Breastfeeding - Dealing with criticism (not intending debate)

[cats7494]

I am currently breastfeeding my dd who is now 3 months old.
I have already had a few comments about how long I intend to breastfeed her and when am I going to start weaning her or start on solids. I am planning on following the APA guideline: "Exclusive breastfeeding is ideal nutrition and sufficient to support optimal growth and development for approximately the first 6 months after birth. It is recommended that breastfeeding continue for at least 12 months, and thereafter for as long as mutually desired.

Does anyone else get things said to them about breastfeeding? How do you respond?
I am the only one on my side of the family AND my DH's side of the family who breastfeeds - so I am getting it from both sides. Not really sure why it is their business to be honest!
How do you deal with criticism?

 

[MouseWorshipin]

Didn't breast feed - had heard it was better, but nobody (including the doctors) told me HOW MUCH BETTER, or why.

Who cares what they say? You are doing the absolute best thing for your baby.

You go, girl!

I'd probably quit around a year, if I were going to do it all again.

 

[Bob Slydell]

We bottlefed. Nobody said a word to us (or if someone did, we must have blocked them out )

 

[Jenn Lynn]

I got some flack with DD since she was my first. MIL thought I should have started her on rice at 2-3 months, but DH told her about allergies and why we wait for solids until 6 months. MIL is not a pushy person so she didn't bring it up again.

Now with DS (who is 9 months) I have gotten some weaning comments from both sides. I just tell them I plan on keeping a timeline like DD (nightwean around age 1, totally wean around 1.5). They usually don't argue with me because they can see how DD is not scared for life.

I would just comment with whatever your belief is (childled weaning, 6 months, until you are tired of it) and then change the subject. Or just tell them it's not up for discussion.

 

[bananiem]

I wasn't able to breastfeed but I got plenty of "advice" from my MIL about everything else I did. My response was always "I'm doing what my pediatrician recommended."

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I always answer, when she is ready. If they ask more questions you say, 'not sure, but not ready yet'. Followed by 'I don't know'.


Be aloof and mysterious, trying to end the questioning from the jury.

Somehow giving definite answers invites debating, about their kids and everyone else's neighbor kid that breastfed.

 

[TerryKitten]

Good for you! Do whats right in your heart and ignore those people. If you must say something say "I'm doing what if feel is right for my child and I would appreciate you to drop the subject." If it offends them seeing it go to a quite place do feed him. It helps if you DH is on the same page as you and well support/defend you.

The people i'm around bf is generally accepted, but there are a few who don't like it. One of my friend started asking me when I was going to stop doing "that" when my DS was 6 months. I just said "when we were both ready" and left it at that. Once and a while she'd ask about it, i'd just change the subject.

I'm still breastfeeding my son who is 2 (just one for bed and once in the AM) While we had a rocky start i'm happy we have gotten this far. Good Luck w/ your baby!

 

[cats7494]

I appreciate the responses - I try to let other people's opinions roll off - but it is hard when EVERY time I see certain family members -they critique me about breastfeeding.
My daughter is doing great - her Dr. is impressed with her growth and her development. She was 4 weeks premature and is already caught up..so I must be doing something right!

 

[Marseeya]

Just tell them they're welcome to pay your bills and raise your baby themselves.

I got a lot of flak from my own mother (who was a nurse!!!) and I once told her if she thought she could do better, she was more than welcome to try. She backed off and became a whole lot more supportive after that. I feel the same way when people criticize my parenting of my oldest son. Hey, if anyone thinks they can do better, go for it!

 

[minnieandmickeymouse]

I breast fed all 4 of my kids. I weaned them all at different ages 1st was both formula and breast and was off breast by 4 months. 2nd breastfed 9 months I was done. 3rd was breastfed until about 6-7months HE wanted off!! Then my 4th I breastfed until he was 18months. I also started baby food with all four of my kids at different ages. All my kids have turned out FINE. I also breastfed my kids in the mall, at resturants, and church!

Who cares what others think. Just tell them you are doing what is best for you and your baby. She's your baby and it's your body, not theirs.

Good luck

 

[froglady]

DM breastfed 5 children, so no problems there. So did DH's mother, and all of his sisters, so again, no problem. I didn't really see any other family members when they were infants, and rarely breastfed when out of the house. (I had to supplement with formula.)

I'm sorry that people feel the need to to critique your parenting to your face. I don't care what people are saying behind my back, as long as it doesn't get me involved with children's services or the law.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

You could also do the Bean Dip Defense.

 

[golfgal]

Part of the problem is that the doctors seem to change their advice every few years and people that did it the "old" way and have perfectly normal, healthy children can't see why the need for the change.

When DS13 was born, babies were put to sleep on their side, solids at 4 months, BF to a year. That really wasn't that long ago. We had the most awesome pediatrician who took a very practice approach to child rearing. Basically he told me that if he had a parent that really wasn't the brightest bulb on the tree he would recommend solids at 6 months knowing they would start at 4 months and the baby would be ok. If he recommended them at 4 months, he knew the mom would start them at 2 months. Then he said for parents that had a few brain cells (ok, he didn't put it that way but this is what he meant) he would say 4-6 months knowing that they knew how to take care of their children in an appropriate manner and would "know" when the right time to start was (ds13 was 5 1/2 months when he started solids and that is when he started waking up at night hungry).

