buying a 16 year old a car

[ez]

A good friend just bought her daughter a new car...she turned 16 in April. In the past year she has been caught sneaking out of the house in the middle of the night to go party...with pot in her house...was arrested at school and expelled from school for smoking pot in the bathroom so had to finish her sophomore year at a reform school...her mom randomly drug tested her again recently and it was positive and she swore to her mom she hadnt smoked any but said it must have been from a brownie she had at someones house and her mom believed her.
My daughter went over to see the car, and the girl told my daughter that she went to a party last night, her first day with the car, and she was drinking and drove home, and also let someone else drive the car, which her mom had forbade her in writing.
Is it just me or was it nuts to buy this kid a car?????Thoughts?She is an only child of a single parent.

 

[C.Ann]

My oldest best friend from childhood did the same thing when her DD turned 16.. Bought her a brand new (very expensive) car.. She was a good kid though - very good grades; very good attitude; very polite; very responsible; etc. - but still, she was only 16 years old.. She even took driver ed - the whole nine yards..

She had the car one week.. Went out with some friends, not paying attention to the road, and totaled the car.. (It was also insured under her parents names..) Luckily no one was injured seriously (wrapped it around a tree), but her parents insurance rates went through the roof..

The "next" car she got she had to work her butt off for - and insure it in her own name..

I would never buy the girl you mentioned a brand new car - nor would I for any other 16 year old.. But that's just my opinion..

 

[minkydog]

Wouldn't be happening in my household. No sir. I am not a believer that parents have to buy cars for kids, especially kids who are disrespectful and out of control. "Putting it in writing" means nothing to this girl. She knows she can get away with anything because she's been doing that all along. IMO her mother is an idiot.

We have handed down a truck to DS when he turned 20 and we'll hand over our Jeep when DD reaches 18. Our stipulations are good grades, no drinking or drugging inside the car or out, no more than one speeding ticket and no more than one minor fender-bender. When we hand over a vehicle we require our kids to take their own insurance. No way are we keeping them on ours--if they have a really bad accident with serious injuries or death the other party can come against the holder of the insurance. That would be me. I have a lot more to lose than my kids do.

 

[eliza61]

First of all, let me say I'm 50 and pretty old fashion.
I'm not into buying kids cars for pretty much any reason. There are things my kids can get rewarded for but what the heck does a 16 year old get reward for. When I was growing up getting good grades (or doing your best) was the bare minimum to staying alive. Sure if I made the honors role my parents MAY have taken me out to dinner but I was expected to do my very best. Getting into trouble or disrespectfulness wasn't an option.

Sorry but I shake my head when I read people who complain how todays teens are lazy, unmotivated and feel they are entitled. Excuse me, but how did they get that way?

My neice (who we are raising) has been invited to sweet 16 parties that rival coronations of the queen. why is simple turning 16 a cause for a national holiday?

My kids know, you want a car, you save your money and you buy one. Graduating from H.S. is what I expect you to do. You can at any time borrow or use one of the cars in the family. I also expect you to pay for your own gas.

 

[Christine]

It's pretty obvious why the girl behaves as she does. Her parent doesn't know how to parent.

 

[PatsGirl]

When I was growing up getting good grades (or doing your best) was the bare minimum to staying alive.

Same here. My expectations of my children are that they will do their best in school, do their chores, and show respect to others at ALL times. For these things there are no rewards.

They are rewarded with a car when they earn the money to buy one DS saved nearly $5K before he was 16 1/2 in order to buy his own pickup truck, pay for drivers ed course, and insure the vehicle. It took him 2 1/2 years to save enough $$. He was also expected to chip in for a cell phone in case of emergencies.

I also made it clear that no one would be driving my car! We are a one parent/one car household and there's no way I'm going to be stuck at home without a car in case of emergency. Sure, I let him take it occasionally to the store or when he needed a five-passenger, but I had his truck to use in its place.

Kids expect too much, are given too much, and then their parents complain. I'm having a really hard time trying NOT to keep up with the Jones's...sometimes I feel like I'm the only one out there with high expectations of my children

 

[HunnyPots]

OK first let me say, I need to put my glasses on because I read this as Buying a 16 year old car - I thought we were talking about used cars so I was confused while reading your post!

Anyway, of course this mom is crazy if she buys this kid a car - new or old!
In fact, if she were my kid I'd be looking for a good rehab center for her because obviously she has a problem.

Even if she didn't have the drug issue, I wouldn't be buying her a car. My kids worked their butts off to buy their old clunkers and they treat those cars like they are their children!

 

[ez]

thanks you for your replies...my oldest was 18 before I helped him get a car...and he paid me each month for the car and insurance...and this was after he graduated high school and got a scholarship to college...my daughter is 15 and there is no way I will be buying her a car when she turns 16...even though she is in the IB program gets good grades and has never been in trouble. So I am of a like mind with you guys. I am really worried about the situation...just hoping she stays safe.

 

[tonilea]

IMO, she is setting herself up for huge liability issues. Knowing the girl's history, I would NEVER buy her a car, much less a new one.

I have to confess, we already have a car for our son. BUT, he will be required to work on it - by then it will need to be restored again. And as a beginning driver it will have a 6 cyl. His access to the car will also have requirements for grades, conduct and such.

 

[CaliforniaDreamin]

Well, our situation is a little different. I have a DD 15 and a DD 14. I really don't think there is any way we can buy 2 cars in one years time. We will be using our tax refund to buy Haley a nice practical USED car. No more than $4000. And when Hannah gets her license, she will be sharing the car with Haley. I don't know how well this is going to go over with them, but they will have to make it work. My dad bought me a very nice Ford Escort that was about 5 years old and I was not responsible enough to take care of it the way I should have. I also wasn't grateful enough. I cannot imagine buying a teen a new car. A girl in Haleys school just got a BRAND NEW yellow Hummer. This wasn't even a graduation gift. She will be a senior in the fall. Even if we had an endless supply of money, I would not buy a new car for a teenager.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I see nothing wrong with getting a 16yo a car if they are responsible. We got my dd's car when she was 14, however we drove it for those 2yrs getting it ready. We only buy used cars here anyway.

