Hello and welcome to the VMK DIS board!
My in game name is CL_DaraSue. I am a community leader in game. Part of what we try to do is keep people from saying things they should not in a game geared toward children. Some days we are successful and some days we are not as successful.
A lot of what you are reading about are the handful of bad apples that ruin it for the rest of us. Here's an example: We have a Blizzard Beach Room that I believe is available for purchase. However, due to people misusing the word "beach" (if you don't know what the dance is there, please PM me and I will glad to "translate"), we cannot even give our rooms the name "CL_DaraSue's Blizzard Beach Room".
VMK tries very hard, albeit inconstently, to keep things kid friendly. The real problem is the lack of parental supervision to many of these kids, and/or grown-ups who lack scruples. They think it's ok to stand in the middle of a room and dictionary dance things that shouldn't be said.
Having said all this, my DD10, DS13 and DS6 all play, as do my husband and I. My rules are clear: stay way from any rooms with doctor, bay be, mummy, duh duh, or anything else that sounds not appropriate. If you see something that makes you uncomfortable, leave the room!
Has my daughter come to me in tears because someone called her "ugly" in VMK? Yes, she has. Is that Disney-like? No, it's not, but it's the real world. I explain to her that some people are just plain mean, that she's very pretty, and to remember that this is just a game. If it's bad enough, I make her show me the room and give them a virtual what for!
I play with the DS6 just because he'd probably reprogram the game! He loves playing pirates ("make things go boom, Mommy") and building rides and rooms.
The DS13 does not play much, but he knows very loudly that if he does or says something that causes us to get an IP ban, well, let's just say his life will change dramatically!
DH likes the hanging out part for about an hour or two, and he likes building rides. He does not like the games (pirates, jungle cruise, fireworks, etc.). He plays World of Warcraft, which is all about killing stuff so his boredom level is pretty low!
Give it a shot. If you need help or have questions, use the DIS. There is a wonderful VMK Player's Guide stickied to the top of the list of threads. I'd be happy to show you and your daughter around. I am usually on in the evenings.