Can you help me settle a godparent argument?

[connorlevismom]

Our son has one godfather and two godmothers. Godfather is DH's brother and his Godmothers and my sister and her partner. Now we are having this new little one and I told him my picks for godparents would be my sister (a different one) and his brother (a different one). He then tells me no, that it has to be in couples because he always felt horrible that we did not ask his brothers wife to be a godmother as well. They were not even married yet! So now he wants 2 sets of godparents, his brother and his wife, and my sister and her husband. That gets to be a little much don't you think? My godparents are not married so I just really don't see the big deal in this.

So what do you think? Is he right thinking that it should be couples or am I right thinking that you don't need couples? In the end, I don't really care other than we get gifts for the godparents at Christmastime and will be adding 2 more gifts onto the pile of gifts we already have to buy.

What do you think?

Kristine

 

[kpm76]

I agree with you that 4 godparents is just too much. I am the oldest of 4 children and only my youngest sister had godparents that are married. My DD's godparents are not married. I would stick to one godmother and one godfather

 

[Jdougherty]

My DD god parents are my DSIL ( brother's wife) and DH brother. I see nothing wrong with who you picked. We pick those people because they where important to us and DD is important to them.

 

[Kies99]

In all seriousness, I'm not asking to be snarky or anything...

..but what is the point exactly with Godparents?

I have two DD's and my wife and I didn't ask anyone to be Godparents. I've heard of Godparents of course, just don't know what the purpose is.

 

[LWatson]

When we had DS1 we didnt think my sister was ready to be a Godparent since she was in high school still (someone who would watch our kids if something happened to us, and raise them in the right way...we take a diff approach to Godparents than Catholics), so we asked his Aunt. Well, DH and Aunt stopped agreeing on things (how to raise our LOs) by the time DS2 came around. Well, my sister had become engaged (set to marry when DS2 turns 2) and she and DBIL were (are) good with Corbin so we asked them to be DS2 AND DS1s Godparents. We know that if anything were to happen to us my sister and her hubby to be would take care of the kids like they were their own kids, and since my sister only has a small percent chance of ever having her own we knew they would be perfect. I say that you should sit down and both talk about why you would like who you chose....I mean really decide who would have your kids best interest at heart if something were to happen to you all. Who would be best to care for your kids...pref. like they were their own kids.

 

[llori7]

4 godparents is too much. If his brother wasn't married at the time, it should not matter. I am sure she is not upset about it. Both of my kids' godparents are not couples. DS6 has my sister and my uncle. DS3 has my other sister and dh's brother.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

I think four is too much. Then again, I don't think I would have asked your sister's partner, because two godmothers is, IMHO, one too many. I guess if DH said okay to two godmothers, you might have to give in on this one, just to keep the peace.

 

[princess momma]

In my experience it's always 1 man and 1 woman, and it doesn't matter if they are married or not.

Meaning pick 1 man, whoever you want, pick 1 woman, whoever you want. Doesn't matter if they're married to each other or other people.

 

[2binak]

It doesn't have to be couples. My godparents aren't related and my brother and I are godparents to my other brother's son.

I guess that some people think that godparents will raise the child in the event that something happens to the parents, but it's my understanding that unless you've written in a will who you want to raise your child, godparents have no legal rights to the child. My BFF choose DH and I as her 1st son's godparents for that very reason, because we would be best able to raise her son. I keep telling her to put it in a will, but she won't so I also keep telling her not to count on us getting custody if something should happen to them and we go to court. She just another son last month and is choosing her brother and his girlfriend as godparents. So....I guess if her thinking that godparents raise the child is true, her boys would be split up.

 

[LWatson]

It doesn't have to be couples. My godparents aren't related and my brother and I are godparents to my other brother's son.

I guess that some people think that godparents will raise the child in the event that something happens to the parents, but it's my understanding that unless you've written in a will who you want to raise your child, godparents have no legal rights to the child. My BFF choose DH and I as her 1st son's godparents for that very reason, because we would be best able to raise her son. I keep telling her to put it in a will, but she won't so I also keep telling her not to count on us getting custody if something should happen to them and we go to court. She just another son last month and is choosing her brother and his girlfriend as godparents. So....I guess if her thinking that godparents raise the child is true, her boys would be split up.

Yeah we made that very known to family. Everyone agreed to it, and its written down and been notarized by JAG who the kids are going to. That too is why we chose w/in the family.

 

[Zeebs]

You can have as many as you like.

