Can't afford open bar for whole wedding-is this acceptable instead?*Update on pg 20*

[DisneyWalle]

Some of the comments on here -- sound as if people expect certain things to be at a wedding or reception. I was always under the impression that the wedding and reception was for the bride and groom -- family and friends were inivited to "share" the special day with them. I never consulted my friends to find out what they expected to have at "my" wedding -- my momma asked me what I wanted and thats what I got. After all, it was my wedding -- no one elses, other than my husband and he didn't care.

So the dress, flowers, decorations, church, preacher, music, photographer, bridesmaids, flower girl, ushers, celebratory bubbles,cakes, food, and drinks were all my choices. My momma and sister were the only ones who gave me opinions but in the end it was what I wanted -- after all it was my wedding day. (Momma hated my colors but I loved them and thats all she wanted was me to be happy).

To the OP, I would do what I could to make the day just like the bride wants. But I would not charge guests for something -- if thats the only way I could have something at the reception -- I would just do without it.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

Cash bars are the epitome of tacky.

If all you can afford or want to offer is soft drinks - then do JUST that. A guest should NEVER complain about what a host is serving.

The tacky part is offering alcohol with a price tag.

Imagine if you did the same thing for the entree - tonight the bride has chosen chicken, but for $20 you can have lobster.

 

[kaligal]

You don't throw a party and charge people for attending.

Serve them whatever you can afford to serve them and leave it be.

You can also cut down on the invitations. Don't invite people you can't afford to invite.

But whatever you do, remember: You do NOT charge your guests.

 

[jennyjinx3]

Rather then a wedding with no alcohol...I am more disturbed by the thought of "no dancing" !!!

Sorry, I am just curious as to why dancing would be not allowed?

 

[englishteacha]

I've never been to a wedding with an open bar. Well, I went to one when I was 19, but I couldn't drink anyway. It was nice to get free soda all night, though! Maybe it's a Maine/NH thing, but it's been cash bars everywhere here, even at the more upscale/fancy venues. I don't generally drink alcohol anyway, so that doesn't bother me. What does bother me is when there are NO beverages available without paying. At least have pitchers of ice water available!

 

[DisneyWalle]

Rather then a wedding with no alcohol...I am more disturbed by the thought of "no dancing" !!!

Sorry, I am just curious as to why dancing would be not allowed?

Well in Southern Baptist churches -- dancing is not allowed -- at least not at church facilities. So if you hold your wedding or reception at the church that would be something that you couldn't do. I grew up this way -- so its not usually for me.

 

[mjantz]

Rather then a wedding with no alcohol...I am more disturbed by the thought of "no dancing" !!!

Sorry, I am just curious as to why dancing would be not allowed?

Many conservative Christian faiths do not approve of dancing. My small rural town had a banquet as opposed to a prom because so many kids were not allowed to dance.

 

[Bluestars]

My DS is getting married in June. They are paying for most of the reception costs themselves. Realistically, there is no way they could afford an open bar for the whole wedding. Around here, it is not the norm to offer an open bar for the whole reception, but what do people think of offering either the first hour of the reception as open bar for beer/wine as an alternative? Or maybe putting a ticket or two for a free drink with their table placement cards?

I would serve beer and wine as an alternative. I've seen that done and think it's perfectly fine.

 

[kaligal]

Many conservative Christian faiths do not approve of dancing. My small rural town had a banquet as opposed to a prom because so many kids were not allowed to dance.

We were going to do that, too, but then this new kid moved to town. He came from the big city where they can cut hair in different ways and name their kids with short, weird names. He had a cool leather jacket, too. Living in a place with loads of cows, we would obviously have no access to leather.

After a few bumps in the road, he convinced the whole town that dancing wasn't bad and then we all got to dance to Kenny Loggins songs.

 

[Ember]

In reply to WDWJDS:

Okay... It won't quote, I think because you typed into a quote...

Anyway, I don't think anyone has to serve alcohol. (As I said, I don't even drink, this is an academic argument to me). Offer what you can afford. Just don't charge people money because you aren't willing to pay for the party you want to have. If you can't afford the cake you want, you don't order it anyway and then charge people. Same for drinks. You are hosting, and they means paying for your guests.

I have no expectations at a wedding. If the couple serves cake and punch, I will gladly enjoy both without criticism. Who doesn't love cake?! My issue is with this expectation and entitlement that every couple "deserves" a huge wedding, and when they can't afford it then, no problem, just charge the guests!

 

[Donnainnj]

We were going to do that, too, but then this new kid moved to town. He came from the big city where they can cut hair in different ways and name their kids with short, weird names. He had a cool leather jacket, too. Living in a place with loads of cows, we would obviously have no access to leather.

After a few bumps in the road, he convinced the whole town that dancing wasn't bad and then we all got to dance to Kenny Loggins songs.

 

[JessB320]

We were going to do that, too, but then this new kid moved to town. He came from the big city where they can cut hair in different ways and name their kids with short, weird names. He had a cool leather jacket, too. Living in a place with loads of cows, we would obviously have no access to leather.

