Called into the Teacher's Office- New Update Page 6

[creativeamanda]

Becca, really this is not worth getting worked up over. If you feel that they are going to push you, either get your mom or Matt to come with you on Wednesday. YOU and you alone know what is best for your daughter. I agree that since she has so much dance, skipping a grade is probably going to be too much for her, especially with all your family has been going through recently. It'll be okay!

 

[MELSMICE]

Does anyone else find this a tad insulting? Are you saying that any mother/father that lets their child watch tv are killing their brain cells? That somehow we aren't as good of a parent or somehow damaging them.

You weren't the only one!

 

[phorsenuf]

Another thing to consider too is the dancing. Since you mention often how much time that consumes its obviously something important for you. But, if you're afraid her education is going to interfere with dance than you need to step back and think hard which is more important in her life right now. Her education or her extra curricular activities.

 

[dreamer17555]

Becca, really this is not worth getting worked up over. If you feel that they are going to push you, either get your mom or Matt to come with you on Wednesday. YOU and you alone know what is best for your daughter. I agree that since she has so much dance, skipping a grade is probably going to be too much for her, especially with all your family has been going through recently. It'll be okay!

Matt is not happy about this. He was in the meeting last year and felt they were pushing too hard. He doesn't even want me going to the meeting. He said we already went through this. She is not skipping, its just too much.

And he's right. It is. The family stuff is getting better but she still sees her therapist bi weekly. For those who aren't in the know- details are in my TR link.

I just was hoping she would blend in and have a great year, last year her teacher was amazing and Cat was always so excited about school, easy or not. This year she is a little down about it but knows she is not allowed to say (to the teacher or anyone but her dad and I) that she is bored.

She complained yesterday and I reminded her how Carson (in her dance class) can do an aeiral and probably thinks it is boring when the class works on them but that it would hurt her (Cat) and others to hear her say so because they are trying their best. Sometimes people catch on quicker but that doesn't mean they are better- just different.

-Becca-

 

[dreamer17555]

Another thing to consider too is the dancing. Since you mention often how much time that consumes its obviously something important for you. But, if you're afraid her education is going to interfere with dance than you need to step back and think hard which is more important in her life right now. Her education or her extra curricular activities.

No I am not worried about her education interfering with her dancing. Education comes first in our home. She missed her audition for spotlight parts because of Open House. Also many mom's pull their children out early on Fridays when they have a competition that night and weekend. Cat is the only one that is never allowed to leave early. We do not want her to think that dance ever comes first. Dance is a reward for working hard in school (which she obviously does) and good behavior. Making her miss a dance class is worse to her than no TV for a year. Only once have we made her miss and that was for a very bad choice on her part that could have injured her.

Dance is important to her and I try to be supportive but honestly I find it annoying. Its not my sport by any means. My DH hates dance but shows up at every competition and we both make sure she gets to every class. She has tried several activites and she just loves to dance. Every part of her lights up. And she has some natural God given talent. I don't think about her dance past High School (in fact it might not last even that long). Our long term goals for her basically include a four year college and for her to be a kind, responsible person and thats it.

Turst me when I say education comes first. I love to teach my DD and read and just share life with her. That is always what will come first.

-Becca-

 

[jrmasm]

From your op, you have no idea what this meeting is about. It may not even be about skipping her. I don't think I'd waste another second worrying about anything until I knew what the teacher wanted.

Or did I misunderstand your op?

 

[Mickey&Donald]

I realize I'm not in your family and don't know all the elements going into your decisions -- but it really seems you are doing your daughter a huge disservice by not even considering the idea of advancing a grade. And to not allow her to express her boredom is a big red flag to me. I understand not wanting her to use that verbage in class with the other kids, but is she not allowed to express that to you and your DH at home, either?

It seems like the girl is crying out for more of a challenge. Yes, she is only 6, but she's clearly very, very bright (even if you don't want to use the word "gifted" like it's dirty or something). Maybe scaling back on her dancing (12 hours a week is quite a lot for a little girl -- and I have been a dancer since I was 4, so I do know what I speak of there) and supplementing with more academics is what she needs right now.

It just seems that you are so resistant to change, and so reluctant to admit that your daughter is special (I know that all kids are special, but you know what I'm saying). I just don't understand.

