Can't afford open bar for whole wedding-is this acceptable instead?*Update on pg 20*

[Patience]

Having an open bar or drinking at the reception is really not the norm around here either. I think having a cocktail hour with only beer and wine is perfectly fine. I attended a wedding in northern VA last year that did the same, and in addition to beer and wine they offered one signature cocktail also (some sort of martini) which I think would be a good compromise.

I have been to a wedding reception like this and I thought it was nice. Guests had a choice of beer, wine or a signature cocktail that was color coordinated with the wedding colors during the cocktail hour (it was some sort of purple cocktail and the wedding colors were purple and silver). They had wine, iced tea and water during the meal and one glass of champagne was served to everyone right before the toasting. After the meal, they just had beer and wine.

 

[shoney]

OP here - Thanks for the responses. I realized when I posted alot of the responses would be based on region. Around here, cash bars are not that unusual, but I'm thinking my DH & I will probably contribute towards an hour or two of open bar. My DS & fiance cannot trim expenses from anything else - they are doing this at a nice venue that they 'won' the use of the reception facility at a bridal show, but still have to pay for catering. With a mortgage and my future DDIL going to nursing school full-time, there's no extra $$$ in their budget.

Around here, people use catering halls for the most part and it is one price that includes everything.

At restaurants, I know they usually have 2 packages, one for beer/wine and one for full bar.

My SIL remarried last year and had the reception in a private room at a restaurant. The wait staff brought and refilled pitchers of beer and carafes of wine to the tables. there wasn't a bar set up in the room.

Honestly, as a guest, I would prefer beer/wine throughout, rather than an hour or 2 of open bar. If the budget allowed.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

Ive never been to a wedding that didn't have an open bar for the whole reception, other than during the dinner hour. I think I'd be shocked to go to a wedding and pay for my own drink. I'm not a big drinker by any means- one or two and I'm good.

Could they afford to do beer and wine for the whole evening?

To each their own, though. They should do what they can and not go into major debt over alcohol. Just giving you my honest reaction. I wonder if it's a regional thing? I'm in NY.

Same area. I agree. For my wedding which I paid for we had open bar 1 hour prior to dinner, closed during dinner, then 3 hours after dinner. I had a great bartender, he knew the bridal party and father of the bride. He served us the whole evening.

This is the norm here, BUT go with what you can afford. No one will remember later on. Beer and wine is nice, but could they add a special drink that they name for them. With only one drink, they will be charged per bottle and it would be an extra choice. I don't drink beer/wine, but would sip a sweet drink. Maybe a drink that matches the wedding colors.

 

[lynxstch]

Sorry I posted 2x - don't know how that happened or how to delete

its not just you, something is funky on the boards today. I 've had 2 duplicate posts, and no idea why!

 

[DisneyNutMary]

I've only ever been to weddings with open bar- around here, cash bar is odd. But wedding gifts also tend to be generous around here, with couples often bringing in more cash gifts than the cost of the reception.
I always assumed this was everywhere, but catering halls here tend to have different bar options, your usual "beer, wine and soda" but also open bar with non-premium liquors, and open bar "top shelf" liquors as other options. I have seen people scrimp on the food offerings before taking away from the open bar (going with cheaper entrees, or fewer entree choices, or cutting back on the cocktail hour choices or Viennese hour)

 

[tinkerbellandeeyor]

I could not even access the dis earlier i could get online just could not access the app

 

[CynBeth]

We are not drinkers and did not have alcohol at out wedding. We had soda, tea, coffee along with non alcoholic Shirley Temples, piña coladas, and strawberry daiquiris. We did not hear any complaints. Everyone had a great time.

 

[mamacatnv]

I personally think people need to get over their expectations of unlimited alcohol at a wedding, I don't understand the attitude. I attend a wedding because I want to share in the joy, I bring a gift because its the thing to do. I don't do either of those things because I expect something in return such as meal or unlimited alcohol. I realize my attitude is not shared by all

My cousin had a hosted bar for 1 hour for 100 people, that one hour was close to $2K after that it became a cash bar, I had no issue with it.

