Child-free, but not by choice?

[DznyLvr2005]

Well, I'm very upset right now
My other test was a test for Fragile X and I'm a carrier.
ughhh, I'm sooooo UPSET!
I have a 50/50 chance of passing the full blown Fragile X to any kids I have....
Of course I looked up what fragile X is and I'm just a wreck right now.....
Funny thing is... I was being tested to see why I'm having miscarriages... and fragile X Carrier doesn't cause them... so I'm back to square 1 with findind out why I had 2 miscarriages..
I really think I'm going to pass on trying to have another kid.. it's just too much.

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

Well, I'm very upset right now
My other test was a test for Fragile X and I'm a carrier.
ughhh, I'm sooooo UPSET!
I have a 50/50 chance of passing the full blown Fragile X to any kids I have....
Of course I looked up what fragile X is and I'm just a wreck right now.....
Funny thing is... I was being tested to see why I'm having miscarriages... and fragile X Carrier doesn't cause them... so I'm back to square 1 with findind out why I had 2 miscarriages..
I really think I'm going to pass on trying to have another kid.. it's just too much.

to you, I'm sorry that you got this diagnosis. Life sucks doesn't it. But just know that we are here for you what ever you decide to do.

Suzanne

 

[R Dog Walt]

Well, I'm very upset right now
My other test was a test for Fragile X and I'm a carrier.
ughhh, I'm sooooo UPSET!
I have a 50/50 chance of passing the full blown Fragile X to any kids I have....
Of course I looked up what fragile X is and I'm just a wreck right now.....
Funny thing is... I was being tested to see why I'm having miscarriages... and fragile X Carrier doesn't cause them... so I'm back to square 1 with findind out why I had 2 miscarriages..
I really think I'm going to pass on trying to have another kid.. it's just too much.

I'm SOOO sorry! IF totally sucks!! Fragile X- I'm so sorry. I know that you weren't expecting that and it doesn't help address the whole m/c thing.

Whatever you decide, we're here to support you. I know how hard it is to deal with a difficult diagnosis. What about other options- donor eggs/donor embryos?

 

[hematite153]

Well, I'm very upset right now
My other test was a test for Fragile X and I'm a carrier.

I'm so sorry you received such difficult results!



When you're ready (i.e. I understand why you aren't there now), do some more reading. I know a woman with severe Turner's Syndrome who is quite intelligent and has a great life. Fragile X can be brutal, but it can also have relatively minor impact. It's all a matter of how fragile the X is.

If, after reviewing it all, you are still too worried to proceed, think about R Dog Walt's suggestions.

I'm really sorry for all of your pain.

 

[aclov]

Well, I'm very upset right now
My other test was a test for Fragile X and I'm a carrier.
ughhh, I'm sooooo UPSET!
I have a 50/50 chance of passing the full blown Fragile X to any kids I have....
Of course I looked up what fragile X is and I'm just a wreck right now.....
Funny thing is... I was being tested to see why I'm having miscarriages... and fragile X Carrier doesn't cause them... so I'm back to square 1 with findind out why I had 2 miscarriages..
I really think I'm going to pass on trying to have another kid.. it's just too much.

Getting disappointing news is the worse . I'm sorry your going through this. I think all of us on this thread have been upset at least more than once, I don't have enough fingers on my hand to count mine . Just know that we are here to listen.

 

[SumMickeyfans]

Originally Posted by DznyLvr2005
Well, I'm very upset right now
My other test was a test for Fragile X and I'm a carrier.
ughhh, I'm sooooo UPSET!
I have a 50/50 chance of passing the full blown Fragile X to any kids I have....
Of course I looked up what fragile X is and I'm just a wreck right now.....
Funny thing is... I was being tested to see why I'm having miscarriages... and fragile X Carrier doesn't cause them... so I'm back to square 1 with findind out why I had 2 miscarriages..
I really think I'm going to pass on trying to have another kid.. it's just too much.

OMG...That totally sucks!! I am SO Very Sorry . I know we have all been there and bad news hurts but please know that there are other options available. As the others have said, we are here to support you and each other

 

[klmall]

Just wanted to write and wish everyone who is going through this difficult journey a big "DIS hug" and my prayers! I happened to stumble upon this thread accidentally and have been reading it for the past hour or two and it really hit home because 21 years ago I was exactly where you all are and there wasn't any Internet, barely any books and only 1 support group in the whole country!

