Can you "get over" being cheated on? #191 - I'm done.

[HaleyB]

Oh dear, so sorry. I only read half way through this thread so far but wanted to offer another hug

You deserve better than this. Don't accept less. At the risk of sounding harsh, I would have all his things packed for him when he gets back.

 

[Mishetta]

At the risk of sounding harsh, I would have all his things packed for him when he gets back.

......or at least all over the front lawn.

 

[happybratpack]

Wow, you guys made me cry. Thank you again for all of the support.

Things are *ok* right now. He's out, attending counseling twice a week. He's trying and I recognize that. I'm still up in the air personally about everything. I'm hurt, bitter, sad, angry but I'm trying to focus on the good things in my life and thats the adoption, my dogs, etc. If I don't I get into this pity party phase and it's just not healthy for me. I'm giving it 6 months, a year maybe and see if there is still effort on his part and go from there.

Lily is my first priority and that's that. I am not going to make any decision without it being the best thing for her and I will not put her in the position to be hurt. I'm ok with being a single mom. I can do it.

Thank you again, I'll keep you guys posted. You know, I felt funny last week when I saw this thread pop back up and ashamed/embarrassed I posted it, but I'm thankful for all of you...not just for this but for the adoption support and everything else.

 

[Tuffcookie]

No advice here. Just know the DIS is here if you need to vent to someone. Hugs to you!

TC

 

[decaff38]

Been there done that 7 yrs, ago . We celebrate 20 years in Oct.
The question is not if you get over this but when. You are grieving and you will go through all the steps. Your old relationship is dead and you maybe able to find a path to a new one. He needs to decide what is his ultimately priority. If the his other relationship is continuing , you have your answer. No excuses. You also need to go to counseling with him. This is a relationship problem. His behavior is the symtom of the problem.
I do wish you the best and truly remember the sleepless nights. It does get better but you truly never forget but you learn to forgive for yourself and your children. My thoughts are with you!!

 

[Stitchfans]

very sorry. that is the one big thing that I could never forget or forgive. once the trust is gone it is gone for good.

 

[Am_I_There_Yet]

I disagree with your statement that you don't trust the women out there. Quite frankly, if my husband cheats, it will be his fault and his alone. Just because someone is offering something, doesn't mean he has to choose to take it. And ditto for a cheating married woman. Sorry, but if you can't trust your spouse to say no to someone who "makes an offer" of some sort, it's your spouse you can't trust.

Goodness, this is from an old post. I'm not sure how many of my posts on that thread you read, but my feeling about being cheated on, are based off of the damage done to me by my ex-DH.

I never said they were rational; as a matter of fact I mentioned a few times that there was no rhyme or reason to them. Never-the-less, it's been what I've been left to deal with and if anything else, gives a clue to the damage that can be done. My comments were based off of my experiences alone.

 

[Am_I_There_Yet]

Thank you again, I'll keep you guys posted. You know, I felt funny last week when I saw this thread pop back up and ashamed/embarrassed I posted it, but I'm thankful for all of you...not just for this but for the adoption support and everything else.

Don't be embarrassed by it! Look at the outpouring you received! So many of us have been in your shoes.

The route you're taking will take a lot of strength and I wish you all the luck in the world. Even though I chose to end my marriage, you've made the decision that best fits you, and that's what counts.

 

[Patty3]

Please do not be embarassed. I think that it is good for you to have a place to talk things out and vent. There may be others on this board that are dealing with the same type of problem and are afraid to speak out. But, you are helping them as well as yourself.

 

[ericamanda01]

Putting your daughter first shows strength and courage. You have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed of. I wish you all the lick in the world.

 

[happybratpack]

Well...thought I'd post an update here to finish my story. I rec'd an email and a phone call yesterday from a very nice woman he has been dating (and sleeping with) since mid January. She's been hurt as well by this and I feel bad for her.

So - long story short, I'm done. I told him I'd help him seek more extensive help as a friend only but I can not have this in my life.

Last time I was angry and bitter, now I'm just numb. I feel like I gave it my best shot after the fiasco in Dec/Jan. He has a serious problem and I can't fix it and he can't fix it by himself or with regular therapy.

Thanks to everyone for the help and support through this.

 

[VSL]

Wow, only just found this..

 

[Chicago526]

It sounds like you gave it your best shot, and gave him more chances then he may have deserved. With hard work and a little luck, maybe he can get his life turned around and still have a positive roll in your children's lives, even if you aren't together anymore.

Good luck!

 

[Kristi1357]

I'm so sorry! Please take care of yourself.
Unfortuantely, I've been there and done that. It does get better though, I promise.

 

[mickeyfan2]

You did your best. I am glad that he will be out of the picture before you adopt.

 

[4nana]

I haven't really followed your thread, but saw your update and just want to say.... sorry, send you a (big hug) and prayers. Take care and Godspeed you and your beautiful princess ^i^

 

[Mimi Q]

I am so sorry it turned out this way.

 

[mrsv98]

The hard truth is that you and sweet Lilly will be better off without you. She does not need that type of male "role model" in her life. She will have a strong, caring woman for a mama! Good luck to you and for the road ahead.

 

[Deb in IA]

I am very, very sorry, happybratpack, but I really think you are doing the right thing.


If he started a new affair in mid-January, AFTER all this went down between you two, I think it is clear that he is not willing or able to change his behavior. To stay with him would be subjecting yourself to continued pain and anguish.

Best wishes to you.

 

[BelleMcNally]

You are so strong; what a luckly little girl your daughter is!