Bridal shower

[wendyt_ca]

I am throwing my best friends bridal shower for her as I am her moh. I want to have the shower at my home for many reasons. But she is being stubborn and telling me it has to be at her house. These are the reasons I would like to throw it at my home:

1. I am going overboard so will have a ton of decor. It will take me a while to decorate so in my home I can do it the day before. I also would need to make around 3 trips to her home the day of to take everything there then 3 to take it home.

2. She would either need to leave or stay in her bedroom from around 7am cause it will take me all day to get everything ready.

3. She doesn't have a driveway so there is no place for all the cars other then the street.

4. Her livingroom is small and her guestlist contains 20 people and I don't think her livingroom is big enough for that many. My livingroom is 15'X17' so I have the space. She has 1 bathroom I have 3. This is her livingroom.

5. She has two kids one of which gets very hyper so her fiance needs to go out while I decorate until after the shower which is about 9hrs....I think that is a long time to make them leave.

6. Less work for her cause she would have to clean her house for it and after other then the take down. In my home I would be the one to do that.

7. I can do more for her if it's in my house.

These are the main reasons and there are others. I was always under the impression that the person hosting the shower chooses the location which is usually their home or a hall. It makes it so much easier to have it in my home. One of her excuses is that her family won't go to someone's house that they don't know. This makes no sense to me and I asked her mother about it and her mother hasn't heard of that. I think she is just making this up(she tends to do that). I am not sure what I should do. The only person who I can get to help me decorate this for her is my husband and he is upset about needing to go to her house all day since I won't need his help the entire time.

I think I just need some support before I go insane lol. She is a bit of a demanding bride so it's been a little sressful. She actually told me she would be upset if I were to get pregnant before her wedding. She was upset I went to Disney back in Nov because it was stealing her attention so it was selfish . I am building our first home and she doesn't even want me to talk about it as it is something she isn't interested in and compared to her caring about the consistency of her daughters poo she is interested in it buy I am not. And when she began planning she insulted my wedding from 2 yrs ago calling it bland and such . Just to give you an idea of what I have been dealing with.....

Sorry for the long post....it's been stressful I just need a good venting.

 

[Magic Mom]

You are being gracious and throwing her a shower, and she is being picky about the location you've chosen?
Unless you have 20 cats or you're a hoarder, she is being rude. However, if she really digs her heals in about it, you are going to have to decide what's more important to you.

 

[clh2]

That just doesn't even sound like fun.

I wish I had really great advice, but I do not. It would be very ackward having the party at her house. And, IIRC, that isn't even proper.

It is VERY difficult having a party at someone else's house, and having to cart everything there...haul the whatever's left home. I did that one time, for a very specific reason, and I hope to never have to do it again. (That time, it was due to my grandma's mobility - so it was definitely worth it.)

I would tell your friend, exactly what you told us - the decorations can be addressed the day before, the food etc will be much easier served from your house. Maybe you can tell her that after you have everything ready at your house, and you won't have a chance to freshen up before the party...

Maybe she is worried about how to get all her gifts from your house to her house???

Good Luck...brides sometimes think the world revolves around them...

 

[JerseyJanice]

I apologize if I'm being unsupportive, but frankly, the wedding and shower are all about her. If she really wants it in her home, then you should have it there and scale back on your decorating plans so it's not such a pain for you.

Decorations are nice, but they're not the most important thing at a shower. If you put a banner and got some balloons, that alone would be enough. I think the food served is way more important, but I'm of Italian descent and that's how we roll.

 

[C.Ann]

"Bridezilla" comes to mind.. LOL..

I think you are being very gracious and she is being very selfish.. Throw in the other things you mentioned about her and she doesn't sound like a very nice "friend".. Personally (although I usually side with the "it's the bride's day group), I would dig in MY heels and tell her it just isn't possible for you to host the shower at her home.. Sounds like she'll find something to complain about no matter what you do, so I would just insist that it HAS to be at your home - end of story..

Good luck dealing with her from now until the wedding.. I really think you're going to need it!!

 

[Aimeedyan]

I think it's tacky for the guest of honor to have the shower at their home. It comes across as they are the host. At least in my area, I've never heard of a bridal shower being held at the brides home. It's odd to think that her family would be uncomfortable with going to someone else's home? It's pretty standard for showers...

