Caution Vent ahead: Not looking forward to a disfunctional christmas

[Not so Dumbo]

I'm so upset with my family right now, so bare with me while I vent

In the last 24 hours...
first my dad tells me, while laughing at the very thought of me asking him, that no, he doesn't want to go to Disney with me. I wonder if he knows how much that hurt. I had priced out his whole trip and arranged it so that his wife would only have to take 2 days of vacation for a 6 day trip. I didn't even get that out of my mouth before he said, "what, go to disney with you....haha no I don't thinks so." I love Disney and would love to show him what I think is so great about it. His reasoning is that he doesn't have the money, but hello.. this is a guy that blows through money like it's water and on a whim just decided to remodel his "garage" just because he's bored.
Then I get an email from my sister who has decided that she doesn't want to buy me anything for christmas anymore and when I told her that she didn't have to but I already bought hers, she tells me to return it.
Finally, I get a call from my mom who now wants to hash out everything that she thinks I did wrong on Thanksgiving. Apparently I didn't help enough with cleaning up the table, well, this after telling me that she doesn't want my DD1 touching her knick knacks so that's what I was doing... babysitting my DD.
I am SO ready to ditch Christmas...... maybe if I return all of the Christmas presents that I bought we could afford to go to WDW instead.

 

[KirstenB]

I'm sorry, it seems like when it rains it pours! Obviously I dont know you or your dad, but I can share our experience with dh's parents. Dh and I bought DVC way back in the early 90's. We were so thrilled to have a way to bring our families on vacation. We brought my in-laws 2 yrs in a row. They had their own bedroom and bath. I'm not picky about a particular schedule, our WDW trips are like hey, we're going to MGM tomorrow if anyone wants to go. No obligations. By the end of the 2nd trip, it was very clear that dh's parents don't like Florida or WDW. We stopped inviting them. At first I was hurt, like "how can anyone not like WDW?" But I'm over it. They love the Jersey shore. I'm okay with it, but I don't love it like WDW. Different strokes for different folks.

I guess what I"m saying is, maybe your dad is like this too. Maybe as much as you like WDW, it's not his thing.

I'm sorry about your sister and mom. Hopefully today will be a better day. Maybe they were just having an "off' day.

 

[dougsmom98]

I am sorry you are frustrated. When I read about the knick knacks at your mother's house, I could totally relate. When my twins were little, it was a nightmare to go over to her house because she has knick knacks all over the place. She refused to put them up higher because she felt that they needed to learn not to touch them. Well, with a three year old and two toddling one year old kids, it made going over there more hassle than it was worth. We couldn't even sit down because we were busy chasing them and "teaching" them not to touch her stuff. It got to the point where we would only go over there for holidays and that was it. I remember one Christmas when she bought me a candle that sat on a plate surrounded by pebbles. She knew darn well that my boys put everything in their mouths and that I had long since packed away anything pretty or breakable into boxes and put them up in my attic, but she gave it to me anyway. UGGH! Good luck with the holidays.

 

[Aliceacc]

Wow... not exactly what Normal Rockwell painted, is it?

But is it at all possible that you're reading more into the comments than was intended? Is it possible that dad sees Disney as a place for kids and not worth the money for an adult? Personally, I disagree (as would just about everyone here), but that's a reasonable opinion and he's entitled to it. Could it be that his reaction was to Disney, and not to YOU?

And your sister: how are her finances now? Could it be that she's just too short on cash to buy presents for you, your husband, and your child? Could that be the reason she no longer wants to exchange gifts? For next year, could you start a family grab bag for the adults? That's what we do in my family. (I'm one of 5, all married, most of us with 3 kids, some of whom are married and have kids of their own!!! Once they graduate HS, the "kids" are in the adult grab bag.)

And mom, is it possible that she simply misinterpreted your lack of kitchen help?

I'm not trying to excuse anyone's hurtful behavior, just to offer some alternate explanations.

Anyway, Christmas is what YOU make it. So endure dinner at the folks after you and your family have shared a delightful Christmas Eve and morning together!!

