Children and temper tantrums at parks, misbehaving...

[Twinprincesses]

Last year my daughter threw a 2 minute tandtrum because I would not buy her another ice cream (this was right after she had just finished one). So she threw herself down and threw a quick fit. I knew it would be over in about 90 seconds so I let her do her thing. In the meantime a nice elderly woman came over and told me how to parent my child . I just blew her off. Yes throughout the day my kids will have a moment but I being their parent know how to control it and go about my day. They throw the same fits at home as they do at disney

 

[kvogel11202]

Don't get me wrong- first thing I think when I see a child having a melt down is "poor little guys had enough". It's the parents who have a screaming child who continue to get in lines for rides or just start yelling at the poor thing that get to me. At least attempt to deal with it. If your child has a special issue and you know you cannot calm them down, then you have to remove the child from the situation. If the child needs to just chill out, let them. I have kids, they get worn out and cranky too. I've had to leave a restaurant b/c my son would not sit down, or was yelling, it's not right to disrupt other peoples meals - wherever you are. Even in Disney.

 

[KorieDWnut]

meltdowns by kids in a kid friendly place don't really bother me, I mean unless it is during a show or dinner or something but really gets me are the ADULTS that are ARGUING in the middle of WDW.

I encountered 3 of such couples last year. One dad screamed at the mom that he was getting on a plane and taking all the money with him and good luck to her and the kids in getting home
What a horrible memory to have for the kids

 

[acourtwdw]

I don't have kids, but have been to WDW several time with nieces/nephews/cousins but it has been years since they were little (the oldest is 17 and the youngest is 8)

Here is my questions to all the parents: I usually have stickers that DVC gives out with me. Is it ok to offer your child a sticker to try to help slowdown/stop a melt down? I'm not saying "lets reward bad behavior" but stickers are a great distraction for most kids. I do this at work and most kids a excited by the sticker and the meltdown has been forgotten.
Just asking

 

[EMom]

If the distraction of a sticker is all it takes, more power to you. You could take some snooty moral high ground OR you can try and prevent a meltdown. As a fellow parkgoer, I know which I prefer. If a kid is on the way to a true killer of a meltdown, a sticker won't accomplish a thing. But it might work on the beginning stages of one, if the adult is adept at spotting it and the child is sticker happy.

A sticker is a long way from paying them $5 to stop pitching a fit. Although I'm sure some people would pay other people's kids $5 to stop at times.

 

[Maggie'sMom]

Here is my questions to all the parents: I usually have stickers that DVC gives out with me. Is it ok to offer your child a sticker to try to help slowdown/stop a melt down? I'm not saying "lets reward bad behavior" but stickers are a great distraction for most kids. I do this at work and most kids a excited by the sticker and the meltdown has been forgotten.
Just asking

It might work sometimes, but not consistently and not with every child. Keeping snacks and/or drinks handy would probably work better. I had little packages of fruit snacks (Disney-themed, of course) in my backpack. When it seemed like she was getting cranky, I'd pull out a package for her. Worked like a charm. I also carried with me a travel size Magna Doodle. When DD was getting antsy waiting in line, I'd pull that out and she'd draw away. I've heard about taking a pack of playing cards to help pass wait times. DD was a little too young for that last year, but it will probably work this year. There are many strategies parents employ. But sometimes nothing but a trip back to the resort for a swim and a nap will work.

 

[stellablue]

If the distraction of a sticker is all it takes, more power to you.
.......If a kid is on the way to a true killer of a meltdown, a sticker won't accomplish a thing. But it might work on the beginning stages of one, if the adult is adept at spotting it and the child is sticker happy.

Don't have kids of my own either, but I do work very closely with them & I agree with you completely. Once a meltdown begins, it is unlikely they are going to stop suddenly at the sight of a sticker. The meltdown is too important to them at that point.

Prevention is the best method. and often times parents can see the "warning signs" of a tantrum and catch it before it turns into a meltdown. Though if you want to try to use a sticker and this is a kid who happens to frequently tantrum, you might use the stickers as a reward. Make a little book or chart and at the end of each park day, give them a sticker of a favorite character to put in their book if they refrained from tantrums. They can hang it up in the hotel room to show it off. This of course will not work with every child and also will only work if they happen to love stickers.

 

[EMom]

You know, they call them meltdowns and I see why, but another way that I look at them is this............

