Can't afford open bar for whole wedding-is this acceptable instead?*Update on pg 20*

[TinkerBelled]

A quick question: is there the option of providing an alcoholic punch, bought by the bowl? Many catering menus have this as a quite a cheap option, as they can brew something pretty weak (mostly fruit juice with a little prosecco, rum, or white wine thrown in). If so, perhaps they could do an open bar for the cocktail hour and punch for the party?

Otherwise, open bar for the cocktail hour and a couple tickets for dinner sounds like the best option: if people want to sip socially, it's on the bride and groom; if they want to get sauced, it's on them.

For brides and grooms who haven't picked a venue yet, one of the great perks of a non-traditional space is that you can provide the liquor at your own cost. We did liquor, bubbles, wine, and three kegs of beer, for 150 people, at under $1,500, which is pretty remarkable. (In retrospect, we would have bought another ten bottles of bourbon and cut it down to one keg--turns out we had a boozy, not beery, crowd...)

 

[shoney]

Very true. I never said I liked the cash bar system. I do sense that some, this has come up before, that alcohol is expected and anything less in unacceptable.

For me it's not unacceptable, but it would be very strange.

Kinda like going to a birthday party and not singing and having cake!

 

[java]

The only cash bar wedding I attended was in MA! It was my cousin( they are now divorced we secretly think it was the cash bar) so if I was invited to another MA wedding I would assume the same.

Here in the tri state area it's open bar. And we all get our money's worth. I'm thinking of open barring a Holy Communion!

Although I have to say I like the signature drink trend that's going on now. So beer and wine with a signature cocktail. I would think that is cheaper than open bar.

 

[Cindy B]

I recently went to a lovely wedding reception that only served beer and wine. The reception was about 50-60 people and it was very nice. The bride and groom provided several bottles of red and white wine at a table with event staff serving it by the glass. However, one table at the party took two bottles for their own use!

 

[Styx Fan]

It is so interesting how things vary by region, and even by just personal preference.

For me, the food is much more important than the drinks. For our wedding in 1990, we had a cash bar with tea, pop, coffee and champagne punch provided. There was also a champagne toast. We chose to skip the open bar due to cost and not wanting drunk people at our wedding. DH and I drink a bit in moderation, but I just hate being around drunk people. And I knew given unlimited free alcohol some of the guests would get smashed. And they weren't people we could exclude.

My side of the family did not pay for any of the reception. My inlaws paid for it. Which worked since I only had my dad there and a couple of his neighbors and friends. My dad paid for my dress and contributed some cash to the rehearsal dinner (we made it and served it at the church hall). We paid for everything else.

But the food was great....we upgraded all over the place from the standard wedding menu for our venue. Added on nicer appetizers, had both prime rib and salmon, etc.

When all was said and done, everyone seemed to have a great time. Lots of people on the dance floor, only a couple drinking too much. Lots of laughter and smiles. No rush to leave right away since there was not an open bar.

In retrospect, not sure I would do it that way again since out of several of DH's cousins nobody else had a cash bar. I still wonder if people spoke poorly of us. But we were the first to get married, so maybe they just forget. Or used us an example of what not to do. I don't think we ever even thought of just doing beer and wine, or just at the cocktail hour or any of the other creative ideas others here have shared.

 

[rigs32]

Someone said no one will remember the type of bar you have. I disagree. The first cash bar wedding I attended was 13 years ago. I ordered a rum and coke. As the bartender set it on the counter he said "$4 please". I asked him to repeat himself and he did. I turned bright red, told him I didn't have any cash, and I slunk away feeling really stupid. I left early. There was no notice, no signs.

Why do we all think drinks - alcohol or otherwise - are ok to charge for? Would you offer guests the opportunity to pay an extra $10 to get filet rather than strip steak? $3 for a gourmet cupcake rather than a slice if sheet cake?

As for feeling grateful to be invited.... If the reception starts at 5 PM and guests are only served light appetizers because the wedding party ate during the gap I am NOT going to feel grateful. I am going to feel like I was included just for my gift - especially if the bride and groom spent thousands on other things for the wedding.

 

[shoney]

Someone said no one will remember the type of bar you have. I disagree. The first cash bar wedding I attended was 13 years ago. I ordered a rum and coke. As the bartender set it on the counter he said "$4 please". I asked him to repeat himself and he did. I turned bright red, told him I didn't have any cash, and I slunk away feeling really stupid. I left early. There was no notice, no signs.