My personal opinion is that I would drop the shower and not host one at all if the bride was being that difficult. Hosting showers are $$$ and a lot of work. No one is owed a shower...

 

[wendyt_ca]

I apologize if I'm being unsupportive, but frankly, the wedding and shower are all about her. If she really wants it in her home, then you should have it there and scale back on your decorating plans so it's not such a pain for you.

Decorations are nice, but they're not the most important thing at a shower. If you put a banner and got some balloons, that alone would be enough. I think the food served is way more important, but I'm of Italian descent and that's how we roll.

This is something I thought of and told her I may need to do. She also wants all the lavish decorations and tells me she will only get one bridal shower. So If I drop things she will complain. She doesn't just want balloons and a banner she want's tulle and balloon trees and favors, etc. Which I am fine with and was planning anyway but it is hard to transport all that. Plus food, her gifts, chairs and a folding table. You aren't being unsupportive just making a suggestion .

I just think doing it there is going to add a lot more work then necessary. Plus there is the issue of fitting everyone.... As for her gifts I will drive them home after the shower. I am to the point of considering just telling her I am happy to throw her shower for her but it's too difficult if it isn't in my home and I don't find her place practical considering the space limitations. And that I am going to throw it at my house and if she isn't happy with that then someone else may need to throw it.

 

[JerseyJanice]

This is something I thought of and told her I may need to do. She also wants all the lavish decorations and tells me she will only get one bridal shower. So If I drop things she will complain. She doesn't just want balloons and a banner she want's tulle and balloon trees and favors, etc. Which I am fine with and was planning anyway but it is hard to transport all that. Plus food, her gifts, chairs and a folding table. You aren't being unsupportive just making a suggestion .

I just think doing it there is going to add a lot more work then necessary. Plus there is the issue of fitting everyone.... As for her gifts I will drive them home after the shower. I am to the point of considering just telling her I am happy to throw her shower for her but it's too difficult if it isn't in my home and I don't find her place practical considering the space limitations. And that I am going to throw it at my house and if she isn't happy with that then someone else may need to throw it.

I thought it might be a battle of wills.

You're right. It sounds like you're being very generous with everything--your time, money and hospitality. If she can't accept what you're offering graciously, let her find someone else to throw her shower.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

She's a pain, I'd find a new friend and ditch her.

 

[aprilgail2]

I think it's tacky for the guest of honor to have the shower at their home. It comes across as they are the host. At least in my area, I've never heard of a bridal shower being held at the brides home. It's odd to think that her family would be uncomfortable with going to someone else's home? It's pretty standard for showers...

My personal opinion is that I would drop the shower and not host one at all if the bride was being that difficult. Hosting showers are $$$ and a lot of work. No one is owed a shower...

I agree! I have never heard of a bridal shower hosted in ANY house nevermind the bride to be's! We just don't do them in houses around here but I know that is common in someplaces.

She's a pain, I'd find a new friend and ditch her.

I agree! And I would tell her to worry a little more about that 1970's mismatched living room then where her shower will be!! I can't even believe that she would want people in her home for a party with that "living room"

 

[focusondisney]

What a grateful friend & gracious bride you are standing up for! I can't imagine what she will be like for the wedding if she's this bad about the shower!

Around here the bride's feelings are of course considered about shower location & menu, but the final say so is for the person PAYING for it. And decorations? The bride should just be pleasantly surprized at whatever they are.

At every shower I've been to, the groom usually makes an appearance at the end to thank everyone & help pack up & transport the gifts. People went out of their way to give & attend a shower for you & you can't even transport the gifts????

From your picture there looks like there is seating for about 8 people if they are "cheek to cheek". What will everyone else do? Stand thru the whole thing? Wouldn't want to be a guest at that.

Your friend has trash talked your wedding. Is your house nicer than hers? Maybe she doeasn't want her family to see that. But too bad for her. Guess only you can decide how much this friendship means to you. Just how much inconvenience you are willing to go thru for her.

And good luck with the wedding. I'm looking forward to the posts about that, I'm sure there will be drama.......!!!!!

 

[dollarmite]

She's a pain, I'd find a new friend and ditch her.

Me too.

With her attitude, I wouldn't spend a cent of my money or waste a moment of my time on her.