I've been to all types, no booze, mixed drinks, beer & wine, hosted bar, no host bar and a mix of both. The only thing I like to see is that as a guest I know ahead of time if I need to be bringing drinking money with me or not.

I think in this day and age the couple should do what they want to do that they are comfortable with and can afford.

 

[Christine]

I personally think people need to get over their expectations of unlimited alcohol at a wedding, I don't understand the attitude. I attend a wedding because I want to share in the joy, I bring a gift because its the thing to do. I don't do either of those things because I expect something in return such as meal or unlimited alcohol. I realize my attitude is not shared by all

My cousin had a hosted bar for 1 hour for 100 people, that one hour was close to $2K after that it became a cash bar, I had no issue with it.

I've been to all types, no booze, mixed drinks, beer & wine, hosted bar, no host bar and a mix of both. The only thing I like to see is that as a guest I know ahead of time if I need to be bringing drinking money with me or not.

I think in this day and age the couple should do what they want to do that they are comfortable with and can afford.

I feel the same way as you but that could be because I'm not much of a drinker.

My DH is a drinker though and he doesn't care if it's open bar or cash bar--he just likes it if there IS a bar.

 

[Minnesota!]

Open bar is not the norm around here. Beer/wine and mix ins, yes. Full bar, no.

We had open bar for a certain number of time, then beer/wine/mix ins were free.

So I see no problem with what you suggested. We had 2 bottles of wine on each table, too.

 

[clarkshel]

No idea why guests would expect an open bar a wedding. If any guests would find this offensive, then they have the right not to go. IMO, the guests should be happy that they where invited and getting a nice meal out of it. It is very rude not to feel grateful for the invite.

I've only been to a couple weddings with an open bar and there are so many people way to drunk and so much wasted drinks. If you don't have to pay for it, then most people don't dare if they can't fid their drink. They will just get another one. Most of the weddings I've been to have red and white wine on all of the tables. They also offer free soft drinks and juice. The cash bars I've been too have been very cheap drinks. Mostly just enough to cover most of the cost of the alcohol.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I know some people think cash bars are fine. I don't get it - I've never been to one. The thought of asking people who come to your wedding and give you a gift - and then also to ask them to now pay for their beverages just seems so rude. The same goes for money dances, asking for additional money for a honeymoon!
I get that it's the bride and groom's day - but you have the party/celebration you can afford. You don't hit your guests up to pay for it!

This topic has come up many times before, the consensus is usually split between your thoughts and those who would rather have a cash bar than to say "no alcohol at all".

If a limited open bar is used around here, it is typically beer only.

 

[kirstenb1]

We had wine (red and white, and good quality) and champagne, as well as two kids of on-tap beer at our wedding. We didn't see a need for other alcohol, and we couldn't afford it either. It was very reasonable and no one seemed to be missing out. We didn't miss having totally inebriated guests, either.

If I were in this situation, this is exactly the way I'd plan it!!!

 

[JVL1018]

Open bar is not the norm around here. Beer/wine and mix ins, yes. Full bar, no.

We had open bar for a certain number of time, then beer/wine/mix ins were free.

So I see no problem with what you suggested. We had 2 bottles of wine on each table, too.

What's a mix in?

 

[design_mom]

I think you need to have *some* sort of beverages available to your guests that do not cost them extra (soft drinks, punch, water, etc.) I went to a "cash bar" wedding where EVERYTHING, including soda and water, was ordered from the bar at a cost to the guest. Tap water was not even available, but you could order a $2 bottle of water at the bar.

I do not usually drink alcohol, so whether the bar is cash/hosted or full bar doesn't usually affect me.

At our wedding, we hosted the bar for beer, wine and soft drinks. We did not offer liquor. We made an announcement about what was available at the bar, and had a small sign on the bar with the choices. I asked the bar tender to let me know if anyone requested mixed drinks, but nobody did. I didn't feel bad about limiting the choices at my party since I think I had enough that everyone could find *something* they liked (our family are more beer/wine people anyhow)... but I would have felt weird asking people to pay.

