Calling all Step-Moms...

[pilesoflaundry]

My stepson calls me by my first name, we both prefer it this way. He doesn't live with us.

He calls his stepfather dad though. He does live with him, the other kids in the house are his and he was really little when they split so I understand in that case.

 

[livie1205]

I know lots of people that call their step parent mom or dad...they are just closer to their step parent or their step parent is just a better parent....it happens.
My half sister (from moms first short marriage) calls my dad DAD and always has...her father was just not there for her and not a good parent.My parents have been married for 39 yrs.It does not bother us when are kids do this also...when my dh or I talk about our kids we say our son or I say my son even while talking about my step son, I have never said to someone 'MY STEPSON" I just say son.We all think of ourselves as a family.We are not on good terms with either ex,the kids are mostly with us.

 

[2manyprincesses]

I like the idea of adding "Miss" in front of your name to add a title of respect. Maybe that would please your DH?

My children call my parents Oma & Pop Pop and Nanny & PaPa. The way I see it they all had their hand in raising me (some more hands on than others, but everyone contributed) and so the are all in some way my parents.

Good luck OP!! I agree with and earlier poster that it dosen't matter what she call you as long as she calls you!

 

[TheLittleRoo]

In my family, my son calls his step-dad "Bear". My son's nickname has always been "Tomcat" or "Cat", and my nickname is "Roo". So, it was really easy for him to latch onto calling his step dad by his animal name. It's the only thing he ever calls him now. Our other kids have animal names too and they also call their own dad "Bear".

It has worked out perfectly for us. Maybe you could try it too. You'd be surprised how quickly we fell into the routine of using our animal names. I only hear my husband call me by name when he's mad!!!

 

[mybabesuz]

When SDD was 3 1/2 she would call me Mama Suzanne
We were buddies and got along great...
Things got more distant...understandably after the babies were born.

Plus her Mom does everything she can to put a wedge between us.
I have told DH's Ex that I don't want to be her MOM just her Friend.
Also SDD was adopted (at the end of a bad marriage) so I think there
is some resentment, brought on by the Ex, about the new kids.
Plus I was adopted too, so the Ex thinks we have some kid of magical Bond.

This all started when DH signed her Birthday Card-- Dad & Mama Suzanne.
Her Mother threw a fit. She called Screaming saying her daughter
did not want to call me that.
SDD doesn't really ever call me anything.
I just feel so bad.
I don't think she feels comfortable calling me Suzanne either.
I asked her what she wants to call me...
Poor thing has no idea...

 

[mom2rb]

My older brother and I call our step-mom JoAnn but we introduce her to people as our mom. Our mom is such a psycho that it seemed rude to call her by the same name as we called our birth mother. Now for a few years, when our brothers were small, we called her mom. My little brothers would her us call her JoAnn and call her that too. It made her crazy.

My kids and my brother's son call her Nana.

 

[X and G's mom]

My DS12 calls my boyfriend dad. We live with him. He's done more for my DS than his bio dad has ever done. My DS's bio dad does have a problem with it, and blows up at my DS every visitation (once per month). I've always taught both of my children that they own their feelings. No one can tell them how they feel. My DD10 is afraid of her bio dad, and tells me this, so she calls my boyfriend by his first name-this is her feelings and we all support it.

My boyfriends children all call me by my first name. His children are all adults though. (My DBF and I are 17 years apart in age)

I always called my friends parents mom and dad. To this day, I still don't know the first names of some of my friends parents

 

[MushyMushy]

Also could you have her put Mrs. in front of your name? It would at least demand some respect. I mean I teach and all my kids call me Miss Jenny which allows a freind relationship but also allows athorty.

No way! She's trying to establish a relationship with this child, not demand respect.

I've heard some of my friends with stepkids call them (when they're young like that) Mommy Mary or Daddy John, then when they got older it moved to just Mary or John. But then again, the biological mothers and fathers didn't have a problem with that. I'm not sure if it's a good idea if the mom is resistant. It could cause more issues than there already are.

We're in a stalemate with my son and husband right now. My husband is the only father my son has known and my son has called him "Dad" ever since. All of a sudden during the teen years, my son totally distanced himself from my husband and calls him nothing. I've tried convincing him that it's much better to at least call DH by his first name, but he can't quite bring himself to do that either, which makes me think there's still love there. It's just hidden away in that whole father/son anger. I know my experience is way different, though.

I agree that you guys should start doing more things as a family, or even with you and the step daughter alone. The Disney trip will certainly help, I think! When she comes on weekends, what do you do? Do you think you could take her and your daughter for a "girls day out" once in a while and maybe go to Claire's or something and buy some cheap jewelry -- a little shopping bonding? Maybe go bowling with the whole family? How is she with your children? Does she see them as siblings?

 

[Disney Doll]

Does anyone call you Suzy? Maybe that could be your "special" name with DSD. I had a friend named Suzanne when I was a kid, and her mother called her Suzy-Q and when she got into her teen years we all started calling her "Q". She thought it was cool.

Unfortunately, if the kid has a mother who is trying her best to drive a wedge between everyone, that puts the kid right smack in the middle. If the kid seems like she might want to like you, her mom will get pissed. I mean, look at the reaction "Mama Suzanne" got. And she's 12, and it's still her mother, and divorce is hard on kids, even after several years.

I would probably tell my DH not to make this one a "hill to die on" though. You have the potential to have so many more issues with a divorce/step-family situation that what she calls you is really quite minor in the grand scheme of life. As she goes through her teen years, believe me, she'll think of plenty of things to call you.