Why do we all think drinks - alcohol or otherwise - are ok to charge for? Would you offer guests the opportunity to pay an extra $10 to get filet rather than strip steak? $3 for a gourmet cupcake rather than a slice if sheet cake?

As for feeling grateful to be invited.... If the reception starts at 5 PM and guests are only served light appetizers because the wedding party ate during the gap I am NOT going to feel grateful. I am going to feel like I was included just for my gift - especially if the bride and groom spent thousands on other things for the wedding.

My mom loves to tell a story about a wedding she went to in MA for a work associate. At the wedding there was a table of the long island work people. One of them made the standard joke after everyone ordered drinks "well I've got this round..(knowing that it was of course included)....well the drinks came to the table along with the BILL!!!! He was definately not happy as he was the known "cheapo" of the office. My mother loved it!!!! Classic moment!

 

[DeaverTex]

Aren't regional and other differences in wedding reception customs fun to learn about? I've never been to a wedding that had a bar at all, or that had any sort of alcohol other than one that had a champagne toast. (Full disclosure: I haven't been to that many weddings, only a half dozen, I think, with my own being the very first.)

OP: If you can't afford an open bar, but still want to provide some sort of booze for your guests who may find they can't do without it, then a cash bar would be just fine. Just make certain that you include that in your invitations, so nobody will be expecting an open bar. And provide some sort of non-alcoholic beverages, like tea, coffee, water, or soft drinks.

 

[DopeyDame]

If you do have a cash bar, Id consider at least providing soda, tea, coffee, and juice for free. I had never been to a wedding without an open bar until DH's cousins wedding. Literally the only free drink was from the water fountain. DH and I weren't prepared for that, so only had a $5. That got us two 2.50 sodas, at that was all the liquid we had for the night...

 

[wgeo]

This is fascinating to read. I think there are not only regional differences but it really goes deeper then that. My DH is a minister and we go to a lot of weddings and there are pretty big differences even staying in one geographical area. Specific to the OP's question, we have seen it all. Complete open bars, although there are very very few of those around here. Open bars for the first hour (often this is before dinner) and then everything after dinner is cash bar. That's probably what I see most often. Very rarely will we see a cash bar for the entire event. We've also done lots of receptions where the couple provided the alcohol, for example they bring in a keg and that's your choice for the night.

The only problem this brings up is figuring out which one it is! I always spend the first few minutes hanging back and watching the bar to see what the deal is.

Having said all that, it doesn't make any difference to me. If someone invites me to a reception that is during the dinner hour I expect to be fed, I do not expect to receive drinks - I don't feel like you have to provide alcohol to be a "proper" hostess.

 

[mhsjax]

Someone said no one will remember the type of bar you have. I disagree. The first cash bar wedding I attended was 13 years ago. I ordered a rum and coke. As the bartender set it on the counter he said "$4 please". I asked him to repeat himself and he did. I turned bright red, told him I didn't have any cash, and I slunk away feeling really stupid. I left early. There was no notice, no signs.

Why do we all think drinks - alcohol or otherwise - are ok to charge for? Would you offer guests the opportunity to pay an extra $10 to get filet rather than strip steak? $3 for a gourmet cupcake rather than a slice if sheet cake?

As for feeling grateful to be invited.... If the reception starts at 5 PM and guests are only served light appetizers because the wedding party ate during the gap I am NOT going to feel grateful. I am going to feel like I was included just for my gift - especially if the bride and groom spent thousands on other things for the wedding.

So there is no in between? What if you were invited to a wedding at 5:00, there was only heavy for hors d'oeuvres and no alcohol, would you feel cheated then?

I have never heard of a wedding where the bride and groom ate during the gap and didn't feed their guests.

AS far as the gift goes, I give because of how I feel about the bride and groom, not what they offer at their reception. I would give the same amount to the same couple regardless of what type of reception they had. If I felt that the bride and groom invited me only for my gift, then I wouldn't be going no matter what type of reception they had.

 

[lucyanna girl]

My daughter is engaged and they are still in the planning stage. Both she and her fiance are still in college. They will graduate in May 2014 but my daughter is majoring in Speech Pathology and will continue straight into grad school - so, the wedding will be in the fall of 2015. They have a date picked and the venue rented.

As of right now the plan is for a seven pm wedding followed by a reception in the same venue (a 6000 foot reclaimed warehouse with fourteen foot ceilings, brick walls, hardwood floors, and floor to ceiling windows). Dancing (probably a DJ, possibly a band) will last until midnight. The guest list is around two hundred without the wedding party.

