Caution--Adult throwing tantrum..proceed with caution

[crazee4mickey]

Totally "ticked off" again at In-law's Christmas......
I just have to vent because this is driving me nuts!! Yep, flame me if you want but I just want to scream out loud at my in-law's for not seeming to care! I feel like a spoiled child who is mad and going to break all my crayons because things don't go my way.......
Every year for Christmas and Birthdays I really take the time to listen to what my DH's family would like for a gift and then I buy it for them(even if they casually mention months before how much they like something, I remember and get it for them).
Well, year after year, they ask what sizes of clothing our kids are and what kinds of things they would like for Christmas so I make a detailed list and give it to them. They must use the list to blow their noses because nothing is ever what was on the list!!
I take the time and effort to carefully choose gifts they really want and it just boils my blood that they don't even seem to care--just buy whatever is on the sale rack!! (Oh by the way they are all very well off so money is not an issue.)
They buy clothing for our kids that is at a minimum of 4 sizes too big(DD7 is now just wearing a sweater she received from my SIL 4 years ago at Christmas)--I am not kidding I have a minimum of 6 items in each of the kids closets that are at least 3 sizes too big!
This year my DS 17 who wanted anything to do with hockey as he loves hockey, received a sleeping bag---he does not camp, sleep out, nothing even remote to why they bought him a sleeping bag??!!
They bought a size XL sweater for my son's GF who is tiny; my SisIL looked at my DS 19 y.o. and said "By the way I didn't buy you any games, I am a parent who will not buy you video games as I do not believe there is anything good about them" yet she bought him video games every year up until now and then bought my DS 9 y.o. a video game this Christmas??!!
So she bought DS 19 dress shirts??!! He has no need for dress shirts and does not wear them--I don't understand why she just wastes money on gifts the kids will never use!
Last year her kids loved fish so I bought them an aquarium, fish and everything needed for it(well over $150 and I asked the parents first if this was alright which it was) within 3 weeks her and her husband had killed 5 pairs of fish and the gift was boxed up and put in the spare bedroom never to be used again---my DH and I even took the time to set the aquarium up so they didn't have to worry about it--she said she is going to sell it in a yard sale!
My MIL just goes and buys randomly---sizes not even close, items that the kids already own--and anything my SIL wants I get a duplicate!
I have told them in the past that we do not need gifts and I know I am ungrateful but it gets really tiring when I put so much care and thought in to their gifts and they just seem to buy whatever is left on the bargain table.
Okay, I say to myself..... take deep breaths Bonnie, count to 100 and then start taping those darn crayons back together for my next tantrum!

 

[Chicago526]

No flames here. How about a hug?

 

[Tantor]

Don't you just love family.

As my DH say's "If you could only pick your relatives........................

 

[experiment626mom]

Be glad you have family to spend the holidays with.

 

[kbkids]

And people think I'm weird because I buy everything and then let the ILs buy from my stash. I'm being kind so they won't have to tackle the stores at Christmas - yeh right!! NOT!! I'm trying to avoid a situation like yours.

 

[NMAmy]

You know...if this happens every year and you know it happens every year, why do you get so upset about it? These aren't the only gifts your kids receive, are they? Some people are just bad at giving gifts. Your kids could probably benefit from a more philosophical viewpoint about the weird gifts from the IL's. Is it really a big deal?

I received a lot of weird gifts from my ex-MIL over the years and I just made a big joke about it. Granted, she wasn't there when we opened them, but I'd make the big announcement...okay...let's see what Grandma got me THIS year. Hmmm....a Chia pet? DD thought it was fab so I passed it on to her. I knew she didn't like me much but it just didn't really matter to me.

I guess I always just think that Christmas is more about giving than receiving. And more about appreciating family regardless of their weirdness.

I hope you don't think I'm flaming you...I'm just hoping that maybe you can look at it in a different way. It's not the end of the world--let it go. If there was something you or the kids wanted that you didn't receive, buy it at the after-Christmas sales. In the big scheme of things, it's just so minor.

