Can't afford open bar for whole wedding-is this acceptable instead?*Update on pg 20*

[mhsjax]

The ceremony is about the bride and groom, the reception is for the guests.

I disagree. It is a party for the bride and groom. If there wasn't a bride and groom, there wouldn't be a party. The guests should be happy to celebrate the union of their loved ones/friends. to demand other things is tacky and I wouldn't have them as friends. Then again, this is an area of not "covering your plate" we give gifts as a sign of love, not for what we get at a reception.

 

[mjantz]

Yes, the reception is suppose to be nice for the guests but that doesn't mean their every whim should be catered to. I have relatives who would HATE a vegetarian meal but if the bride & groom don't want meat at their reception why should they be forced to provide it? I know families with a strong family history of alcoholism. Should they be made to feel bad because they don't want to risk drunken people at their reception? Should Muslims be made to feel bad if there's no pork option?

You can put yourself into the poor house catering to the whims, opinions & thoughts of guests. The bride & groom should do what they feel is necessary for a nice reception & forget everyone else.

And honestly, if it came down to a nice photographer or an open bar/alcohol at a reception, you'd better enjoy your ice tea & Diet Coke because I'm putting the money into the photographs.

 

[mamamary]

I have never been to a wedding where there has not been an open bar for the entire reception. I personally would not have a problem with wine/beer for the first hour.

 

[Nancy]

Ive never been to a wedding that didn't have an open bar for the whole reception, other than during the dinner hour. I think I'd be shocked to go to a wedding and pay for my own drink. I'm not a big drinker by any means- one or two and I'm good.

Could they afford to do beer and wine for the whole evening?

To each their own, though. They should do what they can and not go into major debt over alcohol. Just giving you my honest reaction. I wonder if it's a regional thing? I'm in NY.

You're in Buffalo..we do open bar!

I've only been to 2 cash bar for weddings and both times I was shocked and since I had no cash on hand was a bit put out since I couldn't even get a glass of wine for dinner. I don't normally carry cash unless I know I have to have it for some reason ..so I would have liked something on the invites to say cash bar. The last one I was at people were leaving the reception and going to the store and buying beer and sneaking it in...cheaper than what the cost was for one at the reception I guess. I just drank water all night.

 

[Ember]

I don't drink, and I find the idea of a cash bar tacky. (Yes, I used the horrible judgemental word...)

I find it to be unacceptable for a number of reasons. The most important being that you are hosting an event. You do not invite guests and then charge them. Why not make them pay for dinner or a slice cake while you're at it? That would save a ton of money and the reasoning is the same, really. You are inviting these people to see you get married, yes? Not to pay for them to eat on your dime.

Also, frankly, if you can't afford your wedding, have a smaller event and treat your guests as guests. Invite 75 people instead of 100 and then show the people you care about that you actually care about them. I realise this interferes with many people's grand wedding dreams of being the centre of attention amongst hundreds... Or cut back somewhere other than money on your guests. Get a cheaper gown, take a car and not a limo, get fewer flowers. Of course, that means giving up something of your own rather than something for others, which is a big deal, I know. Or have fewer alcoholic options, but then offer them openly. Or if its vitally important to have the huge guest list and all the trimmings then save up and do it properly.

More and more, couples seem to want other people to pay their way. Parties and showers, Jack and Jill fund raisers (seriously, who fund raises for a wedding?! It's not a charity!), "cute" poems and registry cards shoved in guests faces so they are fully aware of the expected price of admittance when it comes to gifts, cash bars, money dances... When will it end? I sometimes think couples should just sell tickets and be done with it, then everything will at least be above board and couples can cease thinking of clever ways to extort money from their friends and family.

I know I sound harsh here, but when did getting married become less about celebrating your love and more about putting on a show and making a buck? Miss Manners once said that she doesn't care if you serve water at your wedding, just do it graciously.

 

[mhsjax]

Yes, the reception is suppose to be nice for the guests but that doesn't mean their every whim should be catered to. I have relatives who would HATE a vegetarian meal but if the bride & groom don't want meat at their reception why should they be forced to provide it? I know families with a strong family history of alcoholism. Should they be made to feel bad because they don't want to risk drunken people at their reception? Should Muslims be made to feel bad if there's no pork option?

You can put yourself into the poor house catering to the whims, opinions & thoughts of guests. The bride & groom should do what they feel is necessary for a nice reception & forget everyone else.

And honestly, if it came down to a nice photographer or an open bar/alcohol at a reception, you'd better enjoy your ice tea & Diet Coke because I'm putting the money into the photographs.