We expect our kids to learn to drive and be responsible.

In the situation you described my child would not have a drivers license, much less any access to a car.

 

[Robinrs]

It's pretty obvious why the girl behaves as she does. Her parent doesn't know how to parent.

She has not shown enough responsibility to own the right to drive. Her Mom is enabling her and she's taking full advantage of it.

I just pray no one else has to pay the price for their stupidity.

 

[disykat]

I would never buy any 16 year old a car, I just don't believe in it. Too much access. My dh bought a car when he was 16 and feels differently. We solved our difference of opinion on this issue by keeping our last vehicle two years ago when we bought a new car so there would be an extra vehicle in the mix. My 16 year old is spoiled in that he has a car available to drive. The difference is that it's OURS and he has to ask to use it. Pretty soon his brother will be driving it as well.

If my 16 year old were in the trouble listed in the OP, he'd only be driving at my convenience and wouldn't be having a social life.

If we lived where I grew up we wouldn't have the extra vehicle, but where we live they can't walk or ride their bike anywhere. The extra car is convenient for ME. We may even let him drive it to school next year rather than the bus, but only because we have a transportation issue with his younger brother and it will be his job to get him to and from school. They both understand that the following year when the transportation issue goes away it will be back on the bus for both of them.

My children won't be buying their own cars either. They are expected to save the bulk of their money towards college. If they want to make large purchases my pat answer to them will be that if they aren't saving for school, neither will I be!

 

[browneyes106]

I wouldn't buy a 16 year old a new car. A few months after I turned 16. My father bought a new SUV. I started using his old Chevy S10 to go to school and work. My parents wanted me to get more driving experience and learn responisbility. Around the same time a set of twins at my school received new cars shortly after their 16th birthday and within 6 months both of them wrecked their cars. The summer before my senior year my parents bought me a new car mainly because the APR rates are lower in the summer. I was rarely in trouble and I always got good grades. In the town I grew up most kids got new cars after spending a year sharing a vehicle with a family member or driving a used car. I also had a friend who got a new car when she turned 16. She didn't wreck it or anything. But during our senior year she was mad that all our other classmates were getting cars and her parents refused to buy her another car.

 

[Praying Colonel]

My kids know the deal on cars: I'll match whatever they put into it. They put $2000 of their $ into it, I'll match it. They put up 5 grand, I'll match that. If they've got 0, then they're walking, taking the bus or hitching a ride. No one in our family's just getting a car handed to them.

 

[MichelleVW]

I see nothing wrong with getting a 16yo a car if they are responsible. We got my dd's car when she was 14, however we drove it for those 2yrs getting it ready. We only buy used cars here anyway.

We expect our kids to learn to drive and be responsible.

In the situation you described my child would not have a drivers license, much less any access to a car.

I agree. My 18 year old has had her "own" car since she got her license but it was for MY benefit not hers. That way I could stop being a taxi to cheerleading practice/games/work etc.

Where we live we have horrible bus service to the high school, no way was I going to drive them to school and back every day.

I wouldn't buy them a new car either, but it has to be safe. Right now they have a 2002 Ford Explorer. It belongs to DD18 now, but she will be heading off to UT in the fall and the car will go to DD16.

But to the OP, no way would that child be getting a new car.

 

[EthansMom]

When the time comes, DH and I plan to buy ourselves a new car and let our kids use our older car, as necessary (and pre-approved).

I was at a party a year or two ago for DH's work and two of the other wives, who both taught at the high school level, were talking about the difference between the student parking lot and the teachers' parking lot. The students at their high schools drove cars manufactured by BMW, Audi, Lexus, Mercedes while the teachers largely drove Hondas and Toyotas. And this was at public high schools. The question arose, "Wow, I wonder what the parents of those kids drive?"

There's no way that my child is going to be driving (on my dime) a car that is newer or fancier than my own.

In my experience, kids like the one described by the OP are the way they are because Mom and Dad have low expectations and/or don't follow through with appropriate consequences bad behavior.

 

[RitaZ.]

Sorry but I shake my head when I read people who complain how todays teens are lazy, unmotivated and feel they are entitled. Excuse me, but how did they get that way?

OP, your friend has to get her head out of the sand. Her daughter is behaving like a delinquent and she rewards the girl with a brand new car? Why? Her daughter has proven that she is irresponsible and is making tons of stupid choices. So, mom buys her a brand new death machine!? Mom just exacerbated her daughter's problems and hers.

 

[Gabes_mommy]

I strongly disagree with buying 16 year olds new, expensive cars. I went to private school and the student parking lot was like a luxury car lot - it was ridiculous. Having too much at a young age can set up unrealistic expectations for later in life. I dated a guy who had been very spoiled as a teenager and it made him such an unhappy adult. He felt like the world owed him and he wasn't willing to work hard - needless to say I didn't date him long.

Last year my father was on his motorcyle and he got hit by a 16 year old girl driving a Hummer and we found out that she had already totaled out one Hummer and her parents bought her another one. It turns out she wasn't even on the insurance policy either even though it was her car. I'm sure she'll be a delightful adult.

I really like the idea of matching what your kids put into it to buy them a car - great idea!

OP - that mother is nuts. I hope it works out and the DD doesn't injure herself or someone else.

 

[Cheshire Figment]

Maybe they have a very large life insurance policy on her.