College Sororities - Sad and Confused......kinda of long sorry

[mykidsand_i]

THERE IS A HUGE difference between sorority and FRAT!!! Oh, my...I'd go into it ALL, but that's an entirely new thread!! "being greek..." ok, that's a similarity...but it almost stops there. We participated with frat houses to do fundraisers, but it would be like saying "baptist is the same as catholic, because they're all christian!!"

 

[TwinsinCA]

A little sister isn't actually a member of that organization on a national level. You're not comparing apples to apples.

Whether she was a member is really beside the point. She just illustrated what sorts of activities really go on within the Greek system.

 

[mykidsand_i]

I am flabergasted. I've never in my life heard of people who though sororities and fraternaties MAIN purpose was doing good in their communities.

Maybe you should read 1/2 of the posts from sorority girls on this thread...it's hard to jump in blindly.

 

[Nennie]

The OP came on here looking for support. She even said that she was going to show this thread to her daughter. It seems almost cruel to have several people continuing to argue about how great and wonderful sororities are. How is that going to help the OP or her daughter? I can understand wanting to defend your organization, but why not do it on another thread and keep the debate out of this one out of respect to the OP and her daughter?

Many tried to explain that the reason the OP's daughter didn't recieve a bid were b/c of her grades and non-freshman status (not b/c of looks, money, personality, or any other reason which would cause a blow to one's self esteem). Afterwards several posters said they didn't believe that one's grades or freshman status were important, so those of us with experience came back to explain further. At least that's why I kept posting.

 

[SomedayI'llBe]

Whether she was a member is really beside the point. She just illustrated what sorts of activities really go on within the Greek system.

Some groups party. And they still do good for their community. You can do both- I know a lot of people who can have a really good time on Saturday night (because it doesn't have to involve drinking) and then can do some wonderful good for the community. Really, is that so wrong? Personally, the "personality" of my chapter is that we don't party as a general rule. Just not what we're interested. A lot of groups do though, and as long as that isn't their focus, I don't see a problem.

Besides that fact, fraternities and sororities are as different as apples and oranges. We're both Greek, but we're governed by different organizations and different rules. We're both very different.

The monitoring of grades: For our campus, our sisters sign a release letting the chapter have access to grades through the Greek advisor. Our vice president over academic matters has access to that information. If a sister is below a certain line, she's called in to a completely confidential committee and notified. The VP then helps her work out a plan for improving her grades.

The matter of girls of all different backgrounds belonging: YES! I have overweight sisters, I have sisters who work constantly to pay for dues, I have sisters who have physical and medical issues (though none are extremely visible due to a lack of many handicapped on my campus). I have sisters of all ethnicities. We are very diverse.

 

[disykat]

Maybe you should read 1/2 of the posts from sorority girls on this thread...it's hard to jump in blindly.

oops double post!

 

[disykat]

Maybe you should read 1/2 of the posts from sorority girls on this thread...it's hard to jump in blindly.

I did read this thread and those were the posts that were surprising me. Like I said, prior to this thread I've never heard anyone claim that the MAIN purpose of being in a sorority is to do community service. That's why I was surprised.

 

[onelilspark]

I did read this thread and those were the posts that were surprising me. Like I said, prior to this thread I've never heard anyone claim that the MAIN purpose of being in a sorority is to do community service. That's why I was surprised.

I think it's one of the reasons to join, but not the main purpose. I joined for a variety of reasons, that was one of the reasons.

 

[klmall]

......I suppose it wouldn't work at the college level, but I'm a member of a fraternity/honor society of sorts. It's one associated with Scouting and is called "The Order of the Arrow". The OA, has a very unique way of selecting new members. You aren't voted in by members, you're voted in by non-members. I've always thought that this was a much better way to honor folks instead of the "in group" deciding who's deserving to join them in the club.

That's my honor society too, Brother!

 

[jodifla]

But this isn't a job.

This isn't a school.

This isn't even a sports team.

This is a 'club'. This is a group of women who's main purpose is to create a "sisterhood" while helping the community (according to you and others). So why should grades matter? Why should age matter? Why should your mother having been a member matter? Why should ANYTHING matter beyond being enrolled at that school and having an interest to join?

If I want to join Kiwanis or the Lions club, I can. Both are service organizations which do fundraising and community outreach and do not have a list of restrictions on who can and can't join. The fact that sororities are NOT run in a similar fashion makes me think that they are really not as altruistic as they claim.

It's a club, but it has specific requirements. One of which is to be invited by the other members to join. Many "clubs" are like this.

Done correctly, this is a LIFETIME commitment. It's like joining a family.

Lots of people don't get every friend they want. A service club is actually quite different than what the Greek system is meant to be.

I've used my networking through my sorority for jobs, legal aid and questions as well as the gateway to getting to the the community to every place I've moved.

We get it, you don't like it. But your comments show that you don't really understand what being in a sorority is. It's not about keeping others OUT. It's about finding a community and a common purpose, and inviting others in to further that.