 

[Gillian]

Dad - my dad says stupid stuff like that to try to be funny and I'm sure has no clue how it makes people feel.

Sister - I can totally see her side (although that was last minute), we had to stop giving adults gifts because of the money. Of course she will say to return the gift you got her, so as not to make you feel bad that she didn't get you anything, or to feel obligated to get you something anyway, even if she really can't spend the money. I don't know how big your family is, but in ours when every starting having kids, it got to be too much to get for all the adults too. Too much time, too much money, just too much. Not that we don't care about the adults, but DH & I feel that it's more important for the kids to get nice gifts.

And mom, well, it's too bad that she doesn't understand. Sometimes you have to explain gently that you weren't able to do xx because of responsibility to yy, you know? If there hasn't been a small child in the house for a while people forget.

Sometimes it's good to skip the holidays. Maybe next year.

 

[meandtheguys2]

But is it at all possible that you're reading more into the comments than was intended? Is it possible that dad sees Disney as a place for kids and not worth the money for an adult? Personally, I disagree (as would just about everyone here), but that's a reasonable opinion and he's entitled to it. Could it be that his reaction was to Disney, and not to YOU?

And your sister: how are her finances now? Could it be that she's just too short on cash to buy presents for you, your husband, and your child? Could that be the reason she no longer wants to exchange gifts? For next year, could you start a family grab bag for the adults? That's what we do in my family. (I'm one of 5, all married, most of us with 3 kids, some of whom are married and have kids of their own!!! Once they graduate HS, the "kids" are in the adult grab bag.)

And mom, is it possible that she simply misinterpreted your lack of kitchen help?

I'm not trying to excuse anyone's hurtful behavior, just to offer some alternate explanations.

Anyway, Christmas is what YOU make it. So endure dinner at the folks after you and your family have shared a delightful Christmas Eve and morning together!!

I agree.

As far as his garage, surely how he sees fit to spend his money is, well, his business. It doesn't have anything to do with you. Some people think spending $1000's on Disney trips that are over in a week to be a waste of mney, too.

 

[rt2dz]

I'm sorry you've been hurt. That stinks. But, look at it this way. No matter how much you love something, others--even those close to you--are not necessarily going to love it like you do. I like to bake and so does my middle sister, my oldest sister can't think of any worse torture. I can't stand basketball, but my husband is the biggest fan ever. It's not about you, it's the activity. And everyone choses how to spend their money. I won't buy $3000 purses, but many of my friends do.

Your sister is probably in a tight money situation; she may not want to talk about it. She doesn't want to exchange gifts, or receive one, because she probably just can't. If you give her something, she'll feel obligated. Inadvertently, you may be pushing her into something she just can't afford to do. Don't give her the gift for Christmas. Wait a few weeks after and sending her and "I was just thinking of you gift". It'll warm both your hearts without putting anyone in an uncomfortable situation.

Well, your mother has simply forgotten. She has forgotten how hard toddlers can be. Let it roll off your back. Easier said than done. If she complains again, tell her simply and calmly you're sorry you disappointed her and no matter how much you'd like to spend the holidays with the family that until your children are older, it just might not be a good idea.

Christmas will be what you make of it. Do what you want with it. Take family with a grain of salt.

 

[poohfriend77]

First of all... I'm sure your family is all wrapped up in their own holiday stress/problems and probably didn't mean to hurt your feelings.

You can be thankful your dad said no to WDW up front (even if he could have done it a bit more nicely ), instead of going and spending a week complaining about the heat, long lines, walking, expenses, etc. At least you're still going!

I agree with other posters that Sis is maybe having money problems or is just overwhelmed by the shopping. I thought the idea of giving her a "just because" gift sometime after Christmas was great!

As for Mom, well... sometimes I pick fights with the people I love most when something else is bothering me. If you're close, I'd call and ask if anything's wrong, and let her know she hurt your feelings. If you're not particularly close, vent to us some more, then try to let it go. Don't let these things ruin your family's Christmas or vacation!