 

[dreamer17555]

From your op, you have no idea what this meeting is about. It may not even be about skipping her. I don't think I'd waste another second worrying about anything until I knew what the teacher wanted.

Or did I misunderstand your op?

I called the teacher after getting the note and she said we need to talk about Cat and then launched into what had happened with the shapes. Cat was the one who told me about the office and playing games. I am trying to not to worry, just comes naturally.

-Becca-

 

[okeydokey]

My son is in the gifted program which pulls them out one day a week. It is suggested not to even bother testing until grade three, but I had him tested in grade two so we would be all ready to go this year. I'm glad they have the program so he will have some challenges, but would not want him to advance a grade. He is a skinny little guy and the youngest already in his 3rd grade class. School is about more than just the academics and I know my child (as you know yours). If you feel in your heart that you don't want to skip a grade, then don't be bullied into doing it. My son is pretty smart, but I want him to be a child and have a childhood. He enjoys school and I want to keep it that way. Best of luck to you in the meeting.

 

[creativeamanda]

Becca, I for one do not think Cat should give up dance. I know how much she loves it. Good luck next week.

 

[jrmasm]

I called the teacher after getting the note and she said we need to talk about Cat and then launched into what had happened with the shapes. Cat was the one who told me about the office and playing games. I am trying to not to worry, just comes naturally.

-Becca-

If in fact, you read between the lines correctly and that she does want to talking about properly meeting your daughter's educational needs, then you need to dry those tears and thank your lucky stars. You have no idea how lucky you are.

 

[dreamer17555]

I realize I'm not in your family and don't know all the elements going into your decisions -- but it really seems you are doing your daughter a huge disservice by not even considering the idea of advancing a grade. And to not allow her to express her boredom is a big red flag to me. I understand not wanting her to use that verbage in class with the other kids, but is she not allowed to express that to you and your DH at home, either?

It seems like the girl is crying out for more of a challenge. Yes, she is only 6, but she's clearly very, very bright (even if you don't want to use the word "gifted" like it's dirty or something). Maybe scaling back on her dancing (12 hours a week is quite a lot for a little girl -- and I have been a dancer since I was 4, so I do know what I speak of there) and supplementing with more academics is what she needs right now.

It just seems that you are so resistant to change, and so reluctant to admit that your daughter is special (I know that all kids are special, but you know what I'm saying). I just don't understand.

Oh she is allowed to tell me and my DH that she is bored. Just no one else. Dance mom's will grab on to stuff like that and then go pester their children (Aren't you bored? Why is Cat bored and you aren't? Blah, blah, blah) Its like they cannot help comparing their children every living second. I am like so what? You're kid has an aerial, thats cool too. (not saying either of them is better or worse, just that all kids have their own gifts) Its like they want their child to be the best in everything and that is not possible. So no she can only talk to me and her dad about it.

On the flip side school JUST started on Monday. I have been telling her that the teacher is just getting to know everyone and that the work will get harder (and I am sure it will). She is just not having any fun right now.

I do not like change as a a rule and Cat likes it even less than I do. And I know she is in a LOT of dance. She actually turned down being on two more teams because it was just too much, too much time, too much pressure, too much work, and too much money. I think my child is special in her own way but no more so than any other child- just differently. But being smart doesn't mean she has learned how to let go of being perfect. She is so self critical it makes me worry.

-Becca-

 

[Barb D]

Said with the nicest tone of voice possible: "Get a grip, Becca."
You have a bright kid, not a delinquent.
She'll be fine, and so will you. Just go with the flow, make your decision based on what the teacher says, and stop worrying about every little thing.
Let her be a kid, watch a little more TV (her brain cells will be fine) , and PLEASE, stop teaching her so much unless you want to homeschool her! She can learn the shapes and geography and whatever along with her age mates. Let her read and read and read at home if she wants, but truly, she doesn't need to be a prodigy to prove her worth as a person or your worth as a mom. You're both doing fine, and you're both perfectly worthy just as you are.

 

[diznygirl]

I called the teacher after getting the note and she said we need to talk about Cat and then launched into what had happened with the shapes. Cat was the one who told me about the office and playing games. I am trying to not to worry, just comes naturally.

