Can you "get over" being cheated on? #191 - I'm done.

[aprilgail2]

I would never adopt a child while all this horse hockey was going on. Sounds like you need to dump the sob , cancel the adoption and make a new life for yourself. It's really hard to raise a child on your own and MISERABLE to raise one with a jerk like you are married to. Don't do it.

Thats a load of crap.....she should keep going through with the adoption! She was going to do it before the husband so why should she not do it after the husband????

 

[Am_I_There_Yet]

I would never adopt a child while all this horse hockey was going on. Sounds like you need to dump the sob , cancel the adoption and make a new life for yourself. It's really hard to raise a child on your own and MISERABLE to raise one with a jerk like you are married to. Don't do it.

I wholeheartedly disagree with this.

If it wasn't for my two daughters, I don't think I'd be where I am right now - and I'm not referring to my office in Houston.

I honestly don't think I would have had the strength to make it through, if I hadn't had them in my life. There has never been a miserable day raising my daughters; not when I was depressed and single, single and dating, or newly remarried.

The OP did absolutely nothing to deserve the circumstances that she's now been left to deal with, and certainly that innocent girl waiting for a new lease on life doesn't deserve to have that dream dropped. This was always their dream together, before her DH decided to break his vows.

I pity the poor children whose parents take this attitude. There are far worse trials a parent sometimes has to deal with when raising children. What kind of mother would cut and run at the prospect of adversity? Not this one -and something tells me, not the OP either.

 

[laura001]

I believe that you can, it takes a lot of hard work and determination of both parties and obviously has to be something you both want.

My husband cheated on me, to make a long story very short. It took 2 and a half years of counseling, many many many days and nights that I wanted to give up, but we stuck with it. My marriage is stronger than ever now and I can honestly say that he is my best friend and I am his and I know that I am now. We both found out that sometimes good people do bad things, no excuses, but our marriage was broken...but not anymore...

 

[LoraJ]

I think this is the first time I disagree with Puffy.

I think you should definitely go through with the adoption. How much longer until you get her? She may be the strength and focus that you need to get through this.

But in your case, I could never forgive for his acts of cheating. And there is no way I could ever trust him.

*hugs* good luck with everything.

 

[Pooh_Friend#1]

I don't have much advice hyst hugs for you. That is horrible what he has done to you and put your life in jeopardy. I know it will be hard but it sounds like the best for you and your daughter is to leave him, he has some serious issues that need to be worked out.

 

[horseshowmom]

If you are mentally and financially ready to adopt Lily, I say go for it, but you need to put the trash out, and that would be him. Sorry to sound harsh but I know you would be so much better off without a person like that in your life.

I agree and wish you the best in the future. It's terrible that you've had to deal with this. I know it's hard to believe how wrong you were about him and that he could be this way, but it's not your fault...

 

[Patty3]

I am so sorry that you have to deal with this.

 

[leighe]

I am so sorry you have to deal with this - especially in the middle of your adoption. My DH had an affair after we had been married about 6 months (it's been about 3 years ago now) and we were able to work through it but it was really, really hard. I would never presume to give any advice - just hugs - and remember you're not alone.

 

[Deb in IA]

happy, I have been away last week for the holiday break, and just now saw this.

First of all, I am very sorry to hear this sad news.

I agree with the people that said each case is different. I won't pretend to be able to tell what is best for you and your family at this time. I do think that professional counseling is a good start, and can help you and your spouse sort things out. But I will tell you the fact that he deliberately signed up on a swinging singles site and portrayed himself as a single parent, and cheated many times with more than one person is all very troubling. It doesn't sound like a heat of the moment event, which may be easier to forgive.

 

[Mimi Q]

Just wondered how things are going.

 

[MerryPoppins]

I just found this thread, and it broke my heart. I'm so sorry the OP is going through this. Hope things are at least marginally better.

 

[PhotobearSam]

I don't know if the OP is still reading this but I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you are going through this.

Just a note to tell you about a few phrases that helped me out when I was with a jerk...(Way before my DH...)

1. Love is supposed to feel good.

2. Respect is the number one component of Love.

and the most important one was...

3. Love is NOT and emotion, it's a BEHAVIOR. He can tell you that he loves you all he wants to but unless he SHOWS you this by his actions, the he does not in fact LOVE you...I think his actions do not show you LOVE.

Good luck and do not give up on the adoption...Lily needs you.

I wish I could help...

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

I didn't read the other posts (yes, I know that's a DIS board pet peeve, but I'm at work and don't have time to read 10 pages ), but everyone reacts differently to certain situations. My ex-husband cheated on me about a week after we separated. Yes, we were separated, but we were still legally married and it hurt me deeply. In fact, it hurt me so deeply that I felt I could never forgive him, even while we tried to reconcile. That's why our reconciliation didn't work. I just didn't trust him anymore. 4 years have passed and I am completely over it. So yes, I did get over it. But if we had stayed together, I doubt I would have. Everything would have reminded me of his infidelity. IMHO, life is too short to have to deal with that.

I wish you the best.


ETA: Just saw that this is an old thread. That'll teach me not to look at the dates! Hope is everything is going okay for you!

 

[alliecats]

Hope things are much better these days, OP.

 

[luv2nascar]

where the heck was I a couple of months ago when this happened. I hope you are doing better.

 

[Disney Doll]

Since these men are cheating with a woman, 50% of the cheating is done by WOMEN. I don't want to read too much into your comment, but the general tone of the thread is MEN who cheat, and I just had to say something.

Well, actually if you want to get technical, the woman in the relationship with the married man is only cheating if she is married as well. If she is a single woman, she is not cheating on anyone. That's not to say I think it's right, or that I think it makes her a woman of high moral character, but she is not cheating on anyone.

 

[Disney Doll]

I just got through saying to someone else, that it isn't my husband who I don't trust, it's the women out there. I know of several who've busted up marriages, with children involved, mine not included.

It takes two, and the women, or men who are on the receiving end, are just as guilty, IMO.

I think everyone realizes that, but since most of us are posting based off of our own experiences, it comes off sounding like we're never to blame.

I disagree with your statement that you don't trust the women out there. Quite frankly, if my husband cheats, it will be his fault and his alone. Just because someone is offering something, doesn't mean he has to choose to take it. And ditto for a cheating married woman. Sorry, but if you can't trust your spouse to say no to someone who "makes an offer" of some sort, it's your spouse you can't trust.

 

[Disney Doll]

I know this woman. She is single, never married. She has repeatedly had affairs with married men. She attempts to justify it by saying that he's the one cheating since he's the one who's married. And her feeling is that she's not the doing anything wrong because if he's going to cheat, he's going to cheat whether it's with her or someone else. She just doesn't seem to understand that she is just as much to blame as he is since she's a willing participant.

Well, she may be a moral-less sleazeball, but she is not cheating on anyone.

 

[Planogirl]

Just a note to tell you about a few phrases that helped me out when I was with a jerk...(Way before my DH...)

1. Love is supposed to feel good.

2. Respect is the number one component of Love.

and the most important one was...

3. Love is NOT and emotion, it's a BEHAVIOR. He can tell you that he loves you all he wants to but unless he SHOWS you this by his actions, the he does not in fact LOVE you...I think his actions do not show you LOVE.

Wow, these are really good especially number 3. That could be applied to a lot of different situations.

 

[kmp1191]

To the OP....how are you doing these days....how is counseling going?
Please let us know...we're with you!