I had painful periods all my life and eventually was diagnosed with endometriosis and had major surgery which was deemed at least health-wise to be successful. Still after Clomid and various other drugs and 9 years of trying, no baby. My husband refused to consider adoption and even our great RE said to come back every year for a checkup but he didn't think he could do anything more except IVF which at the time (even in Maryland) would not be covered by our insurance. I was an emotional wreck most of those 9 years. I couldn't attend baby showers without crying; couldn't bear to visit friends with their babies in the hospital and had to watch my unmarried sister go through several abortions.

Meanwhile the 'endo' was beginning to return and several doctors wanted me to have a hysterectomy. I was teaching at the time and decided to wait until the next summer when I could recup more easily. In September when my normally perfectly regular period came early I attributed it to stress at work but the next period never arrived. Nine months later, our beautiful 9 years late baby arrived and will be 21 this July. I was 37 years old and I had been trying since I was 27!

We did try again for a second child for five more years but no luck. I am so thankful for the blessing we have but I still vividly remember the days, months, years and tears of waiting. The pain isn't in my face every moment like it was then but it is always in the background ready to be reawakened. Luckily I found a friend during the final two years of trying who really helped by listening and she too eventually became pregnant. We were just talking about those days at Christmas this year and how you never forget.

I am so glad that you are sharing and helping each other. Your stories are sad and uplifting at the same time. I wish the best and hope that little ones come your way!

 

[SumMickeyfans]

Hi Kathy.....What a Wonderful ending to such a hard road getting there!! I can only im agine how you must have felt when you found out you were preggo!! What a special gift. I also imagine your child is super loved!!

 

[Jaime]

I know of a few women that have had multiple M/C's and they finally discovered that their low progesterone was a problem. Now they have progesterone supplements to take for the first few months (and those with PCOS take the Metformin for the first trimester too).

Good luck to you!

Missie

I had PCOS...I just read everyone’s post…no one should ever have to go through the heartache of loosing or not conceiving a child…you are all in my prayers… I have had so many friends & family that have gone through and are going through the same thing…I just never really realized how common it was until it happened to me… I remember that every time a friend would have a baby I would be so depressed for days…and get even more depressed because I was depressed because someone else had a beautiful baby when I should have been happy! I gained so much weight during this time…I wanted to go to WDW for years and my DH wanted to wait for our children but finally in 2001 we went anyway…we had so much fun…it was a little emotional but fun! We tried for four very emotional years to conceive before we decided to give up on trying different treatments… I have no idea how but we were blessed a year later with a beautiful girl it was a very stressful pregnancy with a lot of bleeding and pain and time in the hospital but in the end we got our healthy little princess…again 2 years later we were blessed with other little princess…a “normal” pregnancy but a stressful delivery…we were told our little girl would never have use of her right arm…we requested a physiotherapist to look at her immediately…the preformed physio on her arm for five days and on the 5th day she started to move it…both girls are happy and healthy…I know I have been so blessed with my princesses…I truly believe I value my girls so much more then I would off…please don’t get me wrong I would have love them regardless but it really makes me value life so much more.

I wish you all the best…….

 

[goudaman40]

Hubby and I have been married for about 12 1/2 years (got married when I was 20 and he was 22) and started trying to start our family in 1996. Hubby joined the service, so money was extremely tight. I had numerous HSG's, MRI's, Ultrasounds, and finally a lap to find out what was wrong with me. I had surgery to remove a septum only to find out I have a bicornuate uterus.

Flash forward to one year ago . . . we are in Pensacola (hubby stationed there) and the doctors tell me I should have a hysterectomy because I haven't had children and that's what a uterus is for. Hubby says no, to wait, and we will just deal with the other issues I'm having. Hubby see's doctor and has surgery in July to remove vericous veins and the doctor said that if it was successful then there would/should be an increase in hubby and we may be able to have children.

Well, September of last year, we finally accepted that we would not have kids and just enjoy doing the Disney trips with just us and spoil our neices and nephew.

January of this year we see another RE to verify that everything is ok with me. She schedules another lap for July to rule out septum vs bicornuate (you would think the 3 inch thick medical file with the last 6 years saying bicornuate would make her believe us). She sent us home with a prescription of Clomid to said to try it on our next cycle. I was depressed and decided not to do the whole clomid thing and just go on with life.

Well, on 03/30 (I was almost 2 months late) I decided to buy a hpt (felt like it would be a waste of $ because of all of the other times it had been negative) when I got home I took one of the 2 test (same price for 2 as one) and it came out positive. I couldn't believe it and neither could hubby! I took the other one on 03/31 and it said positive! Went to our doctor on Monday 04/02 and had an ultrasound and there we say our baby and heartbeat. Our doctor asked us "how did this happen"? She couldn't believe it either!