-Becca-

Cat thought she was playing games, but that's how the counselors test them. Obviously they have something they want to share with you. It could be that they think she has a high IQ, even if you don't. Or that they would like her to take a more formal test.

You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. Emphasize that you want her to stay with her peers. You could always tell them that you'll think about it. Be ready with your answers, but don't worry about it until you get there.

(Oh, and the TV thing doesn't work! )

 

[Wishing on a star]

OP, to be honest, I really do not see why all the fretting and worrying and tears...

Simply tell the school, very directly, that you have decided that you do not want your child to be advanced... Do not sign anything...

I really do not see how they can take any such action without a parents signature. I know that a parent has to sign off on all actions/accommodations, etc.. for a child with special needs... Is it not the same with so called 'gifted' children.

I really do not see why you would let the school upset you...
Make your decision.
Let them know your decision.
Period.

YOU ARE THE PARENT!

I would make my decision on my personal views and desires for my child, along with the fact that as the parent 'I' know my child better than anyone... I agree with your viewpoint that you may NOT want to take some teacher's recommendation. Teachers are not always right.

PS: I sooooo agree that no matter how smart or gifted etc.. a child is just a child... they need to be children.. play, dance, etc.... Not to mention that if you let them advance her, in a few years she will be an 11-12 year old girl sitting in a class with teenaged boys!!!!

IQ, or academic 'smartness' does not have anything to do with developmental maturity and other things like Executive Function skills, etc... Just because a child has the IQ of Einstien does not mean that they have the developmental capabilities to handle being advance to the demands of higher grades.

Just inform them that have decided that you do not want your child advanced, and that you will not be signing any permission.

 

[Wishing on a star]

....being smart doesn't mean she has learned how to let go of being perfect. She is so self critical it makes me worry.

-Becca-

Just another HUGE reason not to advance her, or to put undue pressure on her!!!!! Along with the 'change' thing...

Being emotionally and psychologically stable is WAY more important than being academically advanced...

 

[Wishing on a star]

PS: I do not know the history and the other issues here, but, I am thinking that there may be a strong link between any ongoing issues and Cat's obsession with hard work and being 'perfect'.

In this case, any kind of additinal academic expectations are NOT what is needed her. She needs to know that she is 'whole' and 'perfect' and 'accepted' at her current age/developmental level, just the way she is.

Again, YOU ARE THE PARENT.

My advice is to make your decision as her parent, tell your decision to the school very simply and clearly, and stick with it.

 

[Tinkerbelle's Mom]

Cat thought she was playing games, but that's how the counselors test them. Obviously they have something they want to share with you. It could be that they think she has a high IQ, even if you don't. Or that they would like her to take a more formal test.

You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. Emphasize that you want her to stay with her peers. You could always tell them that you'll think about it. Be ready with your answers, but don't worry about it until you get there.

(Oh, and the TV thing doesn't work! )

Actually, technically a school pyschologist has to test a child. The counselor may play games as a feeler but a formal test must be done by the school psychologist to determine IQ.

 

[Wishing on a star]

The teacher took her to the office to talk to someone there (I am guessing a counselor).

The above post by Tinkerbell's mom is correct, but this really means nothing at this point...
We really do not know the official Title of the person her daughter talked to.

And, if I am right, a parent must sign an official request/consent before any real IQ testing, etc.. can be done.

OP: YOU hold all the cards here.
Do not feel like the school can force anything.
They can not.

Whether you decide to go along with them, or not, it is YOUR decision...

If they succeed in alleviating your fears, then okay...
But, do not let them railroad you.

 

[ilisao]

Wow. I said all weekend. I let my DD watch about 3 hours of TV a week, not counting all of the news programs that she watches with us before school and after dinner. I don't think children or anyone should be plugged into a TV all the time, it is not healthy. But I tend to think that most of the parents on here are concerned parents and don't just sit their child in front of a cartoon and walk away. Sorry if you thought I was attacking you. Honestly not my intent.

-Becca-

Why, yes as a matter of fact I do sit my kids in front of the tv and walk away. Of course, they are 6 and 9, but I don't remember the last time I felt compelled to watch a program with them.

If my kids want to watch tv, I do let them, provided they've done their homework and other activities.

But, really, do you honestly expect parents to sit and watch cartoons with their kids? Not everything has to be an learning experience. Sometimes a cartoon is just a cartoon.