Bruises = being abused?????

[Imzadi]

"Oh, I just thought you were into rough sex."

I'll have to remember that one!

When I got to work, this woman took one look at me, and without asking how it happened, said, "Honey, did your husband do that to you?" Um. Seriously, why is that the first assumption?

I understand that domestic abuse is a serious issue, but I just don't get why someone would say something like that without ASKING first.

umm, she was asking first.


But seriously, I think most of us grew up watching too many Movie of the Weeks, where the women were always abused & hid it. But that's the operative word, they HIDE the bruises.

What people don't get is that if we're walking around in short sleeves, sleeveless, or in shorts, we're not hiding the bruises the way a woman of domestic violence would so that her DH wouldn't be confronted - then take it out on her again later, for embarrassing HIM.

As annoying as it is, I guess it's really better this way. These people want to be pro-active for the women who are abused & need some coaxing to come forward, in a supportive environment.

 

[TwitterMouse]

I'm always covered in bruises and scars. My bruises are almost always on my legs (from walking into things), but lately I have had a few on my upper arms/shoulders/chest from a big, feisty german shepard I've been working with who will tackle me as soon as look at me (doesn't help that he's actually stronger than I am). Oddly enough, I usually get asked if I did it to myself. At least it's a change of pace from you guys. So I just tell them it's Charlie's fault. (Charlie is the dog)

 

[bekkiz]

I went to a very, ahem, liberal (read hippy, patcholi, femanazi) college and played water polo. I also bruise VERY easily.

Water polo is a farily physical game, and I often had finger marks on my arms from girls grabbing (you could see all five fingers, it's was quite obviously a hand print). Then one day, someone dislocated my jaw in practice. I was super swollen on one side of my face and had a nice big bruise running down my jaw. Add the big kick marks on my legs, and I was a mess!

I was asked so many times if everything was ok at home, by people I've never met, let alone spoke to. It was outrageous.

 

[malibuconlee]

Anyway, I have bruises on my forearm all the time cause I am forever bumping into the door knobs in my house. L.

I thought I was the only one who did that.

I bruise easily too. Always seem to get one when going to the doc.

 

[DVC Sadie]

Last week I literally walked into the doorframe going into the powder room and needless to say I now have a black eye, bruises on my chin and nose.

Yesterday I had a dental appointment and my Dr. did ask what happened and when I told her she believed me thank goodness.

I am glad that people do ask how a bruise happened, to me it means they care.

 

[Jpgirl]

I bruise easily off and on-finally found the culprit-Vitamin E. The slightest bump would turn into the nastiest looking bruises!!
Anyway I thought this was funny but I know it's not and I know they're required to ask... I was being admitted to the hospital to have a hysterctomy and they kept asking if I was a victim of abuse. I kept saying no and finally I said "No but I'm going to feel abused in a couple of hours after this beepin surgery is over." The nurse laughed and off I went to LA LA Land.

 

[barkley]

just suffice it to say that you realy get a heavy dose of questioning when not once but twice in less than 4 months you go alone-in a cab, to your local e/r with a broken nose. try as i might to explain that it was my then toddler son who slammed me with his head-and i had left him at home with dh, and had taken a cab cuz i could'nt see straight-by the second time i got a lecture of 'love should'nt hurt'.

i appreciated the concern, but it did get a bit annoying when it felt like i was being pressured to say there was a domestic issue going on.

 

[NMAmy]

You know, I'm so glad I'm not the only person that has these kind of accidents.

I've fallen down the stairs of my own personal house 4 times. I've told dd, my mom, and my sister that they all need to stick up for DH if I should actually kill myself doing that. Don't want him getting a murder rap from my klutziness.

 

[mom2rb]

I not only bruise easily, I also taught gymnastics for 21 years. I got kicked all the time. DH never wanted me to wear shorts when we went out. He said people were always staring at him.

 

[Camicar]

Having dealt with a lot of domestic violence victims, I can only say that I am glad that someone in your lives notices and asks you about bruises. The annoyance you feel is nothing, nothing, if being asked a question can help even one victim seek shelter.

Believe me when I say that far too many victims' obvious signs of abuse have been totally ignored by those close to them.

Being a klutz and having bruises, I too get these questions. Based upon my experience with victims, I always respond, "No, I'm not being abused. But truly, thank you for asking because the next person you ask just may need your help."

 

[Mkrop]

Two years ago I fell at my sons school social. You know that combo of nothing to eat all day and a couple galsses of wine, a wet dance floor and boom I fel flat excpet I must have used my hand to break my fall. I was just so mortified that I wanted to get the heck of out of there. We go home I fall asleep and wake up the next morning and I cant move my arm away from my body w/o exterem pain. So my mom was over and she watched the kids while DH took me to the hospital. So while I was in triage, they asked DH to take my insurance card and get me registered. At that time the triage nurse ask my story, I told her, and then asked if anyone (with that emphasis in her voice) hurt me. I said no and didnt think too much about it but I did begin to notice that any time I was alone (going to and from xray etc) they would ask me again what happened, now from talking to a friend who use work in the ER, they were doing this to see if I changed my story or wanted to ask for help anytime DH wasnt around. They aslo grilled him when I was away to see if the stories matched. I understand why they do this but I felt bad for DH bc he was immediately assumed to be the bad guy. Turns out I broke the smallest bone in my wrist, first time ever abroken bone at 36!

 

[welovedisneyx4]

I have had this issue from a bit of a different angle.