 

[4greatboys]

I understand how you feel. I love giving gifts that people will really enjoy. I take the time to notice what they like or remember what they tell me they like. My grandma on the other hand just buys things she wants you to have.

 

[EthansMom]

Don't exchange gifts with them next year.

 

[eeyore kelly]

I am sorry sorry your IL's drive you nuts, mine does too. Hugs and support.

 

[ItsonlyExperiment626]

We must have the same in-laws except for the fact at least yours ask what your kids would like. Mine doesn't even bother to ask. The kids usually gets toys they are not interested in and clothing either too large or too small. You can tell by looking that these gifts, they bought them as a generic gift some while ago and kept in their gift closet for whenever they need to give a gift. What is worst this year, is that I'm pretty sure the gift SIL gave my kids are re-gifts. When we buy gifts for them, we at least give lots of thought to what their interest are and would like. Let me tell you we also spend lots of $$ on the gifts we give them. I used to be hurt seeing the gifts given to my kids by my in-laws, but now I'm just disgusted.

 

[roseprincess]

Maybe next time, tell the in-laws to get giftcards from anywhere. ie. Walmart, Target, Kohls, etc. At least this way you and your kids can pick out what your children want for Christmas.
As of the clothes being too big, telll in-laws to put gift receipts in with the boxes of clothes, so you can exchange for smaller clothes. I guess getting too big of clothes is better than clothes too small, IMO.
I've had this happen with a SIL a couple of times, she would buy clothes too small for dd and didin't have any receipts or gift receipts to give me so I can exchange for a bigger size. I would have to give the clothes to someone else.
A waste of her money, oh well.

I have a lot of family members that just buy what they want for hte kids for Christmas and birthdays, they don't ask me, either what the kids would like. We are very gracious and say thanks!

I really think when you have family that are not good at gift-giving, them giving cash or giftcards are the way to go, IMO.


Rosemarie

 

[TheOtherVillainess]

Is your MIL related to mine? Because that's EXACTLY what my MIL does. Every year for Christmas/Birthdays I send her a very detailed list of things I would really,really like to have. Mostly it's computer games, DVDs or books.

What does she buy me?
Clothes which I don't like because they are not my style/right color/whatever (which I can't return for fear of angering her/hurting her feelings)
Makeup (which I don't usually wear because I favor the au natural look)

Arrgh! It makes me want to scream.

Only three times in ten years since I've known her has she bought me stuff I actually liked.
1)Two Birthdays ago when she bought me a gift set of Clinique's "Happy" perfume. It's my fave.
2)The VERY first Christmas I knew her and she got me a gift cert to the Gap. I don't like their clothes, but I did find a pair of jeans which I wore until they quite literally fell apart.
3)A coat she bought me last year which is a nice, medium weight coat (the most we ever really need around here unless it snows,which doesn't happen very often).

I'm sorry you have ILs like that, but I understand. I'm in the same boat.

TOV

 

[kelleigh1]

Here's an idea...

why not take all the "useless" gifts that you receive and donate them to homeless shelters, the Salvation Army, Big Brothers/Big Sisters or any one of a dozen other organizations that are out there to help the less fortunate?

Then your kids will receive an even greater gift - the gift of giving.

For several years I was involved with an organization which holds an annual charity auction so that they can throw a Christmas party for the needy children in this area. This charity started many years ago by one family who felt that they received so many more holiday gifts than they needed. One year, when their kids were still fairly small, they told the kids to pick their one favorite gift that year and they then brought everything else to one of the local homeless shelters. The children were able to give their gifts to other kids and they still talk about how much that experience taught them and how great it made them feel to see these children who had nothing receive a few small gifts. It taught them what the Christmas spirit is really about.

This charity event has grown significantly over the years and it is just such a fun event for everyone involved.

Not everyone is good at gift giving. And granted, some people just really don't listen when you give them ideas. But isn't this season about more than what you receive?

I'm not flaming, but take a step back and look at all you have to be thankful for. One year ago we watched Southeast Asia get swamped by the tsunami. And just a few short months ago, we saw the devastation in Louisiana and Mississippi that left so many dead, sick, injured and homeless. That sleeping bag your son received could be a bed for someone who lost their home this year. Be greatful for what you have and what you receive - no matter how bad the gifts may seem, they could mean everything to someone.