 

[Octoberbride03]

I know some people think cash bars are fine. I don't get it - I've never been to one. The thought of asking people who come to your wedding and give you a gift - and then also to ask them to now pay for their beverages just seems so rude. The same goes for money dances, asking for additional money for a honeymoon!
I get that it's the bride and groom's day - but you have the party/celebration you can afford. You don't hit your guests up to pay for it!

How my reception venue defined a cash bar was different. It meant we provided the alcohol at our cost from wherever and they served until the bar was closed or we ran out. The venue provided the soft drinks for us. This worked out really well for us. We had just a bit of wine and mixers left at the end of the night and were able to return any unopened beer to the distributor we bought from. The cost was much less than an open bar and it was a popular option for couples i knew who were getting married around the time i was.

 

[DisneyWalle]

We had our reception at church so we didn't have alcohol. We served sweet tea, punch and water. And before anyone asks, we were adults when we married (or at least we thought we were at that age) 24 and 23. But in all the weddings I have been too down here, not one ever served alcohol -- my group drinks too -- I guess just not at weddings. I didn't realize people expected it to be served until I read this forum.

Can I ask why ya'll feel the need to serve it? I mean if its found to be disrespectful to have a cash bar -- why even serve it? Would the alcohol really be missed by the guests at the wedding reception?

 

[happygirl]

I personally think people need to get over their expectations of unlimited alcohol at a wedding, I don't understand the attitude. I attend a wedding because I want to share in the joy, I bring a gift because its the thing to do. I don't do either of those things because I expect something in return such as meal or unlimited alcohol. I realize my attitude is not shared by all

My cousin had a hosted bar for 1 hour for 100 people, that one hour was close to $2K after that it became a cash bar, I had no issue with it.

I've been to all types, no booze, mixed drinks, beer & wine, hosted bar, no host bar and a mix of both. The only thing I like to see is that as a guest I know ahead of time if I need to be bringing drinking money with me or not.

I think in this day and age the couple should do what they want to do that they are comfortable with and can afford.

Agree with the bold part

 

[Jaya]

My daughter was just short of 21 when she married, thus there were a lot of her friends who weren't 21, either. I was concerned with my legal liability for serving alcohol to under-21's and didn't want to spend the evening being the "booze police" and have to tell underage guests that they couldn't drink. We served non-alcoholic beverages during the dinner and reception and a "champagne punch" toast (one champagne glass per person) at the height of the reception (and I made sure there wasn't enough champagne in the punch to get a gnat buzzed). Luckily, the reception venue (a hotel) had a lovely small bar just down the hall and if anyone wanted something stronger (...and I can't understand why someone couldn't last 2 1/2 hours without alcohol but that's just my opinion), he/she could go down the hall and the bartender could sort out who could buy a drink legally and be legally responsible for that decision (I also informed the hotel that there would be many underage guests, so he was forwarned). If anyone was offended by this, I sure didn't notice it. I've been to a lot of receptions where alcohol wasn't served at all because of religious or other preferences and somehow everyone seemed to have a good time anyway. On the other hand, I've been to weddings where the liquor was free-flowing and unpleasant alcohol-fueled events occurred.

 

[JVL1018]

We had our reception at church so we didn't have alcohol. We served sweet tea, punch and water. And before anyone asks, we were adults when we married (or at least we thought we were at that age) 24 and 23. But in all the weddings I have been too down here, not one ever served alcohol -- my group drinks too -- I guess just not at weddings. I didn't realize people expected it to be served until I read this forum.

Can I ask why ya'll feel the need to serve it? I mean if its found to be disrespectful to have a cash bar -- why even serve it? Would the alcohol really be missed by the guests at the wedding reception?

Well, so people dance more, of course! LOL
I know I dance a lot better with a couple drinks in me..or my perception is that I do, anyway. LOL