They are like snowballs rolling down a mountain, working their way into those massive snowballs you see on cartoons. They start as a small thing, build...build some more, gain momentum and force....get more power as they roll down the mountain getting bigger and bigger......

And at some point, there is no stopping the killer snowball. It is beyond control and has taken on a life of its own. All that will stop it is for it to crash at the bottom of the mountain. (The crescendo of a meltdown.)

 

[stitchlovestink]

As the mother of an autistic child, I would ask you to please consider that when a child is melting down, they may not be badly behaved, the may have special challenges; and that when a parent seems to be "not dealing with a tantrum" they may actually be doing what is most appropriate for the child.
Nicole

I understand what you are saying and agree w/ you w/ one exception. But what is "most appropriate for the child" should not cause undue disruption to those around that child. I am referring specifically that if a child has a meltdown during a show or performance, it is only fair for the parent to remove the child from said show. It is not fair for others entertainment to be compromised b/c said child's behavior needs to be 'ignored'. That may be the only chance someone has to see a show/performance, and it has now been ruined by a child who refuses to quit screaming and the parent has chosen to ignore it. I understand special needs kids. I have a close friend who has a s.n. child. But she never allows him to cause disruption to others. And there are times he needs to be ignored big time. when she is out and about, she will take him to her vehicle and belt him into his seat. This child is 15 and she has been doing this for years. As a matter of fact, he gets a warning and then it's off to the van. Many times, he has managed to pull it together and sometimes, he doesn't. But those of us around are not disrupted by inappropriate behavior. Personally, I think my friend does an incredible job and I could never match her.

 

[stellablue]

I understand what you are saying and agree w/ you w/ one exception. But what is "most appropriate for the child" should not cause undue disruption to those around that child. I am referring specifically that if a child has a meltdown during a show or performance, it is only fair for the parent to remove the child from said show. It is not fair for others entertainment to be compromised b/c said child's behavior needs to be 'ignored'. That may be the only chance someone has to see a show/performance, and it has now been ruined by a child who refuses to quit screaming and the parent has chosen to ignore it. I understand special needs kids. I have a close friend who has a s.n. child. But she never allows him to cause disruption to others. And there are times he needs to be ignored big time. when she is out and about, she will take him to her vehicle and belt him into his seat. This child is 15 and she has been doing this for years. As a matter of fact, he gets a warning and then it's off to the van. Many times, he has managed to pull it together and sometimes, he doesn't. But those of us around are not disrupted by inappropriate behavior. Personally, I think my friend does an incredible job and I could never match her.

I completely agree with you that any child should be removed from a show/attraction if they are being disruptive. Many kids engage in poor behaviors that thrive on attention and hypothetically would be best ignored, but there is a time and place for teaching and in the middle of a movie or restaurant is definately not the proper place to do that if it is causing harm to others. The strangers in the restaurant or movie did not sign up to be a part of an intervention, nor should they be expected to. Many strangers are very nice and patient and willing to help, they just should not be expected to.

But sometimes it can take a few minutes to exit the area and I do feel that others should be respectful of that as well. The parent is awknowledging the problem, and taking the proper steps to try and fix it. The parent is likely also very embarrassed and stressed at this point and trying their best to remedy the situation. No one can understand how hard it is to handle a public 2 hour tantrum unless they've handled it themselves.

After reading Nicole's other post, I think she is referring to the looks she (or someone else in her situation) might get while she is managing her child outside of an attraction, in the public area of the park-she had mentioned on her way to escorting her child out of the park. *I do NOT mean to speak for this person. I just read her post and that's what I got from it*

Public is public in my opinion, and if a child is screaming outside of an attraction, as long as they are not running around causing a safety issue, than others should leave them alone. Crowded public areas in a childrens' park can allow for a certain degree of chaos. Sometimes management of a child's behavior does not always look like the conservative way, but at that point it is their business. The parent is obviously dealing with it at minimum by keeping their child out of an attraction until they are able to return.

As long as people are mindful of each other-taking necessary steps to remedy a situation, I am fine with that and I think others should be too. It's when we are not mindful of others that it becomes disrespectful.