When DD was born, she was large (10lbs, 10ozs) and had shoulder dysplasia (her shoulder was stuck in the birth canal) and they had to use forceps to help get her out. Well, that left brusies on the sides of her head. When the home health nurse came to for the home visit on her 2nd day home, you wouldn't believe the questioning I got about those brusies!!! She asked me over and over about them! I explained what happened and told her it should all be in her notes about the forceps and that's exactlly where the bruises were. I don't know if she ever really believed me.

I think it's good that they go into great lengths to check on that, especially w/ babies and PPD and all, but man, did it make me feel like I was doing something wrong.

 

[1rockinmamato2]

I could see if it was your face, upper arms or back but your knee?

Yes, I would have bruise on my knee after "kneeing" any man in the groin who tried to physically abuse me or my children.

 

[mrsv98]

I am a red-head....need I say more?

I am always teasing Dh that I could get him in trouble if he doesn't tow the line...I always look like someone is putting a beating on me.

I remember when I was little, I had pneumonia, the docs made my very young parents leave and asked me if they hit me a lot! I was also very nearsighted and no one knew it at the time so I was forever walking into things. In fact, I have a permanent dent in one of my shin bones because I have banged it so often!

Now DD is very fair and bruises easily. It seems like everytime I take her to the doc she is covered! Luckily, they can see it for what it is and have never questioned us, but it has crossed my mind!

 

[Hixski]

I am just waiting for the day my family has some sort of intervention to get me away from DH. My parents believe anything my brother decides to make up about him. My brother lives at home with my parents at 44 and just needs to get a life. I just recently found out that he has told them DH is abusive. He has no basis whatsoever but his word is gospel. Talking with my parents does no good. They assume I just protect DH. It is a very sad situation. If my aunt had not told me about this I would never have known.

 

[missypie]

I always hope that before anyone turns us in for "abusing" DD11, they talk to her long enough to find out that she is a competitive gymnast. Boy, the bruises that girl comes home with....the uneven bars are a total killer. Last spring she had a spectacular fall from the balance beam that bruised her leg in ways that I've never seen bruises before.

 

[sorcerormickey]

My Mom was hospitalized for a week in 2003. She had tubes and all kinds of stuff everywhere - in her neck going to her heart, in a couple different spots on her arms....and bruises all over from them.

A couple of weeks after her release, she had to go to her regular Dr for a follow-up. I went in with her since she is terrified of Drs. A few minutes into the check-up, the Dr asked me to step out of the room. I did not know why, but I did - stood just outside the door. After a few minutes, he let me back in.

While I was out of the room, he questioned my Mom about all the bruises all over. He asked if *I* was abusing her! I don't think he ever really bought the story about all of the tubes and stuff until he looked at her medical charts.

 

[DisneyPhD]

When I was in the hospital having my first baby - long story, lots of issues - but they had so many IVs in me that both of my arms were COVERED in bruises. Fast forward a few days from then, I'm in NICU visiting with my new baby and noticed one of the nurses keep looking down at my arms. It dawned on me eventually that she was warily checking out my bruises and then watching my DH. I laughed and told her it was from all my IVs, and she just smiled cautiously and said, "Well, you never know." Luckily, we knew several of the nurses in the NICU, so I'm assuming they stood up for my poor DH.

Yep I had the same thing. DH was so mad at the L&D nurse who could not get an IV in me. Finally the anesthesiologist did it. I love that man! I don't even remember his name, but I love that man.

My thing is I get bruises and for the life of me can't remember where they came from. Then I will really wack myself on something and think "Ok, remember that when you get a bruise you can't identify." No bruise. There doesn't seem to be a real rhyme or reason to my bruise.

That being said, there is a science to reading bruises from abuse. I am a social worker and I don't really know it all that well myself, but most experienced doctors and people who work in the field can tell what kind of hits make what kind of bruises.

 

[Youarehere]

My parents were turned into child protection when I was in kindergarten for abuse, I had to see a psychiatrist and they finally figured out I just bruise easy. That was a looooong time ago.

My OB asked me about it one time because my legs were covered, but she believed me when I told her I just bruise easy.

I always tell DH he better be nice to me because I could have his butt in a sling fast, if I wanted to....:: I bruise on my legs, arms and body but not on my face.

My parents were almost turned in too. I faint easily (did as a child- it is rare now, but does still happen) bruise easily and would fall down the stairs often. I was also a monkey and at one point pulled my tall dresser over on top of myself climbing it. My poor parents. As they were about to be reported a local officer who was a friend of my moms stepped in for them. This was in the 70's so his word was enough. My parents have never raised a hand to me.... except that one time in high school when I called mom the "B" word, but I asked for that smack .

I felt bad for DBF too when we got mugged. I had a huge swollen black eye and swollen bruise all down my face. When we would go out people would shoot him dirty looks. He was afraid even to raise his voice towards me in public. If I really wanted to get him I would say "don't touch me" and look at him in a scetchy look. Then he would really get the death glare from strangers. I'm a bit twisted.

 

[Honu]

That being said, there is a science to reading bruises from abuse. I am a social worker and I don't really know it all that well myself, but most experienced doctors and people who work in the field can tell what kind of hits make what kind of bruises.

All of my providers must have missed that class.

Usually they wait until my DH is out of the room, but I was in the hospital Monday for a heart catherization test and after seeing my arms the nurse asked me if there were any problems at home or anyone was hurting me with my DH standing right there.

I have a beauty of a bruise in a perfectly shaped rectangle from where that same nurse ripped the piece of tape holding my IV line down from my forearm. I hate tape.