 

[debster812]

Also could you have her put Mrs. in front of your name? It would at least demand some respect. I mean I teach and all my kids call me Miss Jenny which allows a freind relationship but also allows athorty.

You can't really 'demand' respect, it has to be earned.

My SIL has 2 adult stepchildren, and she's been in their lives since they were 5 and 7. She loves those kids like they were her own, and they have ALWAYS called her by her first name. However, they do refer to her and her DH (their dad) as their parents.

I think every family dynamic is different, and there is no easy, clear cut answer to these questions.

 

[Justanopinion]

My stepkids were 7 & 9 when we got together. They started out calling me by my first name, it eventually worked up to mom. But, it was totally their choice and bio mom was not in the picture(they saw her 4 times over 10 years) Now that they are 21 and 19, I am called everything from mom to first name to witch with a B.

My DS calls DH dad. They have a very close bond. Bio dad was not very involved and then stepped away even further saying he didn't want to interfere with the bond DS had with DH.

When our kids were young they called his step mom Grammy(DH calls her mom) and they called my mom Grandma. But my mom became unhappy with that because DH's bio mom was also Grandma and she is a lesbian. Every single woman she brought into their lives she would want them to call Grandma. We finally put a stop to that and then my mom became G-Ma. I want to be Gamma.
My daughter actually calls a good friend of mine Nanny. Because my friend's own granddaughter was calling her that, my DD just picked it up to. There are lots of names for grandmothers.


As for bonding. Make sure she has her own room while with y'all. Do one on one stuff with just her. You need to do the one on one just as her dad does. Get a sitter for the other kids once in awhile, not to often, but once in awhile to make her feel special.

 

[momof1princess]

i'm not a step-mom, but i've had 2 step-moms and 2 step-dads over the course of my 38 years, all of whom i called by their first names. i can't imagine calling anyone else mom or dad, especially if that biological parent was still in the picture.

 

[ilovejack02]

I met my oldest son when he was 4. We dated for two yrs before getting married. Of course the whole time he called me Miss Jenny.
Once we got married we asked him if he wanted to pick a name for me and he said MOM.. while I would have loved it, we did explain that he had a Mom and while I was thrilled that he chose it, we wouldnt want to hurt her feelings.

He didnt like any other names and said I had always been Miss Jenny and he would stick with it.

He prob started calling me by my first name about 14 ish.

I hear him talk to his friends about me sometimes and I am referred to as Mom or Jenny.

I just figure as long as he isnt calling me a #i#$ch.. we are all good lol.

I just call him my son. .or my gorgeous oldest lol. I never say stepson .

 

[hentob]

i can't imagine calling anyone else mom or dad, especially if that biological parent was still in the picture.

I agree. That is a bit weird

 

[Evil Genius]

My steps called me by my first name. Can I suggest that you spend some one on one time with her also? Go do something "girly" I allways made sure the steps knew I was a friend and not a substitute for their mom. Was I sometimes the wicked stepmother, yep no way around it.

 

[ilovejack02]

Do your step kids call you by your first name?


Also any ideas of how to warm things up a little would be great.
I still feel like the Evil Step Mother when she is around...
We are taking her to Disney in July, Maybe that will help...

How long did you two date before getting married?

With my oldest I always made sure we had our time alone. He and I loved and still do 15 yrs later love to eat out together or we always see the new Harry potter movies opening night and just the two of us.
I love to shop for him, so ( yes I spoil him lol) I always have a goodie for him even at 19.5 yrs old lol.
Maybe you two can cook for Daddy a special meal/ cookies.

Girls are harder I think to deal with than boys, but with patience and time you might can break through.

 

[paintnolish]

My kids started out calling dh "Daddy 'his first name'" but mostly now it's just daddy. I think it depends on the kids' ages and what they are comfortable with. I never told them what to call dh. They figured it out on their own.

 

[livie1205]

I agree. That is a bit weird

why is it weird...it what the child is ok with if the child thinks of you as their parent then it is not weird at all..My son loves and respects my dh (his stepdad) more then his own dad.He calls my dh dad alot and tells people that he is his dad...we would never make him do that and we couldnt...he is 13 yrs old lol

 

[pls5286]

My DD calls her step-mom mimi. This is a name that she and her older sister (who is not my child) came up with when their father remarried. While they are not calling her mom, it is their own special name for their step-mom.

 

[ilovejack02]

I just read the post about the EX trying to put a wedge between you two.

Just be patient. My oldest sometime could be pretty ugly to me when younger.. esp the 7-9 yr range. It had alot to do with not wanting to hurt his mom.. so he felt like he couldnt like me.

Just keep plowing on.. TRY not to take things personally. Its hard to keep in mind when your sweetie is acting like a heathen ; ). Sometimes I cried .. sometimes I got mad and lashed back ( not my finest moments but who is perfect?)

It took years to realize alot of his behavior wasnt about me. It was about the situation.. divorce flat out SUCKS.

I am the proud Mom of a wonderful crazy gorgeous young man.
Even his Bio mom has said while we had our issues she couldnt have asked for a better stepmother for her child.
I always have had my guy's back.

You will get past all of this, it seems like it will never end and then one day you look up and your child is almost 20.

LOL Im looking forward to the next 5-10 yrs. I might be a Grandma one day! They think I spoiled him... LMAO , better look when Grandma J gets a hold of a grandbaby.