I am one of four godparents to my two godsons, it so happens that it is me and my husband and another couple.

Neither of us however, are guardians of the children should something happen to the parents, that will stay in family.

Unless you have some serious objection to your sisters hubby or BILs wife does it really matter if you have them also to appease your hubby?

Kirsten

 

[Perditamarie]

I say pick one for godmother and one for godfather, doesn't matter if they are married to eachother or not. Four is too many and you could run out of candidates if another baby comes along!

It is my understanding that godparents are to assist/be a support to the parents in raising the children in their faith.

 

[luvmy3]

The role of Godparents is to help the parents raise them as good Christian followers. It has absolutely nothing to do with custody of the child should something happen to the parents. That is a legal issue that has to be determined in the parents will. Traditionally it is one man and one woman, both Catholic but they do not have to be married. Now a days they do not even have to be both Catholic, only one does.


OP, if I were in your situation I would let my child have 4 Godparents. As long as the two people you wanted were in the mix somewhere I don't see it as too much.

 

[poohteacher]

My husband and I stated in our will that my middle sister and her husband should be appointed legal guardians if something happened to us. Practically speaking, if someone were to bring our girls to church, they would be the ones to do it. Now when it came to choosing Godparents for our first daughter, we viewed it as more of an honorary position. My husband asked his brother and I did not want to choose one of my sisters over the other one, so I chose both. Then I felt like it wasn't fair to my husband's sister that she was the only one who wasn't asked to be a Godparent out of all our siblings so we asked her to be a Godmother too. We felt very lucky to have one child and we didn't know if we would ever be able to have another, so we asked everyone all at once.
Three years later we were blessed with a second little girl. We were going to go the same route and ask all the siblings, when we heard through the grapevine that my husband's SIL was offended that she was the only female not asked to be a Godmother. ( I thought it was a bit ridiculous that she expected to be since she was not a sibling but whatever) We decided to keep family peace, because really, did we need to cause hurt feelings? No. But, by then , my husband's sister was married to a great guy and my two sisters were also married to great men- so we asked all siblings and their spouses. Everyone was thrilled. In the end, we'e just happy that there are so many adults in our children's lives who care for them like we do.
By the way, neither minister batted an eye when we told them of our plans, so I guess we couldn't have been that much out of the norm.

 

[JUJU814]

In all seriousness, I'm not asking to be snarky or anything...

..but what is the point exactly with Godparents?

I have two DD's and my wife and I didn't ask anyone to be Godparents. I've heard of Godparents of course, just don't know what the purpose is.

I don't mean to be snarky either..however, I don't understand the whole godparent thing either. We don't do godparents. I don't see the point. We don't have "godparents" for our kids.

 

[kpm76]

I don't mean to be snarky either..however, I don't understand the whole godparent thing either. We don't do godparents. I don't see the point. We don't have "godparents" for our kids.

luvmy3 gave an excellent explanation. It is a religious thing. Catholics pick godparents whom they feel are good role models and will help guide their child keeping in mind the teachings of the Church.

 

[connorlevismom]

luvmy3 gave an excellent explanation. It is a religious thing. Catholics pick godparents whom they feel are good role models and will help guide their child keeping in mind the teachings of the Church.

I am Lutheran and we have godparents as well, for the same reasons as Catholics.

Kristine

 

[MiniGirl]

Add us to the group that did not pick godparents for our children. I was raised Catholic though and had godparents growing up. I knew their names anyway, but that was about it. I guess that is why I don't see them as a big deal.

That said.... I wouldn't worry if they were married or not, but I would try to honor my husband's wishes -- even if I didn't necessarily agree. If that means having 4 godparents in order to appease you both, then so be it. This is obviously important to your dh if he still feels badly about his SIL not being asked (regardless of whether or not his brother was married at the time), and I would rather please him than worry about it being "too much."

 

[momofrrr]

My family is Catholic and the Godparents are part of the Baptisim when they are infants. I don't know if the OP is Catholic or not but I do know that the Catholic Church is not the only faith to use them.

 

[LWatson]

See one of the basis off which we based our choice (and Like I said we are doing it diff than Catholics) was that my sister has the same beliefs as we do (and DH's Aunt did at the time, but changed hers...that was the disagreement). So she (and C) were going to guide our kids the same way we have. My sister and BIL is also there as a guide if my kids need it, an ear for things that kids dont want to talk about to their parents, and a mentor. We arent super religious and so we varied, but it just didnt sound right changing the name to "guideparents"