I'm just saying, that when you least expect it and have given up every hope, it could still happen. We are still in shock, but are also friends with 2 other couples that have been suffering with infertility for 7 plus years. We know it is tough for them, and we are still friends. I don't say anything about the pregnancy unless they ask. I don't want to hurt their feelings, because I remember how much it hurt to see other people with child that I was close to.

 

[jmpellet]

I have spent some time around these boards for a while but hadn't seen this thread before. I was where many of you are about 8 years ago when I went through a number of IUIs and then 2 IVFs - nothing. I was consumed with this and it was the darkest period in my life. I have an odd shaped small uterus and my egg tests were not so hot. The embryos weren't anything to write home about either -- I was just over 30 at the time. After 2 unsuccessful IVFs we decided we wanted to be parents -- period. It didn't matter how the children came to us. Fast forward 6 months and in May 2001 we went to Ukraine, where we adopted our son and then the next year after trying IVF one more time (cheaper than adopting as it's covered in MA) adopted our daughter from Belarus. Surprise, I spontaneously got pregnant in August 2003 and now I have three -- 6, 5, and 3 years old. Without a doubt the special place in my heart belongs to my son from Ukraine! My supervisor during the tough times had 2 children he had adopted from Peru and he would tell me that I shouldn't worry and that there's always a way to become a parent. Best to all!

 

[hematite153]

Thank you Kathy, Jaime, goudaman40 and jmpellet for sharing your stories. They were both sad and joyous all wrapped into one. I can see how you would bounce between the emotions easily.

To all on this thread...I'm praying that we will all have similarly successful outcomes even if we don't have the luck of a surprise spontaneous pregnancy.

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

Thank you Kathy and Jaime for sharing your stories. They were both sad and joyous all wrapped into one. I can see how you would bounce between the emotions easily.

To all on this thread...I'm praying that we will all have similarly successful outcomes even if we don't have the luck of a surprise spontaneous pregnancy.

Thank you and very well said.

Hope everyone is doing well today. I have started a new venture today, helping my mother settle my grandmother's estate, let the games begin (or continue in our case)

Suzanne

 

[klmall]

Hi Kathy.....What a Wonderful ending to such a hard road getting there!! I can only im agine how you must have felt when you found out you were preggo!! What a special gift. I also imagine your child is super loved!!

SumMickeyfans and hematite153 - Yes, getting pregnant after all those years was wonderful and scary. DS is great kid; a pain sometimes but definitely worth waiting for. He was the first grandchild on both sides and is the only grandchild on DH's side. Actually any child given to you as a parent is special.

I remember reading in one of the infertility books that if everyone had 50 years to try getting pregnant then it would happen; that many women just need time. It sounded so trite but I actually think there's a little bit of truth in it.

and keep visiting Mickey!

 

[want2bamommy]

Well, I'm very upset right now
My other test was a test for Fragile X and I'm a carrier.
ughhh, I'm sooooo UPSET!
I have a 50/50 chance of passing the full blown Fragile X to any kids I have....
Of course I looked up what fragile X is and I'm just a wreck right now.....
Funny thing is... I was being tested to see why I'm having miscarriages... and fragile X Carrier doesn't cause them... so I'm back to square 1 with findind out why I had 2 miscarriages..
I really think I'm going to pass on trying to have another kid.. it's just too much.

I am really sorry to hear about this!


Missie

 

[DznyLvr2005]

I found out some more information about this fragile X carrier thing...
The genecist called yesterday and talked to my husband..... She said that I'm just above the gray zone, which she said means that I'll probbaly have a baby without Fragile X, but there is always the chance, but it won't be 50/50. It will be less... What WILL be 50/50 is passing the gene on to any kids I have. If they inherit the gene in higher numbers, then THIER kids can get fragile X. It's all very confusing and complicated. I'm glad that this news is better, but I'm also now thinking... What if I have a normal girl who inherits the gene? Then my daugher might be *mad* at me for it??? I don't know... It's so confusing....

 

[hematite153]

I'll probbaly have a baby without Fragile X, but there is always the chance, but it won't be 50/50. It will be less... What WILL be 50/50 is passing the gene on to any kids I have. ... What if I have a normal girl who inherits the gene? Then my daugher might be *mad* at me for it??? I don't know... It's so confusing....

That is good news. As I understand fragile X (if there are any geneticists out there who would like to correct me feel free), there is quite a range of fragility. If you are in the gray zone then, even if you do pass it on it ought to be a mild version of it.

