Co-workers wedding wwyd

[LovesTimone]

Working in a small office this can present a problem. I would go equal amount on both go with a GC or the same present. Equal gifts

The thing is people talk, and in a smaller office there is more familiarity with each other, they will compare who got what, human instinct makes us wonder and curious about things... Lets face it the conversation about what did you get for gifts, is going to come out... Not necessarily... " So what did you get?" but in that nice round about way people have of asking these things.

Co-Worker A to Co-worker B --- That was so nice of "your name" to give us " insert you gift here" it was so thoughtful, we loved it, or whatever.

Co-Worker B puzzled look on her face, as her gift from you did not measure up, or was not the same amount.

Co-Worker B then possibly could feel that you slighted her and could cause tension in the office...


Been there... lived to tell the story... not going back...

 

[Imzadi]

Ummm, “privately” increase the amount? I don’t understand. Any monetary gift I give, I give privately. And I would expect it to stay private. I can’t imagine anyone comparing amounts that they received as wedding gifts. Heck, I never told my parents what amount I got from anyone & neither of my kids told me how much they received from anyone. Not even the total amount received. If I found out either one told the other what I gave, I’d be seriously ticked.

I've been at a few weddings where one of the mothers "passed a pillowcase" around to collect money for the bride & groom. Some people just reach into their pocket and pull out a wad of bills. So yes, you can see how much money they drop in. Other people were ready to put in a card & money in an envelop. Others slipped in a pre-written check. I was shocked to see it happen the first time. But, after the 3rd time and seeing how some people were ready for the pillowcase with the envelopes of money or a check, I guess this is a custom for some weddings.

 

[Imzadi]

Co-Worker A to Co-worker B --- That was so nice of "your name" to give us " insert you gift here" it was so thoughtful, we loved it, or whatever.

Co-Worker B puzzled look on her face, as her gift from you did not measure up, or was not the same amount.

Co-Worker B then possibly could feel that you slighted her and could cause tension in the office...

I get what you are saying. But if co-worker B said something like that to me, or acted slighted, I would say something like, "Where were you for the last 10 years? Oh right, NOT working HERE." I've gotten past the stage of being a people pleaser and keeping my mouth shut about stupid things. It cost me a lot to be that in my 20's & 30's. Now, I see what a waste of time & energy that is.

And if she was still miffed after that. I might say, "Your response now is probably the second reason you didn't get as big of a gift." The relationship is already ruined. I'd rather set the record straight instead of tip toeing around some people.

If she wants to be insulted, so be it. I personally would be insulted that she chose to discuss the monetary value of my gift- now THAT's tacky and rude!

Exactly. I have no patience for that anymore.

 

[MillauFr]

I would give 50 each

 

[Summer2018]

Well, this may not really answer the question, but this is what I would probably do. I know you say you are all "close" but you seem closer to co-worker A.

I would attend co-worker's A wedding and give what you deem an appropriate gift. I would not travel overnight and get a hotel room for a co-workers wedding that I have known for only 8 months and a black tie affair to boot. I would decline attending and give a gift similar to A. I personally would feel compelled to give more if I attended B's wedding and the hotel, travel and entire event would be more than I would want to involve myself with.

Probably not a popular answer....

I agree. i go to a lot of showers both baby and bridal and weddings because I teach in a school with many 20 and 30 somethings. We always do a potluck breakfast at school plus a gift card we all contribute to for those getting married, having babies, and adopting. For those colleagues that I'm close to, I attend their events outside school as well. I opt out of attending events for acquaintances, because it can get very expensive.

Example: My colleague that I work with but am not close to will get my contribution to her breakfast and some cash (under $10) toward her gift card. My colleague who is a closer friend will get the same food contribution and cash donation plus I spent another $50 on her baby shower gift outside school. When she got married, we did the same thing for her school bridal shower; then I spent $50 on her bridal shower outside school; and $200 for her wedding gift from my DH and I.

 

[nkereina]

That's not a tradition, it's apparently an expectation localized to certain areas and it seems totally bizarre to the rest of us.

Well, it would be a regional tradition then. Its been a thing here as long as I can remember, so its tradition to anyone who lives here. There are lots of bizarre regional things across the country, add this to the list then.

 

[AppleDumpling]

To those who think the idea of covering your plate is in poor taste, let me ask a question. Suppose you are single. If you bring a “plus one” guest to a wedding, would your gift be the same as what you would give if you attended alone?

Because if you’d give more coming from two people (which I definitely would), isn’t that sort of the same thing?

 

[Princessclab]

To those who think the idea of covering your plate is in poor taste, let me ask a question. Suppose you are single. If you bring a “plus one” guest to a wedding, would your gift be the same as what you would give if you attended alone?

Because if you’d give more coming from two people (which I definitely would), isn’t that sort of the same thing?

Gift would be the same whether 1 or 2 attending.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

To those who think the idea of covering your plate is in poor taste, let me ask a question. Suppose you are single. If you bring a “plus one” guest to a wedding, would your gift be the same as what you would give if you attended alone?

Because if you’d give more coming from two people (which I definitely would), isn’t that sort of the same thing?

When I was planning my wedding I assumed a plus 1 in the calculations for the cost.

Plus all the catering companies advised an X% more in case those who RSVP'd no or those who didn't RSVP at all showed up.

To answer your question no I don't equate what I give to a wedding to all this financial biz others do. YMMV.

 

[buzznina]

We give based on how well we know the person/couple and not on their wedding venue. If they want to spend a lot on their wedding that is their choice.

 

[jrmasm]

To those who think the idea of covering your plate is in poor taste, let me ask a question. Suppose you are single. If you bring a “plus one” guest to a wedding, would your gift be the same as what you would give if you attended alone?

