Child Support

[DarthKTrava]

Yeah, and I have seen men do the same thing. Refuse to work at all, refuse to work more than a minimum wage job, or work under the table so they don't have to pay much of anything in child support.

There are people like that on both sides of the aisle, it doesn't make it right and it doesn't mean child support amounts should go down. All it means is there are a lot of deadbeats out there, of both genders.

One of my coworkers works a low paying job but he pays his support. He switched jobs years ago and was later making less but not changing his support amount. She dragged him into court to raise the amount. Judge looked at his paystubs and reduced it based on his lower income. He'd been fine staying at the previous amount but she got greedy. He gets his son every other weekend.

My BIL had a fight with his ex's parents over his 3 kids. Had to pay support which he didn't have a problem with but the mess with his visitation with the kids. Finally got visitation and every other weekend custody. They moved into an apartment that gave the kids their own rooms and paying less rent than where they were before.

My sister and I, growing up, never got anything from our father. Mom had to work low paying jobs to take care of us.

 

[Turn the Page]

One of my coworkers works a low paying job but he pays his support. He switched jobs years ago and was later making less but not changing his support amount. She dragged him into court to raise the amount. Judge looked at his paystubs and reduced it based on his lower income. He'd been fine staying at the previous amount but she got greedy. He gets his son every other weekend.

My BIL had a fight with his ex's parents over his 3 kids. Had to pay support which he didn't have a problem with but the mess with his visitation with the kids. Finally got visitation and every other weekend custody. They moved into an apartment that gave the kids their own rooms and paying less rent than where they were before.

My sister and I, growing up, never got anything from our father. Mom had to work low paying jobs to take care of us.

DD and I went months without getting anything at all from my ex. After I threatened to have his butt thrown in jail his mommy started giving me $200 a month. He gave me $20 for diapers once. When we split I agreed to set child support at $200 a month in exchange for sole custody. The deal was that was supposed to go up when he got a job. I think he had a job for over a month before his mom accidentally slipped and told me he was working. I went to court to get it raised after that but I never got more than the $200 a month she paid.

 

[aprilgail2]

There are both men and women that pay a ridiculous amount of child support and they have a right to complain.

My friend has 2 kids under 18- he has been paying 26 percent of his pay for child support since his divorce. He recently retired- his ex-wife gets 50% of his pension plus still gets 26% child support- so he gets 24 percent of his income to live on- in no way do I think that is fair. Of course he should have to support his children but 76% of the money he worked his whole life for was going to his ex - he should have just kept on working until his child support was done and then retired!

 

[cassandrap83]

I'm a fan of this. I like for the parents to switch off weeks or some other form where they each get to spend equal time with their kids. If each parent has the child an equal amount of time, then they are both equally responsible for providing for the child both emotionally and financially and no child support should end up needing to be paid.

This is what my ex and I do. We have 50/50 custody. Neither of us pay a cent to each other. We split all non-household expenses (school pictures, uniforms, dental and doctor visits, etc) This has enabled us both to be able to fully support ourselves, save, and live on our own salaries.

We have a very good relationship, though, so that helps.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

My friend has 2 kids under 18- he has been paying 26 percent of his pay for child support since his divorce. He recently retired- his ex-wife gets 50% of his pension plus still gets 26% child support- so he gets 24 percent of his income to live on- in no way do I think that is fair. Of course he should have to support his children but 76% of the money he worked his whole life for was going to his ex - he should have just kept on working until his child support was done and then retired!

Wow, that's crazy.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

This is what my ex and I do. We have 50/50 custody. Neither of us pay a cent to each other. We split all non-household expenses (school pictures, uniforms, dental and doctor visits, etc) This has enabled us both to be able to fully support ourselves, save, and live on our own salaries.

We have a very good relationship, though, so that helps.

This is certainly the ideal situation.

 

[snowy76]

OP, this sounds sooo familiar. My DH's ex left him for another man when the kids were the same age as your grandkids. When I met him, he had them on weekends - for a while he shared an apartment with a friend and the kids slept with him in his small bedroom - then he got a 1 BR place of his own and the kids had the pullout in the living room (more often, they climbed into bed with him, kicked him a bunch while they slept and he wound up moving to the sofa most nights LOL).