 

[nurse.darcy]

Okay, I have a kid, and he used to do the whole meltdown, tantrum fit. If I coddled him during the fit, it would last TWICE as long and get even louder. If I ignored the fit, it would end abruptly and be over and done with in seconds or minutes instead of dragging on and on. It took me a while as a parent to learn this. My son is 15 now so of course this doesn't happen any more. I have no problems with kids having meltdowns at the world or the land but what I do have a problem with is parents who try to push the time limits with kids who are not prepared for this or way too young. I hate to hear bribes and threats. . .especially the threats. . .sometimes the bribes are needed just to get the kid out of the park. . .

 

[TexasMinnie82]

Don't worry about your kids having meltdowns ~ it's probably going to happen and it's really not a bother. Everyone understands the stress, heat, excitement and just plain worn out feelings.
Children misbehaving is the real problem.
There have been numerous threads on rude kids (& adults), I'd rather hear a kid throwing a tantrum than have one run over my child or me. Rudeness is upbringing, meltdowns are just from being overwhelmed.

I agree!!!! I have not been to WDW yet, but that is my exact theory about kids and life!!!! Whether you are at WDW or at the grocery store!!!

"Rudeness is upbringing, meltdowns are just from being overwhelmed."
That is a great quote!!!!!

 

[BabyPiglet]

On my last trip I barely saw any meltdowns. Maybe a few cranky kids at night on the bus, but that's expected and it didn't bother me at all. After all, it is Walt Disney World. There are going to be kids, and where there are kids, there are cranky kids.

I try not to judge when I see a cranky child, whatever the situation may be. I don't know that family's story.

 

[joenan88]

Don't get me wrong- first thing I think when I see a child having a melt down is "poor little guys had enough". It's the parents who have a screaming child who continue to get in lines for rides or just start yelling at the poor thing that get to me. At least attempt to deal with it. If your child has a special issue and you know you cannot calm them down, then you have to remove the child from the situation. If the child needs to just chill out, let them. I have kids, they get worn out and cranky too. I've had to leave a restaurant b/c my son would not sit down, or was yelling, it's not right to disrupt other peoples meals - wherever you are. Even in Disney.

I agree 100% I have left many lines, restaurants, movies and establishments.

It's the parents who have a screaming child who continue to get in lines for rides or just start yelling at the poor thing that get to me.

It reminds my of Christmas..the parents who put their kids on Santa's lap screaming and kicking for that wonderful picture..not caring that Santa is being slapped and kicked..then gives the child candy to calm down so they can get a smile..WOW, all that taught the child is "I scream=candy".

 

[scottishduffy]

It si not so much tantrums or sc reaming that bother me. Kids do that, they get tired or just cranky and have not quite mastered controlling their emotions. Every single child will melt down at some point. Every kid has a bad day. This is only natural. What does bug me is some parents reactions.

We were at AK once and Hubby and I were in a shop looking around. When we heard a whining, demanding little scream "But Mooooommy, I want it!! WHY?!?!" To which the Mom calmy replied he was not allowed to have the little spinny toy. The child who appeared to be ~6 immediately dropped to the floor and began screaming.

My thought on this would have been to pick him up, take him outside of the stoor, and put him someplace outside of the stoor to sit until he chills. Not what happened. Mom and Dad panicked. Dad wants to what he wants? Mom says a spinner toy. Well how much is it? $20? Ok, if it'll shut him up. Mom shows the screaming kid a toy, to which he screams " No! I want the Buzz one!! And the Mickey one!!". Wait!! But before he only wanted one... but now he is screaming he demands two before he agrees to stand up and stop yelling. Dad says give me the toys and runs to the register as Mom convinces the Boy dad is buying the toys. He stands up.. says thankyou... and takes the toys as the embarassed parents rush out of the store. Now THAT, bugs me. Obviously the kid was a pro and knew what would work.

 

[tttessa]

With our kids we have a policy of removing them from any enclosed space if they have a tantrum- by the time they are outside it subsides - and they know that is the treatment they get- NO MATTER WHERE WE ARE , so we get maybe one or 2 a year (aged 5 and 7)-

The last one was funny I guess - after the time..... My eldest decides she did not want to look at fridges, so started screaming about it, hubby picked her up and took her outside - Security was called and ran after hubby and I only just stopped the salesgirl ringing the police to report a child abduction explaining it was my child - and her daddy - my husband!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I guess it shows sometimes people on the outside of a tantrum do not understand at all..... Though we do shop there a lot now - it's nice to know the staff are looking out for your kids..