Because if you’d give more coming from two people (which I definitely would), isn’t that sort of the same thing?

Yes, because I'm giving a gift, not paying a cover charge.

 

[GreatLakes]

To those who think the idea of covering your plate is in poor taste, let me ask a question. Suppose you are single. If you bring a “plus one” guest to a wedding, would your gift be the same as what you would give if you attended alone?

Because if you’d give more coming from two people (which I definitely would), isn’t that sort of the same thing?

I wouldn't adjust my gift based on whether or not I brought someone.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Me neither....
If I were invited to bring a plus-one, I would in NO way consider that a requirement that my plus-one cover their plate.

Covering one's plate might be a nice idea, in consideration of the brides and groom's costs and expenses of the wedding.
But, IMHO, that is the extent of it.
It would in NO way be any kind of tradition, requirement or expectation.

And, while it is definitely very very rude and inappropriate to talk about specifics of personal finances and gifts...
Hello.... reality check.... IT HAPPENS!

 

[Hikergirl]

I work in a very small office with 4 “girls” during the day we are all very close.

co-worker A and I have worked together over 10years. We are friends outside of work and have dinner maybe 2x a year based on our availability.
She is getting married (2nd marriage) in a small casual ceremony at 10am on aSaturday at a local herb farm. It’s about 20 minutes from us. There will be about 75 people in attendance. No photographer, no dj, no flowers, but a seated meal. It’s costing her approximately $25per plate.

Co-worker B is getting married one week later. She has only worked with us for 8 months. We have never gone out outside of work. Her wedding is 2.5 hours away on a Sunday evening. We all booked hotel rooms due to,distance. She has gone ALL out can we say Bridezella? It’s a black tie event and will have a wandering painter, breakdancers, ice sculptures, a live band, sit down meal, passed food ANd a food buffet. Photo booth, shuttle to and from the hotel,to the venue, you get it. Anything and everything will be here. I know it’s costing over $200 a plate (and that does NOT include all of the extras I just listed.

Do I give equal wedding gifts?

No, you don't have to give equal gifts. You don't even have to give them both money.
If it were me, I'd give more to the person I was friends with. I also would not travel over 2 hours and spend money on a hotel specifically to go to the wedding of someone I've only known 8 months, and not even socially.
What I wonder is why do you consider the one girl a bridezilla? And since you do, why are you even going to her wedding in the first place?

 

[bethy]

To those who think the idea of covering your plate is in poor taste, let me ask a question. Suppose you are single. If you bring a “plus one” guest to a wedding, would your gift be the same as what you would give if you attended alone?

Because if you’d give more coming from two people (which I definitely would), isn’t that sort of the same thing?

The gift would be the same whether I had one or two attending.

 

[nkereina]

The sentiment behind giving more of a gift if bringing a plus one is because the gift is from two people, rather than one person. Similar to the sentiment behind the "cover your plate" situation, its considered etiquette (apparently only regionally) to give a gift equal to or greater than what you presume they are spending to have you there. In other words, "thank you for inviting me, here's a gift to help offset the cost of having me here plus to congratulate you on your marriage". In the end, the couple will have recouped muchf of the cost of their reception by the people following this, which is a gift in and of itself to the couple.

Not defending the "cover your plate" logic - I don't consider that when attending a wedding, and also base my gift off how well I know the couple. But I understand why it exists and why some people choose to follow it.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

The sentiment behind giving more of a gift if bringing a plus one is because the gift is from two people, rather than one person.

I think that part is pretty obvious though. On the flip side of it I'd think it would be rather strange to me personally if someone felt along the lines of "well if I had someone with me you'd get a better gift". So I guess as the DIS saying goes "it must be regional"...though ironically yes some of it actually is regional lol.

 

[nkereina]

I think that part is pretty obvious though. On the flip side of it I'd think it would be rather strange to me personally if someone felt along the lines of "well if I had someone with me you'd get a better gift". So I guess as the DIS saying goes "it must be regional"...though ironically yes some of it actually is regional lol.

I know, its a different thought process. $150 (for example) is a lot from one person, but has less of an impact from two people - but that's assuming your plus one chips in half. If I'm single and bringing a plus one that doesn't know the couple, my date isn't going to chip in on the gift. So its flawed logic anyway.

 

[GreatLakes]

The sentiment behind giving more of a gift if bringing a plus one is because the gift is from two people, rather than one person.

Not really. If the invitation is addressed to both parties (Mr. and Mrs. Smith) then the gift is from two people. If it is addressed to one (Mr. Smith and guest) than it is a gift only from Mr. Smith.

Even now that I'm married and invitations to either of our friends/family are addressed to both of us we don't adjust the gift. I give my friends and family the gift based on our relationship. When my wife was pregnant and couldn't travel to an out of town wedding I didn't adjust what I was going to give down just because she wasn't there. I wouldn't adjust the other way either.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

If it were me, I'd give more to the person I was friends with. I also would not travel over 2 hours and spend money on a hotel specifically to go to the wedding of someone I've only known 8 months, and not even socially.

I've been wondering about this but I think there could be a few reasons why the OP was even invited. Maybe because it's a small office the bride was thinking she needed to invite all or none of the coworkers in order to be polite. And maybe the OP also feels polite in that they didn't want to be the person to decline (though I'm sure other coworkers could need to decline for one reason or another).

I invited only one of my coworkers to my wedding but in an office of several hundred it wasn't a big deal as in no one would talk and compare and psychoanalyze the aspects of a wedding. But my best friend, if she had had her wedding here in town as opposed to out of town, would have felt obliged to invite all 8 of her coworkers in her specific office even if she wasn't uber close to each one of them.

'Course it's possible depending on why this person is a bridezilla (also a good question) wants to be showy and invite the coworkers for that reason.

But still I've been wondering.