Can you stand another wedding question?

[RitaZ.]

Ok, so what's the groom's father going to do if another guest shows up wearing a tux? I can see it now, "I said, take off the tux! NOW!!!"

Your sister and her fiance better speak up now!

 

[C.Ann]

Thanks guys. I'm blown away that everyone agrees. Happy though. It's my sister's wedding not mine. The grooms father is very vocal in what he wants. Now my sisters DH - to be is in the boat w/ his dad. I just feel so bad for my mom. Why should the future FIL dictate to her how her date should dress?

Anyone have a link to proper wedding ettiquite that might address this question? I'd love to email it to her just as an FYI

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Future FIL does not get to call the shots in regards to what someone else wears.. Your mom should say she will take it "under consideration" - then drop it - and have her SO wear whatever he wants on that day... Unless the FIL is a total idiot, he will not cause a big scene on his son's wedding day..

 

[ilovejack02]

First of all, I'm stunned that the groom's dad has an opinion as to what some other guy wears to the wedding. I think he just lost his man card. What an idiot. And the son gets loser points for not telling his dad off.

But that's all water under the bridge. How do you get past this?

What you sister needs to do is - while sucking up future FIL and saying how right he is - point out that his opinion - no matter how correct - is causing trouble for the marriage. Can he do her a huge favor, be the bigger man, etc. and let it go?

Thats funny, lost his man card !!!! I totally agree with you, let that fil run the show now, God knows what he will be running later. It must not be that big a deal to sister so everyone is gonna have to get over it. It is her wedding even if she is silly by letting her FIL say who can where what.

 

[camreesmom]

I guess I'm just in shock that a GUY would care what another guy is wearing. I could maybe see the father of the bride getting upset if the stepfather of the bride was trying to take his spot but a tux is a tux. It's not like a PP wrote about two women wearing the same dress. I think they should just tell FIL that they'll see what happens....it's a long time until July and let it go.

 

[suzannen]

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Future FIL does not get to call the shots in regards to what someone else wears.. Your mom should say she will take it "under consideration" - then drop it - and have her SO wear whatever he wants on that day... Unless the FIL is a total idiot, he will not cause a big scene on his son's wedding day..

I like C.Ann's idea. Just out of curiousity - what time of day is the wedding?

Edited to add: If the FIL gets so controlling about something like this, I sure am glad he's not my future FIL. I'd tell my sister to beware - this guy may cause major problems in her marriage.

 

[Sandy V.]

If he's this controlling about tuxes (love the man-card comment), what on earth will he be like about something REALLY important?!?!?!

 

[Jennifer S]

I like C.Ann's idea. Just out of curiousity - what time of day is the wedding?

Edited to add: If the FIL gets so controlling about something like this, I sure am glad he's not my future FIL. I'd tell my sister to beware - this guy may cause major problems in her marriage.

The wedding is 2:00 with an evening reception. I'm glad he's not my FIL either.

I love the "lost the man card" comment too

My poor sister. Now we are having issues about the shower. His side alone is inviting 30 people and the want it close to where they all live.

 

[leighe]

I can't imagine it's future FIL's place to dictate what anyone wears. I would want my mom's SO to wear a tux so he would match everyone else in the family pictures.

 

[Stitchfans]

We have the same situation with my DH and ex husband for my DDs wedding in June. My DH wanted to wear a tux, but ex-h had a hissy fit over it saying only the father's should wear tuxs. The grooms father isn't invited long story. But his step father is and he is wearing a tux. Just to keep peace DH says he will just go out and buy a new suit. I am a bit ticked, but as I said I am doing my best to keep peace. Wedding sure can bring out the worst of people.

 

[mickeyboat]

We avoided that issue (not that it would have been one) because FIL was DH's best man.

Denae

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Groom's father needs to keep out the wedding. It is none of his business.
Feel sorry for your sis...ouch...lots of fun to come later.

 

[ilovejack02]

The wedding is 2:00 with an evening reception. I'm glad he's not my FIL either.

I love the "lost the man card" comment too

My poor sister. Now we are having issues about the shower. His side alone is inviting 30 people and the want it close to where they all live.

OH for God's sake, those people need to throw their own shower and your family needs to throw one for your side.
WHY do people need to make things so complicated and why do brides let it be an issue lol. She needs to get in brideszilla mode and tell them all to back off and its her way or the highway lol.

 

[Jennifer S]

OH for God's sake, those people need to throw their own shower and your family needs to throw one for your side.
WHY do people need to make things so complicated and why do brides let it be an issue lol. She needs to get in brideszilla mode and tell them all to back off and its her way or the highway lol.

My sister is already in Brideszilla mode. Unfortunatley we (her family)are getting the brunt of it. She wouldn't dare yell at her future in-laws.

We have suggested two showers but I get the feeling they don't want to plan or host it. They want it in a restaurant near the in-laws home. The cost is over $1500- that they want the bridesmaids to pay for and organize.

I'm afraid I'm going to lose it on them one of these days.