 

[pixiemomma]

 

[mickeyfan2]

Maybe next year suggest that they give you the money and you will buy the gift and they can wrap it and give it. Or next year tell them that your family will not be buying any gifts, so could they not buy your family any.

 

[roseprincess]

Here's an idea...

why not take all the "useless" gifts that you receive and donate them to homeless shelters, the Salvation Army, Big Brothers/Big Sisters or any one of a dozen other organizations that are out there to help the less fortunate?

Then your kids will receive an even greater gift - the gift of giving.

For several years I was involved with an organization which holds an annual charity auction so that they can throw a Christmas party for the needy children in this area. This charity started many years ago by one family who felt that they received so many more holiday gifts than they needed. One year, when their kids were still fairly small, they told the kids to pick their one favorite gift that year and they then brought everything else to one of the local homeless shelters. The children were able to give their gifts to other kids and they still talk about how much that experience taught them and how great it made them feel to see these children who had nothing receive a few small gifts. It taught them what the Christmas spirit is really about.

This charity event has grown significantly over the years and it is just such a fun event for everyone involved.

Not everyone is good at gift giving. And granted, some people just really don't listen when you give them ideas. But isn't this season about more than what you receive?

I'm not flaming, but take a step back and look at all you have to be thankful for. One year ago we watched Southeast Asia get swamped by the tsunami. And just a few short months ago, we saw the devastation in Louisiana and Mississippi that left so many dead, sick, injured and homeless. That sleeping bag your son received could be a bed for someone who lost their home this year. Be greatful for what you have and what you receive - no matter how bad the gifts may seem, they could mean everything to someone.

I agree. Very good idea!

 

[Planogirl]

My aunt does this. She sees something that she thinks is nice and I might just end up with it. This year it was a sweater that I think looks old if you know what I mean. It's also a weird color.

But I appreciate the thought and thank her profusely. Then I wait a while and donate it.

Her daughters-in-law get gift cards. I would love that, even a teeny one.

 

[KathyFP]

Don't take this the wrong way, but be glad the in-laws even care. DD is 7 and has never received a gift from MIL, 4 BIL's or any of her relatives. We have not spoke with her for almost 5 years. FIL will occasionally send a card with a couple dollars.

This Christmas - absolutely no calls from anyone on DH's side of the family. It is like DD only has my side of the family. Fortunately my family and friends make up for the dysfunction of DH's.

 

[mickeyboat]

I have to second EthansMom's suggestion of not exchanging gifts any more. Maybe suggest drawing names or something. It is becoming tougher and tougher to shop for family members who already have everything, and who I rarely see, so I don't even know what their current interests are. In my group of friends we decided not to buy gifts for one another's children anymore. Instead us friends spent an evening together, something we don't get a chance to do much anymore.

My parents ask for a list every year, and do a pretty good job sticking to it. But my kids are small, have a lot already and haven't developed many specific interests yet, so it's tough coming up with enough things for each of them to get. This year I asked them to go in together on a doll house with accessories. They sent money and I bought the items. It worked out beautifully adn the kids will have something that will last them a long time, instead of a lot of smaller things that will break in a week.

Of course, that all goes out the window when people just won't listen.

Denae

 

[Disney Doll]

My late DMIL had the habit of making sure everyone was "evcen". If I got 10 gifts, then so did everyone else, ad sometimes she'd just be in the store and grab something to wrap knowing it wasn't the right size. She's do this a lot for DH...he's a Big & Tall store guy, and if he had 9 gifts and his sisters had 10 gifts, she'd buy him a shirt ina regular store that she knew wouldn't fit, tell me about it, tell me she did it to make things even, and then tell me I could return it after Christmas. Of course, she never knew where the receipt was either!!!

The local charities got a lot fo nice new clothes form us every year right after Christmas.

Now she's gone, and I kind of miss it. Funny how life is like that, huh...