 

[Deb & Bill]

To the ladies who have been sorority members, you have your experiences.

To the ladies who have not been sorority members, you have your experiences.

None of them are wrong. They are just personal experiences.

I agree, what can you tell the OP to help her daughter? I suggested back on page one to find someone who her daughter admires who wasn't in a sorority to talk to her daughter. What other advice can we give the OP to help her daughter?

 

[Geoff_M]

What other advice can we give the OP to help her daughter?

I think the best thing that the OP can offer her daughter is some "perspective". I know it's hard for a 19 or 20 year-old to understand at times, but while it's OK to be upset at not having such a desire realized, it's not a big deal in the grander scheme of things. Not getting picked to join a sorority isn't a life altering setback. A majority of women that weren't in one lead perfectly good and fulfilling lives. Most of them even find good looking guys to date/marry them! There's also plenty of other ways to do community service to help others without wearing Greek letters. They also have good friends that'll help them in a pinch. I mean seriously, if that's the worst thing that happens to her in her time at college, she should be so lucky.

I'd also ask her what it is that she's looking for or expecting as a benefit as part of being in a sorority and then I'd ask that "if that door is closed to you, what other ways might those things be accomplished?".

Lastly, I'd say "Look if they don't want someone that's as pretty, smart, and nice as you to join their club... Then tell them to 'Stick it in their ear... sideways!'" Their loss!

If after all that she still want to join one, then I encourage her to give it another try next year.

I've used my networking through my sorority for jobs, legal aid and questions as well as the gateway to getting to the the community to every place I've moved.

I don't doubt that, but I've also had the same sort of experience with the local chapter of my alumni association. Churches, service clubs, etc.... there's plenty of avenues to achieve those sorts of connections. Members of the Greek system haven't invented something unique in this department.

 

[Geoff_M]

That's my honor society too, Brother!

WWW!

 

[Tinkerbelle'sMOM]

Oh, your poor daughter! When I was in college I pledged with one of my friends, but I was a double legacy and was accepted and she was not even though she was probably more qualified than I was. I felt guilty, but not wanting to disappoint my mom and my aunt, I stayed. Now that I am older and many years wiser, I kind of wished I hadn't. I know that my DD will be accepted if she decides to pledge when she is in college. I won't push her like I as...she needs to make her own decision to do it or not.

I liked it, but it was a lot of work and sometimes it got under my skin, but I did make some great friends and I enjoy being on the alumni.

Tell her to rush again next year!

 

[bunny]

Just for curiousity, I checked out the national website for Tri-Delta Sorority. I then looked at the website some chapters had. I saw no minorities, no handicapped girls, and no overweight girls in any of the pictures. I remember from my college days that these girls were all beautiful and popular. Please don't tell me that has changed and from the photos I saw it hasn't. Sororities are social groups who do volunteer work to gain credibility. That is not their primary focus.

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

Oh, your poor daughter! When I was in college I pledged with one of my friends, but I was a double legacy and was accepted and she was not even though she was probably more qualified than I was. I felt guilty, but not wanting to disappoint my mom and my aunt, I stayed. Now that I am older and many years wiser, I kind of wished I hadn't. I know that my DD will be accepted if she decides to pledge when she is in college. I won't push her like I as...she needs to make her own decision to do it or not.

I liked it, but it was a lot of work and sometimes it got under my skin, but I did make some great friends and I enjoy being on the alumni.

Tell her to rush again next year!

Why? So she can go through the misery and humilitation of another round of arbitrary popularity contests?

I sincerely hope by next year at this time the OP's daughter could care less about sororities and have many other wonderful things in her life that she can focus her time and energy on.

 

[mykidsand_i]

Sororities are social groups who do volunteer work to gain credibility. That is not their primary focus.

I am really happy that the term 'social group' to define a sorority...I think that this is the best phrase used...Thank you for bringing that phrase to the thread. I do have to disagree with "doing volunteer work just to gain credibility" statement though (at least as far as our sorority goes, I cannot speak for others!) Doing volunteer work and helping others was part of our entire mission statement.

our house had a framed saying over the door...
1st be strong in who you are ( it started like this because you cannot help others, if you are not confident and don't have a helpful heart)
2nd be encouraging to our sisters and other helpers
3rd we need to reach out to the community where we are needed.

Although volunteering wasn't our #1 focus, it was still a primary focus for our house. Like I said, I cannot speak for everyone- but in our house it definately was.

 

[mykidsand_i]

Sororities are social groups who do volunteer work to gain credibility. That is not their primary focus.

sorry...double post.

 

[lillygator]

sounds like a lot of bitter people on this thread.

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

sounds like a lot of bitter people on this thread.

Oh, I am TOTALLY bitter about the fact that society still values such crazy things.

I love merit based societies where you can earn your way in through hard work, academic excellence, and transparent and/or public requirements, let's have more of those .