and meals out. The result: When they talk about how worried they are about college money and retirement accounts, we can't join in the conversation. We aren't big wage earners, but we're very conscious of how we spend.
And dorm life isn't just partying.
Yet people who never lived in a dorm themselves tend to think this is the case. My husband is one of those people. He visited friends in the dorms on weekends, when it's true that things were in full swing every Friday and Saturday night -- that's why he came to visit his friends on those days! He never visited Sunday - Thursday nights, when you could see people reading on the floor of every lobby or typing away in the soundproof study rooms. Dorms have two personalities: The weekday personality and the weekend personality.

I'm encouraging my daughter to find a balance between doing everything she needs to be doing academically . . . and also going to dinner with friends every night, anticipating home football games as highlight of the year, and having time to hang out with her friends.
If you want or your kids want to go away, and you can afford it, then fine, but I do get so tired of being told that my kid wont' graduate because they stay home. What a crock.
No one said kids who don't live on campus won't graduate -- you've twisted words and turned them into something else entirely. Lots of people said that living on campus for at least a year is a way to give the greatest chance of success.

I totally agree that if you've told your kids that dorms are bad, living in a tiny space with a total stranger (would you never get to know that person?) is awful, etc., etc., etc., they would be unsuccessful there. Not because dorms are actually bad, but because you'd have convinced them that it's a living arrangement not condusive to academics. It'd be a matter of self-fulfilling prophecy.
I wouldn't live in a dorm room now either- but I'm 46. My daughter went from living in a large, comfortably furnished bedroom at home with her own bath attached to it and a large walk in closet to living in a tiny room with a roommate and sharing a bathroom with other girls and she loves it. She doesn't love the accommodations, she loves the experience and the sense of community that comes from living among her peers. It's also good for her to learn to negotiate the trials and tribulations of living with a roommate in a small space.
I could say all these things about my daughter. She would like more space, but she loves the convenience of the dorms, and she loves the people on her floor.
 
Just one thing about the graduation statistics. They are usually (almost universal for public schools) given as 6 year graduation rates, not 4 year. A graduation rate of over 80% is nothing to worry about anyway. It seems appropriate given many individual circumstances and transfers.

It's the 6 year rates under 80% I would worry about; as well as the schools with sub 20% graduation rates like these from my area: www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/colleg...-dc-md-and-va/2011/12/13/gIQAnfSVsO_blog.html
 
Okay- First let me say that I have not read all 16 pages, just wanted to chime in on the question.

Yes, we will pay for our daughters college education at a college of her choice. We (grandparents and other family included) have started a savings account for her that will more than cover it. I'm just glad that she is only 3 and I still have 15 more years before this all happens.
 
When it comes to graduation rates, two things are improtant to know:

- That rate reports students who graduated in four years. LOTS of students finish school, but they don't do it in four years. I faced severe financial hardship in college (looking back, I'm not even sure how I did it), and I didn't finish in four years, yet I wouldn't see that as a failure. At a state's flagship university, I'd bet the vast majority do graduate -- even if they don't do it in four years.
I believe the graduation rates on that website were for six years not four.
 
Sure, the dorm rooms are small, but I wouldn't discourage students from living in the dorms. The experience of living in a dorm with others, convenience, immersion in campus events and friendships made by living in the dorms (as opposed to meeting other students in class, etc.) is wonderful if it can be done financially. Both of my kids are out of college, and many of their closest friends are those who they met the first couple weeks of college in the dorms. They are living and working in various places, but they still talk frequently, attend and serve as attendants in each other's weddings, and meet for vacations together. Each had experience with a difficult roommate or two but lived through it. There are a lot of dorm options as well as meal plan options on college campuses now. It's no longer a one-size-has-to-fit- all situation.
 














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