College students bedroom while away at school

[Tiggeroo]

What do you do with your college kids bedroom while they are away? We live in a very small 3 bedroom condo. My two sons share a room and the pc and such are in the living room. My dd has decided to live on campus next semester. Apparently she thinks we should just leave her room as is.
I planned on having her put some things she doesn't use very much in storage (something she should have done before this), giving the room a good cleaning and painting, putting in a futon or day-bed and the computer. This way one of her brothers could sleep in there, and guests could use it. It will still be hers when she comes home on breaks and in the summer. I certainly don't expect her to be moving out, and I am assuming she will be coming home for a time after college is over (at which time her brothers will be in college). But it's such a small home and I can't imagine wasting any space for 8 months of the year.
She is crushed. She assumed if she left her room would stay exactly the same. (including dirty clothes on floor and piles of papers) Her college is only 20 minutes from here and I think she will be home alot.

 

[Evil Princess]

I just arrived at college on Saturday. I know that my mother is getting my room repainted and a new comforter, however, it needs it.

In my situation, if my room didn't stay exactly the way it was before I left I would be crushed. Probably wouldn't be too happy talking to my parents for awhile. I also gave my room a good cleaning before I left for school (I threw out 5 garbage bags of stuff from my drawers).

Your situation is a little different though, because of the limited space. I'm just giving you the scenario in my house. I would definitely not keep the clothes and papers all over the place. Maybe put the computer in the room, but I'm not sure that I would have her brother sleep in the room.

 

[Meriweather]

I left my DD's room the same as it was. She does come home to visit But...we have the room.

However, your situation is different.
In that case, the people I know in that situation, move one of the two that are sharing a room into the now vacant room.
Store the college person's belongings (what isn't taken) and set up one room with a trundle bed for visits.

 

[amid chaos]

After Norah's room was cleaned...(quite a job)..her brother kind of moved in..not his stuff, but himself. Her room has the huge desk and the computer so he is using it for his school work and sometimes he crashes on the futon.

Norah would have liked her room to be kept for her beloved kitty and no one else.

Sorry norah..you got a room with a bathroom and the cat doesnt need all that space...LOL.

 

[WDWAurora]

Is this her first semester at college? That will make a BIG difference if it is!! Keep in mind, I'm farther away, but as a senior psychology major, I'm basing this on my own experiences, as well as about five different studies I've read lately. The first semester at college can be very difficult, often making one feel like they no longer have a home, as EVERYTHING changes. Where meals come from, what kind of classes you're taking, what school you're at, where all your friends are, where you sleep, etc...it all changes. Having no room that is still "hers" can be sort of traumatic at this time of transition in an adolescent's life, especially for females. What would I do in this situation? Involve her in the changes. Make it into redoing her room as a project for the two of you, not getting rid of her room. That way, she still comes home to something she feels ownership of, and you get the extra space you need for other things. This makes the redo fun, not traumatic. And letting her leave some things that are important can help, like certain mementos from her high school years, etc.

BTW...Cleaning is different. If it's messy, you have every right to demand that to be taken care of. Redecoration is what I'm talking about here.

 

[gina2000]

This is a really touchy subject. I know when I left home, I wanted my haven to be kept ready for my return. I think that's how kids view their bedrooms....not just as a place to sleep but as a haven to hide and dream.

Would you mind leaving it for this semester, well cleaned, of course....as a trial....see how often she's home and if she plans to return home next semester to live? She may hate living outside of her home and look to return sooner than you think. Then if she continues to live on campus, perhaps gradually change things so it's not such an abrupt change right after her first move out.

It's a tough decision. Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[dianeschlicht]

I was going to suggest something similar to Gina. I guess I WOULD move the desk and computer in there, but let it still be "her" room for awhile, until you know how much she plans to be at home. Twenty minutes isn't far away, so she might decide she wants to live at home and save room and board.

 

[JesseBlue]

Leave it for at least the first year. After that she'll be used to living away and it won't be such a big deal.

I'd still move her stuff out of the way and let one of the boys sleep in there.

 

[daughter_of_amid_chaos]

Originally posted by amid chaos
After Norah's room was cleaned...(quite a job)..her brother kind of moved in..not his stuff, but himself. Her room has the huge desk and the computer so he is using it for his school work and sometimes he crashes on the futon.

Norah would have liked her room to be kept for her beloved kitty and no one else.

Sorry norah..you got a room with a bathroom and the cat doesnt need all that space...LOL.

