Christmas as kids grow up

[bigeyedfish]

My Mom treats all of us the same. Adult children and spouses each get $200 for Christmas. The grandchildren get gifts and I estimate that amount to be $100-$150 per child. She has always loved Christmas!

 

[smiths02]

My in-laws only have one child. I do have to say that since DH and I have been married...they still get us gifts and they try to make it even between DH and I.

 

[smiths02]

I should add that in DH's family, for more extended family gifting, the tradition has always been to get whatever kids will be there on Christmas morning something at the extended family gathering (so that will be cousins, etc.) The age that stopped appeared to be around 18. We used to do secret Santa type thing, but it just became a pain so no adult gifts for extended family.

In other words, everyone gives to children. Most parent/in-law and adult children gave to each other at their own houses (not the big gathering). Adult siblings and brother/sister-in-laws , aunts/uncles, etc. do not exchange gifts. We love Christmas, but it honestly just got silly to give Uncle John a $20 gift card to Home Depot and he gives me $20 to Target.

My family of origin is really just me, my mom, and my uncle. We all do what we can.

 

[MamaBelle4]

My parents have 5 kids, 4 daughters/sons in law, and 12 grandkids. Santa has always visited. Even the gifts to us are marked as "Love, Santa".

Now, how much we all get has gone down as the family has expanded. They give all the adults the same (gift card, small gift like coffee mug or socks or lotion, and a bag of our favorite candy) and spend the same on each of the kids (or as close to as possible.

 

[Carrie Ellis]

I have two adult children with significant others. I have 1 soon to be daughter that has a serious boyfriend. Her twin has a girlfriend but he is not serious. My older set of twins with significant others, I will buy for their girlfriends. My younger set of twins that will be 18, probably not as much if at all for their boyfriend/girlfriend. It is hard to get serious and close to your kid's "other" because it makes me worried they will not make the right decision if they don't think it will work out. I don't want them to think that it will be sad for the entire family because now we are invested too.

The last 2-3 years, I feel like Christmas has become a pain trying to fork out enough for everyone. It kind of ruins the reason for the season.

I am not sure how I will handle the future. I want it to be fun and meaningful!

 

[tink89]

I have been out of the house and married for over 10 years. My brother moved out last year in his early 20's and one sister will be going to college next year and the other still in high school. My mom will usually buy us all gifts just different type of gifts. My sisters get more than one and more expensive gifts and my brother and I get one or two small gifts. We do not need anything and she finds it so hard to find us gifts but wants to give us something. What we have started doing now is no gifts for adults just Secret Santa and or white elephant. This year we are all doing Christmas at Disneyland = no gifts

 

[mmbrad02]

We are quite blessed with Christmas, in terms of material things. My Parents, and both sets of inlaws (divorced and remarried) have always treated their kids and the spouses equally. My parents do $200 per person, including my sister and I, our husbands, and our children. To make it more fun, my mom sister and I go shopping on Black Friday (not necessarily in the wee hours of the morning, but that's the day we all set aside for this) and we shop for my mom, with my mom. She loves seeing what we come up with, the thought process, finding the best deals, etc. So my sister and I don't end up with as many surprises, which is fine - but we have an awesome day and everyone gets the sizes and colors that they like

My inlaws last year for the first time gave us money. They gave gifts to the grandkids.

 

[LovesTimone]

Equal... our Kids, spouse's of my kids, and live in boy or girl friends of my kids, and any children that might come with said boy or girl friend or spouse... and of course the grand kids

So now this is what I do. Everyone ( adults) get's a box, a large gift bag and stocking. Except the grand-kids, they get lots and lots... In the grown up's box, gift bag, and stocking. I mix everything up, on their "$big$" gift might be in the stocking. There are several gifts for each person in the box, bag, and stocking... for instance. I always give my daughter something for her kitchen something nice, so last year it was stainless steel mixing bowls with lids that went into the box with a few other items, then in her stocking there were some spatula's, and measuring spoons, and a bamboo salad tongs. I put her Pandora earrings in the gift bag. So no-one knows which thing their $big$ gift is.

I sometimes will wrap up a few things and put them in the box, bag or stocking. I love to watch them act like why mom, then smile that smile when unwrapping them that they did when they were little kids.... Mom knows....

I also do Easter baskets, Halloween pumpkins, as well they get a few things through out year, like homemade treats for St. Patrick's day, or whatever.

Birthdays Gift cards, and a few small things to go along with them.

 

[Darcy03231]

My parents do $50 pp which includes spouses, grandchildren, fiancées, long time significant others.