WAHT? And deny others their precious alcohol, the shame of it. FWIW, I totally agree with everything you said.

If I can afford and open bar, then I would do it for my DD, but if I can't then too flippin bad.

 

[joviroxx]

Yes, the reception is suppose to be nice for the guests but that doesn't mean their every whim should be catered to. I have relatives who would HATE a vegetarian meal but if the bride & groom don't wan meat at their reception why should they be forced to provide it? I know families with a strong family history of alcoholism. Should they be made to feel bad because they don't want to risk drunken people at their reception? Should Muslims be made to feel bad if there's no pork option?

You can put yourself into the poor house catering to the whims, opinions & thoughts of guests. The bride & groom should do what they feel is necessary for a nice reception & forget everyone else.

While I agree that you can't cater to every whim and request, you do have to keep in mind that you are giving a party. You want to give a reception, sure for yourselves, but you also want to have a party where people will have a good time and enjoy themselves. No one wants their guests to be unhappy. I mean, you wouldn't serve food nobody would like, just because you do, would you?

Open bar seems to be one of those things that matters according to lifestyles, regions, particular circle of friends, etc. Personally, I've never been to a wedding without an open bar if it was an evening reception but I have been to daytime receptions where the bride and groom provided 2 or 3 signature afternoon drinks.

OP, you need to decide what you can do and what YOU will be happy with . I know I wouldn't trim liquor but that's because my friends and family are a bunch of lushes LOL and it always provides great pics and funny memories If I couldn't afford it, Id probably just make it a smaller affair. But its your wedding, do the best you can and everyone will have a good time

 

[mhsjax]

I don't drink, and I find the idea of a cash bar tacky. (Yes, I used the horrible judgemental word...)

I find it to be unacceptable for a number of reasons. The most important being that you are hosting an event. You do not invite guests and then charge them. Why not make them pay for dinner or a slice cake while you're at it? That would save a ton of money and the reasoning is the same, really. You are inviting these people to see you get married, yes? Not to pay for them to eat on your dime.

Also, frankly, if you can't afford your wedding, have a smaller event and treat your guests as guests. Invite 75 people instead of 100 and then show the people you care about that you actually care about them. I realise this interferes with many people's grand wedding dreams of being the centre of attention amongst hundreds... Or cut back somewhere other than money on your guests. Get a cheaper gown, take a car and not a limo, get fewer flowers. Of course, that means giving up something of your own rather than something for others, which is a big deal, I know. Or have fewer alcoholic options, but then offer them openly. Or if its vitally important to have the huge guest list and all the trimmings then save up and do it properly.

More and more, couples seem to want other people to pay their way. Parties and showers, Jack and Jill fund raisers (seriously, who fund raises for a wedding?! It's not a charity!), "cute" poems and registry cards shoved in guests faces so they are fully aware of the expected price of admittance when it comes to gifts, cash bars, money dances... When will it end? I sometimes think couples should just sell tickets and be done with it, then everything will at least be above board and couples can cease thinking of clever ways to extort money from their friends and family.

I know I sound harsh here, but when did getting married become less about celebrating your love and more about putting on a show and making a buck? Miss Manners once said that she doesn't care if you serve water at your wedding, just do it graciously.

And the guests should be gracious also.

 

[Ember]

And the guests should be gracious also.

Which includes partaking graciously of what is offered, being kind and enjoying the happiness of the couple. It does not include paying for someone else's wedding because they want more than they can afford.

 

[The Wise One]

My husband and I had a verrrry small, very cheap wedding. I think the whole thing was less than $4500 (including our $2000 honeymoon!) but a big, nice wedding was NOT important to us. We're very simple, minimalist people. Our reception was held at our churches Fellowship Hall because it was free, so we only had enough cheap (Arbor Mist) wine to go around for a toast. We also only served spaghetti and salad at our wedding too. For drinks there was sweet tea, unsweetened tea, water, and soda. But to be fair our only guests were family and maybe like, 7 friends. They knew what to expect, lol. We had just bought a new home, I wanted to spend more money on my house and honeymoon.

Edit:// FYI: I don't and cannot drink alcohol, and my DH doesn't drink either. So that probably influenced our lack of alcohol some. But it was probably influenced by our cheapness more so, lol.

 

[taylor3297]

Dh and I didn't have an open bar at our wedding. One we couldn't afford it nor would the church allow it. We had our reception in the church fellowship hall. We pretty much paid for the whole wedding ourselves. The church and fellowship hall were free since I was a member. We had to pay $50 for the custodian to clean up after the reception.

We had a huge variety for finger foods, served punch, coffee, and water.