Tessa

 

[keylimepie]

I can definitely understand the fear. My 2 yr old will be the biggest concern because she gets sick of riding in her stroller. But my 8 yr old is too old for it, and my 4(will turn 5 there) yr old is always excellent in public places. He saves the meltdowns for home.

 

[ireland_nicole]

StellaBlue: Thank you for your support. No I am not advocating "ignoring" typical childrens tantrums or children w/ special needs meltdowns (trust me, they are very different.) If I only had $1.00 for every restaurant, movie, circus (o.k., bad idea-didn't try again after the first time) show, store, etc. That my DH or I has walked out of w/ one of our precious ones, I'd be rich. And in case any one is questioning why we even bother to leave the house-this is the world my children live in. We are a family-though we have limits to what we can accomplish, it is in our children's best interest to stretch those limits gently. I cannot speak for people w/ typical children as I don't have any. But for myself, I will say that I have gotten plenty of looks, and comments, etc. even at WDW. At the risk of being flamed, No one is entitled to a completely perfect vacation. WDW is one of the few places in the World that our family can vacation. I work extremely hard to plan and implement a vacation that creates as little stress on my family and disruption to others as possible. BUT-meltdowns are a daily occurence in our lives, and that means that there will be times that others in the park will hear my dear ones dulcet tones... So if you happen to be there in Sept. And see a family of 5 w/ a red special needs jogging stroller holding their child entirely too closely while they just let them scream in the middle of WDW (although usually I try to find as quiet a corner as possible, but sometimes difficult to do w/ 50 lbs of resistance) just know it's probably us-and maybe just ignore us for a few minutes, or even better, send up a little prayer for us. We are not trying to make your life miserable, we are just trying to have a vacation and make memories for our children-the same as you probably are. And we are doing the best we can - and we don't like it any more than you do. Just a thought. There are many medical conditions that cause meltdowns, most are invisible. I read recently that Austism affects one in 6 people. They either have it, have siblings to have it, are parents, etc. Just something to think about. Have a magical day
Nicole

 

[Disneylvr]

Nicole has said everything that I wanted to say in this thread. And bless her heart, she has 2 children on the ASD spectrum. I have just one.

Our DD had just one major tantrum on our last trip in 2006. She was 3 years old so most people probably thought it was only because of her age. But we tried to transition her too quickly from at nap in our room at the Contemporary to an ADR at Chef Mickey's. Totally our fault and it is a mistake we will not make again. Her tantrum occurred in the restaurant and lasted about 10 minutes. We were about to leave when it abruptly stopped. Yes we received allot of disapproving stares from the nearby tables.

Madelyn is now 5 years old and has more issues associated with her autism. Thankfully, tantrums still occur but not frequently. Some of her behaviors now make her autism more visible to other people and we tend to get more comments and stares from other children rather than adults. We are very open and honest with everyone about DD's disability. If and when a major tantrum occurs we will remove her from the area if it becomes prolonged or too loud. We try to make our ADR's at loud/busy restaurants this trip (Ohana's, Prime Time, Crystal Palace) so that have autism behaviors won't be as disturbing. But like Nicole said, we too want an opportunity to vacation and enjoy being like any other family. And thankfully Disney World does allow us to do just that!!! Honestly, in our childless years were we more annoyed with young adult and adult behaviors than children having tantrums.

 

[LibertyLover]

My DD5 has had a few memorable tantrums at WDW, usually when I had her there alone on a "mommy and me" quick trip. I always tried my best to remove her quickly so that she wouldn't bother other people and only once did I get the "hairy eyeball".

But one time at Sam's Club, as we were checking out, DD, then 3, decided she had had enough and started to cry. So my husband calmly picked her up and took her to the car, all the while talking to her. 2 different people came up to him to demand to know if that were his child (disclaimer - DD was internationally adopted and while cute as the dickens, does not look much like her father or me). The 2nd individual threatened to call the police. DH informed the man he was welcomed to do so, that he (DH) could produce a birth certificate (we both carry a copy just in case) and that if he had been abducting the kid, he would not be sitting on the tailgate of his jeep while the kid played in the back. The individual shut up and started to walk away, just as I arrived at the car with the groceries and heard DD call "mama" to me. I got a disgusted look from him as I passed him that I didn't understand until DH explained the circumstances.