We opted out of the extravagant Christmas presents once the youngest no longer believed (he's now 25) in lieu of a family vacation each year. When the kids were younger and living at home there were a few smaller gifts under the tree, but the big gift was the trip. We continued that, but now we do no gifts and have included spouses, fiancées and significant others in the trip. We take it at a time that's convenient to everyone (last year's trip was in August and this year's is in November). I expect this may change when grandchildren start to arrive, but for right now everyone is happy with this arrangement.

 

[MrsPete]

I am not sure how I will handle the future. I want it to be fun and meaningful!

One thing I do to prevent this problem: I make it a goal NOT to shop in December. I shop heavily in January and February when everything's on clearance, and I work on homemade gifts throughout the year. Since I have only adult children now, I don't need to wait for their last-minute, hot-toy-of-the-season requests anymore.

Having gifts purchased /wrapped well ahead of time leaves me plenty of time for meaningful family and church activities.

Another thing: My extended family does a gift exchange instead of a buy-for-all. It was just too much, and I don't mean money only!

 

[serenitynow]

I should add that in DH's family, for more extended family gifting, the tradition has always been to get whatever kids will be there on Christmas morning something at the extended family gathering (so that will be cousins, etc.) The age that stopped appeared to be around 18. We used to do secret Santa type thing, but it just became a pain so no adult gifts for extended family.

In other words, everyone gives to children. Most parent/in-law and adult children gave to each other at their own houses (not the big gathering). Adult siblings and brother/sister-in-laws , aunts/uncles, etc. do not exchange gifts. We love Christmas, but it honestly just got silly to give Uncle John a $20 gift card to Home Depot and he gives me $20 to Target.

My family of origin is really just me, my mom, and my uncle. We all do what we can.

This is exactly what my rather large, extended family has finally come to as well. Gifts are given only to children under 18. It is much less stressful for everyone. Plus it gives us all a chance to help the kiddos play with their new toys

 

[la79al]

I am the oldest of 4 now adult children. I am the only one with kids. I honestly have no idea when or how my mom changed things with me/ my younger siblings. I will say the part that annoyed me the most was when my younger siblings still got Christmas morning on Christmas morning and whichever of us had moved out got it later Christmas day or at a later gathering. Now we are all out of the house and have a specified day we get together for Christmas so that's not an issue anymore. My mom gives all of us some cash (kids and spouses get the same amount, grandkids get less) and then a few things she thinks we would like. I know last year she gave my sisters boyfriend cash and my sister was not very happy about that. Now what I am slightly grouchy about is that I am the only one with kids so everybody feels obligated to buy for the kids and in return I feel obligated to buy for everyone (we exchange names among the siblings and spouses).

 

[QueenIsabella]

I am the oldest of 4 now adult children. I am the only one with kids. I honestly have no idea when or how my mom changed things with me/ my younger siblings. I will say the part that annoyed me the most was when my younger siblings still got Christmas morning on Christmas morning and whichever of us had moved out got it later Christmas day or at a later gathering. Now we are all out of the house and have a specified day we get together for Christmas so that's not an issue anymore. My mom gives all of us some cash (kids and spouses get the same amount, grandkids get less) and then a few things she thinks we would like. I know last year she gave my sisters boyfriend cash and my sister was not very happy about that. Now what I am slightly grouchy about is that I am the only one with kids so everybody feels obligated to buy for the kids and in return I feel obligated to buy for everyone (we exchange names among the siblings and spouses).

I'm curious as to why this annoyed you? Your feelings are your feelings, but I'm asking because I have 4 kids over an 11-year span--this may well be the last year DD23 is here Christmas morning (and even that's kind of iffy--there's a young man, you see). I do treat DD23 a bit differently--I'm more inclined to ship her stuff, since she lives 800 miles away. She also visits by plane, so by definition, I have to limit size, if not scope of presents. But I try to include her as much as possible--I would feel bad if she somehow felt left out.

 

[crazylady]

My parents gifted us with gifts through college. After college they started gifting us money and one gift. Everyone is married now and they buy the same one gift for all the men and the same one gift for all the women.

We used to do a gift exchange among the siblings and inlawsi but did away with that in lieu of all going out to a nice dinner instead.

 

[Jen and Ashwin]

My mom grew up with a big Christmas tradition, so it is hard for her to let go. My brother is 37, I am almost 35 and my sister is 33. We celebrate Hanukkah, the date of which varies every year. Once we got older and went off to college, we moved our gift giving to Thanksgiving, since we were usually always together then. For a long time, my mom still went all out each year, but slowly over time she started giving more cash and fewer gifts. She gives the same amount to spouses as well. My sister wasn't able to make it last year because my sister's company (Amazon) is too busy with Black Friday. My mom mailed her all of her gifts.

