Christmas as kids grow up

[monorailmom]

Hi all...I need some help with this! I now have a married DD! And also a DD who is living with her DBF (boyfriend...is DBF a thing haha?!) My younger DD is in college and my DS is in high school.

Santa has still been coming to our house and quite honestly still plans to, at least to some extent. But...does Santa treat the ones who are still at home differently than the ones who have moved out? (sounds awful in a way but I am seriously not sure what to do)

What about among family members? I have the 4 kids...and now a son in law! , also the boyfriend my DD is living with (they've been together since high school so he is like family anyway) and my younger DD's boyfriend (they have been together a year and a half at this point). Do we all pull names? I kind of hate to do that, my family pulls names...as does my DH's...so this would be a third name pull. Is that crazy/boring? Or just the best way to handle it without having everyone go crazy with gifts?

 

[MomRN]

This probably sounds awful, but Santa only visits those under eighteen. He only brings a few extra things, it isn't extravagant, but he only brings for children.

 

[Southernmiss]

Hi all...I need some help with this! I now have a married DD! And also a DD who is living with her DBF (boyfriend...is DBF a thing haha?!) My younger DD is in college and my DS is in high school.

Santa has still been coming to our house and quite honestly still plans to, at least to some extent. But...does Santa treat the ones who are still at home differently than the ones who have moved out? (sounds awful in a way but I am seriously not sure what to do)

What about among family members? I have the 4 kids...and now a son in law! , also the boyfriend my DD is living with (they've been together since high school so he is like family anyway) and my younger DD's boyfriend (they have been together a year and a half at this point). Do we all pull names? I kind of hate to do that, my family pulls names...as does my DH's...so this would be a third name pull. Is that crazy/boring? Or just the best way to handle it without having everyone go crazy with gifts?

Our oldest got married last year. We treat everyone the same.

All 4 of ours, (oldest son 24, sons 21 and 20-these 2 are in college, and daughter 16-high school) plus DIL got one wrapped box filled with their gifts on Christmas morning and a stocking and a small stocking on the tree with $ in it. ( It worked out that our son and dil who live 1.5 away, were here Christmas morning and we wanted to be sure their first Christmas morning with us was as nice as possible.)

Dh's dad and step mom have always done this for their kids, in Laws, and now grands and spouses and great grands.

Dh and I have always appreciated their generosity and want to give generously, too.

When grands come along and all 4 of our naturally born kids are completely on their own with careers , etc. We may modify to just one gift, time will tell.

 

[DisneyHardin]

After I got married, my Mom started having me think of thing for our household that I wanted for Christmas so that she could buy one large gift for DH and I - for the most part it has worked well - she has gotten us a TV, a computer, a Dyson, a comforter set, etc over the years. My Dad and stepmom give each person a gift and it is the same approximate value if you are a biological child or an inlaw child.

 

[kymom99]

My mom and dad spent $50 on each and every person once we were all grown and had families of our own. That included our spouses. It also included my husband's children/my step children. All treated the same.

For our family, I spend more on our son who is 19. He is still a kid and shouldn't get less because his sisters are grown with children. I don't have a set figure to spend for the others, but I have a target amount. I usually buy for my step daughter and her husband together. The other step daughter isn't married. Then each kid gets their own gift. We aren't the grandparents who go overboard. I soend about $30 on each grandchild.

 

[monorailmom]

Thanks so much everyone. I always intended to do the same for the moved-out DD’s and their significant others, just wasn’t sure about whether to do the same for them as for the ones who are still at home.

My inclination was the same for everyone, then I was talking to some who said that no, once kids “grew up and moved and got married”, etc., they changed things a bit.

Guess I’ll stick with my original thoughts!

 

[MomToOne]

Our family starts cutting back when the kids hit 25. We don't stop completely, but we typically start giving just a single gift from the parent(s), instead of a whole bunch of stuff. Kids under that age usually get more, more because they have less resources to buy things for themselves than kids who are 25 and (hopefully) out of the house already.