 

[Bren's Mom]

Stand your ground...have it at your house. Just tell her that it's 'not done' to have it at the bride's house, that in order to give her the most wonderful, special bridal shower that ever was to be you have to hold it at your house where you have the time/space to get it all 'right'.

Don't give in, you'll regret it.

 

[antmaril]

I agree with the PP - Stand your ground! Quite honestly, I've never attended a bridal shower at the bride's home.

Good luck!

 

[missypie]

She should be grateful for any shower. She has the nerve to ask for lavish decorations....and to set the location. I don't know how you can stand her.

 

[Cindy's Mom]

I love how these threads take on a life of their own....I'm expecting an "off with her head" response to be added shortly

BUT I do agree with everyone...hold your ground. Tacky tacky tacky for the shower to be at her house. Maybe she won't come! (sounds like a good thing)

 

[Motherofboys]

She sounds like the kind of "friends" that I use to attract before I started realizing that all they ever wanted to talk about was themselves. Whenever I wanted to talk about something about me - they either took over the conversation with stories about themself or suddenly had to go!

I would really be reconsidering if being MOH for her is going to work. She sounds like she is going to make this a pretty tough job and is going to show zero appreciation for all of the work you do. Is she really a good enough friend to you for you to justify it?

BTW, if she treats her future husband like she treats her "friends", I highly doubt this will be her only wedding shower!!

 

[coliebird]

After reading your post, I'm questioning why you would even want to be friends with this girl? She doesn't sound like a real friend and you are being very generous to her. If you feel like you must throw her a shower, then definitely stick to your guns and have it where you want to have it.

 

[wendyt_ca]

What a grateful friend & gracious bride you are standing up for! I can't imagine what she will be like for the wedding if she's this bad about the shower!

Around here the bride's feelings are of course considered about shower location & menu, but the final say so is for the person PAYING for it. And decorations? The bride should just be pleasantly surprized at whatever they are.

At every shower I've been to, the groom usually makes an appearance at the end to thank everyone & help pack up & transport the gifts. People went out of their way to give & attend a shower for you & you can't even transport the gifts????

From your picture there looks like there is seating for about 8 people if they are "cheek to cheek". What will everyone else do? Stand thru the whole thing? Wouldn't want to be a guest at that.

Your friend has trash talked your wedding. Is your house nicer than hers? Maybe she doeasn't want her family to see that. But too bad for her. Guess only you can decide how much this friendship means to you. Just how much inconvenience you are willing to go thru for her.

And good luck with the wedding. I'm looking forward to the posts about that, I'm sure there will be drama.......!!!!!

That is my biggest concern that everyone can't fit and some will need to be in a different room which isn't right. My house brand new 2 storey home with attached 2 car garage that is currently being built and it is a lot nicer then hers. So that is what I think the fuss is she doesn't want her family to see that I have a nicer home then her. Thats exactly what I think it's about which I find childish...

Thanks everyone! I appreciate the support. She only got this demanding and difficult since getting engaged so I am praying once the wedding is done this goes away. She is having issues with everyone else in her bridal party and contacting them and such. The other bms are giving her a hard time about ordering their dresses and the wedding is in 4mths. So I don't really want to give her stress about the wedding. With this I just feel it's for her benefit and it is to hard to deal with at her place. And I feel I should be able to throw it where I like. I wouldn't want to back out of her wedding then regret it if she goes back to normal lol.

She told me she is now going to look into if her family will go because I contacted her mother and told her I am planning her shower and asked if she thought it would be an issue to have it at my home and she didn't think it would. I told her my friend thought it would be an issue. I guess her mother then called her upset with her. She didn't give me info but considering the change in attitude I imagine it was either because she was making her family look silly or being demanding when I am doing something nice for her.

And Aprilgail I completely agree about the 70's livingroom lol. Another reason I don't want to throw it there I think even with a lot of decorating it will not look as nice.....can't really say that to her though.

 

[wendyt_ca]

So I decided to tell her today that I looked into it and the bridal shower is not supposed to be in the bride's home as it is poor ettiquette and since it would be unpractical due to space limitations and extremely difficult for me to do in her home I am going to have it in my house. She responded back with a nasty email said the shower is about her and said she was ending the friendship because of the stress this argument put on her and not to contact her anymore