Our daughter and her fiance would like to serve beer and wine. They are thinking a white, a moscato (daughter's favorite) and a red. Can anyone recommend some decent wines that will not break the budget and also make a guess as to how many bottles of each will be needed?

Food may get interesting. Everyone agrees an evening wedding requires a meal but right now she and her fiance are leaning toward a catfish and chicken buffet with appropriate sides- remember folks, we live in Louisiana.


Penny

 

[mhsjax]

For me it's not unacceptable, but it would be very strange.

Kinda like going to a birthday party and not singing and having cake!

It is a regional thing. Here, there are tons of weddings without alcohol. I find it strange that people in your area are so surprised that alcohol isn't always served. Keep in mind, that I do love a good reception with alcohol, but I don't find it strange in the least when it isn't served. Again, regional differences.

 

[shortbun]

We went to a wedding this summer where they put 2 choices of wine(good wine) on the tables for dinner. Prior to that there was a champagne toast. After dinner, beer on tap and whatever was left of the wine. If you wanted more than that, there was a cash bar in the side room.

 

[shoney]

It is a regional thing. Here, there are tons of weddings without alcohol. I find it strange that people in your area are so surprised that alcohol isn't always served. Keep in mind, that I do love a good reception with alcohol, but I don't find it strange in the least when it isn't served. Again, regional differences.

Yes it is regional. but...since I am used to it, I do expect it.

If every party you went to served dessert/coffee, but you went to a party and there wasn't any dessert/coffee, would you think it was strange? On the way home would you comment to your spouse "wow, I really thought we would have been served dessert/coffee"...

not that you didn't have a good time, you may or may not have.

The coffee/dessert or open bar has nothing to do with it...it is just what you are used to!

 

[disney1990]

We went to a wedding. There was a Reception before for about 1-1/2 hours - with an open bar. Then we all went into the Dining Room to eat - where there was not an open bar.

When we got married, the only alcohol was the champagne toast.

 

[mjantz]

The thing is, coming from a background where alcohol is not served at wedding receptions, it seems a bit greedy (for lack of a better word) to expect there be free flowing alcohol at a reception. What about just being happy for the bride & groom? Honestly, if I get a piece of cake & a bit of punch I'm happy. I'm not there for the food or the DJ or any of that. I'm there for the wedding. Anything else is just the icing on the (wedding) cake.

 

[WDWJDS]

Also, frankly, if you can't afford your wedding,

That sounds like you're saying "If you can't afford the type of wedding that people feel is appropriate". People afford the wedding that they can afford. The wedding budget can be $15000, and they can afford it, oh, and there won't be an open bar.

have a smaller event and treat your guests as guests. So that everyone can have alcohol.

Invite 75 people instead of 100 and then show the people you care about that you actually care about them. By serving alcohol to everyone instead of inviting Aunt Betty.
Or cut back somewhere other than money on your guests. So that people can have alcohol.

Get a cheaper gown, So that people can have alcohol.

take a car and not a limo, get fewer flowers.

[/QUOTE] So that people can have alcohol

I must live under a rock because I never knew that having alcohol with dinner was mandatory these days. And if people won't dance at a wedding because they haven't had a drinky drink, well good grief, I would be too ashamed to even tell somebody that.


Oh man, that was some awful quoting/editing. I'll get the hang of this yet. Maybe it's because I haven't had a nightcap yet.

 

[krcit]

For me it's not unacceptable, but it would be very strange.

Kinda like going to a birthday party and not singing and having cake!

I'm from LI also and have never been to a wedding with cash bar or no bar. I did go to a wedding in MD last year and it was beer/wine only which I had never seen before.

 

[mhsjax]

I'm from LI also and have never been to a wedding with cash bar or no bar. I did go to a wedding in MD last year and it was beer/wine only which I had never seen before.

Lots of drinking going on up north, must be all the cold weather. don't come down south, we have lots of weddings without alcohol, we have lots of weddings with it also. The big difference is, no one here thinks anything about not serving alcohol. And no one would ever suggest, as another pp did, that the couple should cut back on the dress or flowers or number of guests so people could have alcohol. I know you didn't say this, but that is just about the dumbest thing I have ever heard. Almost sounds like a NEED for alcohol.

FWIW, I do intend on serving it for my DD's wedding, that is if she ever finds a man to put up with her. lol