When the twins were born he had me start them on solids at 4 months. At their 9 month check up he did an iron count on them and they were fine and he said to go ahead and start them on regular milk. I still nursed, DS wouldn't take a bottle so we went right to a cup with him, DD only nursed in the morning and at night and then wanted nothing to do with it the rest of the day so she had formula then. It sure made my life easier giving them milk, too. Again, he would tell some parents a year and others he would do like he did with me and as long as their blood work was ok, started them on milk.

 

[msklcassidy]

1. Who cares what everyone says.
2. Yes, I've been there and done that.
3. Tell them all that their unsolicited advice is not needed!

I had one son (he's 8 now). I did all the "wrong" things according to my pediatrician. I breast fed until he started biting me at 5 months...that was the end of that. I started him on cow's milk at 6 months. I started him on rice cereal (very soupy) at 8 weeks...he was hungry and I couldn't breast feed him round the clock getting 35 minutes of sleep at a crack!

Today, he's fine. Listen to your OWN heart and do what you think is right. Your baby will tell you when he/she needs something. Tell all those busybodies to go away. That's what I did (an in those exact words too).

Every mom thinks that they know what is "best" -- that's how those "old wives tales" get going.

Enjoy your baby.

 

[msklcassidy]

One more thing....I started my son on a cup at 6 months and had him off the bottle by the time he was 8 months. We traveled a bunch and cups were just a lot easier. Again, do what you think is right. If your baby can't handle it trust me -- he/she will tell you one way (or another).

 

[laurajetter]

First, let me just say it is AWESOME that you are breastfeeding!!! - you are doing the best thing possible for your little one. My family (and a lot of people I get flack from) doesn't fully understand is that breast milk is the most perfect food for ymy baby; nothing else come close. Why wean early and give them food that is inferior? I always wondered if they really understood what they were proposing.

Anyway, I have discovered that a lot of people from my parents' generation raised their children at a time when formula was seen as THE thing to give babies, and the transition to solid food was done early. So much has been found out since then about the many benefits and superiority of breast milk, and that babies benefit most from exclusive nursing until around 6 months and then at least through the rest of the first year, even longer if the baby and mom wish.

I get questioned from my and my DH's families all the time about transitioning to solid, weaning, etc. I always would say that I was going to start giving my son solids at 6 months. They seemed to 'forget' often, since they seemed to keep asking the same question. I would just simply repeat my answer.

As far as questions about how long I intend to nurse, in the past I've said that the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends breastfeeding through the first year. I have always intended on weaning around a year, but with my son at 8 months I realize that the weaning process will probably take a while.

For the most part, I let my families make the comments they make, knowing that I am doing what's best for my baby. It frustrates me when they say certain things, I feel like saying 'you raised your kids how you saw best, now I am doing what I feel is best for my kids', but I usually just hold it in. The thing is, I know they want what is best for their grandchild, and they just don't realize that is what I'm doing!

I agree it is hard, but please stick to your guns and don't let the onslaught of judgemental comments wear you down. Know in your heart of hearts that you are doing THE VERY BEST thing for your child, despite how others make you feel. Accept that fact that you will get comments from people and family, sometimes very repetitiously; just let it roll off your back, and keep on breastfeeding!

Laura

 

[poohandwendy]

- her Dr. is impressed with her growth and her development.

This is what I would say...That "her Dr is impressed with her growth and development and we will continue as long as it is working for us" Period. No need to explain andy further. Any more prodding is just invasive and rude and I would tell them exactly that.

Don't let them get you down.

 

[Saphire]

Does anyone else get things said to them about breastfeeding? How do you respond?

I never had anyone ask me nosy questions or criticize my choice, but if I did, I would have said, "My doctor said breastfeeding is best".

 

[gypsydoodlebug]

I never heard anything from anyone except my Mom, who really didn't get why I was BF when formula was so much easier. I really tried to BF –– I could NOT make enough milk. I hated it at first (picture me with a Boppy and a baby –– sobbing!) and just about the time DD and I got the hang of it (3 mos. or so) I went back to work and had to pump. My office at the time had a pumping room, and I was up there every two hours, drank special teas and eventually took a heart medication that has lactation as a side effect to try to produce milk. (PPD accounted for some of the stress).

Finally, at 6 mos., I bought a can of pre-mixed formula in desparation –– and DD drank it just fine. Didn't really seem to care. I think I could've given her a Bloody Mary and she would've slurped it down. She's just an easy kid.

I say if you CAN DO IT, do it for as long as you are comfortable. Now, if you end up like that chick in Lynnette's office on Desperate Housewives, we may have to chat...

 

[chobie]

I've been a parent for almost 12 years now. I finally just learned how to answer the parenting criticisms from family members. I just say "no one in this family is qualified to give parenting advice." It shuts them up.