After a few bumps in the road, he convinced the whole town that dancing wasn't bad and then we all got to dance to Kenny Loggins songs.

Yup, just sprayed water all over my iPad

 

[Mama-san]

Rather then a wedding with no alcohol...I am more disturbed by the thought of "no dancing" !!!

Sorry, I am just curious as to why dancing would be not allowed?

Well, the Southern Baptists here don't forbid dancing, it's just that when a reception is being held in a church social hall there usually isn't a DJ or a band (well none that I've ever been to) and the venue isn't very conducive to busting a move.

 

[DisneyWalle]

Well, the Southern Baptists here don't forbid dancing, it's just that when a reception is being held in a church social hall there usually isn't a DJ or a band (well none that I've ever been to) and the venue isn't very conducive to busting a move.

Ok didn't mean to lump all Southern Baptist into the non-dancing church group. Guess it depends on the preacher at the church. Ours didn't believe in allowing dancing at the church -- didn't bother me -- still doesn't.

 

[aprilgail2]

.[/QUOTE]

I think just beer and wine is fine. I went to a wedding last year with about 200 guests. The reception was at a hotel. There was a bartender for the bridal party and the parent table only. Other guests wanting drinks had to go outside the reception to the hotel bar and wait for them. That was tacky!

That was totally tacky! I can't imagine giving drinks to some guest but not others-wow, that would be a wedding talked about for years to come LOL.

Ive never been to a wedding that didn't have an open bar for the whole reception, other than during the dinner hour. I think I'd be shocked to go to a wedding and pay for my own drink. I'm not a big drinker by any means- one or two and I'm good.

I have been to ONE wedding in this area that had a cash bar, and yes-there was much talk there! It wasn't known in advance that it would be a cash bar so people were opening up their gift envelopes to take out a 20 so they could buy a drink! I would never ever think that I had to carry cash to a wedding and it sure caught many off guard!

I know some people think cash bars are fine. I don't get it - I've never been to one. The thought of asking people who come to your wedding and give you a gift - and then also to ask them to now pay for their beverages just seems so rude. The same goes for money dances, asking for additional money for a honeymoon!
I get that it's the bride and groom's day - but you have the party/celebration you can afford. You don't hit your guests up to pay for it!

I'm from LI also and have never been to a wedding with cash bar or no bar. I did go to a wedding in MD last year and it was beer/wine only which I had never seen before.

Heck I went to a wedding in MD that didn't even serve food- we had to leave early to run out and get something to eat!

We were going to do that, too, but then this new kid moved to town. He came from the big city where they can cut hair in different ways and name their kids with short, weird names. He had a cool leather jacket, too. Living in a place with loads of cows, we would obviously have no access to leather.

After a few bumps in the road, he convinced the whole town that dancing wasn't bad and then we all got to dance to Kenny Loggins songs.

ROFLMAO!

 

[WDWJDS]

In reply to WDWJDS:

Okay... It won't quote, I think because you typed into a quote...

Anyway, I don't think anyone has to serve alcohol. (As I said, I don't even drink, this is an academic argument to me). Offer what you can afford. Just don't charge people money because you aren't willing to pay for the party you want to have. If you can't afford the cake you want, you don't order it anyway and then charge people. Same for drinks. You are hosting, and they means paying for your guests.

I have no expectations at a wedding. If the couple serves cake and punch, I will gladly enjoy both without criticism. Who doesn't love cake?! My issue is with this expectation and entitlement that every couple "deserves" a huge wedding, and when they can't afford it then, no problem, just charge the guests!

Now I absolutely agree with you there. People deserve the wedding that they can afford and I don't think it's right to charge guests for things. No alcohol is fine, just beer and wine is fine, having the reception in a place that has a bar in another area of the building (where if they want to imbibe, they can go over there and pay cash for their own drinks) is fine as well. I'm just not for the mindset that "Receptions should have alcohol for the guests and if you have to cut corners in order to afford that, then you definitely should". (Not what you said, but a compilation of many other thoughts).

 

[bdcp]

Many conservative Christian faiths do not approve of dancing. My small rural town had a banquet as opposed to a prom because so many kids were not allowed to dance.

Nope, that one pretty much belonged to southern baptists. My mom was raised southern baptist and they danced, just not in church functions. It's not the issue it used to be either. We're conservative christians and belong to an non-denominational church and dancing is not an issue. And hasn't been in the churches we've been involved with over the last 25+ years, all conservative.

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

the worst wedding I was invited to was my Indiana cousin who had sent me a photocopy of her wedding invitation. It was a pot luck reception at a local park. I'm sorry...I'm not traveling 10 hours in a car or flying in to bring potato salad to your pot luck wedding....maybe if I were local. Although I'm quite certain even they offered a keg and it was free.

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

The bride and groom don't owe an open bar to anyone. They (or the parents) are spending WAY MORE on you than you are on them. They are giving you a lovely evening of dinner and dancing and the honor of witnessing their union. So I think it is tacky for people to expect an open bar. If it fits in the budget it's a bonus and hopefully it is appreciated.

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

But if you are doing a cash bar the guests should be given warning.