YOU GAVE IT TO THE KITTEN!!! What are you talking baout? saying a cat doesnt need that much room yet the kitten moved right ikn.
As long asBob's nasty stuff is out of it by the time i'm home in octover we;re good.
I don't need it smelling like boy I get enough of that here

 

[ChibiJones]

My sisters shared a room until I left for college. According to my parents, I didn't even get on the plane before they started bickering (in the airport, LOL) over which one was moving in. I knew it was going to happen as I was filling out my college applications.

Having a room sit unused while your siblings are sharing a cramped bedroom is just plain selfish, IMHO. I never would have thought about suggesting that sisters continue to share, even if I had ended up at a school closer to home. I even packed up all my collectibles & books so whichever sister ended up in there would finally have their own space to display her stuff. My only request was that I not come home at Christmas to a leaky waterbed mattress .

 

[katerkat]

I agree with Aurora - is this her first semester? The first semester I would have been devasted if Mom changed anything in my room, especially up until after Christmas. Crhistmas break, I wanted MY room. After that, it gets better. By senior year, we were asking which room to go to because Mom had remade all the bedrooms.

But - I also think - in your case, with two at home... Can one of the boys live in a girly room? IE, not change it from HERS too much, but still let him live there? And gradually you can cut down on the girly and let it become the guest/his room?

 

[jwsqrdplus2]

The only thing my parents did when I left for college was give my sister (still at home for 2 years) the double bed in my room, and move the trundle bed from her room into mine. After sis and I graduated from college, our parents each turned one of our rooms into a home office (dad got mine and mom got my sister's). I graduated from college over 13 years ago, and my father has not changed a thing in teh decor of that room (including the OLD carpet; he claimed it would be too difficult to move everything out and back in again for recarpeting). My sister graduated from college more than 11 years ago, and the only major change my mom made in that room was to recarpet when she recarpeted the rest of the house (except Dad's office!) several years ago.

 

[Tiggeroo]

I wasn't planning on giving the room to her brother. First I was going to fix it up. And that would actually be more for her. Get her a new comforter and stuff. I was just going to let her brother use a computer in there and sleep in there sometimes. He would still have bunk beds in his room and his dresser, and stuff. This isn't her first year at college. She will be a sophomore this year. She lived at home and commuted the first year and this semester will do the same. I'm not sure how it will work out, but I know she is ready to try being away now.

 

[bsnyder]

Interesting thread.

Does anyone think boys are different from girls, in feeling "territorial" about their rooms.

I have one son who's a college sophomore, about 3 hours away from home. The other son is a senior in high school, and he's planning to go "far away" for college, either to California or New York. In any event, we're not thinking he's going to be anywhere in the state, and will only be coming home 3 or 4 times during the school year.

DD, age 9, is already plotting to take over their rooms, and make a "suite" for herself. Currently, they each have smallish bedrooms, with a connecting bath. She has a somewhat larger bedroom, with the hall bath to herself.

She wants them to share her existing room, and then she would have one of their bedrooms for studying, having friends over, etc, and the other for sleeping and changing.

This obviously wouldn't occur until sometime after the younger son goes off to college.

She's mentioned it to both her brothers, and they just shrugged and said they didn't care. ????

They don't spend a lot of time in their rooms, when they are home. And at this point, I don't think either one of them will live at home after college (at least I'm keeping my fingers crossed, LOL!) They both plan to do grad school, and by then they'll be ready to have a place of their own.

 

[nativetxn]

My son's room became a guest room when he left for college.

 

[WDWAurora]

To go back to the research I mentioned, it did basically find that boys didn't care. Girls were found to experience moderate to extreme depression for up to a year (87% of the girls studied) upon returning home and their room being changed. Of those girls whose parents (guardians) let them participate in the redecoration process, 3% experienced mild to moderate depression, the rest maintained the same levels. This research isn't online (I searched) or I'd link.

 

[wdwnutze]

My ds is a sophmore in college this year about 2 1/2hrs away. His room has sat untouched since he started school. I offered to get him a pullout sofa or futon but he wants his bed left where it is. He doesn't want the room changed so I won't change it. It hasn't bothered my girls having an empty room there while they share a small room.

 

[bsnyder]

Originally posted by WDWAurora
To go back to the research I mentioned, it did basically find that boys didn't care.

I'll tell Allison! She'll be so excited!

Right after I left for my freshman year in college (out of state), my parents sold our home and moved to a condo. When I came home at Thanksgiving, it was to a brand new place....this after living in the same house for 15 years. But I don't remember feeling depressed. I think any trauma was mitigated by the fact that the families of two of my best friends also moved to this same condo building. When we were all home on college breaks, we had a blast....it was like living in a dorm!