He had to adjust his lifestyle to meet his financial needs. And yes, it sucked to lose the lifestyle he'd had - not to mention the loss of the life he envisioned having with his family intact. But the kids loved just watching Disney videos with him and making popcorn - especially at that age, Daddy was all they really needed. He made it work. Your son will, too.

Above all else, he has to remember that his ex is their MOMMY - even if she's not a great one - and he needs to never show his negativity about her, around them. Believe it or not, DH's ex and I are great friends. DH and she just weren't the right fit for each other, but she's a good person who went about ending her marriage the wrong way - but we all love the kids - and we try to put them first no matter what.

Your son won't struggle forever. His world was turned upside down and he has the regular stresses of being a parent on top of that. It's a hard adjustment and he's lucky to have a mom that can be his sounding board.

 

[mamabear0222]

I have to be honest and say that the money I've seen men ordered to pay in child support far exceeds what DH and I pay for our kids together. I've seen women purposefully not work or work under the table so the support doesn't go away either.

I have to agree with this. I currently know 2 women exactly like this. I agree with child support but I don't agree with the person whose paying it being left with virtually nothing and no way money left to live themselves.

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[mamabear0222]

To add to this. I fully feel the parent receiving support should have to prove where the money goes and be held accountable as well and not just sit and collect. I feel for your son OP and you for your loss

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[MariDisney]

Editing...misunderstood a post.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

So my wife used that North Caroline calculator and she were the custodial parent, she would get HALF of my pay every month. HALF. She'd get to keep all of her salary and half of mine.

Of course, she pretended both children were in day care. Basically she used current year salaries and 10 year ago expenses.

 

[Marionnette]

To add to this. I fully feel the parent receiving support should have to prove where the money goes and be held accountable as well and not just sit and collect. I feel for your son OP and you for your loss

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I wish that was the case but once the support check is in their hands, the ex can do whatever they want with it. My brother's ex is always behind on her rent, the utilities, and her other bills. The car has 4 bald tires and the inspection is due this month. The kids complain that there's never any food in the house (as in "There's never any juice in the refrigerator but Mommy always makes sure there's beer."). She won't take the kids to the doctor when they're sick because she doesn't want to foot the bill for the co-pay or the medicine. My niece was wearing sneakers that were 2 sizes too small because the ex didn't have the money to buy her a new pair.

My brother pays much more than what the state would have told him to pay for child support and he has no idea where it goes. He ends up paying the doctor bills himself (they're supposed to split them 50/50), takes the kids shopping for back-to-school and summer clothes and pretty much covers any of their incidentals because she doesn't even purchase so much as a tube of toothpaste for the kids.

He's aware that child support is also supposed to go to put a roof over their heads, water, electricity and gas in the car. But when the ex complains that she can't even afford these, one has to wonder where the money is going?

 

[aprincessatlast]

My friend has 2 kids under 18- he has been paying 26 percent of his pay for child support since his divorce. He recently retired- his ex-wife gets 50% of his pension plus still gets 26% child support- so he gets 24 percent of his income to live on- in no way do I think that is fair. Of course he should have to support his children but 76% of the money he worked his whole life for was going to his ex - he should have just kept on working until his child support was done and then retired!

This goes to show just how expensive divorce can be.
At first I was like Wow really that is a lot. However not knowing the full situation I could see how that would happen.
Not everyone's family have both spouses working.(or working full time) So I could see where if the wife was the kind that stayed at home with kids and took care of everything at home and supported her husband in his career endeavors and advancement, she without a doubt is entitled to half of his pension! Remember the whole expectation of the both spouses working is still relatively young. The reality is if your friend was still married things would still be tough raising kids under 18 and living on just a pension. It just makes it twice as hard because he is divorced!

 

[okeydokey]

I wish that was the case but once the support check is in their hands, the ex can do whatever they want with it. My brother's ex is always behind on her rent, the utilities, and her other bills. The car has 4 bald tires and the inspection is due this month. The kids complain that there's never any food in the house (as in "There's never any juice in the refrigerator but Mommy always makes sure there's beer."). She won't take the kids to the doctor when they're sick because she doesn't want to foot the bill for the co-pay or the medicine. My niece was wearing sneakers that were 2 sizes too small because the ex didn't have the money to buy her a new pair.