 

[verleniahall]

My oldest brothers are 52 & 46 and I’m 31 and Santa still comes to visit us.

My parents request a Christmas list of no less than 10 things by the beginning of August.

We have started putting just a few physicists SoCal items and them go for upcoming trips

We are all treated the same

 

[Ladyandthepuppies]

My kids are young so the thought of Santa not coming some day is sad! But in my own experience, my parents started giving me 1 "big" gift and a few small necessities when I was in college, and then just one big gift once I graduated. When I got married they would buy my DH a gift as well. My younger sibling lived at home after I moved out and never received more than I did... or at least, not noticeably more. If his stocking had extra socks or chapstick it didn't bother me but if he had gotten a Santa experience when I didn't, I think it would have hurt my feelings (we're 2 years apart.)

 

[dosekies]

My parents generally still treat us the same, but it might end up showing in different ways. My older brother (34, married, 2 kids) gets small gifts for him and his wife, but the grandkids get totally spoiled. My parents will also help with diapers, watching them when my brother is overseas, etc. I'm 25, moved out, and living with my fiancé. My younger brother (22, living at home, in a relationship) get the same amount of $$ and basically get to use it to pick out whatever we might need that year. My fiancé and my brother's girlfriend don't get nearly as much as we do.

On my in-law's side however, everyone pretty much gets treated equally no matter what.

 

[QueenIsabella]

I treat DD23 a little differently than her younger siblings, but mostly because she lives 800 miles away. So, I'm much more inclined to ship her things--most recently, a couple warm shirts from LL Bean and a fancy Advent calendar. She's i her first serious relationship, so I'll get her BF a Christmas gift, for sure. If she's here for Christmas, there will certainly be things under the tree for her, but probably smaller items--she has to fly back and forth.

 

[quandrea]

This probably sounds awful, but Santa only visits those under eighteen. He only brings a few extra things, it isn't extravagant, but he only brings for children.

We are tougher. Santa comes until you are thirteen. Dd, 14 will get gifts from us this year and a stocking. We cap it at three gifts, from Santa or mom and dad, plus pjs.

As for adult kids living away or married, my family kept up with the gift giving, while dh’s Moved to kids only a few years back. I much prefer the no gifts for adults approach. If I need something, I get it. No gift giving avoids accumulating too much stuff. I’d like to move to a no gifts approach with my family, but I fear it will be poorly received. Haven’t figured out how to approach it yet. My parents are not in my life, so it’s just my sisters. Both are single, so I’m thinking of suggesting that I still buy for them, but that they only remember my kids with something small.

For older kids with significant others, perhaps a cash gift might be best appreciated. They can then do with it what they want.

 

[McKelly]

My kids are 17 and 19, so Santa still visits both equally.

My siblings were 10 and 12 years older than I was. I remember how my parents did it. Each child receives a set amount of money. When they get married, that child receives same amount of money, but then it is split between their family members. I think I will do that. So, let's say I spend 300.00 on each kid now. When they get married, I probably will spend 150.00 each on child and spouse. When they have kids, I will probably spend 50.00 on each adult, and all the rest on the grandbabies!

 

[tvguy]

DS is 31
DDIL is 30
DD is 27 at still at home

We spend the same for each. But we have shifted to a few smaller items, with the big gift being cash. Cash, NOT a gift card. Cash always fits, always is the right color.
My wife got an Eddie Bauer gift card from DDIL 2 Christmases ago. 4 trips to Eddie Bauer later, still hasn't found a single thing she wants to buy there.

 

[Narnia_girl]

Our oldest child married within the past year so we are navigating these new waters also.

I've always done stockings for my kids and I get them a new ornament that signifies something special from the year. I assumed my grown, now married son would not want a new ornament anymore but his wife told me he looks forward to that.

I've tried to shift to experiences instead of big gifts and that has been a nice change.