This year is probably going to be different. My sister has to work. My brother has decided not to travel to my parent's house this year. So it will just be me, DH and DD (just turned 1). Not sure what my mom will do this year, but I imagine it will be a smaller affair. That, or my mom will just focus her desire for a big holiday her only grandchild, my DD. We will see.

 

[kymom99]

I am the oldest of 4 now adult children. I am the only one with kids. I honestly have no idea when or how my mom changed things with me/ my younger siblings. I will say the part that annoyed me the most was when my younger siblings still got Christmas morning on Christmas morning and whichever of us had moved out got it later Christmas day or at a later gathering. Now we are all out of the house and have a specified day we get together for Christmas so that's not an issue anymore. My mom gives all of us some cash (kids and spouses get the same amount, grandkids get less) and then a few things she thinks we would like. I know last year she gave my sisters boyfriend cash and my sister was not very happy about that. Now what I am slightly grouchy about is that I am the only one with kids so everybody feels obligated to buy for the kids and in return I feel obligated to buy for everyone (we exchange names among the siblings and spouses).

We buy for the kids but the kids don't have to buy for everyone. Do you mean you buy for all your siblings because they give your kids a gift? Don't do that. Or, have your kids make something, like an ornament or candy.

I'm curious as to why you are annoyed that the younger kids got Christmas on Christmas morning? My son stlll does. Why shouldn't he? He lives here. His sisters comecwhen they are able. We don't wait for them. They had their years of waking up at home on Christmas morning. My siblings are as much as 10 years older than I am. I e didn't stop having christmas morning at my parents house when they moved out.

 

[fifthdimensiondweller]

a typical basket might include a couple homemade sweets, a fancy spice mix from the grocery store, a bottled coffee drink, and a pair of socks. The kids laugh and roll their eyes at receiving goodies as adults, but they never leave them behind when they go home!

This is SUCH a cute idea! When I was in college, our school had a fund raiser that benefitted girl's basketball- basically parents could pay $10 each to have a basket made and delivered to their kids for Halloween, Valentine's, Easter, etc. I always loved getting one, and in many ways enjoyed it even more than when I was a kid. When you're all grown up and responsible for your own expenses, it's tougher to justify splurging on a nice spice mix or something.

 

[Jen and Ashwin]

This is SUCH a cute idea! When I was in college, our school had a fund raiser that benefitted girl's basketball- basically parents could pay $10 each to have a basket made and delivered to their kids for Halloween, Valentine's, Easter, etc. I always loved getting one, and in many ways enjoyed it even more than when I was a kid. When you're all grown up and responsible for your own expenses, it's tougher to justify splurging on a nice spice mix or something.

Funny, but my mom used to always buy us Smartwool socks for Hanukkah and then she stopped when we were all in college. My siblings and I miss that so much because they are so nice, but on the pricey side, so it isn't something we would normally buy ourselves.

 

[luvsJack]

Up until last year, dd was the only one at home so I did buy more for her than her brothers and sil. She still had that "Santa Christmas Morning" with me and her dad. They would come later in the day and open their gifts (she also opened a few when they came over). This was all true before and after her brothers had children. The grandchildren always get more than their parents but not as much as dd (honestly, a lot of her's would be clothes and make up that I would buy anyway). They had the big Christmas mornings until they became "full" adults and we did the same for her.

Now, they are all out of the house. And I will spend the same on each of them. Including the grandchildren because they get way too much stuff anyway. I want more meaningful gifts not more expensive. So I am saying a $50 limit on each one or $100 a couple but we will see if I actually stick to it.

 

[kymom99]

Up until last year, dd was the only one at home so I did buy more for her than her brothers and sil. She still had that "Santa Christmas Morning" with me and her dad. They would come later in the day and open their gifts (she also opened a few when they came over). This was all true before and after her brothers had children. The grandchildren always get more than their parents but not as much as dd (honestly, a lot of her's would be clothes and make up that I would buy anyway). They had the big Christmas mornings until they became "full" adults and we did the same for her.

Now, they are all out of the house. And I will spend the same on each of them. Including the grandchildren because they get way too much stuff anyway. I want more meaningful gifts not more expensive. So I am saying a $50 limit on each one or $100 a couple but we will see if I actually stick to it.

I agree. My step daughter's children get gifts from us, her mom and her family, the husband's family and they go WAYYY overboard. And Santa sure isn't stingy with them. Honestly they wouldn't be any more impressed if I spent $200 vs. $30 on each of them. They get so much. My niece would prefer we didn't get her kids anything because they have a small house and lots of toys already. I just get them something small to open. I really don't enjoy shopping anyway so I don't have the urge to spend more.