My brother pays much more than what the state would have told him to pay for child support and he has no idea where it goes. He ends up paying the doctor bills himself (they're supposed to split them 50/50), takes the kids shopping for back-to-school and summer clothes and pretty much covers any of their incidentals because she doesn't even purchase so much as a tube of toothpaste for the kids.

He's aware that child support is also supposed to go to put a roof over their heads, water, electricity and gas in the car. But when the ex complains that she can't even afford these, one has to wonder where the money is going?

That's terrible. Can he go for custody?

 

[Momvic5]

To add to this. I fully feel the parent receiving support should have to prove where the money goes and be held accountable as well and not just sit and collect. I feel for your son OP and you for your loss

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This is a nice idea and would help keep everyone honest, but I don't see it happening.

Years ago when my dh was paying child support, he was paying a large sum of money to his son's mother - over $800 + medical/dental insurance and costs. Every year she took him to court to raise the support. To save his sanity and stop the drama, my dh asked the court to raise his support amount to his cap amount. Not long after, his son(16yrs old then) made a sarcastic remark concerning his mom and how she deserved more money from him - she was "doing him a favor by agreeing to let him pay such a low amount" That day, my dh talked to his son about how much he was actually paying every month in support and showed him his pay stubs. He showed him their court agreement. His son could not believe how much money his mom received every month, and he was thrilled to see he had a small college amount building. Sadly, she had been lying to him about the amount and had even spent the money that was supposed have been for his college. To this day, his relationship with his mother is strained due to all of the lies told during that time. He resented his dad for so long due to his mom's lies, and then when he was old enough to understand the situation and see how the money was truly being spent, he was hurt and felt used. He has said many times that he wishes his mom had been held more accountable for the support money she received.

 

[java]

Finally someone who knows what I'm talking about this is almost exactly what my son is dealing with. My son is going to pay what he has to pay he loves his children very much and would do anything for them.

Did he go for custody? My brother is going through a divorce with 2 young children. They opted for 50/50. He kept the house as she couldn't afford it and wanted out. She got a job. They have not gotten down to money- but they have the kids situation taken care of. Kids came first and I love that about both of them.

I am sorry for the loss of your husband. I can imagine the added stress and sadness you must feel.

I hope he figures out a way to make it all work.

 

[Marionnette]

That's terrible. Can he go for custody?

He has partial custody but because his income far exceeds the ex's earning capacity, he still pays support to her. It would become a long drawn out legal battle to get full custody and only the lawyers would make out in the long run. Most courts are not going to award full custody to one parent when the other also wants custody. His ex is not going to give up the kids if it also means giving up those support checks. His only recourse is to have the children every opportunity he can get, pay the support that was agreed to and continue to address the children's needs as they arise. It's not ideal but the kids are older (13 & 16), so they see what's going on. Unfortunately, they are also learning how to manipulate their father in the same manner that their mother does.

FWIW, she had an affair and chose to leave him. He would have preferred to stay married, just like the OP's son. But the ex saw greener pastures with a man who had more money than my brother. It was all gumdrops and lollipops until the other man got fed up with her demands for more and more things. The real problems began after he dumped her and she had to figure out how to pay for her own expenses.

 

[KatheeME]

In TN, they have a very fair way of figuring CS. My BIL only has to pay for one of his four kids so I'm sure he is thrilled about his timing in choosing divorce.

Fair? Fair is splitting it 50/50, period. If both parents have to work when one didn't previously, so be it.

 

[ilovemk76]

My friend has 2 kids under 18- he has been paying 26 percent of his pay for child support since his divorce. He recently retired- his ex-wife gets 50% of his pension plus still gets 26% child support- so he gets 24 percent of his income to live on- in no way do I think that is fair. Of course he should have to support his children but 76% of the money he worked his whole life for was going to his ex - he should have just kept on working until his child support was done and then retired!

He knew what he would owe in support and loss of his pension before he retired.

If she stayed home to take care of the kids she helped him earn that retirement. The 50/50 is fair.

 

[mamabear0222]

I think some people would be singing a different tune if they were trying to live off of 24% of their income.

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