No one cared a bit about no dancing or alcohol. Everyone had a good time visiting and chatting.

We did have to explain to folks why we had 2 cakes. Many had never heard of a grooms cake.

In the south, it isn't expected to have dinner, alcohol, and dancing. Some folks do and others don't.

It is more about celebrating the marriage.

 

[mjantz]

While I agree that you can't cater to every whim and request, you do have to keep in mind that you are giving a party. You want to give a reception, sure for yourselves, but you also want to have a party where people will have a good time and enjoy themselves. No one wants their guests to be unhappy. I mean, you wouldn't serve food nobody would like, just because you do, would you?

No but, for example, when my DD was a bit younger she wanted to get married at our local Ren Faire. Small wedding with a catered reception afterwards. We have some family that would HATE that. Outdoors, weird people walking around, a nightmare for them. And the food, while good, is not fancy (Turkey Legs are an option).
If whenever she gets married she decides she really wants a Ren wedding we will do it. And some people will complain. But she will be happy & that is more important to me than whether someone is annoyed because they don't like Turkey Legs or they don't like the beer we have provided (no open bar, just an option for 1-2 beers on tap & a wine or two)

 

[crz4mm2]

34 years ago we had a cash bar. Cake and punch only reception. That's the way it was done in those days. Most people had their reception in the church basement. We had an outdoor wedding and our reception at the local Eagle's club (which had never had a reception before!)>
No one seemed to mind.

 

[Fire14]

I'm in Michigan and feel the same. In my honest opinion, other budget items should be trimmed before cutting out something that most guests will think is mandatory. If my budget were that limited, I would have a smaller wedding and attend to the comforts of the guests that were invited.

Well when I got married I chose not to have a bar or alcohol of any kind. I also made no secret of fact if you wanted a drink you were welcome to hoof it up the stairs to bar at top of stairs. I provided soda and coffee. I had my reception from 1-4 on a saturday.

 

[christineann]

I agree with you, Ember. I've been to receptions with and without alcohol, and the presence or lack of alcohol didn't make or break the party.

The receptions around here tend to be with open bar. If I wanted to have alcohol at a party but couldn't afford to do so without a cash bar, there would be no alcohol. The night before my son's wedding, I gave a rehearsal party for about 85 guests and served beer and wine (that's all we wanted to serve). The party was at a private venue (not a restaurant), and I bought the beer and wine - it really didn't cost that much since I watched the sales in the month leading up to the party. There were quite a few people who did not drink alcohol. We also provided lemonade, water and tea.

 

[Ember]

My husband and I had a verrrry small, very cheap wedding. I think the whole thing was less than $5000 (including our $2000 honeymoon!) but a big, nice wedding was NOT important to us. We're very simple, minimalist people. Our reception was held at our churches Fellowship Hall because it was free, so we only had enough cheap (Arbor Mist) wine to go around for a toast. We also only served spaghetti and salad at our wedding too. For drinks there was sweet tea, unsweetened tea, water, and soda. But to be fair our only guests were family and maybe like, 7 friends. They knew what to expect, lol. We had just bought a new home, I wanted to spend more money on my house and honeymoon.

It sounds lovely. You spent what you could (or wanted to) and did so with grace, without any pretension. I'm sure your guests were thrilled to be part of your day. Simple can be beautiful.

I don't have any issues at all with lavish parties, but if that's what is wanted then fund it yourself.

 

[christineann]

 

[SpecialK]

I've been to dry weddings, open bar weddings and cash bar weddings. I've enjoyed all of them. If you have a cash bar, let it be known ahead of time so people come prepared.

Have fun!

 

[mhsjax]

Which includes partaking graciously of what is offered, being kind and enjoying the happiness of the couple. It does not include paying for someone else's wedding because they want more than they can afford.

Very true. I never said I liked the cash bar system. I do sense that some, this has come up before, that alcohol is expected and anything less in unacceptable.

 

[bdcp]

My DS is getting married in April. We are paying for the bar. The quote for 55 people is $975 for 4 hours of open bar. Of the 55, probably 10 are underage or do not drink alcohol. Two wines, 2 domestic and one imported beer, standard liquor and mixers, soda and water. Her parents are paying for the buffet dinner. DS and his fiance are paying for at least 1/2 of the wedding/reception but they are staying under 12K. The venue was about 3K and it's a historic inn. They're not having a DJ or band, but they are setting up music via ipod and rented sound equipment. They're doing cupcakes instead of a cake (a lot cheaper). They're doing all their own centerpieces. We'll be picking out flowers soon and DH and I will be paying for those. Of course, we also have a dinner the night before (no rehearsal, but we are doing dinner).