My DW has a genetic disorder that is single gene dominant. She inherited it from her father, who had a 50% chance of passing it to each of his 3 kids. I think that the whole family feels lucky to have beaten the odds in only having 1 (of 3) get the gene. Sure, there are times when she feels unlucky but it is just something she has to deal with. I don't think that she has ever felt *mad* at her parents for having her.

When we first decided to try getting my DW pregnant we talked seriously about the 50% chance of her passing it on. Overall, we decided that having genetically related children was more important to us than this risk. She has lived a good life despite it and she knows how to manage it. My thinking is that, we all inherit things from our parents that we'd rather not have--this was just something we would have prior knowledge about. Now that we have switched to me, I am still sad that we won't have a child who is genetically related to her--even with the risk.

Good luck working your own way through the decision.

 

[Mickey'sMainMami]

Hi everyone,
I hope this doesn't upset anyone, but I am pregnant!!! This doesn't mean I am out of the woods in any way. Remember from my earlier posts, I made it all the way to 21 weeks and then my water broke. After 2 early on miscarriages, after I had gotten past the 3 months, we thought I was in the clear. So this is our 5th pregnancy, so I am asking for any prayers, chants, good thoughts you could throw my way. I will be 16 weeks on Sunday. I will start progesterone shots on Monday. I won't be out of the danger zone until I deliver a full term healthy baby. I just want to tell everyone, keep up the hope, I know we are all frustrated, lost, sad, sympathetic, but eventually I do believe one way or another we will all get our wish. I will continue to pray for all of you who are still hoping, and will keep you updated on my condition, as long as it doesn't offend anyone. I know how I felt after my 4th loss, it would kill me to see other women/friends/family getting pregnant and having babies, but I still tried to be happy for them, but I was still devastated inside. If you don't want me to post anymore, I understand, let me know, but I am still worried everyday that something will go wrong and I am not trying to stress myself out because I know it's not good for the baby or me. The really upsetting thing for me is I can't let myself get too excited. I try to almost act like I'm not pregnant so I don't get my hopes up. It's not fair, I want to scream it from the rooftops, start buying nursery furniture and baby clothes, but I can't. We haven't told anyone except my dad, brother and sis in law, and my mother in law, because if something does happen I don't want to have to keep explaining to people. The good thing is I haven't had any cramping or bleeding yet, so we are taking that as a good sign. All my other pregnancies, I bled and cramped throughout them. I just keep thinking that it just wasn't the time for us yet, that maybe now is the time. Thanks for listening!!

 

[brightspark]

Congratulations that's wonderful news... will be thinking of you, pray you have a really healthy pregnancy this time!

 

[emmismom05]

From what I understood from the article, most of the children aren't in orphanages, they are illegally taken, bought, or stolen, that is the whole reason for the investigation and I also understood that they may eventually cease all adoptions from there.



PrincessSuzanne

Hi there! Our daughter was adopted at 10 months old from Guatemala. I just wanted to clarify that this is in very very few of the adoptions. There are a few orphanages in Guatemala but most children are placed in foster homes. However, there is a strict protocol on making sure the birthmothers are not being coerced. They have to do a DNA test making sure that they are the baby's birthmother. They have to undergo an extensive interview with social services making sure they are placing their child of their own free will. Before finalizing adoption, cases are reviewed for months making sure everything is legal. When the adoption's finalized they must give a final signature again authorizing that this is what they want for their child.

There have been a couple cases recently from two agencies in the U.S. where they have been doing things illegally but there are cases like that here in the U.S., too. I just don't want this to scare people off from adoption from this wonderful country. Yes, it is not a good idea to start an adoption from there now because the U.S. is implementing the Hague treaty and Guatemala will not sign to that, but that has nothing to do with these couple of cases that were reported in the paper. The newspapers of course do their job by reporting them but in no way does this make every adoption from Guatemala illegal. Just wanted to clarify. Most birthmothers make adoption plans because they live in dire poverty and they have no way of meeting the child's basic needs. Sad, but true.

Hopefully, the two countries can work things out because it is the children that suffer. The Guatemalan president's wife has always been opposed to adoption, especially to U.S. families so she is making it very hard. Hopefully things will be resolved and adoptions can process smoothly.

I wsh everyone luck on their journey to their children. Infertility is such a hard road but I can honestly say that I cannot imagine loving a bio child any more than I love my adopted one. I will also say that my DH was not on board with adoption at first but they do tend to come around! His little girl is wrapped around his finger!