 

[barkley]

Hi all...I need some help with this! I now have a married DD! And also a DD who is living with her DBF (boyfriend...is DBF a thing haha?!) My younger DD is in college and my DS is in high school.

Santa has still been coming to our house and quite honestly still plans to, at least to some extent. But...does Santa treat the ones who are still at home differently than the ones who have moved out? (sounds awful in a way but I am seriously not sure what to do)

What about among family members? I have the 4 kids...and now a son in law! , also the boyfriend my DD is living with (they've been together since high school so he is like family anyway) and my younger DD's boyfriend (they have been together a year and a half at this point). Do we all pull names? I kind of hate to do that, my family pulls names...as does my DH's...so this would be a third name pull. Is that crazy/boring? Or just the best way to handle it without having everyone go crazy with gifts?

i don't have this situation as yet-both kids are adults but one lives on her own and the other at home so it's they still get approx. the same dollar amount.

that said-my mom's way of doing it with me/my sibs:

ALL SINGLE-set dollar amount w/a higher amount for the 'kids' at home/college (reasoning-little to no income for luxuries whereas the f/t employed has their own resources),

MARRIED/SINGLES-identical dollar amount w/marrieds sharing 50/50 (more often than not it was a household type gift they shared though), significant others/boy or girl friends....be they cohabiting or not were not included in the 50/50 split and they were given a small token (if anything-boyfriends/girlfriends generally didn't attend our family xmas gifting portion b/c they were with their own families so largely no gift at all),

MARRIED/SINGLES/GRANDKIDS-i was the only one with kids so i'm just assuming this based on the christmas gifts i got after they were born-the dollar amount went from 50/50 (me/spouse) to 100% spread within my household (so initialy 33.3% when dd was born then 35% each when ds came along).

GIFTING BETWEEN ADULTS IS BETWEEN THEM-some of us gave to each other, others did not, some gave to significant others, some did not. We were adults and could make our own decisions.

 

[cvjw]

My boys are 19 and 22. One at home, one was at college, and now working and on his own. Each child gets the same amount. Each child will always get the same amount. When they marry, spouses will get the same amount. If we have grandchildren, they will get the same amount.

That is how my parents handle Christmas and I intend to continue the tradition.

Dh’s Parents give each adult a set amount, and each grandchild a little less. Each spouse is treated like their adult kids.

 

[GaSleepingBeautyFan]

Santa only visits our house to leave stockings now that my kids are over 18. At some point when the kids stop coming home for Christmas, I won't do stockings anymore.

We spend the same on each kid and when/if they have a spouse we'll most likely go with family gifts since I can't see us being able to afford to add more adults. Now grandkids will be different - they'll each get something of their own from us if we ever have any.

 

[Southernmiss]

Our oldest child married within the past year so we are navigating these new waters also.

I've always done stockings for my kids and I get them a new ornament that signifies something special from the year. I assumed my grown, now married son would not want a new ornament anymore but his wife told me he looks forward to that.

I've tried to shift to experiences instead of big gifts and that has been a nice change.

For newly married son and daughter in law, we filled their stockings with ornaments (ds has a thing for penguins so he got penguin salt and pepper shaker and I found a sentimental 'son' ornament. For ddil, I found a just married picture frame ornament) and Christmas towels-kitchen for her and bathroom hand towels for him.

 

[MrsPete]

I have one "fully adult child" with a husband ... and one college child.

Mom and Dad give generous gifts at Christmas ... yes, to the son-in-law as well as our own children.
Santa leaves a stocking for each adult child. Note: I've always loved doing stockings.

The adult kids ... and the son-in-law ... also get Easter baskets and a plastic Halloween pumpkin at our house. These aren't generous gifts; rather, a typical basket might include a couple homemade sweets, a fancy spice mix from the grocery store, a bottled coffee drink, and a pair of socks. The kids laugh and roll their eyes at receiving goodies as adults, but they never leave them behind when they go home!