 

[magicmato]

My sister is already in Brideszilla mode. Unfortunatley we (her family)are getting the brunt of it. She wouldn't dare yell at her future in-laws.

We have suggested two showers but I get the feeling they don't want to plan or host it. They want it in a restaurant near the in-laws home. The cost is over $1500- that they want the bridesmaids to pay for and organize.

I'm afraid I'm going to lose it on them one of these days.

Whoa! $1500 and they want it THEIR way and for YOU to pay for it? This would be where the word "NO" would come in handy. If they want it convenient for them (and I assume inconvenient for the rest of you), then let THEM pay for it.

Sheesh, what nasty jerks!

 

[lg3]

The wedding is 2:00 with an evening reception. I'm glad he's not my FIL either.

I love the "lost the man card" comment too

My poor sister. Now we are having issues about the shower. His side alone is inviting 30 people and the want it close to where they all live.

This brings back memories: DH & I almost literally didn't get married over the problems with the bridal shower. I really didn't want one at all, but agreed to do so, and requested something very small and quiet: a special time for girl friends, etc. (Both my parents were deceased, and we got married later in life). A bridesmaid was gracious enough to host/plan it, as my matron of honor lived across the country. Well, Dh's family just totally tried to "co-host" the shower, and tried to take over everything, and made it into this huge spectacle. I was appalled, and politely (so I thought) asked my now sister-in-law why she was getting so involved and worked up about the planning of it, as my friend was handling it. The just had a fit, literally, and I had to sit down with my future in-laws to discuss it for over 5 hrs. Just us three - SIL was apparently "too upset" to talk about it. In the end I sucked it all up and went with thier plans and all, because I figured I was marrying their son, and I could endure just about anything for one afternoon. Years later now and we are very happily married, but SIL is still not on my favorite list. Quite frankly, I still think about it from time to time and it still bugs me, but what can you do - it is for life.

 

[Jennifer S]

lg3 - I'm glad it all worked out for you. I was interested to see how your relationship w/ them is now. I'm just glad they won't be my family

 

[NotUrsula]

OH for God's sake, those people need to throw their own shower and your family needs to throw one for your side.

Um, no. Family should not host showers; it smacks of "set them up with their household things so that we don't have to." Showers, if there are any, should be hosted by friends of the bride and groom, not by relatives, and yes, the refreshment costs should be borne by the shower hosts. There is no rule that says that every couple *must* be given a shower -- if no friends volunteer to host one, then there isn't one. Simple. They will get plenty of wedding gifts.

As to tuxedos: a tuxedo is not a costume that indicates one's role in the play that is the wedding. Whether any man attending the wedding wears one is dictated by the time of day and the formality of the occasion (and in the case of dinner jackets, by the season.) At an evening party where the ladies are expected to wear floor-length gowns, tuxedos are perfectly proper for all male guests.

BTW: Under no circumstances should male members of the wedding party wear different types of formal wear based on their role, such as having a groom wear tails or white tie while the rest of the gentlemen wear plain black tuxedos. Really tacky. The groom is differentiated by the fact that he is standing next to the bride, and if you wish, by the color of the boutonniere he is wearing, but NOT by the color and style of his clothing.

 

[lg3]

lg3 - I'm glad it all worked out for you. I was interested to see how your relationship w/ them is now. I'm just glad they won't be my family

I have enjoyed a really good relationship with my MIL & FIL. I think the fact that it was always drilled into me to respect my elders growing up has made a difference. No major problems since then. I don't know why they all got their dander up about that shower. FIL has passed away about three years ago, and I have a even better relationship with my MIL. I have more of an aquaintance relationship with the SIL, but that is okay.
I really hope everything works out for your sister. The important thing is to be as gracious as possible and not loose her cool. Easier said than done sometimes!

 

[magicmato]

double post

 

[magicmato]

Um, no. Family should not host showers; it smacks of "set them up with their household things so that we don't have to." Showers, if there are any, should be hosted by friends of the bride and groom, not by relatives, and yes, the refreshment costs should be borne by the shower hosts. There is no rule that says that every couple *must* be given a shower -- if no friends volunteer to host one, then there isn't one. Simple. They will get plenty of wedding gifts.

Sorry, but no. It is *far* ruder for the inlaws to demand the shower be held in a certain place with whatever other demands they are making ($1,500 for a shower???) and demanding the attendants pay for it. Please. If they want the attendents to pay, then THEY should back the heck off and let the attendents do whatever they want, however they want, in whatever manner they are able to afford. The moment the family makes demands is the moment they need to do it themselves.

Guess when I and my other relatives got married and an aunt or cousin or whoever had showers for them, that was crass and not allowed? Who cares who gives the shower as long as everyone has a nice time?

Does WHO gives the shower at all change the fact that yes, you are helping them set up their household? Honestly, are the expectations any different if only friends pay for the wedding or if the family helps pay for it because of their high demands?

I guess brides should only have rich friends, so that they can be sure to have a shower, since poor friends would put on a smaller affair, lol.