 

[Not so Dumbo]

Thanks for the support
I guess my dad had upset me just because of his response to a question that meant a lot to me. I know he has the right to spend his money the way he sees fit, I just wished he would have been honest about his reasoning. I was hoping he would see what I like about Disney so much, but if he went and had a bad time then I guess I would feel worse.
I can also see that my sister could be in a money situation, but her and her DH just bought a Wii for themselves, again their money, right? But the present that I bought her would have had a personal meaning between us and it felt like a little slap in the face.
My mom was just the icing on the dump cake. I was feeling bad enough w/o her going on and on about how I screwed up... again. She even went as far as to say when you were little I always helped your grandma clean up. So I said to her, well then who watched your kids, weren't they getting into things, which her response was.... no, I had good kids.

I'm telling myself today is going to be a better day.... and if they try to contact me...... I'm not home today.

 

[meandtheguys2]

You gotta love caller ID!

Take care of yourself today, and I hope you feel better!

 

[ksumn1]

My DMom and DD feel the same way about WDW. We even tenatively invited them on our last (2nd) trip, and my MOM had almos tthe same reation. We don't have the $$, don't know why you're going back, you just want a babysitter for the kids She didn't understand how magical it is for use, and especailly for the kids. I wanted them to share in my kids joy...I was trying to do something special because my kids would love to have Granny and PawPaw there. But like alot of people, they don't understand the "magic" just the money aspect. Maybe one day your Dad will change his mind.

WhHen I have a bad day, I keep telling myself "This day will be over soon." And then I have nice warm mug of hot chocolate, look at WDW and CHristmas pictures. Seeing the good time and taking a minute for myself seems to help me find the joy again.

Hope your day gets better!!!!

 

[Not so Dumbo]

WhHen I have a bad day, I keep telling myself "This day will be over soon." And then I have nice warm mug of hot chocolate, look at WDW and CHristmas pictures. Seeing the good time and taking a minute for myself seems to help me find the joy again.

Hope your day gets better!!!!

That sounds like a great plan!!

My mom did call...... I told myself not to pick up the phone, but I just couldn't help it. She wanted to know if DH still wanted Pirates of Carribean 3 for christmas. I told her yes, and that a lot of stores were giving away freebies with it this week. Her reply, Well. I'm not going any farther than I have to to get this thing.

I think I'll go and make that cup of hot chocolate now.

 

[momof1princess]

That sounds like a great plan!!

My mom did call...... I told myself not to pick up the phone, but I just couldn't help it. She wanted to know if DH still wanted Pirates of Carribean 3 for christmas. I told her yes, and that a lot of stores were giving away freebies with it this week. Her reply, Well. I'm not going any farther than I have to to get this thing.

I think I'll go and make that cup of hot chocolate now.

i'm so sorry make sure you add a HUGE dollop of whipped cream, cool whip, whatever you have to that hot chocolate-you deserve it.

 

[ksumn1]

If the kids aren't around, why not add a little "holday cheer" to it as well. I find the glow form the warm hot chocolate and the "cheer" puts me in a much more relaxed mindset!!

 

[Not so Dumbo]

If the kids aren't around, why not add a little "holday cheer" to it as well. I find the glow form the warm hot chocolate and the "cheer" puts me in a much more relaxed mindset!!

Good idea.....

 

[Aliceacc]

Can you say "Kahlua"???

 

[Not so Dumbo]

Can you say "Kahlua"???

Only if it's followed by the words "mud slide"

 

[Gillian]

My mom was just the icing on the dump cake. I was feeling bad enough w/o her going on and on about how I screwed up... again. She even went as far as to say when you were little I always helped your grandma clean up. So I said to her, well then who watched your kids, weren't they getting into things, which her response was.... no, I had good kids.

Nice....

Hope you're enjoying the "cheerful" hot chocolate!

 

[Whosemom]

Oh no, the cheer should be peppermint schnapps. LOL

Its ok. Nothing is its own kind of hades quite like being the mom of a toddler.